What is your current, ideal relationship structure?

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Quiz Questions

1.
Aside from clarifying feelings amongst those involved, which of these expresses why commitment is MOST important to you?
- A.
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  It's an important milestone/ goal of mine
- B.
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  It's assurance that my partner is exclusive to me
- C.
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  It's really not important to me so I try to avoid it
- D.
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  It communicates to others' what myself and my partner already know about our connection
- E.
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  It's important to my partner(s)
2.
How would you describe your relationship with jealousy?
- A.
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  When it comes to romantic relationships, I do not like to share what's mine
- B.
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  I am territorial, but not possessive
- C.
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  I prefer to keep things casual and jealousy complicates that.
- D.
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  I tend to be jealous, but I hate when my partner(s) get jealous
- E.
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  I experience jealousy but I never act on it because it's not fair to my partner(s)
- F.
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  I enjoy jealousy, it's a turn on to me
- G.
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  I am not a jealous person at all and it's important that my partner(s) is not either
3.
What is your current philosophy about relationships as they relate to you?
- A.
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  Life is short & the list of its possibilities are long. I don't promise myself to anyone because I choose experiences over expectations
- B.
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  You can be good to people without giving your full self to them. Right now, being responsible and accountable to myself is enough.
- C.
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  Love means fully choosing one person. You could spend your life chasing what IFS, but that could cost you the beauty of what IS
- D.
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  You fall in love by chance, but you stay in love by choice. As long as the love we have is reflected in the choices we make, the two of us can make it.
- E.
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  If relationships were windows, think of the rules you place on them like paint - it might look nice, but it also prevents you from seeing your partner clearly.
- F.
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  Not everyone who wanders is lost. There's a joy in browsing because you know your heart will always lead you home.
- G.
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  The heart needs security, the mind needs challenges and the body needs play. Let's love each other, grow as individuals and play with whomever we desire!
- H.
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  As long as I am first, we are fine that's my only preference. I choose to love my partner(s) for who they are, not how well they follow my rules.
- I.
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  I love by letting go of the idea that my love has any limits
- J.
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  Having crushes, dating or falling in love may seem like universal experiences, but that’s not the case me
4.
When you are in a committed relationship, do you find yourself being attracted to others?
- A.
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  Absolutely not, I only have eyes for my partner
- B.
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  Not really, except for when things get rocky with my partner. Then, I notice my eyes tend to start wandering
- C.
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  What committed relationship? I stay single because I know I can't keep my eyes to myself
- D.
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  Yes I might look but that's as far as it's ever gonna go
- E.
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  Yes, I look and will likely strike up a conversation. I'm also open to going beyond that, but I check in with my primary partner first
- F.
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  Yes! And when I find someone attractive, I also think it's fun to tell my partner about them to see if they think they're hot too
- G.
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  There is no limit to my desire for new romantic connections, nor do I try to limit it for my partner(s)
- H.
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  I don't really find that I am attracted to others in a romantic way
5.
Do you see a strong benefit to being in a publicly acknowledged, committed relationship?
- A.
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  Yes, being in a relationship makes an impact on my overall life (family values, career, social status, etc...)
- B.
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  Not really. There's no incentive to being in a relationship aside from if I REALLY want to
- C.
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  No, being in a publicly acknowledged relationship actually negatively impacts the rest of my life/ my image
- D.
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  I do, but because of how/ who I love - I tend to keep it private for safety reasons
6.
Are you interested in experiencing other people romantically WITH your partner(s)?
- A.
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  No, just the two of us is all I desire
- B.
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  Sure, I wouldn't mind being intimate with 2(+) people I'm casual with
- C.
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  Yeah, I'd like my situationship/ friends with benefits to be down for multi-partner play
- D.
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  Maybe as a one off but mostly, I'd like to keep the relationships separate
- E.
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  It depends, on where we are in our relationship and who this other person is
- F.
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  Yeah, I think it would be fun for me and my partner to sexually play with others
- G.
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  Yeah, I think it would be fun for me and my partner(s) to see how we could engage with others, not just sexually
- H.
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  Flirting - yes. Anything beyond that - no.
- I.
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  I'm not interested in experiencing anyone romantically
7.
