What's your communication coping style?

Quiz Questions

• 1.
  You forgot to pay a bill you said you'd pay. Your spouse confronts you angrily about it. What are you most likely to say?

  • A.
    "I do everything around here and you do nothing. Why don't you pay the bills then!"
  • B.
    "Well I suppose you're perfect and never make mistakes?"
  • C.
    "You're right, I'm sorry."
  • D.
    "You're right. I forgot to pay the bill. I'll take care of it now. I would appreciate it when I make a mistake if you would just tell me about it without yelling.”
• 2.
  Oh no! It's a knock-down-drag-out fight! After yelling for awhile, you:

  • A.
    demand that your partner see things your way and that they apologize.
  • B.
    yelling? You're not the one yelling! You try to avoid conflict at all costs.
  • C.
    take a few deep breaths and say that maybe we need to take a break and come back when we're both able to better express our thoughts and listen.
  • D.
    begin to ignore your partner. They don't deserve your attention when they treat you so badly anyway.
• 3.
  After a couple of days of arguing, it's time for your weekly date night. (And, you're still mad!) When it comes to plans, you:

  • A.
    hope that you don't have to decide where to go - you really just want to try and keep the peace for the night.
  • B.
    decide firmly where you want to go - besides, if your partner wanted to go somewhere specific, then they should have said so sooner.
  • C.
    say that you don't want to go out this week, knowing full well that your partner will be hurt.
  • D.
    give a few suggestions to your partner on places you could go ... hopefully tonight you and your sweetheart can work everything out.
• 4.
  You overhear your partner's phone conversation, and it's about you! "Well, I bet my partner is 'higher maintenance' than yours!" You:

  • A.
    Wait until you can speak to your partner alone, share what you heard, and ask if you can talk
  • B.
    Say nothing, because you're embarrassed and hurt.
  • C.
    Interrupt the conversation saying, "If you've got something to say to me, say it to my face."
  • D.
    Think to yourself, "Oh you haven't seen high maintenance yet! Just wait! I'll show you high maintenance!" - just to teach him/her a lesson.

Quiz Outcomes

• 1.
  Your communication coping style is . . . Passive

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  Individuals who use the passive communication style often act indifferently. They will give in to the wishes of others easily.“Where do you want to go with dinner” is often met with, “I don’t really care, you decide” - even if they really would love to go to that new Italian restaurant. Or“Why didn’t you take the laundry to the cleaners” would be answered with, “I didn’t realize it Tuesday” when in reality they were so busy at work they just didn’t have the time to go.Passive communicators usually fail to express their feelings or needs and allow others to decide many decisions for them. They will usually remain passive during arguments because they avoid conflict at all costs.Many times a passive communicator’s lack of outward communication can lead to misunderstanding, anger build-up, or resentment. PASSIVE CHARACTERISTICSLack of eye contactPoor body postureInability to say “no.” Can take on a Martyr complexVictim mentalityIndecisive
• 2.
  Your communication coping style is . . . Assertive

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  Thought to be the most effective form of communication, the assertive communication style features an open communication link while not being overbearing. Assertive communicators can express their own needs, desires, ideas, and feelings, while also considering the needs of others. Assertive communicators aim for both sides to win in a situation, balancing one’s rights with the rights of others.ASSERTIVE CHARACTERISTICSUnderstanding of another’s point of viewAsk questionsListensEmpathizesWaits for a turn to speakHas techniques to cool down during conflictCan see the bigger picture of an argument
• 3.
  Your communication coping style is . . . Passive Aggressive.

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  Passive-aggressive communication style users appear passive on the surface, but within he or she may feel powerless or stuck, building up a resentment that leads to seething or acting out in subtle, indirect, or secret ways.The passive-aggressive communication style brings both of those styles together for another form of ineffective communication. This style is used when people speak as if they don’t care about something (passive), but in a way that is indirectly angry (aggressive).Most passive-aggressive communicators will mutter to themselves rather than confront a person or issue. They have difficulty acknowledging their anger, use facial expressions that don’t correlate with how they feel, and even deny there is a problem.PASSIVE-AGRESSIVE CHARACTERISTICS mutter to themselves rather than confront the person or issue have difficulty acknowledging their anger use facial expressions that don't match how they feel - i.e., smiling when angry use sarcasm deny there is a problem appear cooperative while purposely doing things to annoy and disrupt use subtle sabotage to get even
• 4.
  Your communication coping style is . . . Aggressive.

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  It’s often apparent when someone communicates in an aggressive manner. You’ll hear it. You’ll see it. You may even feel it.The aggressive communication style is emphasized by speaking in a loud and demanding voice, maintaining intense eye contact, and dominating or controlling others by intimidating, criticizing, threatening, or attacking them.AGGRESSIVE CHARACTERISTICSIssue commandsPlace blameAsk questions rudelyFail to listen to othersCan be considered leadersCommand respect from those around themAbrasive personality