7.
Make understanding a foundation
Where you are at: The great thing about you in relationships is that you are all in!! In fact, you care so much that sometimes you get tied up in knots about it all. In reality, reacting, conflict and heated communication does not support you or your partner. In fact, when you react you water down your message as your partner doesn't get to hear the awareness or insight you have, they just feel your angst.
Your next Steps: It is important for you to see through the conflict, argument or tug-of-war to feel or understand the shared truth. Do you want to be right and win the argument or do you want to bring understanding, tenderness and a shared truth? The latter is definitely worth it, even if it means swallowing a few small amounts of pride that may come up.
How this evolves you: As you start to work through your reaction before you discuss it with someone you find that you are clearer with your communication and people are actually wanting to listen to what you say. Over time, people start to feel safe to open up with you more and you can have some really constructive conversations and outcomes. This has so many benefits including reducing the drama and your stress levels.
Challenge yourself: To more deeply understand what you feel and how to express what you feel. The only way to do this is to bring more tenderness to yourself and others . . . including your partner. There is so much you can bring to your relationship by being the first to put down the tug-of-war rope and feel what you truly feel (hint: no blame or judgement) and not what you are reacting to.