The idea of one person only for life makes me feel...
- A.
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  Excited and giddy
- B.
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  Excited, but also weary because I won't stay with someone just because
- C.
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  That is not a goal of mine at all
- D.
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  Great, but also I have questions... I need some outlets to express my desire for others and vice versa
- E.
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  Uncomfortable. I don't want to make any "for life" decisions when I have still have so much life ahead of me
- F.
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  Restricted. That kind of commitment does not appeal to me
8.
Over time, you have become aware that the person you love is not compatible with you in an important area. So, your instinct is to:
- A.
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  Stay the course. You made a choice and you pride yourself on sticking with it
- B.
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  Start considering if it's time to end the relationship
- C.
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  Communicate to your partner(s) that you are considering exploring others that can meet your need
- D.
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  Shop around since you don't subscribe to monogamy
- E.
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  Try to find fun ways that both you and your partner can engage with other people/ outlets together
9.
Fantasize your primary romantic partner kissing someone else. How does the thought make you feel?
- A.
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  Devastated and defeated, but you will still try to work it out with them
- B.
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  Betrayed and want to break up with them
- C.
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  Ambivalent, doesn't bother you
- D.
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  Kind of jealous but realistically it's not your place to be so you'd be cool with it
- E.
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  Jealous, but also kinda turned on
- F.
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  Shocked, but open to discussing how your relationship could adjust to accommodate that if that's what they wanted
- G.
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  Happy for them above all else!
10.
If your partner told you that they felt a strong connection with someone they just met you would...
- A.
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  Ask them to stop contact with that person
- B.
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  Tell them that they have to choose between seeing you and pursuing that person
- C.
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  Ask them why they're telling you this because you've made it clear that you two aren't serious
- D.
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  Feel disappointed but ultimately understand since you have no desire to give them more than you currently are
- E.
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  Flirting is okay but feelings are not. Tell them to keep you in the loop if they feel things are going to another level
- F.
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  Tell them that they can continue to explore the possibilities with this person then discuss what this means for your relationship
- G.
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  Make sure your relationship is still the priority, then give them the go ahead to play with the new person
- H.
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  Tell them you're happy for them and encourage them to follow their intuition
11.
What is your attachment style? If you do not know the answer to this please complete www.thegameofdesire.com/throne or try your best to guess
- A.
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  Secure - People that aren’t possessive nor are they dismissive. They’re capable of accepting rejection and have little issue trusting people.
- B.
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  Anxious preoccupied - People that crave intimacy but feel doubtful that anyone will be able to truly love them. They tend to be jealous and insecure in their connections
- C.
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  Fearful-Avoidant - These people push people away because they fear once someone gets too close, they will want space from them. They are torn between fearing and craving commitment.
- D.
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  Avoidant - people who avoid attachment and are extremely independent to the point that they are uncomfortable with too much intimacy. They’re the kind of people who require a lot of space and a lot of alone time.
- E.
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  Don't know

Quiz Outcomes

1.
Casual Dating
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The world is not what it used to be; on average, people keep jobs for four years at a time and move 11 times in their lifetime. For many, modern life is not stable, predictable or linear which is why they need their dating life to follow suit. As a person seeking to date casually, what's attractive to you is the idea of getting to connect with cool people without expectations or commitments that you're not sure you can keep. Perhaps this is because: 1) You currently travel a lot 2) You're going through a life transition and need a lot of flexibility to figure things out3) Your current attachment style is avoidant because romantic relationships with expectation tend to conflict with your larger goals.4) You don't think anyone could truly fulfill you, or you don't think you could truly fulfill others For this reason your preference is for short term partners down to have fun for as long as it makes sense. People who are interested in you need to accept that what you're offering in the moment, is what you're offering.
2.
Serial non-committed dating
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You love the idea of what a committed relationship can provide: friendship, comfort, shared history, shared beds, frequent communication and some level of partnership. BUT, you're not quite ready (or entirely in to) the accountability, exclusivity and pressure that a formal commitment comes with. Unlike someone who is into casual dating - you do want your partner's to rely on you and vice versa to some extent, but not in the full way that you perceive a formal relationship would. You're not actively searching for new partners, but you enjoy the idea that you can engage at will without having to consult with anyone else. In short you're looking for a medium-level of commitment without a high-level of accountability with a preference for mid-term partners. For you to exist in your sweet spot, managing expectations is going to be essential. And not just in the beginning of the connection when you say "I'm not looking for anything too serious right now," but all the way through. You're giving people the relationship experience without wanting the title, which is awesome because you do prioritize your relationships in many meaningful ways, but not necessarily in the traditional ways. This can be confusing for some so be open to having the relationship status chat frequently.
