7.
Severely disordered eating
Your disordered eating borders on what might constitute a clinical eating disorder. If you're unsure of the difference between the two, check out my article:
Disordered Eating vs. Eating Disorders
https://100doff.com/blog/disordered-eating
In that article, I set up the numerical scale to give you a picture of the "intensity" side of this. Severely disordered eating would constitute a 7-8 on that scale (at 8, we officially termed it an "Eating disorder").
This result means that you suffer from some pretty strong symptoms. You likely have intense worries about your body and your eating. You don't feel comfortable eating around others, you somewhat regularly engage in disordered behaviors (i.e. restricting, purging, binge-eating), and/or you have incredibly intrusive "Ed thoughts".
Before going any further, let me just say, having been in this place myself, I'm so sorry. This is scary, this sucks, this isn't something a lot of people will fully understand, but know this: you are not alone. There is hope, and things can and will get better.
Let's get one more important note out of the way.
Dieting is not the answer. I know it can be tempting at this stage to stick to something that tells you to "just do this and do that." I know because I was trapped in the cycle for years (you can learn more about my story in my video on my post-contest binge, linked below).
My story: (TW: Numbers/dieting)
But diets are premised on a belief that external rules and "self-control" alone can fix the problem overnight. But stop and ask yourself how many people have gone from disordered eating to "perfect" eating in one night. If you're stuck, I'll answer it for you... zero people.
Know this, though. You are not "wrong" for going through this. You are not "weird", despite what concerning behaviors you might engage in. And you are certainly not alone. Most importantly, you are not doomed to live this way forever. That's a fact. Recovery is 100% possible and literally every single person going through disordered eating or an eating disorder has the capacity to achieve full recovery.
Where to go from here
Your disordered eating is pretty strong, and it's going to take more than just an unplanned "intuitive eating" approach to heal at this point. That's not to say you must dive into formal treatment right away. In fact, it's advisable that you hold off on that decision until you fully weigh out the ramifications of entering treatment.
If possible, self-directed recovery is always preferential to formal treatment. That's not possible with everyone but, assuming your answers to this quiz were honest, it is with you. Your disordered eating has probably not gotten to the level of severe physical adverse outcomes (i.e. heart problems, bone mineral density loss, blood pressure dysregulation, etc.). And your executive functioning is probably still there.
Please note that the aforementioned assumptions are just that... assumptions. If they aren't true for you, disregard them.
So, with that in mind, here are some actionable steps to take, in order of priority.
Identify any dangerous behaviors. If you are engaging in any of the following, skip ahead to Step 6:
Rapid weight loss (especially if significantly underweight, as assessed by your general practitioner)
Frequent self-induced vomiting (5x or more a week)
Frequent, chronic abuse of laxatives / diuretics
Heart problems / liver or kidney problems / severe blood pressure dysregulation
Active self-harm, or intent to self-harm
Active suicidal ideation, or intent to act on SI
Unadvised manipulation of insulin treatment for purposes of weight loss
Beginnings of "rumination" (immediate, involuntary regurgitation of food upon eating)
Psychosis
Ask yourself what the deep-seated motivations beyond your disordered thoughts/behaviors are. This can be a tough question, but it's a necessary one. Dig deep, and don't be afraid to put some uncomfortable answers down.
Decide right now to give up on dieting. I can tell you this much, having been stuck in the insanely depressing cycle of restricting, bingeing, and wanting to just stop existing - As long as you hold on to even an inkling of a belief that you can "diet this away", you will be barring yourself from recovery. It's scary, but recovery does not allow for half-measures. Decide right now that this is your life, and nobody - no diet guru, no "well-intentioned friend", nobody - gets to tell you what you can and can't eat. Recovery is achieved through a cultivation of body-appreciation and a love for the eating experience.
Come up with a plan. Make sure it is realistic and allows for slip-ups and mistakes. Thinking back on the past year, how commonly did you "slip up" or engage in disordered behaviors that set you back? Take that information and - counter-intuitive as it might seem - assume this will be the pattern moving forward.
See, the tendency is to say, "Okay, from here on, I'm no longer [binge-eating / restricting / purging / fasting / over-exercising / self-harming / etc.]." But this sets us up for failure, because surely any long-held coping mechanism will die hard, and so expecting perfection will lead to anything but that.
In other words, assuming you've engaged in behaviors daily for the past few months, come up with a plan that doesn't consider daily engagement in that behavior to be "failure". One great way to do this is to come up with positive markers of success (i.e. having meditated daily for 5 minutes vs. having not purged, for example).
5. Find a source of accountability. This might be a family member, friend, peer, therapist, or even a forum with others going through what you're going through (however, make sure this forum is run by professional admins and that there's actual structure to it - these have the potential of being incredibly triggering and counterproductive otherwise).
6. If it feels like you've tried everything, and have actually trusted in the process and not given up when it gets hard, and especially if you are losing weight at a dangerous rate or any negative health markers are popping up - seek professional help.
This could mean:
- A registered dietitian (RD) versed in eating disorder treatment
- A licensed therapist or psychiatrist versed in eating disorder treatment
- An organized treatment setting fit for your needs (this could mean intensive outpatient (IOP), partial hospitalization (PHP), residential (RTC), or inpatient (hospitalization))
*If you need any help at all in deciphering this and where to get help, don't hesitate to reach out to me. My contact info can be found on my site - www.100doff.com *
Are you even more confused now?
Admittedly, I threw a lot at you there. What if you've gone through these options already? What if you just want to know what to do next?
To that end, I've written a book called 100 Days of Food Freedom: A Day-by-Day Journey to Self-Discovery, Freedom from Dieting, and Recovery from Your Eating Disorder. It is the most comprehensive, yet user-friendly recovery tool you will find. I say that not to toot my own horn but to reflect where this even came from. I saw a disturbing lack of simple and easy to understand information out there, and heaven knows my recovery process was not just a conglomeration of the platitudes spat out in most recovery advice these days.
So I grinded at this idea and created this in-depth, 100-day guide that promises to take you from a place of disorder and confusion to the amazing sense of Food Freedom I want everyone to experience.
And remember what I said about the importance of self-directed recovery? Well, this lets you do just that, except now you get a solid plan to follow along with.
For more information, click below!