An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have a beer." The second says, "I'll have half a beer." The third says, "I'll have a quarter of a beer." And so on.
The bartender pours two beers and says, "You guys need to know your limits."
Ever noticed that glass tastes like blood?
What's got six legs, and if it fell out of a tree, would kill you? A pool table.
Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? He got off on a technicality.
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
What's brown and sticky? A stick.
What do a tornado and a divorce have in common? Either way, you lose the trailer.
“I’m sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
What did they give the guy who invented the doorknocker?
A no-bell prize.