Is Unresolved Trauma Stopping You From Finding Love?

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Quiz Questions

1.
What's your dating style?
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- A.
  I like being in a relationship, so when I'm single I make an effort to get out and meet people. I enjoy dating for the most part.
- B.
  I avoid dating at all costs.
- C.
  I get really excited about dating, set up profiles on a bunch of apps, and obsessively swipe. When nothing pans out, I feel depressed and impulsively delete all of my apps. Wash, rinse, repeat.
- D.
  If I find a spark, I move quickly from dating into a committed relationship.
- E.
  I date a lot. I feel chronically unsure whether the people I date are right for me.
2.
How does dating make you feel?
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- A.
  Out of control
- B.
  Hopeless
- C.
  Anxious
- D.
  Excited
- E.
  Disappointed
3.
How would your friends describe your standards and expectations when it comes to dating?
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- A.
  Too high. I always find something wrong with the people I date.
- B.
  About right. I have standards but I'm not too picky.
- C.
  Too low. I doubt that I'm attractive, so I settle for people I'm not actually that into.
- D.
  Non-existent. I have little to no experience, so I don't know what to look for or expect.
- E.
  All mixed up. I'm drawn to people who don't treat me well and repelled by people who are nice (i.e. boring).
4.
How do you relate to physical intimacy when dating?
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- A.
  I tend to get physically intimate quickly. It can be hard for me to slow that aspect of a connection down.
- B.
  I am slow to warm. Sometimes I find myself recoiling from physical intimacy even if I like the other person.
- C.
  I experience sexual dysfunction. It may be hard for me to stay turned on or orgasm.
- D.
  Sexual chemistry is everything to me. If I have really great sex with someone, I will keep seeing them even if we're not a great match in other ways.
- E.
  I enjoy sex with the right person. I feel comfortable being physically intimate once I know and trust my partner.
5.
How do your relationships typically end?
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- A.
  End? They never even start. I rarely go on dates and when I do they never turn into relationships.
- B.
  I end them when my partner seems to be expecting a commitment. I get uncomfortable when relationships get too close.
- C.
  Sometimes I end the relationship, sometimes they do; it's always amicable. Often we stay friends.
- D.
  I tend to end my relationships abruptly. Several of my past partners said they were blindsided by the breakup.
- E.
  I'm usually the one who gets dumped. It's possible I stay in relationships longer than I should.
6.
Are you typically able to be yourself in dating and relationships?
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- A.
  No. I struggle to open up and let my walls come down.
- B.
  Yes. I generally feel comfortable being real with people I find attractive.
- C.
  No. I tend to be a people pleaser and struggle to ask for what I want.
- D.
  No. I'm generally really worried about being rejected, so it's hard to relax and just be me.
- E.
  No. It's almost like I become a different person when I date, someone less mature and centered.
7.
How do you typically deal with breakups?
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- A.
  I cry and feel down for a while. I let myself focus on me for a bit. Then when I'm ready, I get back to dating.
- B.
  I'm a serial monogamist; I move quickly from one relationship to the next.
- C.
  I feel conflicted and struggle to move on. What if the breakup was a mistake? Sometimes I continue seeing or sleeping with my ex.
- D.
  I cope with the pain in ways that I know aren't good for me but find hard to stop, e.g. alcohol, drugs, food, porn, shopping, exercise, gambling.
- E.
  I throw myself into my work and hobbies. After all, I've always been more successful in those areas than in romance.
8.
What stops you from dating?
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- A.
  Feeling like I need to work on myself before I can date or be in a relationship.
- B.
  Why bother? I'm not going to find someone I'm attracted to who's attracted to me.
- C.
  I've been single for so many years. I have no idea where to even start.
- D.
  I take a break from dating if I'm recovering from a breakup or if life gets particularly busy, but it's generally not for long.
- E.
  I'm drawn to people who can't commit and/or don't treat me well. I just can't go through another dysfunctional relationship.
9.
Complete this sentence: I find it nearly impossible to...
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- A.
  meet people I find attractive and want to date.
- B.
  message, approach, or ask out people I find attractive.
- C.
  give up -- love is too important.
- D.
  stop falling for the "bad boy/girl" or commitment-phobe.
- E.
  flirt.
10.
Which of the following statements do you agree with?
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- A.
  When I really like someone, I frequently worry that they're going to reject or leave me.
- B.
  Mutual attractions elude me -- the people I’m into aren’t into me and vice versa.
- C.
  My relationships resemble roller coasters and are typically full of drama.
- D.
  I need a lot of alone time. Sometimes I wonder whether I actually want to be in a relationship at all.
- E.
  None of the above.
11.
How do you handle the uncontrollable aspects of dating?
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- A.
  I'm generally confident and competent in all areas EXCEPT my love life. Sometimes in spite of my best efforts, I find myself responding childishly in dating.
- B.
  I'm impulsive when I date -- I do things that feel good in the moment but that I later regret.
- C.
  Sometimes I ghost when I feel overwhelmed or out of control in a relationship.
- D.
  I have high expectations and want my partners to act or look a particular way. I've been told I can be nitpicky and even a bit controlling.
- E.
  I do my best to accept the aspects of dating that are out of my control and work to improve the aspects that are in my control.
12.
What do you do if you notice something you dislike about a potential partner?
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- A.
  I assess whether that flaw is a red flag or dealbreaker. If it isn't, I continue getting to know them. After all, everyone has flaws.
- B.
  I hate being single, so I do my best to ignore anything I don't like about a potential partner.
- C.
  I expect my partner to be exceptional, so I'm not shy about pointing out ways they can improve.
- D.
  Seeing flaws in a date typically triggers me into feeling hopeless that I'll ever find the relationship I so desperately desire.
- E.
  I'm often too busy criticizing myself to notice flaws in my date.
13.
Which of the following never fails to make you anxious or uncomfortable?
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- A.
  Being single. I hate spending time alone.
- B.
  Dates who are emotionally expressive or seem really into me.
- C.
  Trying to figure out what’s “normal” and “healthy” in relationships.
- D.
  When someone I like takes a long time to respond to a text. Or conversely, when someone I'm ambivalent about texts me a lot.
- E.
  None of the above.