3.
Traditionally monogamous
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"I take thee, to be my mate. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part. I pledge thee my faith and I pledge myself to you." - Protestant Vows These vows are still said at many weddings, but with a divorce rate for first-time marriages at 50% and close to 75% for second time marriages - it's safe to say that most don't really mean them. But.... you do. As a traditionally monogamous person you believe not in one person at a time, but one person for life. Once you have decided to commit to someone you will do everything in your power to stay the course with them, regardless of how bumpy the road gets (within reason, you won't put up with your health or happiness being compromised especially not for extended periods of time). While modern movies and TV depict relationships as disposable, you prefer to aim for the "happily ever after" goal, even when things are not all that happy... In short you are the "ride or die" that people speak about. It is important to communicate to your partners just how seriously you take commitment to ensure they are ALL IN with you, as you intend to be with them.
4.
Modern monogamous
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"Monogamy used to be one person for life; today it is one person at a time." -Esther Perel You are a modern monogamist aka a serial monogamist. For you, when it comes to structuring your relationships, it's not out with the old and in with the new; your values are a combination of traditional and modern concepts of coupling. This means that while you believe in exclusivity and unwavering faithfulness, you also believe in letting go of what/ who is holding you back, even if that means divorce. People live longer, women are equal economic contributors and people's values are shifting. Thus, the world is outgrowing a one-size-fits-all concept of love, and 'til death do us part' may not fit ALL of your goals/ needs. You reserve the right to opt out if necessary, but as long as you choose to be in - you're all in! Modern monogamy is the most popular form of coupling and one that is depicted most often in media. BUT, don't fall into the trap of taking this for granted by assuming everyone has the same relationship structure goals as you. It is still extremely essential to emphasize not just how important fidelity is to you, but also to explain why it is uniquely necessary for you to love and feel loved.
5.
Monogamish
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For all intents and purposes, you are monogamous. Your partner is the only one you want to have a physical or sexual relationship with... BUT, that doesn't mean they are the only one you want to play with at a safe distance. Unlike traditional monogamy, you acknowledge that your partner may have eyes for others (because you for damn sure do) so you are comfortable loosening the boundaries a bit: strip clubs, flirting, porn and possibly a bit of seduction via social media are OK. But intently engaging with others beyond a lil harmless fun, is not! As a monogamish person, this is a line you know how to tread carefully and expertly. Monogamish relationships can take the monotony out of monogamy in a way that preserves the sanctity, the safety, and the comfort of the primary relationship while acknowledging each other's desires for novelty. Monogamish also means dancing on the line of fidelity. This isn't a bad thing (afterall dancing is fun) but, it does mean you have to be VERY clear with your partner about where the boundaries are and you must be comfortable talking about it more than once. You also have to commit yourself to complete disclosure to your partner as you examine new feelings and experiences in your old dynamic.
6.
Free Relationship
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You are DTF - by that I don't mean Down To Fuck, but instead you're Down To Figure It Out! Your relationships may swing from monogamous to open to poly to back to monogamy and you're down for the ride as long as it's what's best for you and your partner(s). Your relationship is not defined by the rules or titles you chose in the beginning, but instead by how each partner feels at any given time. You like to leave space for the unexpected and your trust that your partner(s) can handle that responsibility as well. In order for this relationship to thrive you must be a professional at communication and self-discipline. By saying yes to a free relationship, you are saying yes to circumstances and arrangements that you may not have been in before. Of course you can opt out at any time when your partner has pushed beyond your comfort zone, but understand that since you haven't placed any restrictions on them, there is a high probability this could happen. The only thing constant in this world is change, in a free relationship, this isn't just your reality, it's your mantra.
7.
