You are a Mort. Mort is the type that can usually be found grumbling in the corner at parties, and yet he has an undeniable charm about him. (Probably because the negative things he says are mostly true.)
You are an Ernest. Ernest is not oblivious to the condescending looks he receives as he sips a delicious mixed drink out of a straw. But Ernest doesn’t care, he is a mother friggin’ unicorn. (He is most commonly found with Mort, the Narwhal, at parties.)
You are an Archie Prickles. As a hedgehog, one understands the curse of adorableness that comes with it. Knowing this, Archie works extra hard to be taken seriously at the office. But he also takes solace in the thought, “Who could actually fire a face like this?” Archie excels at monthly time audits, Christmas work parties, and general water cooler conversation.
You are a Virgil. Virgil believes there are three kinds of people in this world – the “glass-half-empty” types, the “glass-half-full” types, and the “what-glass?-I- threw-it-across-the-room-hours-ago-along-with-some-feces” types. And when he’s not eating bananas or learning sign language, he’s probably plotting world domination. But any of these attributes is more than enough reason to be very nice to him.
You are a Higgins. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? Higgins believes the world would know, had it asked a smarter owl. But you have to respect him, because Higgins isn’t a braggart about his intelligence. He’d rather just be left alone to quietly revel in it. In fact, his favorite joke is, “How do you know someone has an English degree?” Answer: “Don’t worry… they’ll tell you.”
You are a Bernard. Ever wonder why tortoises are so slow? Nature’s secret: they are stoned out of their minds. But let’s not judge Bernard or his people. Most tortoises have evolved to being high-functioning stoners, carrying their houses on their backs in case they forget their address. Bernard is a huge fan of Humboldt County, the movie “Friday,” and Cheese Doodles.
You are a Jules. With a natural widow’s peak and a permanent tuxedo, few rock the monocle as well as Jules. So upon seeing him approach, rose in mouth and witty quip ready, it’s no surprise that penguins mate for life.
You are a Reginald. Reginald’s mantra is, “Why swim when we can just take the yacht?” He wouldn’t classify himself as an elitist or snob–Reginald believes that when you possess such personality and charisma, you’re just naturally better than most people.
You are a Lorenzo. Lorenzo is quite the world traveler and, besides the few times he has been found spitting in inappropriate places, he is usually well received. So, should you ever have the pleasure of meeting the suave Lorenzo, put your hand over your glass and let the good times roll.