Quiz Outcomes

1.
Good news! Trauma probably isn't stopping you from finding love. Here's the next step towards figuring out why you're still single...
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Your results indicate that you feel generally secure and confident in your love life. Your growth mindset allows you to bounce back relatively quickly when relationships don't go the way you'd hoped. You likely enjoyed close relationships with your caregivers growing up and know a number of happy couples who model healthy intimacy. If you're wondering why you're single and what you can do to find love, take our Why Am I Still Single? Quiz. This assessment is for entertainment purposes only and should not be used for diagnosis, which should be obtained from a qualified healthcare professional.
2.
There is a SLIGHT chance that unresolved trauma is stopping you from finding love. But don't worry -- here's how to heal so that you can build meaningful relationships...
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Your patterns in dating indicate that unresolved trauma may be stopping you from finding love. When dating, you might: struggle to relax and enjoy yourself avoid showing interest out of a fear of rejection find yourself falling into relationships that aren't healthy act impulsively find mutual attractions elusive struggle with vulnerability Click here to learn more of the top indicators that your love life is impacted by trauma. Rest assured, you're not alone if you've experienced trauma. Studies show that more than 70% of adults have experienced at least one major trauma in their lifetime. Good news -- you can heal from trauma and develop the confidence needed to build meaningful relationships. Work with a trauma-oriented dating therapist to unblock yourself from finding love. This assessment is for entertainment purposes only and should not be used for diagnosis, which should be obtained from a qualified healthcare professional.
3.
There is a MODERATE chance that unresolved trauma is stopping you from finding love. Here's how to heal so that you can build meaningful relationships...
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Your patterns in dating indicate that unresolved trauma may be stopping you from finding love. When dating, you may: struggle to relax and enjoy yourself avoid showing interest out of a fear of rejection find yourself falling into relationships that aren't healthy act impulsively find mutual attractions elusive struggle with vulnerability Click here to learn more of the top indicators that your love life is impacted by trauma. Rest assured, you're not alone if you've experienced trauma. Studies show that more than 70% of adults have experienced at least one major trauma in their lifetime. Good news: you can heal from trauma and develop the confidence needed to build meaningful relationships. Work with a trauma-oriented dating therapist to unblock yourself from finding love. This assessment is for entertainment purposes only and should not be used for diagnosis, which should be obtained from a qualified healthcare professional.
4.
There is a STRONG chance that unresolved trauma is stopping you from finding love. Here's how to heal so that you can build meaningful relationships...
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Your patterns in dating indicate that unresolved trauma is probably stopping you from finding love. When dating, you may: struggle to relax and enjoy yourself avoid showing interest out of a fear of rejection find yourself falling into relationships that aren't healthy act impulsively find mutual attractions elusive struggle with vulnerability Click here to learn more of the top indicators that your love life is impacted by trauma. Rest assured, you're not alone if you've experienced trauma. Studies show that more than 70% of adults have experienced at least one major trauma in their lifetime. Good news: you can heal from trauma and develop the confidence needed to build meaningful relationships. Work with a trauma-oriented dating therapist to unblock yourself from finding love. This assessment is for entertainment purposes only and should not be used for diagnosis, which should be obtained from a qualified healthcare professional.