DO. Or do not do. With you there is no try.
It's not that you're afraid of failing, it's that you don't see the point. It isn't efficient or orderly; the Universe is chaotic enough as it is. You feel that to be a yogi you must have deep commitment and a serious mind, which is why you eschew all TV except Scandi noir on BBC4.
Ashtanga yoga attracts those who enjoy Sudoku and segregate meals into colour groups. You'd fit right in. When not flowing through your Sun Salutations with a serious expression, you swap notes on the difficulty of finding enlightenment in a dualistic universe then remember there is no you and laugh at your ego's stupidity.
Poses that appeal to you are those that no-one else can do because their mind is too weak. If you don't hear at least one tendon snap, you go and beat yourself across the buttocks with birch twigs precisely 108 times.
Your colon-cleansing parties are legendary.
Welcome to the serious business of yoga, Yogi Jedi!
LOVE is the energy that connects all things. It is present in all life, you only just have to look for it and you will see it, feel it, hear it.
This is the sort of trite thing you say to people at parties right after asking them their star sign. You mean well and have a good heart which is easily taken advantage of and regularly breaks into a million pieces after you've fallen for yet another unsuitable partner. You've learnt the hard way not to get a name tattoo.
You will shine in asanas such as Downward Facing Dog, Cat Pose and Rabbit Pose. In fact, any pose that you feel you could offer a forever home to. Reclined Pigeon Pose would be best avoided since it is likely to trigger flashbacks of the time your dad reversed over the family budgie.
It's a trait of your soft-heartedness that, while you acknowledge that killing spiders is one hundred percent absolutely necessary, you always say sorry as the book leaves your hand.
Dry those tears, dearest Yogi Butter-Soft. Your yoga tribe is here for you. Welcome!
PRACTICALITY uplifts your soul and thrills your heart. You like things to be useful, but in the spirit of the Arts & Craft Movement, you need them to be beautiful too.
This finicky mindset extends to your health and well being, which are both generally excellent. Food needs to be colourful and presented with artistic flair, but watch out! You'll feel that you're disrespecting your soul if it doesn't furnish all nine essential amino acids!
Despite your innate sense of logic and belief in science, you have a curious blind spot when it comes to "superfoods" and have been known to agree with Gwyneth Paltrow on the benefits of vaginal steaming. You are at your most vulnerable in the Vitamins & Supplements aisle in Boots when three-for-two deals have the potential to overwhelm your senses.
Yoga for you is more about the physical, and you find it hard not to tut and roll your eyes when talk turns to Kundalini rising. You have an affinity for asanas like Mountain Pose and Warrior II which don't have silly names bearing no relation to the shape they make. Your natural elegant and efficient walking gait will carry you across any yoga mat in style and turn a few heads with envy.
All eyes will be on you, darling Yogi Shelf-Hanger. Welcome!
YOUR Higher Self communicates with you in your dreams as you sleep, and also in your awake time as your mind drifts and wanders like a stray dog. Allow yourself the freedom of the open air to float like a cloud and be with your thoughts of the wonderful life you want to live but, due to your inability to focus, will never achieve.
However, despite your dreamy exterior you are one of the hardest workers of the yoga types. It's not unusual for you to have a drawer stuffed full of qualifications, having completed correspondence courses in, for example, neo-shamanism, herb divination, crystal management and open heart surgery.
You are the eternal, groundless optimist, finding joy and meaning in fantasy art posters and odes to long-dead ancestors, many of whom you remember meeting in previous lives. Folk are drawn to your charming naivety and envy your ability to talk about nothing with sincerity. You are tethered to the earth by the thinnest thread of gossamer and the fear of missing an episode of 'Neighbours'.
You will be like a breath of fresh air in any yoga class as you confuse your left with your right and end up facing the back of your mat. You will excel in any pose that requires you to go upside down as this is how you view the world anyway. You will tend to shy away from any pose that requires standing and/or concentrating.
Your giggle is delightful. Welcome, Yogi Bubble!
PLAYFULNESS is absolutely necessary for your health and well-being even if it does make you quite irritating in a social setting. Be mindful that not everyone enjoys having their hair pulled by a kookie whack-job, even as a fine jape. Give yourself and everyone else a break and read a book without pictures. Child's Pose and Happy Baby Pose are made for you.You feel it’s all about vibration. When you are vibrating in that fun playful space only good things can flow, but you should learn to get off the washing machine and let someone else have a turn now and again. Because of the high frequency of your vibration, your clothes often fall off leaving you in a string bikini. It's a mystery to you why this happens but hey, when life gives you lemons stand on you hands and let the sun sink between your thighs!
You love the attention your Bohemian dress sense and bedhead draws, knowing the three hours it took for you to look this casual is paying off. In the way of a very tall toddler, you can't resist playing up to a camera and selfies are as necessary to you as waxing. But beware! You could find yourself captivated by your own reflection outside Tesco's unable to move until knocked over by a rogue mobility scooter.
Welcome to the yoga playpen, Yogi Sprite!
CONTRARY, confrontational, bloody-minded and downright stupid, at first glance you carry all the hallmarks of a Pilates enthusiast. But actually you are far more than those appropriating acolytes and their cushy mats for super soft weaklings.
Being supremely comfortable in your own skin allows you to be supremely comfortable in any situation. In fact, it could be argued that you create the situations themselves in the same way, say, as a careless hand grenade. Energy crackles around you and while you try to be a force for good, shit sometimes happens. Frequently.
Your approach to yoga is healthily skeptical and if you could swear in Upwards Facing Bow Pose without the fag falling from your lips, you would. You enjoy an inventive and challenging practice but you're not averse to using props such as a bottle of Jack Daniels and an ice tray. Your challenge in class is not to flick ash at anyone breathing loudly while looking unbearably pious.
You are the person in class most likely to be doing anything other than what the teacher is teaching. You can't help it. You're a hardcore revolutionary and view standing on a chair in Lord of the Dance Pose when everyone else is in Child's Pose as one for the little person. You can be quite tiring.
Keep it real and welcome, Yogi Rebel!