QUIZ: How INTIMATE is your relationship? 

Quiz Questions

• 1.
  How would you describe the emotional connection between you and your partner?

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  • A.
    We both like to share our emotional lives with each other and we take it in turns to reveal vulnerabilities and deep feelings.
  • B.
    It's easy for us to talk about practicals and day to day tasks — BUT sharing emotions is really hard for us.
  • C.
    We can talk about emotions when we need to, but we are busy and don't tend to talk about emotions.
• 2.
  How often do you hug or touch during the week?

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  • A.
    We hug a couple of times a day – it's usually when one of us leaves or returns from home.
  • B.
    It's rare - either I have to ask for a hug or they do.
  • C.
    We love to hug! We regularly hug when we are cooking, or passing each other.
• 3.
  Do you still regularly kiss? (not just a peck on the cheek)

  • A.
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    Yes
  • B.
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    No
• 4.
  After a disagreement, how long does it take for you to reconcile with each other?

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  • A.
    Usually quickly, within hours.
  • B.
    It can take a couple of days for us to repair.
  • C.
    We don't really reconcile we move on and forget about it
• 5.
  When you argue - how do you try to resolve the issue?

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  • A.
    Our arguments are often and always the same and we tend to move on and don't really attempt to resolve an issue after a row.
  • B.
    We argue sometimes but we rarely explore the underlying issues.
  • C.
    We see our arguments as opportunities to learn about each other and grow.
• 6.
  How often do you tell your partner "I love you"?

  • A.
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    It's rare. I find it hard to say - and they never say it, so that makes it even harder.
  • B.
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    All the time. I say 'I love you' regularly when they are going out or just whenever I feel moved to.
  • C.
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    Sometimes. I say 'I love you' after receiving some support or a gift, or when I am especially moved.
• 7.
  A relationship therapist offers to answer one of your questions, so what do you ask? 

  • A.
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    'I'm struggling to find desire for my partner, how do I get it back?'
  • B.
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    'My partner wants me, and I'm concerned that I am turning them down so often they are starting to feel rejected - what can I do?'
  • C.
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    'We're stuck in a rut, how can we get some spice and fun back?'
  • D.
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    We're really enjoying our connection, how can we deepen even more?
• 8.
  What are you most interested in when it comes to intimacy?

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  • A.
    Preventing a break up? Ensuring that we overcome our intimacy struggles because we're such a good fit in other ways, but I fear this might break us up.
  • B.
    Keeping up the good work. Knowing what we can do keep creating even more intimacy to keep things fun and to enjoy a deeper connection.
  • C.
    Start to feel more intimate. Stop feeling like we are 'just good friends' / living like flatmates and start feeling like we are lovers.
• 9.
  How often do you share a meaningful or soulful experience with your partner? (such as watching a sunset or sunrise, seeing a great gig, visiting a special place)

  • A.
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    All the time. It's something we prioritise doing as often as we can.
  • B.
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    We used to share special experiences but life got in the way and we rarely do anymore.
  • C.
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    We spend some meaningful time together but it's been a while.