Open Relationship
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You are best suited in an open relationship. This means that you believe it's possible to have several connections/ soul mates/ crushes at one time, but, only one primary, life partner. Open relationships tend to be more focused on having experiences outside of the main relationship, but keeping that primary, dyadic relationship as the first priority. In open relationships, couples may still have rules/ guidelines around how they can romantically bond with others, but these rules are a lot more flexible than any form of monogamy. Although media defines open relationships as the desire to have sexual connections outside of a relationship, I believe that couples can be open (or closed) to any form of romantic intimacy. You can be open to dinner with a crush, DM flirting, sexting but closed to sex. You could be open to sex but closed to dinner with a crush, DM flirting or sexting. It's about deciding how you and your partner want to honour your primary relationship, then exploring what feels healthy from there! What separates open relationships from monogamish or swinging, is that these connections do not have to be experienced with the primary partner. What separates open relationships from polyamory, is that there is no intention or desire to connect with outside partners on the same level as the primary. Because open relationships are so open for interpretation, you need to think about your terms like this: things I want, things I'm open to explore, things I am closed to. Ask your partner(s) to do the same!
8.
Moonlighting
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In moonlighting (aka swinging but that word feels tacky so I'm giving it a rebrand), the default dynamic is a primary relationship of one couple, however once in awhile the couple engages in sexual acts with others. Sexual actions with other people are typically activities couples engage in together or in some form of group play. This means that they go to sex clubs/ resorts, strip clubs, online rooms for group play or seek out threesomes where they meet potential partners together. There are various approaches to swinging and most couples will define, in advance, the level of sexual intimacy with which they are comfortable. With the exception of their extracurricular hobby, moonlighting couples tend to look a lot like traditional couples. Often, moonlighting is the only non-conventional aspect. In general, moonlighters are very focused on their primary relationship and tend to be wary of anything they perceive threatening to it. Many people go into sex acts with others with the clear intention that they will not develop feelings for others. Moonlighters tend to focus on compartmentalizing sex and feelings; the act of inviting others into physical play has less to do with their dissatisfaction with their partner and more to do with seeking more physical satisfaction through consensual, novel sex play with new partners. If you are interested in moonlighting, it's important to feel your partner's out from the beginning to see what their ideal relationship structure is. Your lifestyle could be a welcome addition to the life of someone who is monogamish or free, but it may be a complete clash with someone monogamous or polyamorous. This is not something you should conceal until you're ready to act.
9.
Polyamorous
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The word polyamory is based on the Greek and Latin words for “many loves” (literally, poly = many and amor = love). As a polyamorous person you are open to having more than one romantic relationship at a time, with the knowledge and consent of all partners. You live in full acknowledgment of the simple fact that relationships and love do not come in “one size fits all" and that there is no singular "one for you." Polyamory is defined by informed consent of all the participants. Without it, it ain’t poly. If your lover can't waive to you in public or call you for Christmas, it probably ain’t poly. You reject the “starvation model” of love—that is, you only have a limited amount of love, and if you give your love to one person, there is none left to give to anyone else. And the scarcity model of love—that is that true love is rare and can only be shared with 1/ 6 billion people. Many people believe the opposite, that the more love you give the more happiness and fulfillment all will receive. As someone who loves, love - you must also learn to love talking about love, almost exhaustively with all of your partners. The joy of being poly is getting to know yourself through the lens of others, so take advantage of that by adopting to mantra "the unexamined life is not worth living." Through this, you will find the most joy and peace in your relationships.
10.
Aromantic
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Having crushes, dating and falling in love may seem like universal human experiences, but that’s not the case for everyone. People who identify as aromantic ― or “aro” for short ― don’t experience romantic attraction and generally aren’t interested in romantic relationships. “Aromanticism has been around as long as humans have been on this earth, but the term and its existence as an identity and orientation was only recognized recently,” said Kelsey Lee, director of social media for The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN), which also serves the aromantic community. “Around 2005 is when we started to see it being used as its own identity, thus gaining more understanding that aromanticism is not the same as asexuality.”While some people identify as both aromantic (not feeling romantic attraction) and asexual (not feeling sexual attraction), the two don’t necessarily go hand in hand. Some people are asexual but not aromantic, while others are aromantic but not asexual. This is an excerpt from this article