Discover What Might Be Getting in Your Way of Centering Yourself

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Quiz Questions

1.
Your brother and his family discuss politics a lot. You hold different political opinions, so when you visit him:
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- A.
  You want to verify all the information that is talked about before sharing your own opinions.
- B.
  You try to make sure his young children are not around when politics comes up.
- C.
  You antagonize him by telling him his opinions are ridiculous.
- D.
  You get emotional defending your positions when he is not going to listen to you anyway.
- E.
  You anticipate every comment, fearing it will veer into politics.
- F.
  You spend too much time hiding in your room (reading, watching TV) because you don’t want to get into it with him.
2.
Surprise! A new person has been hired for your team with a similar job title as you.
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- A.
  Your first concern is that they will try to tell you how to do your job.
- B.
  You question them about their skills and experience to show your boss that they are not qualified.
- C.
  You get into the office early to prepare them a list of ‘to-dos’ because you don’t think they know what to do.
- D.
  You email your manager that you will miss the ‘welcome’ meeting’ with the new person because of your project deadlines.
- E.
  You over-prepare for the ‘welcome meeting’ so it goes well, knowing some people on your team can be standoffish.
- F.
  You look them up on google and social media to learn about them because you are afraid they will replace you.
3.
Your 16-year-old teen wants to go out with a friend but you don’t know how you feel about the friend. Your teen seems to really like this person.
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- A.
  You find yourself wondering if your teen has not disclosed all the important information. You try to look at your teen’s phone to see you can find any other information.
- B.
  You say ‘no’ because it’s your role. You tell your child that the friend has not proven to you that they reliable.
- C.
  You offer to drive your teenager, checking their backpack to make sure they have everything they need.
- D.
  You plan a family trip at the same time that your teen must come on so you don’t have to deal with this decision.
- E.
  Within minutes, you present numerous reasons why they shouldn’t go.
- F.
  You let them go, but spend the entire time tracking your teen’s phone just in case they need you to come and get them.
4.
You are at a park and you see a child you don’t know fall off a slide.
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- A.
  You rush over and shut down the slide, keeping other children from using it until you make sure the slide is safe to use.
- B.
  You wonder if you should stop coming to this park with so many inattentive parents around.
- C.
  You immediately run over, start comforting the child, and begin assessing if they are all right.
- D.
  You confront the approaching parent and tell them what they should have been doing differently.
- E.
  You grab your child and move them far away from what happened so as not to be blamed.
- F.
  You figure the parents will handle it and you put your earbuds back in to continue listening to your podcast.
5.
Your partner is running late and you haven’t heard from them. They are not answering your texts.
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- A.
  Your texts and voicemails become increasingly angry and accusatory.
- B.
  You turn off your phone and binge-watch a show.
- C.
  You check the news to make sure there were no accidents in the area or you call their friends to see if they have any information.
- D.
  You reassure others that your partner is okay and make your partner's favorite food for when they arrive home.
- E.
  You think this might be your fault and that you were supposed to meet them at a different time or place.
- F.
  You worry they might be spending time with someone else.
6.
After spending the evening at your house, a close friend has an accident and ends up in the hospital.
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- A.
  You tell everyone that your friend was NOT drinking and was in good shape when they left your house.
- B.
  You keep yourself super busy, hoping it had nothing to do with their visit to you.
- C.
  Though you have a big project due, you go to the hospital right away.
- D.
  You assume they must have met up with some unsavory friends who took them out after leaving your house.
- E.
  You begin to get angry with yourself and can’t stop beating yourself up about what you should have done differently
- F.
  You call mutual friends to share the story and see if anyone knows anything about it.
7.
You are planning a party for your mother-in-law's big birthday.
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- A.
  Worried about events beyond your control, you come up with contingency plans in case your mother-in-law gets sick and ends up in the hospital.
- B.
  You get angry with all your inlaws for doing nothing for this big event.
- C.
  You write long emails to the family, explaining everything you are doing so no one can critique your decisions.
- D.
  Even though you are busy preparing the event, you want to make sure all of her ‘best friends’ can come so you offer to pick up and drop off people at the airport or houses.
- E.
  You let your spouse handle all the details for the event.
- F.
  Worried that your relatives won’t do what is needed, you only delegate the easy-to-perform tasks to them.