Quiz Outcomes

• 1.
  You're ...Ready to BUILD

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  Congratulations on completing the quiz! You're ready to BUILD more intimacy in your relationship.According to your results, you might need to slowly begin to introduce or reintroduce some ways to connect - either emotionally, physically, intellectually, spiritually - or all 4!And, I get that it can be a huge challenge. Maybe your partner finds intimacy really difficult, or you might. Our childhood experiences or past relationship losses or betrayals can make intimacy really hard. And, I'm here to help!“We are hurt in relationship and we heal in relationship" - Stan TatkinThree tips to introducing more intimacy..1. Understand Your CycleAll couples get into a dynamic with each other where old wounds get activated and it can be destructive. You feel stuck in a loop and it's hard to get out because when you're triggered - you can't patient or find a creative solution. Watch the replay of my Masterclass Intimate Relationships 101 to find out how to stop the cycle. LINK2. Say Goodbye / Say HelloWe can get a bit lazy and just shout up the stairs - I'm going out or I'm home. A simple tip to build more intimacy - is to pause and hug or make eye contact and have a more meaningful transition from leaving each other and meeting again.3. Listen and make space - Don't fix This is a classic. There is a conventional wisdom that male partners love to fix rather than listen. My experience is that all genders find it tempting to go into solution mode quickly. I also notice that many women (including myself!) want to respond fast, before their partner has had time to think and finish speaking. See what happens when you slow down and leave longer gaps."Hello - I'm Nicola Foster and I'm a brave, loving soul just like you"Hey there 👋 I’m Nicola, Relationship and Intimacy Therapist and founder of Real Relating. If you're feeling concerned or hopeful about the state of your union I'm here to help!Relationships can be heaven and they can be... well let's just say they can bring out our shadow .How do I know? Well, I’ve been there, too.Not long after my 30th birthday - my partner of 5 years went missing. As weeks and months passed I went through a rollercoaster of grief, anger, fear, loneliness and shame. He eventually came back after several months travelling the world.I went on to spend my thirties socialising and getting busy. I dated - and it was arduous and frustrating and rarely fun. I also chose some challenging relationships where I was carrying unprocessed anger, self-doubt and whole lot of fear of abandonment.BUT thankfully age 40 I found a relationship and sexuality teacher who helped me learn an enormous amount about relationships and intimacy.Over the next decade, I learned how to trust again and how to love with an open heart. I left my corporate job in sales and marketing and retrained as a Relationship and Psychosexual Therapist. Now I love to support couples and individuals who want to have the healthiest, happiest, sexiest relationships they can. My teaching brings together knowledge, tools and techniques from studying relationship, attachment and trauma for 10 years. I've been on a long journey learning how to inhabit my body, after years of being stuck in my head and growth through mindfulness and wisdom teachings and I incorporate mindfulness and embodiment in all my work.Not sure where to begin? Check out these ways..1. Follow me on Instagram! @realrelatingwithnicola I regularly post more tips like these, links to new blogs, upcoming workshops and share free resources. Maybe soon some reels - if can finally figure out how!2. Read this post on the blog. It's all about how to prevent relationship decline: https://www.realrelating.com/blog/preventativesteps3. Listen to an episode of the podcast. Intimacy Matters is my podcast featuring wisdom and insights from wonderful teachers and guides on all things Intimacy and Relationship.P.S. Expect to see me in your inbox with your step-by-step guide How to Uplevel Your Intimacy 🆙 🎉you can of course unsubscribe any time.
• 2.
  You're... Ready to GROW

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  Congratulations on completing the quiz! You're ready to GROW more intimacy in your relationship.According to your results, you already have some strong foundations in your relating and now it's time for you two to uplevel. Maybe there is one aspect of your intimate connection (emotionally, physical, intellectual, spiritual) that could benefit from some special attention? If combining intimacy and passion is a challenge and you are looking for some inspiration, I'm here to help!“I'm convinced that couples who openly confront the difficulties of combining intimacy and passion, are the ones most likely to thrive."Jack Morin, The Erotic Mind.Three tips to growing in intimacy..1. Learn how to give - and more importantly how to TAKE!Many couples go into lovemaking with the intention for it to be a shared experience with 'something for everyone'. I love using the practices in The Wheel of Consent for unblending actions and who they are for - and getting really clear about who is giving and who is receiving. One way to give is to allow your partner to take. One simple form of taking is touching your body for their pleasure with your consent.2. Extended huggingWe can get a bit habitual in our hugs. Ask your partner to try staying in a longer hug than usual and a make a little eye contact. Take some deep breaths, relax and notice your heartbeat and their heartbeat. This can be co-regulating for both your nervous systems.3. Plan a lovers dateIf you usually go for a meal or to a movie for a date, suggest a date with the opportunity to share something special and meaningful. Is there a place of natural beauty where you'd like to spend quiet time together without too many words, or an activity that might be enriching like visiting a gallery or seeing a musician perform whose music brings you joy."Hello - I'm Nicola Foster and I'm a brave, loving soul just like you"Hey there 👋 I’m Nicola, Relationship and Intimacy Therapist and founder of Real Relating. If you're feeling concerned or hopeful about the state of your union I'm here to help!Relationships can be heaven and they can be...Well let's just say they can bring out our shadow .How do I know? Well, I’ve been there, too.Not long after my 30th birthday - my partner of 5 years went missing. As weeks and months passed I went through a rollercoaster of grief, anger, fear, loneliness and shame. He eventually came back after several months travelling the world.I went on to spend my thirties socialising and getting busy. I dated - and it was arduous and frustrating and rarely fun. I also chose some challenging relationships where I was carrying unprocessed anger, self-doubt and whole lot of fear of abandonment.BUT thankfully age 40 I found a relationship and sexuality teacher who helped me learn an enormous amount about relationships and intimacy.Over the next decade, I learned how to trust again and how to love with an open heart. I left my corporate job in sales and marketing and retrained as a Relationship and Psychosexual Therapist. Now I love to support couples and individuals who want to have the healthiest, happiest, sexiest relationships they can. My teaching brings together knowledge, tools and techniques from studying relationship, attachment and trauma for over 10 years. I've been on a long journey learning how to inhabit my body, after years of being stuck in my head. I incorporate mindfulness and embodiment in all my work.Not sure where to begin? Check out these ways..1. Follow me on Instagram! @realrelatingwithnicola I regularly post more tips like these, links to new blogs, upcoming workshops and share free resources. Maybe soon some reels - if can finally figure out how!2. Read this post on the blog. It's all about how The Wheel of Consent which is a cornerstone of my work : https://www.realrelating.com/blog/the-wheel-of-consent-and-why-i-love-working-with-it3. Listen to an episode of the podcast. Intimacy Matters is my podcast featuring wisdom and insights from wonderful teachers and guides on all things Intimacy and Relationship.P.S. Expect to see me in your inbox with your step-by-step guide How to Uplevel Your Intimacy 🆙 🎉you can of course unsubscribe any time.
• 3.
  You're... Ready to DEEPEN

