4.
Your Safety Strategy…the Trailblazer
You’re driven to show up in intimate groups bringing all of you, and you focus on deep connections and shared experiences. People often tell you how genuine you are and how they sense your incredible depth. You're known to cry hard during movies and in the Hallmark aisle, but you also can be tough as nails if required. You've got a whole lot of heart. You don't need much from those you love just the sense they have your back and you can trust them. You’re a wisdom seeker on a mission to make the world a better place. You try not to be "too" much. But you always seem to be disappointed by those around you. In your world, you’re the person that simply cannot be reassured enough that they are loved and cared for. “For the human soul is virtually indestructible, and its ability to rise from the ashes remains as long as the body draws breath” — Alice Miller✔️Safety Strategy Checklist: How to Get the Most Benefit From Your Healing InvestmentBefore the training, create a comfortable area for you to take in the training. Perhaps buy a new soy candle or a new soft blanket. Make sure the lightning is soft and you have total privacy. Have tissues and water nearby for you. Before the training, create an “aftercare” plan. Perhaps there is a friend that you find particularly comforting you can set up a call with, or you could arrange for someone to watch your children for you even just 30 more minutes after the training wraps up to give you some transition time. What do you find soothing? A bath, a hike, a massage? Set these up if you can. During the training if loud voices start to broad messages like “You’re too much,” “You didn’t have it that bad,” “You’re too broken,” or “You don’t belong here,” take a few moments to lean into these with curiosity and courage if possible. Recognize them as protective parts that are frozen in time and think you are a child. See if you can show up in Self-energy and calmly inform these parts that you are here and it is safe and you want to know what they are afraid of. See if they can soften back. During the training, if you feel a powerful drive to overshare with an equal drive to leave the training, just notice both of these drives with curiosity and courage. See if you can find a way of participating that honors both. Maybe share just one basic fact about yourself in the chat, like where you live or what you hope to get out of the training, and you set a 10 minute timer to stay on that long and check back in with your internal system before just logging off. After the training, notice if you have numbing or dissociating parts show up. If you have strong urges to use substances, have sex, scroll social media, self harm or binge eat, these are all very natural “firefighter” responses to participating in trauma recovery experiences, especially early in our recovery. Try to see if you can “trade down” the strategy. For example, can you binge eat popcorn instead of pizza? Can you watch a Netflix documentary instead of scrolling Instagram? Can you go for a walk instead of smoking or drinking? These small moves towards healthy coping are important for recovery. Why is my first concern your sense of safety? Let me share with you...1) You cannot take risks if you don’t feel safe — it’s all about finding your edge and moving through it. Choosing survivor-led trauma recovery spaces means you’re way more likely to be with other humans that understand the necessity of safety.2) Your protective parts will show up BIG if you push through them. Do you ever have a monstrous vulnerability hangover after you let people into your inner world? I did, too, until I understood my complex inner world of “protective parts.” Without befriending and working with these parts, you’ll experience disorienting backlash experiences like intense cravings for substances or dark depressive states — not on my watch!3) And you deserve reparative experiences. You have been through enough already: my job as your guide is to remove as many obstacles to healing as possible. Most trauma recovery offerings promise some level of healing, so you’re already more likely to experience restoration, but unseen forces can really block benefits if one is not paying close attention! Hi 👋 I’m Tanner from the Relational Healing Lab.I’m a trauma recovery guide. And I’m 100% committed to leading a survivor-led trauma recovery revolution. I take relational healing seriously. My small organization, the Relational Healing Lab (RHL), is creating a whole new world of trauma recovery. If you can’t find help that is actually making things better in your life, things are about to change! RHL offers all our trauma recovery programs virtually. So no matter where are in the world at the moment, I can guide your relational healing journey.I believe you can’t only rely on some outside expert to tell you what to do to heal your unresolved pain from childhood trauma. You are your own most powerful recovery coach. I'll equip you with the tools of scientific discovery to ensure your feet are firmly planted on the road to recovery — and that you end up creating the life you’ve always dreamed of.Now that you know your safety strategy, keep me updated on how your using it! Tag me (@drtannerwallace) in your IG posts and shares. I love learning from you ❤️