8.
Your bank account is unexpectedly low.
- A.
  You keep on doing what you are doing, hoping it all works out in the end.
- B.
  You call the bank and give them a piece of your mind.
- C.
  You go to the bank and show them your balanced checkbook, explaining the care you have taken to not have an overdraft.
- D.
  You assume you’re a victim of fraud and begin canceling all of your other cards.
- E.
  You call the bank to find out what happened and notice the interaction is with the bank teller is awkward, so you apologize and ask them if they’re okay.
- F.
  You think there was some error and the account balance is wrong.
9.
Your partner lost their job.
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- A.
  You wonder if they really lost their job because they were actually not performing.
- B.
  You check in with your boss several times to make sure your job is going well and your family’s financial needs are still met.
- C.
  You tell them you want to wait to discuss it until after your child's upcoming birthday party because you don’t want anyone to know.
- D.
  You start doing a job search for them, looking for the jobs you know they will be good at, with better pay.
- E.
  You snap at your child when they ask to invite more children to their birthday party.
- F.
  You think this might be your fault (e.g. you did not let your partner go to the social event last week with all the senior management team.)
10.
Your childhood friend shows up after 10 years, asking for a place to stay for two weeks in your tiny apartment.
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- A.
  You give them your bedroom and make their meals,
- B.
  You open with, “Hey it is not my fault we have not connected in so long!” and suggest they stay elsewhere.
- C.
  You look through the peephole, see them, and don’t answer the door.
- D.
  You immediately start calling your mutual friends to see if there is any information you should know, checking social media, and googling their name.
- E.
  When you ask them what happened, you make accusatory references to all the risky behavior they did when you hung out together.
- F.
  You think that maybe they are coming to you after so long because they are hiding from someone or something.
11.
Your boss is really critical of your work and you feel like they are supportive of everyone else– making you feel singled out.
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- A.
  You keep your head down as you work and change your lunch place to avoid running into anyone on your team.
- B.
  You yell at your partner over dinner when questioned about what you could be doing better at work.
- C.
  You keep walking by open doors when your boss is meeting with your coworkers because you think that your coworkers may be telling your boss that you are not doing a good job.
- D.
  You start showing up early to work with coffee and treats to help make the work environment more positive.
- E.
  You create a log of activities and compliments people have given you in email to prove your work.
- F.
  You start searching job sites and update your LinkedIn to make sure you have options in case you get fired.
12.
Your neighbors just got a new dog that barks all night, making it hard for your children to sleep.
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- A.
  You worry something might be wrong with the dog or it is in pain, so you leave a card for your veterinarian in their mailbox.
- B.
  Your start reading up on the local animal control laws because if the dog barks this much you are sure he may bite.
- C.
  You immediately confront them about it, telling them they need to take care of it.
- D.
  You buy earplugs and a noise machine to see if that will help first.
- E.
  You think they got the dog for protection because they are probably selling drugs.
- F.
  You put a sign in your yard that reads, “NOT MY DOG” so the other neighbors know it is not you.
13.
At the movie theater, the woman sitting next to you is talking on her phone.
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- A.
  You tell her to get off the fricken’ phone.
- B.
  You “loud whisper” to your friend how rude it is for people to be on their phone in movies, knowing she can hear you.
- C.
  You offer her something from the snack bar in the hope she hangs up.
- D.
  You are not sure it is actually against the theater rules to use a phone so you don’t say anything.
- E.
  You alert the usher that someone is breaking the rules.
- F.
  You move seats to not be bothered.
14.
You are working from home, in the middle of an important virtual sales call, and your internet keeps going out.
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- A.
  You move to another project that doesn’t need the internet, assuming that you weren’t going to get that sale anyway.
- B.
  You call into the meeting, letting them know that it is not you but it is your internet provider’s fault that you keep getting kicked out.
- C.
  You keep apologizing to your team and offer to make up the work independently after hours.
- D.
  You worry people will think less of you because you didn’t make the sale.
- E.
  You immediately call other potential customers to make up for the lost sale.
- F.
  You call your internet provider company and yell at the customer service rep about how bad their service is.

Quiz Outcomes

1.