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  Congratulations on completing the quiz! You're ready to DEEPEN more intimacy in your relationship.According to your results, you are rocking your intimate relationship. Congratulations! I know how much personal and shared work it's taken you to get there.Is there one aspect of your intimate connection (emotionally, physical, intellectual, spiritual) that you would love to take to an even DEEPER level?If you want to relate even more consciously and with even more passion, I'd be privileged to walk alongside you.I'm fascinated by what makes for truly deep and inspiring intimate relationships and I would love to stay connected with you to keep learning together.“The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our souls and brings peace to our minds.”- Nicholas SparksThree tips to deepen intimacy...1. See Your Relationship As Your GuideSeeing your relationship as a place you can lean into for individual growth is a beautiful practice. When you shift perspective away from the two of you and onto what is happening for the body of the love between you, then patterns, synchronicities and symmetries are revealed in a new light. I teach couples a practice called the Body of Our Love - from Anne Geraghty's book 'How Loving Relationships Work'.2. Share your love as inspirationLove like yours is precious and rare. How can you offer inspiration and guidance to the next generation on how to make a relationship successful?3. Explore slower lovemakingIf your love making has become a little predictable, a beautiful practice is the art of slower sex. It's easy to see sex as a task, or to start with some kind of goal. A deepening practice is the practice of relaxing into sexuality as an expression of your deep care and heart connection. No where to get, nothing to achieve - more an open curiosity about the changing sensations and energies. I teach more about this in my program. This way of making love is perfect for couples where aging bodies mean the old ways of doing things are no longer available."Hello - I'm Nicola Foster and I'm a brave, loving soul just like you"Hey there 👋 I’m Nicola, Relationship and Intimacy Therapist and founder of Real Relating. If you're feeling concerned or hopeful about the state of your union I'm here to help!Relationships can be heaven and they can be...Well let's just say they can bring out our shadow .How do I know? Well, I’ve been there, too.Not long after my 30th birthday - my partner of 5 years went missing. As weeks and months passed I went through a rollercoaster of grief, anger, fear, loneliness and shame. He eventually came back after several months travelling the world.I went on to spend my thirties socialising and getting busy. I dated - and it was arduous and frustrating and rarely fun. I also chose some challenging relationships where I was carrying unprocessed anger, self-doubt and whole lot of fear of abandonment.BUT thankfully age 40 I found a relationship and sexuality teacher who helped me learn an enormous amount about relationships and intimacy.Over the next decade, I learned how to trust again and how to love with an open heart. I left my corporate job in sales and marketing and retrained as a Relationship and Psychosexual Therapist. Now I love to support couples and individuals who want to have the healthiest, happiest, sexiest relationships they can. My teaching brings together knowledge, tools and techniques from studying relationship, attachment and trauma for over 10 years. I've been on a long journey of learning how to inhabit my body, after years of being stuck in my head. I now incorporate mindfulness and embodiment practices through all of my work.Not sure where to begin? Check out these ways..1. Follow me on Instagram! @realrelatingwithnicola I regularly post more tips like these, links to new blogs, upcoming workshops and share free resources. Maybe soon some reels - if can finally figure out how!2. Read this post on the blog. It's all about how The Wheel of Consent which is a cornerstone of my work : https://www.realrelating.com/blog/the-wheel-of-consent-and-why-i-love-working-with-it3. Listen to an episode of the podcast. Intimacy Matters is my podcast featuring wisdom and insights from wonderful teachers and guides on all things Intimacy and Relationship.P.S. Expect to see me in your inbox with your step-by-step guide How to Uplevel Your Intimacy 🆙 🎉you can of course unsubscribe any time.