Hey free spirit, haaaaaaay!
You got the #YOLO PROFILE, which means...
You look like you have a LOT going for you: friends, family, opportunities, a fab job 😎
Which is great, but also makes some people feel like it's going to be hard for you to find time to fit in any romance 🌹
You're ALL. ABOUT. LIVIN. YO. LIFE. which is so 🔥fire-fire-fire 🔥- confidence is so rare these days
You're not concerned with dating as much as you are with enjoying dating... so you won't waste time ⏳on people who don't look like they're gonna be worth it
And all power to you for doing you, but...
You're so busy livin your life, that dating profiles are barely even on your RADAR.
And all power to you for doing you, but... TRUTHFULLY?
From the outside looking in, you look like you've got everything figured out. But if you're on a dating platform, you have to show a little vulnerability. You gotta look like you're lookin. It's amazing that you're doing you, but what do you want in a relationship? Why are you on Tinder and Bumble and CoffeeMeetsBagel? What do you want?
A little lovin'? Or a lot?
A little attention? Or a whole boatload?
A partner? An explorer? A business mogul?
You gotta show if you want your #YOLO to turn into a #WOLO.
#MARRIAGE: "Where is my one and only, my partner in crime, my love, my life, my LIGHT?"
You got the #MARRIAGE PROFILE, which means...
You're looking to lock it DOWN. All the way to marriage-town (and mortgage-town and baby-town, ad infinitum). ASAP. 💍⛪👰
Which is great, but can also definitely scare away some folks who take the "slow-and-steady-Freddy" approach to dating 🐌
You're ALL. ABOUT. FINDING. YOUR. ONE. which is so 🔥fire-fire-fire 🔥: commitment and dedication is VULNERABLE and so rare these days
You're not so concerned with looks as much as you are with soul, passion, compatibility, love, and commitment 💖
And that's totally okay - not everyone wants that everlasting love and magic and fairies and the twinkling around you when you sign those docs at city hall - but you do.
Just know that you're coming across like that to people you haven't even met yet.
It can be scary to go on a date for someone that you KNOW is assessing you as their potential life-mate and partner-in-crime and buyer-of-mattresses-together.
You might want to ease into it a little bit more.
If you're trying to give off more of a "I wanna get to know you & maybe potentially build a life with you if we vibe, vibe"...
And instead people are asking "So... how many kids do you want?" as a follow up question to your nonchalant "Hey"... It's time to rethink your strategy.By inviting a little play into your love life, not only will you be a little bit more relaxed and less wound-up, but you'll also deal less with the harsh mistress of disappointment when your hopes get too high in the process.Because I know you're a romantic at heart. I know you want the love story.But just like in so many aspects of our lives, you have to let go a little bit in order for things to fall into your lap (and/or come more naturally than "I am looking for a mate.")
You got the #NOOKIE PROFILE, which means...
You're racking up the notches on your bedpost like a beast, and loving every screaming minute of it 😎Which is great, but that sexually-open attitude right in your profile, even in 2018, can come off less confident, and more cocky - and that's no good for anyone 😏You're ALL. ABOUT. EXPLORING. DAT. SEXUAL. CHEMISTRY. which is so 🔥fire-fire-fire 🔥for your happiness, your body, and your partner!You're not concerned with "finding your one" as much as you are with enjoying your life, your body, and the present moment... so you don't worry too much about how you come across
So, you're definitely attracting a certain "type" of person + relationship... which is A-OK with me.
I've been there - doing the exploring. The testing tasting. The dipping my finger in a big, diverse, delicious pool of YUM.
It's exhilarating and freeing - that knowledge that you don't need anything serious; you're not looking for it; and you're not concerned about finding it.
Maybe you just don't care, maybe you just came out of a big relationship (though it doesn't feel like it... there's a whole other profile for that), or maybe you just want to live your life without the constraints and the expectations of a relationship.
The unfortunate thing about this deep, true experience of your freedom is that it can be INTENSE when you hit people with it right off the bat.
You don't have to want a relationship to be a on a dating app, but you do have to look like you'll be a good, decent fuck person.
Like, you'll probably call people back.
And follow up with them.
And be straight-up with your feelings.
Unfortunately, there were a few red flags that might give people the wrong impression that we caught on to, and we want to make sure that your sexual chemistry starts with a hilarious, dope banter that gives you guys FLAMES outta a little spark.
#PERFECT: "I'm a strong independent woman/man with healthy boundaries, unique interests, and strong emotional intelligence."
You got the #PERFECT PROFILE, which means...
You're kind of a perfect specimen... physically, mentally, emotionally, careerily (is that a word? you know what I mean though) 🦄Which is great, but is so goddamn intimidating! CAN YOU DO NO WRONG!? CAN YOU NOT FUMBLE A FLIRT?! CAN YOU NOT HAVE A PERFECTLY AUDITED OUTFIT?! 🤦♀️🙆♂️You're ALL. ABOUT. BALANCE. which is so 🔥fire-fire-fire 🔥: people who are stable are unicorns these days (and I don't just mean sexually, although... sexually too)You're not so concerned with doing everything right by the book because you wrote the damn book and know every trick in it - everything you say sounds like it came tumbling from the mouth of a waterfall 💦
I'm nervous just emailing you.
