Should You Stay or Should You Go?

Quiz Questions

• 1.
  Do you worry your home environment might be unhealthy for your children?

  • A.
    Completely. It's so toxic it terrifies me
  • B.
    Sort of, but it's not that bad
  • C.
    Not at all. Our home isn't toxic. I'm just unhappy.
• 2.
  Do you and your husband fight in front of your children a lot?

  • A.
    All the time; I feel so upset about this.
  • B.
    Sometimes but we both try to be really careful 
  • C.
    Not at all. We barely fight and when we do we keep it private.
• 3.
  Are you staying in your marriage in order to mitigate your husband's toxic behavior? (Are you worried if you're not there your kids will be exposed to too much toxicity?)

  • A.
    Absolutely - I'm very concerned about his toxic behavior.
  • B.
    Not really - I think he can control it in front of the kids.
  • C.
    Not at all - he's not toxic; I'm just unhappy.
• 4.
  Do you know you want to leave but you're just scared of screwing up your kids if you go?

  • A.
    Yes! This is the only thing keeping me in my marriage.
  • B.
    No, I'm genuinely conflicted.
  • C.
    I know I want to leave, I just don't know how to go about it.
• 5.
  Is your marriage one that you want your children to grow up to have?

  • A.
    Oh god no. The idea of that terrifies me.
  • B.
     I mean, it's not ideal, but it wouldn't kill them.
  • C.
    Yes! The marriage itself is fine. Why can't I just be happy?
• 6.
  Are you walking on eggshells, or afraid of rocking the boat?

  • A.
    Yes! That describes it perfectly.
  • B.
    Maybe sometimes, but I know how to manage it.
  • C.
    No, my husband is respectful and kind.
• 7.
  Have you become a shell of your former self and you wonder who you are anymore?

  • A.
    OMG yes, how did you know?
  • B.
    I feel like I maybe lost myself in motherhood, but as my kids get older I'm doing better.
  • C.
    Not at all. I know who I am and feel good about myself.
• 8.
  Have you been bending yourself into pretzels trying to make this marriage work to no avail?

  • A.
    Yes, I feel like I can't do anything right and I'll never be good enough.
  • B.
    Sometimes, but honestly I'm getting tired and have less and less energy to do this.
  • C.
    No. This isn't me.
• 9.
  Do you secretly believe you might be being emotionally abused?

  • A.
    Deep down I think this is very true.
  • B.
    Sometimes I wonder, but ultimately I'm not really sure.
  • C.
    No. I know this isn't true.

Quiz Outcomes

• 1.
  You probably want to leave your marriage, but your biggest concern is that you think divorce will screw up your kids.

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  Here's the truth: divorce doesn't screw up kids; how we do divorce screws up kids. The family law system is designed to put children in the middle of divorces, rather at the center where they belong! The good news is that there is a lot you can do to mitigate this and save your kids from suffering the fate of so many children. Check your inbox for more detailed information about your particular concerns, and please be sure to check your spam/promotions/junk folders and whitelist my emails immediately. Here are detailed instructions on how to do that. I look forward to getting to know you better, and to helping you navigate the path to clarity. xoxoKate
• 2.
  You probably want to leave your marriage, but you're worried that leaving your kids in the care of your husband might hurt them more in the long run.

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  Up until now you've been willing to sacrifice your own happiness in order to offset your husband's volatility. Here's the truth: when you stay in a marriage with someone who's toxic and possibly emotionally abusive, your kids are in that environment 100% of the time. Whatever work you think you're doing to offset it or protect them won't be effective in the long run. If you leave, you will be able to create at least one healthy environment for them to escape to at least 50% of the time, and studies show that that is indeed enough to offset whatever negative effects are playing out in the other home. Check your inbox for more detailed information about your particular concerns, and please be sure to check your spam/promotions/junk folders and whitelist my emails immediately. Here are detailed instructions on how to do that. I look forward to getting to know you better, and to helping you navigate the path to clarity.xoxoKate
• 3.
  You probably want to leave your marriage, but you think it's totally selfish for you to do so.

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  Up until now you've been willing to sacrifice your own happiness in order to protect your children from any possible fallout from divorce. Here's the truth: You deserve to be happy. I know that's a totally radical concept for you right now. After all, you've been putting yourself and your own needs on the back burner for long-ass time. But the truth is that children need to see a mom who's strong and confident, not one who's codependent and compliant. In fact, the best way to raise strong confident kids who don't sacrifice themselves for other people's happiness is to be that yourself. Even if there's nothing "wrong" with your marriage, even if your husband is the nicest guy on the planet, you still get to be happy. Check your inbox for more detailed information about your particular concerns, and please be sure to check your spam/promotions/junk folders and whitelist my emails immediately. Here are detailed instructions on how to do that. I look forward to getting to know you better, and to helping you navigate the path to clarity. xoxoKate