Distrusting! That is my go-to Protective Pattern
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Congratulations! You have identified your primary Protective Pattern as Distrusting.What does Distrusting look like?● Doubting yourself ● Negative self talk● Being wary of others ● Being overly critical of others or yourselfWhen we identify our default patterns of dealing with stress—our Protective Patterns—we are better able to notice when and why we use them. Our Protective Patterns are a two-edged sword: they can be helpful in some situations but are harmful in others.These reactions can be vital for survival in unsafe situtations. They give us a certain level of “Reactive Resilience,” which allows us to react to danger quickly. However, while Protective Patterns can protect us from danger or overwhelming situations, they are harmful in other contexts. If we use them in situations that do not require them, they can work against our best interests. Over time, protecting ourselves can become a pattern that is self-defeating, preventing us from being centered, connecting, or collaborating with others.Questions to think about: When and how do I distrust myself? How do I distrust others? When does distrust help protect me? When does distrust hurt me?Note that we all have developed a range of responses over time. These Protective Patterns illustrate the type of reactions that can help us in the right situations, but also harm us if used in ways that break down trust. Additionally, many of us have two or three Protective Patterns upon which we rely. For example, our "go-to" modes may be Distrusting/ Hyper-Caretaking or Attacking/Avoiding. As we recognize how and when we use our Protective Patterns we need to understand two aspects:1. In the appropriate contexts, our reactive Protective Patterns are very helpful. They protect us from threatening situations..2. In other contexts, our Protective Patterns harm us by preventing us from responding thoughtfully. They can be an obstacle to caring for ourselves or connecting and collaborating well with others.Learning to notice our Protective Patterns is the first step. The second step is assessing what effect they are having in each situation. The third step is learning to choose Resilience Skills that can help us. When we practice our Resilience Skills, we build our ability to make the best choice for ourselves in response to each situation. While we can still use our Protective Patterns in those situations that require them, if we can recognize healthier ways to deal with other situations and strengthen our Resilience Skills, we learn to grow and thrive through the difficult experiences of our lives.Learning how to use our Resilience Skills is a life-long process. We are Dovetail Learning. 👋 At Dovetail Learning, our mission is to help YOU strengthen your resilience! We have training, Resilience Circles, books, videos, and other products designed to help you! Bonus Resources to Help You Become More Resilient? Look No Further 👇1. Training opportunities Lots of opportunities to learn more about the We Are Resilient™ Approach..2. Resilience Circles. Spend time reflecting on your Protective Patterns and deepening your Resilience Skills. in a supportive environment. Free to join in 2021!3. Books, videos, and other products. Free digital resources and physicial products for purchase. They are perfect for anyone who wants to learn science-based skills to strengthen their resilience! 4. Free Wellness NewslettersP.S. Expect to See Me in Your Inbox With a Free Version of Your Results 🎉🙌🎁
2.
Hypervigilance! That is my go-to Protective Pattern.
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Congratulations! You have identified your primary Protective Pattern as Hypervigilance.What does Hypervigilance look like?● Seeing potential danger everywhere● Constant high anxiety and worry that negatively impacts you or othersWhen we identify our default patterns of dealing with stress—our Protective Patterns—we are better able to notice when and why we use them. Our Protective Patterns are a two-edged sword: they can be helpful in some situations but are harmful in others.These reactions can be vital for survival in unsafe situtations. They give us a certain level of “Reactive Resilience,” which allows us to react to danger quickly. However, while Protective Patterns can protect us from danger or overwhelming situations, they are harmful in other contexts. If we use them in situations that do not require them, they can work against our best interests. Over time, protecting ourselves can become a pattern that is self-defeating, preventing us from being centered, connecting, or collaborating with others.Questions to think about: When and how do I usehypervigilance?When does hypervigilance help me?When does hypervigilance hurt me?Note that we all have developed a range of responses over time. These Protective Patterns illustrate the type of reactions that can help us in the right situations, but also harm us if used in ways that break down trust. Additionally, many of us have two or three Protective Patterns upon which we rely. For example, our "go-to" modes may be Distrusting/ Hyper-Caretaking or Attacking/Avoiding. As we recognize how and when we use our Protective Patterns we need to understand two aspects:1. In the appropriate contexts, our reactive Protective Patterns are very helpful. They protect us from threatening situations..2. In other contexts, our Protective Patterns harm us by preventing us from responding thoughtfully. They can be an obstacle to caring for ourselves or connecting and collaborating well with others.Learning to notice our Protective Patterns is the first step. The second step is assessing what effect they are having in each situation. The third step is learning to choose Resilience Skills that can help us. When we practice our Resilience Skills, we build our ability to make the best choice for ourselves in response to each situation. While we can still use our Protective Patterns in those situations that require them, if we can recognize healthier ways to deal with other situations and strengthen our Resilience Skills, we learn to grow and thrive through the difficult experiences of our lives.Learning how to use our Resilience Skills is a life-long process. We are Dovetail Learning. 👋 At Dovetail Learning, our mission is to help YOU strengthen your resilience! We have training, Resilience Circles, books, videos, and other products designed to help you! Bonus Resources to Help You Become More Resilient? Look No Further 👇1. Training opportunities Lots of opportunities to learn more about the We Are Resilient™ Approach..2. Resilience Circles. Spend time reflecting on your Protective Patterns and deepening your Resilience Skills. in a supportive environment. Free to join in 2021!3. Books, videos, and other products. Free digital resources and physicial products for purchase. They are perfect for anyone who wants to learn science-based skills to strengthen their resilience! 4. Free Wellness NewslettersP.S. Expect to See Me in Your Inbox With a Free PDF Version of Your Results 🎉🙌🎁
3.
