Memorize the first half of my Torah portion and starch my collars
Learn Born in the USA on my new guitar for the next rally
Stay up all night and learn the whole Torah Portion. I am Superman.
Now it's friday. What are your plans today?
Spend all day carefully filming socially aware TikTok videos
Memorizing a bit of Hebrew and learning to kickflip
I'm going to find Bill Maher and I'm going to kill him
I have to learn this by Saturday! Today is a study day.
It's almost time! It's early Saturday morning, are you going to go over your torah portion?
Absolutely. I have to be as prepared as possible.
Maybe a little, I'd like to have a balanced breakfast and practice my handshake.
I'll be fine. I learned Norwegian just to read one book. How hard could this be?
I'm the mayor of South Bend Indiana, dammit. Have you seen Rudy? I'm him but with the body of Jon Cryer from Two and a Half Men
You did it!
You successfully pulled an all-nighter and memorized your entire Torah portion. This will make for an excellent anecdote when you are inevitably in an episode of Carpool Karaoke next week. Nice Job, Mayor Pete!
You memorized the first half and mumbled the rest!
You were so close! Everything was going well until you drew a blank around the halfway point and began repeating "South Bend: the wagon city. South Bend, the wagon city. It might be small but it sure is pretty" to the tropes you clearly learned the best. Hopefully no one noticed.
You didn't know a single word!
What happened, Mayor Pete? You were completely silent up there. You're never going to get your family to donate to your campaign in increments of $18 now. How will you fund your presidential run?