Your Marriage on Fire starts here. Take this 60-second fun quiz and get detailed feedback on your marriage spark zone, delivered straight from a licensed marriage and family therapist.
That’s between me and Jesus, but Friends was pretty huge then. And I think we started bickering and avoiding each other back before Rachel married Ross.
B.
Time flies when you’re married to your best friend, but I’ve definitely changed my hairstyle a few times. It’d just be nice if they’d ever notice.
C.
Oh, is this marriage? Feels a lot more like we’re co-parenting roommates.
D.
It hasn’t been that long but I’ve cherished every moment.
When you think about the past with your spouse, what is most likely to go through your mind?
A.
The past is in the past! We try to focus on the future and what we’re doing now.
B.
I try to think of good times, but there are some painful memories that I haven’t worked through. They distract me from the good memories. Remembering is painful, sometimes.
C.
I have such fond memories, but I don’t connect to them the way that I used to. Like someone else lived that life.
D.
Let me show you my Insta! I love posting about the life we’ve built!
4.
When a conflict arises, what is most likely to happen?
A.
I’m gonna win! No holds barred, They’re going to regret not seeing my side.
B.
Fighting gets us nowhere, so we just avoid conflict and tiptoe around the issues that can be left alone. Keeping it light is easier for everyone
C.
We seem to dredge up the same old arguments and chew on them for a while, but they never really get resolved.
D.
When we have a conflict, we try to treat the conflict as the problem instead of viewing each other as the problem, and that makes a happy resolution more likely.
5.
When was the last time you expressed appreciation for your partner?
A.
The last time that they did something worth praising. Let me go get my calendar.
B.
I tell them thank you here and there when I can see that they’ve gone out of their way for me. Which isn’t very often.
C.
They know I appreciate them. I don’t have to really say it out loud. I guess I take it for granted that they know I value the little things.
D.
I try to actively search for and express appreciation daily – I send them a text during the day or take a second before bed to show them that I’m paying attention and that I appreciate them. I know I appreciate it when they notice, so I try to return the favor.
6.
If your marriage was on TV, which celebrity couple would you be?
A.
I Love Lucy - Ever since we said “I do!” there’s so many things we don’t.
B.
The Sopranos - You're angry, they’re withdrawn. And they’ve basically become the person you live to fight with.
C.
King Of Queens - We butt heads sometimes, but overall, keeping the spark alive in our marriage is important to us.
D.
Malcolm in the Middle - Life is hectic insanity most of the time. And at the end of the day, bed is for sleep.
7.
Looking at your partner, what goes through your mind?
I wish they would stop being so controlling, selfish, and critical.
B.
At least I’m not alone, even if we’re more like a roommates than lovers
C.
Most days, yeah baby they are mine. Other days, I’ve lost that lovin feeling.
D.
They have to be the sexiest person in the room! I can’t wait till tonight 🔥
8.
How aware are you of the external stresses of your partner’s life, the things that can spill over into your own relationship dynamic?
A.
Seems like the sky is always falling in their life. I just try to keep my head down and focus on me.
B.
When their outlook is always so negative, it’s difficult to see what’s a stressor and what’s just another day in the grind
C.
I know that generally they are stressed about certain topics like work, school, family, or friends. I mean, isn’t everyone?
D.
Would you like that list alphabetized? I’ve got my baby’s back. Their problems are our priorities.
9.
Your partner walks in after a day at work. What do you do?
A.
If I'm in the middle of a task, I try to keep my head down and hope that we can just maintain the silence and the peace. When greetings can turn into conflicts, sometimes it’s better to just avoid altogether.
B.
We pay lip service to the social niceties, but don’t delve too deeply.
C.
We talk about how our day went and give some details, but I don’t typically share too much. I don’t really feel comfortable sharing the deeper details anymore. When asked how my day was, I may give a quick summary, but I don’t typically share if anything was tough or upsetting.
D.
Time to dish the dirt! We’re interested in the details of each others’ days and can respect when downtime is needed before a full debrief.
10.
How do you maintain intimacy in your relationship?
A.
Intimacy? What intimacy? We sleep facing the wall most of the time.
B.
Intimacy happens when there’s something left in the tank at the end of the day, and I’m usually running on empty. I’m not going to spend that energy on someone who doesn’t do the same for me.
C.
Date night, anyone? If it isn’t on the calendar, it isn’t getting done.
D.
Busy schedules means it’s even more important to make time for the small closeness that keeps a relationship thriving. A small touch or a quiet word go a long way to making us feel valued and cherished in the day to day busyness of life.
11.
When you think about the future with your partner, how do you feel?
A.
We’ve got the basics sorted, but now it’s time to breathe some life back in.
B.
I feel like my current normal isn’t something that I want to carry into the future. The status quo is no longer good enough and it’s time to reconnect with the reasons we’re together. I don’t want the future to be as stagnant as our present.
C.
It’s something that I can’t really imagine anymore. It feels very bleak.
D.
I still can’t wait to grow old with my best friend. Got any ideas?
12.
Let’s look Under The Rug. What most commonly gets swept under there?
A.
Anything not on The Schedule
B.
Anything that could potentially rock the boat. Small disagreements and big family issues, they’re all under there having a toxic party
C.
It’s pretty tidy under there. Only the really unimportant things end up under there because we tackle the big things together.
D.
Pain. Lots of pain. We should be running a Rug store by now, to keep on top of all these things that hurt too much to talk about
13.
Let's say, you and your spouse have won an all inclusive holiday together to reignite your light and get more connected. Which do you choose?
Amazing Race Adventure Tours: Just like the TV show — but you and your spouse get to work together to solve puzzles and win skills competitions, all while trotting around South East Asia! No problem for you, you guys are great at facing a challenge together!
Golf and Spa Package in Palm Beach — with unlimited rounds and treatments. Whether you’re spending the day on the links or being totally pampered, you’re both getting a chance to relax, get some “me time,” and even let go of some of that pent up anger. Then you get to meet up to wine and dine, totally recharged and ready to reconnect on an even deeper level.
Silent Retreat: Five days of silence and contemplation in the Rocky Mountains. Surrounded by other people keeping their thoughts to themselves. Giving you both a chance to reconnect with yourselves, your deeper purpose and your relationship with God. And you can’t wait to share all of your insights on your plane ride home.
All Inclusive in Tulum: You desperately need some time to relax and recharge together while other people cook and clean and bring you drinks. And you’ve got to do something to break out of your regular routine. Because you’ve really been missing feeling connected and in sync with your spouse.
Fire and Ice, it's time to find the in between and light your Spark.Amy, an award winning, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist has your 3-page detailed feedback ready.
Your fire is Slowly Simmering, let's reignite the fire. ;-) Amy, an award winning, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist has your 3-page detailed feedback ready.
3.
Your Married to a Stranger and There's No Heat, Man!
So, we have a little work to do! There is only one way to go, up!Amy, an award winning, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist has your 3-page detailed feedback ready.
Your fire is definitely roaring like the Crackling Campfire it is! Amy, an award winning, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist has your 3-page detailed feedback ready.