Hyper-Caretaking. That is my go-to Protective Pattern.
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Congratulations! You have identified your primary Protective Pattern as Hyper-Caretaking.What does Hyper-Caretaking look like?● Over-prioritizing others to the detriment of yourself● Enabling others● Victimhood/ martyrdomWhen we identify our default patterns of dealing with stress—our Protective Patterns—we are better able to notice when and why we use them. Our Protective Patterns are a two-edged sword: they can be helpful in some situations but are harmful in others.These reactions can be vital for survival in unsafe situtations. They give us a certain level of “Reactive Resilience,” which allows us to react to danger quickly. However, while Protective Patterns can protect us from danger or overwhelming situations, they are harmful in other contexts. If we use them in situations that do not require them, they can work against our best interests. Over time, protecting ourselves can become a pattern that is self-defeating, preventing us from being centered, connecting, or collaborating with others.Questions to think about: When and how do I useHyper-Caretaking?When does Hyper-Caretaking help me?When does Hyper-Caretaking hurt me?Note that we all have developed a range of responses over time. These Protective Patterns illustrate the type of reactions that can help us in the right situations, but also harm us if used in ways that break down trust. Additionally, many of us have two or three Protective Patterns upon which we rely. For example, our "go-to" modes may be Distrusting/ Hyper-Caretaking or Attacking/Avoiding. As we recognize how and when we use our Protective Patterns we need to understand two aspects:1. In the appropriate contexts, our reactive Protective Patterns are very helpful. They protect us from threatening situations..2. In other contexts, our Protective Patterns harm us by preventing us from responding thoughtfully. They can be an obstacle to caring for ourselves or connecting and collaborating well with others..Learning to notice our Protective Patterns is the first step. The second step is assessing what effect they are having in each situation. The third step is learning to choose Resilience Skills that can help us. When we practice our Resilience Skills, we build our ability to make the best choice for ourselves in response to each situation. While we can still use our Protective Patterns in those situations that require them, if we can recognize healthier ways to deal with other situations and strengthen our Resilience Skills, we learn to grow and thrive through the difficult experiences of our lives.Learning how to use our Resilience Skills is a life-long process. We are Dovetail Learning. 👋 At Dovetail Learning, our mission is to help YOU strengthen your resilience! We have training, Resilience Circles, books, videos, and other products designed to help you! Bonus Resources to Help You Become More Resilient? Look No Further 👇1. Training opportunities Lots of opportunities to learn more about the We Are Resilient™ Approach..2. Resilience Circles. Spend time reflecting on your Protective Patterns and deepening your Resilience Skills. in a supportive environment. Free to join in 2021!3. Books, videos, and other products. Free digital resources and physicial products for purchase. They are perfect for anyone who wants to learn science-based skills to strengthen their resilience! 4. Free Wellness NewslettersP.S. Expect to See Me in Your Inbox With a Free PDF Version of Your Results 🎉🙌🎁
4.
Defending. That is my go-to Protective Pattern.
