2.
You are a "Standard - Relational Processor"
Congrats, friend – by completing the "Designed2bMine Personality Inventory", you've made a big step towards building healthy relationships 🙌Based on your responses, you are a "Standard - Relational Processor." So what does that actually mean? Your answers to the questions demonstrate that you reflect God as He is revealed in the Old Testament in how you think, interpret, and process well, just about everything. However, you also have greater relational skills than Standard Processors. Here's a description of the Standard-Relational Processor:Standards:God is a law-giver and sets high standards for us. And what is that standard? Perfection. This aspect of God is one that you likely hold close to your heart. When you look at projects or performance, you likely expect perfection (or near perfection) from yourself and others. Your standards are fairly high, and you likely desire yourself and others to meet them. However, your approach towards others who miss the mark is often filled with a measure of grace (more so than a Standard Processor). You are likely respected at work for your accomplishments and projects, as your attention to detail is admirable.Right & Wrong:The law-giving God defines what is right and wrong. Similarly, you see things more as black and white. Right and wrong. While emotions are irrelevant to the Standard Processor, they are taken into consideration more by you. You likely want to be right and may struggle to admit any wrong or seek forgiveness, but you are likely to get there for the relationship's sake. Processes & Procedures:Our God is a God of Order. He carefully and thoughtfully planned out creation and His story throughout time. You reflect the part of God that focuses on planning, processes, and procedures - and it's likely your roles in your employment or at home reflect the importance of this. There's a "right way" to do even the little things, and chances are, you've let others know the "right way," too. You are organized in certain areas of your life. You are also more likely to be more flexible on the processes and procedures than the Standard Processor - especially if it keeps peace in the relationship.Concrete v. Abstract Thinking:Our God created the physical world and our 5 senses to experience it. You tend to focus more on things that are seen, heard, touched, smelled, or tasted. This makes you somewhat more literal and logical. Facts, figures, fixes, and physical objects are typically your focus. While you may pay more attention to people's physical actions, the reasonings behind the actions (abstract) are also considered. For some, abstract philosophies may also be interesting, but only through a logical lens. You are generally more open to understanding emotions than the Standard Processor.Faith:Truth. Justice. Holiness. Obedience. These are likely important values when expressing faith. Grace may be a difficult concept to grasp, but there is likely some understanding of it. You may tend to be critical of other Christians and yourself at first glance, but may work hard to avoid the legalism trap to apply grace. But for mature and humble believers, loyalty to God's Truth and a measure of God's Grace can be good for the church.Weakness Areas:You may struggle in relationships if you lack empathy and understanding of emotions. Additionally, loved ones may feel as though they can't measure up to your standards if they feel that you are judging or criticizing them (and you may be!). Yet that measure of grace inside of you likely keeps relationships moving forward and closer. If you are too hard on yourself, it may lead to depression. If you struggle too hard to measure up to your standard, it may lead to anxiety. If you overreact to someone pointing out your faults, you may be insecure. If pride reigns and you demand people follow certain standards, relationships will struggle.3 tips for building and keeping healthy relationships...1) Don't be "right," be humbleWe all want to be right. We even joke that we'll write it on the calendar when our spouses admit it. But in the quest to be right, we can be dead wrong. In the quest to be right, we often can't admit we're wrong. Relationships aren't always about who wins arguments or who's right. It's about having a humble heart to do what is right for the relationship and in the eyes of God. Relationships will win only with humble hearts."I used to think that if I was on the side of RIGHT, then I was on God's side, and thus I had a clear conscience. But, now I see that Jesus brought GRACE and relationship, and I need to as well." - Book Review of The Black & White Thinking Christian2) Focus on feelings before factsRelationships get stuck when communication doesn't go deep. Standard - Relational Processors tend to focus more on facts and fixes, but less so than Standard Processors alone. Emotions may be overlooked and others may feel devalued when their hearts are unheard. Before talking about facts and fixes, make sure you understand emotions and heart desires first. In other words, make sure getting to the heart (desires, fears, feelings) is your first priority. Do your best to understand emotions without dismissing them BEFORE talking about any facts or fixes. Others need to know you value their hearts and are not simply trying to fix them.3) Understand & Apply Grace BetterThe common definition for Grace is "unmerited favor." While you tend to focus on actions and measuring them to a standard, let your response be one of "unmerited favor." Regardless of what someone else does, show them you favor them regardless. Give them the benefit of the doubt without trying to criticize them or change them. There may be a time for correction, however, but let these times be in love and only after favor is shown.Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.” Jn 8:10-11 Want to know more? Let me introduce myself...Hey there, and welcome – My name is Fred Jacoby and I am the Founder of Foundations Christian Counseling Services. I'm also the author of The Black & White Thinking Christian, a husband for 30 years, and a father of 2 young men. I'm here to help you grow closer to your spouse and towards God. I've created the Designed2bMine Personality Inventory to better help us understand how we reflect God, how we can improve in our relationships, and to pave a pathway towards becoming more like Christ.Looking for a little extra guidance? Check out these 3 resources1) Purchase my book, The Black & White Thinking Christian. This book is my first work that seemed to hit home with a lot of black & white thinking Christians. Used as a study, it's also helped a number of couples as well!2) Take my Online Marriage Course - Designed2bMine. If you need some marriage help and want an affordable option, take my online marriage course at www.designed2bmine.com. This is a 5-week Course to restore and refresh your Christian Marriage.3) Follow me online. You can find me at www.fredjacoby.com or follow my author page on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/fredkjacoby 🙌CLICK BELOW TO LEARN MORE ABOUT DESIGNED2bMINE MARRIAGE COURSE!