Like - how do you get to be so good at things? Are you SURE you're emotionally available?
You're killing it at life, at your profile, and (probably) at dating but if you're not, my strongest guess is that you haven't shown any weakness.
You might want to do a little bitta that.
This isn't the animal kingdom.
You don't need a perfect gym routine, or job, or whatever. But even if you have it, and even if you flaunt it... maybe chill?
Sometimes, the most endearing people are the ones who don't know they've got it all together, and are still experiencing regular human woes.
It's like, annoyingly endearing because other people have much bigger problems.
But regardless, by showing a little weakness (even if it's for Mars Bars dipped in hot chocolate), you're able to connect with people a little bit more. Not everything needs to be positive all the time. You can use your sense of humor.
By inviting a little imperfection into your profile (or your love life, tbph), not only will you start to feel a little more connection with people, but you'll find that people are more willing to open up about themselves to you.
#HEARTBREAKER: "I just broke up with someone and am here to heal my heart (and break yours)."
You got the #HEARTBREAKER PROFILE, which means...
You literally just broke the eff up with someone and are "trying to get back out there" after being off the market for months, years, or decades! 😵Which is great for you (the attempt, not the breakup), but is so, so dangerous + obvious to those of us trying to date you 🙅🙅♂️You're ALL. ABOUT. THAT DATING. LIFE which is so 🔥fire-fire-fire 🔥- you're open, curious, a little jaded, and ready to meet new peopleYou're not quite steady on your feet yet... because you don't 100% remember what it's like to be on your own - you're trying to "find you" and "do someone" at the same time 🏃
Everybody's chatted to a person, who when describing their recent life, says "I just got out of a ## year relationship. Just looking around."
WEE-OOO-WEE-OOH SIREN OF NON-COMMMITMENT.
I'm oversimplifying it, but there's definitely some red flags on your profile that you might want to make sure to tone down, because it's screaming that you haven't really been dating that much, that long, or that.... expertly?
(Not dating-dating, but dating around. Other people apart from 1 person who you've Netflixed and chilled with more times than you can count.)
Not that you need to have it all figured out right this moment, but people who are rebounding are tricky.
They're not sure of themselves, of their actions, or of the potential of others - both of their capability to love and to hurt.
So emotions are runnin' RAMPANT, y'all.
And sometimes that's hot and fiery.
But other times, it's a big old garbage wreck... literally on fire, careening off a cliff.
You obviously can't change your circumstances, but you cannnnn treat this as an opportunity.
Treat online dating as a new start.
Yes, a lot of your photos will be with your ex.
Yes, so will your memories.
But those memories created a new YOU.
Take what you've got, and move forward with it in a new way (without mentioning what you hate, why you're here, and why you're lonely).
This takes courage, vulnerability, and a fresh set of eyes to see the world with.
But there ain't nothin' better than a person that's open to newness. And you're PRIMED for that, baby.
#EXPLORER: "I'm just here to figure out what all the online dating fuss is about."
You got the #EXPLORER PROFILE, which means...
You're super casually exploring the dating scene. Nobody's really sure why you're so chill considering everyone else is tearing their hair out! 😱Which is great for you, but is rather off-putting to those of us with needs, feelings, emotions, requirements, expectations, and other horribly human things 🙅🙅♂️You're ALL. ABOUT. TAKIN. IT. EASY. which is 🔥fire-fire-fire 🔥because it's what everyone wants to be but has a hard time doin'You're skeptical about online dating, about finding "love", and just the whole ecosystem. You're much more comfortable pretending it doesn't matter.
Except... you're here.
It's true that not everyone's tried online dating yet (it's weird, but ok)... but you're on there for a reason. Whether that reason is sex, a romantic relationship, or friendship (good luck with that one), don't pretend that you're just checking it out.
Invest a little. People care when you show you care, whether that's about your appearance, your hobbies, your quality of life, or your potential partner. It's good to be easy-going, but not necessarily SO chill that people are scared to show anything to you (feelings, privates, whatever).
Everybody's chatted to a person, who when describing their recent life, says "Just looking around & checking this 'Tinder' thing out."
WEE-OOO-WEE-OOH SIREN OF NON-COMMMITMENT.
I'm oversimplifying it, but there's definitely some red flags on your profile that you might want to make sure to tone down, because it's screaming that you aren't invested now, and you won't be later, either. You come off like you're hard to impress - and to some people, sure, that's a challenge. But to most others?
That's red flag-o-rama.
Nobody wants to be "tested" outright - even if that's what we're all doing.
So treat dating like an exploration, sure, but one you planned.
Take your laissez-faire chillness and turn it into laissez-faire caring.
Because let's be real: you won't be getting dates if you DGAF about anyone. That doesn't get anyone hot or excited or eager to see you.
And there ain't nothin' better than a person who's into you.