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Congratulations! You have identified your primary Protective Pattern as Defending.What does Defending look like?● Responding as if you feel constantly questioned, judged, or accused● Reacting quickly to dig in your heels to defend yourself● Trying to prove you are right, potentially at the cost of the relationshipWhen we identify our default patterns of dealing with stress—our Protective Patterns—we are better able to notice when and why we use them. Our Protective Patterns are a two-edged sword: they can be helpful in some situations but are harmful in others.These reactions can be vital for survival in unsafe situtations. They give us a certain level of “Reactive Resilience,” which allows us to react to danger quickly. However, while Protective Patterns can protect us from danger or overwhelming situations, they are harmful in other contexts. If we use them in situations that do not require them, they can work against our best interests. Over time, protecting ourselves can become a pattern that is self-defeating, preventing us from being centered, connecting, or collaborating with others.Questions to think about: When and how do I use Defending?When does Defending help me?When does Defending hurt me?Note that we all have developed a range of responses over time. These Protective Patterns illustrate the type of reactions that can help us in the right situations, but also harm us if used in ways that break down trust. Additionally, many of us have two or three Protective Patterns upon which we rely. For example, our "go-to" modes may be Distrusting/ Hyper-Caretaking or Attacking/Avoiding. As we recognize how and when we use our Protective Patterns we need to understand two aspects:1. In the appropriate contexts, our reactive Protective Patterns are very helpful. They protect us from threatening situations.2. In other contexts, our Protective Patterns harm us by preventing us from responding thoughtfully. They can be an obstacle to caring for ourselves or connecting and collaborating well with others.Learning to notice our Protective Patterns is the first step. The second step is assessing what effect they are having in each situation. The third step is learning to choose Resilience Skills that can help us. When we practice our Resilience Skills, we build our ability to make the best choice for ourselves in response to each situation. While we can still use our Protective Patterns in those situations that require them, if we can recognize healthier ways to deal with other situations and strengthen our Resilience Skills, we learn to grow and thrive through the difficult experiences of our lives.Learning how to use our Resilience Skills is a life-long process. We are Dovetail Learning. 👋 At Dovetail Learning, our mission is to help YOU strengthen your resilience! We have training, Resilience Circles, books, videos, and other products designed to help you! Bonus Resources to Help You Become More Resilient? Look No Further 👇1. Training opportunities Lots of opportunities to learn more about the We Are Resilient™ Approach..2. Resilience Circles. Spend time reflecting on your Protective Patterns and deepening your Resilience Skills. in a supportive environment. Free to join in 2021!3. Books, videos, and other products. Free digitial resources and physicial products for purchase. They are perfect for anyone who wants to learn science-based skills to strengthen their resilience! 4. Free Wellness NewslettersP.S. Expect to See Me in Your Inbox With a Free PDF Version of Your Results 🎉🙌🎁
5.
Attacking. That is my go-to Protective Pattern.
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Congratulations! You have identified your primary Protective Pattern as Attacking.What does Attacking look like?● Immediately responding in a way that feels like a personal attack to the other person or yourself● Constantly judging and criticizing others or yourselfWhen we identify our default patterns of dealing with stress—our Protective Patterns—we are better able to notice when and why we use them. Our Protective Patterns are a two-edged sword: they can be helpful in some situations but are harmful in others.These reactions can be vital for survival in unsafe situtations. They give us a certain level of “Reactive Resilience,” which allows us to react to danger quickly. However, while Protective Patterns can protect us from danger or overwhelming situations, they are harmful in other contexts. If we use them in situations that do not require them, they can work against our best interests. Over time, protecting ourselves can become a pattern that is self-defeating, preventing us from being centered, connecting, or collaborating with others.Questions to think about: When and how do I use Attackng?When does Attackng help me?When does Attackng hurt me?Note that we all have developed a range of responses over time. These Protective Patterns illustrate the type of reactions that can help us in the right situations, but also harm us if used in ways that break down trust. Additionally, many of us have two or three Protective Patterns upon which we rely. For example, our "go-to" modes may be Distrusting/ Hyper-Caretaking or Attacking/Avoiding. As we recognize how and when we use our Protective Patterns we need to understand two aspects:1. In the appropriate contexts, our reactive