You've got principles. Really messed up principles, but principles nonetheless. Those ideals led you to recuse yourself from the Russia investigation, inciting the fury of the President. And so he fired you.
But hey, you had a pretty good time as Attorney-General, doing what you love. Whether it was prosecuting users of medical marijuana, locking up immigrant children, or lying to Congress, you made your mark.
In the words of a federal judge, "you sold out your country." Now you're looking at jail time, probation, or a visit from a Russian agent in the middle of the night. Not a lot of good options.
All you really have to look forward to is a presidential pardon. Good luck getting the megalomaniac-in-chief to think about someone else for more than two seconds.
You have a complicated relationship with the truth, to put it lightly. You bragged (and lied) about the President's inaugural crowd size. You argued that Trump's campaign manager played "a limited role" in the campaign he ran. You even said that Hitler didn't use chemical weapons.
But you did all this for the man you loved, President Trump. And at the end of the day, isn't that what really matters?
You're quirky. Really quirky. Or a racist. Or both.
Still, your wacky ideas basically got the President elected. So you've got that going for you. You'll go down in history as the man most responsible for the election of Donald Trump. Nice!
You love nice things. And you hate paying for them.
While you were director of the EPA, you spent $1500 of taxpayer money on twelve pens. You built a $25000 soundproof booth in your office (with taxpayer dollars). You only fly first-class or by private jet, just as long as you don't have to pay for it.
You'll trash the environment, destroy your own agency, and defraud American taxpayers. As long as you can get some cash for it.