Protective Patterns are very helpful. They protect us from threatening situations..2. In other contexts, our Protective Patterns harm us by preventing us from responding thoughtfully. They can be an obstacle to caring for ourselves or connecting and collaborating well with others.Learning to notice our Protective Patterns is the first step. The second step is assessing what effect they are having in each situation. The third step is learning to choose Resilience Skills that can help us. When we practice our Resilience Skills, we build our ability to make the best choice for ourselves in response to each situation. While we can still use our Protective Patterns in those situations that require them, if we can recognize healthier ways to deal with other situations and strengthen our Resilience Skills, we learn to grow and thrive through the difficult experiences of our lives.Learning how to use our Resilience Skills is a life-long process.We are Dovetail Learning. 👋 At Dovetail Learning, our mission is to help YOU strengthen your resilience! We have training, Resilience Circles, books, videos, and other products designed to help you! Bonus Resources to Help You Become More Resilient? Look No Further 👇1. Training opportunities Lots of opportunities to learn more about the We Are Resilient™ Approach..2. Resilience Circles. Spend time reflecting on your Protective Patterns and deepening your Resilience Skills. in a supportive environment. Free to join in 2021!3. Books, videos, and other products. Free digitial resources and physicial products for purchase. They are perfect for anyone who wants to learn science-based skills to strengthen their resilience! 4. Free Wellness NewslettersP.S. Expect to See Me in Your Inbox With a Free PDF Version of Your Results 🎉🙌🎁
6.
Avoiding. That is my go-to Protective Pattern.
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Congratulations! You have identified your primary Protective Pattern as Avoiding.What does Avoiding look like?● Withdrawing from specific relationships● Retreating to yourself● Numbing–avoiding emotions● Addictive behavior (substance misuse, shopaholic, overeating,workaholic, TV zombie )When we identify our default patterns of dealing with stress—our Protective Patterns—we are better able to notice when and why we use them. Our Protective Patterns are a two-edged sword: they can be helpful in some situations but are harmful in others.These reactions can be vital for survival in unsafe situtations. They give us a certain level of “Reactive Resilience,” which allows us to react to danger quickly. However, while Protective Patterns can protect us from danger or overwhelming situations, they are harmful in other contexts. If we use them in situations that do not require them, they can work against our best interests. Over time, protecting ourselves can become a pattern that is self-defeating, preventing us from being centered, connecting, or collaborating with others. Questions to think about: When and how do I use Avoiding?When does Avoiding help me?When does Avoiding hurt me?Note that we all have developed a range of responses over time. These Protective Patterns illustrate the type of reactions that can help us in the right situations, but also harm us if used in ways that break down trust. Additionally, many of us have two or three Protective Patterns upon which we rely. For example, our "go-to" modes may be Distrusting/ Hyper-Caretaking or Attacking/Avoiding. As we recognize how and when we use our Protective Patterns we need to understand two aspects:1. In the appropriate contexts, our reactive Protective Patterns are very helpful. They protect us from threatening situations.2. In other contexts, our Protective Patterns harm us by preventing us from responding thoughtfully. They can be an obstacle to caring for ourselves or connecting and collaborating well with others.Learning to notice our Protective Patterns is the first step. The second step is assessing what effect they are having in each situation. The third step is learning to choose Resilience Skills that can help us. When we practice our Resilience Skills, we build our ability to make the best choice for ourselves in response to each situation. While we can still use our Protective Patterns in those situations that require them, if we can recognize healthier ways to deal with other situations and strengthen our Resilience Skills, we learn to grow and thrive through the difficult experiences of our lives.Learning how to use our Resilience Skills is a life-long process. We are Dovetail Learning. 👋 At Dovetail Learning, our mission is to help YOU strengthen your resilience! We have training, Resilience Circles, books, videos, and other products designed to help you! Bonus Resources to Help You Become More Resilient? Look No Further 👇1. Training opportunities Lots of opportunities to learn more about the We Are Resilient™ Approach..2. Resilience Circles. Spend time reflecting on your Protective Patterns and deepening your Resilience Skills. in a supportive environment. Free to join in 2021!3. Books, videos, and other products. Free digitial resources and physicial products for purchase. They are perfect for anyone who wants to learn science-based skills to strengthen their resilience! 4. Free Wellness NewslettersP.S. Expect to See Me in Your Inbox With a Free PDF Version of Your Results 🎉🙌🎁