How Do You Show Up In Your Relationship?

Quiz Questions

• 1.
  I often wish my partner was more self-sufficient like me.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 2.
  When my partner is in distress, I want to solve and fix the problem to get done with it.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 3.
  I have more faith in logic than in feelings.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 4.
  It's easier for me to think things through and fix, than to express myself emotionally.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 5.
  When in conflict, I just want to move forward and not discuss the past.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 6.
  I consider myself low-maintenance.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 7.
  I tend to be averse to dependency and neediness.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 8.
  My partner often thinks I "forget about them." However, my partner is always on my mind.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 9.
  The main issue in our relationship is that my partner complains about the relationship. 

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 10.
  I tend to avoid confrontation even when I know it's needed.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 11.
  After a fight, it's easy for me to "take space" for a long period of time – much longer than my partner seems to be comfortable with.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 12.
  It's sometimes difficult for me to transition from being alone or at work, to interacting with my partner. 

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 13.
  I sometimes fear that I can't live up to my partner's expectations.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 14.
  I tend to prioritize work or hobbies rather than interaction with my partner. Or, my partner has brought this to my attention even if I don't agree.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 15.
  My partner tends to confuse the time it takes me to respond as not caring. It's not that I don't care, I am thinking of what best to say.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 16.
  I often wish my partner cared about the relationship as much as I do.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 17.
  When my partner is in distress (not because of us), I feel that I'm really good at helping and being attuned to them.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 18.
  I have more faith in my feelings and intuition than I do in logic.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 19.
  I'm often quick to express myself emotionally, and I tend to think out loud.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 20.
  When in conflict, it's difficult for me to "just move on." Often, I feel we haven't really resolved the issue yet. 

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 21.
  I consider myself good at taking care of others.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 22.
  I'm happiest when my partner is around, or when I'm around other people.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 23.
  A common worry of mine is that my partner doesn't want the same connection as me.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 24.
  If I reflect, it can be difficult to transition from being with my partner to being alone.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 25.
  My partner may think that I enjoy confrontation. I don't, I just want to work things out.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 26.
  After conflict, I don't want to be left alone and it can be difficult if my partner takes space indefinitely.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 27.
  I often fear my partner will leave me.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 28.
  When things are going well with my partner, there's a part of me that feels it won't last.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 29.
  I feel like I do more for connection in the relationship than my partner does.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 30.
  At times, my partner may not realize that my expressiveness comes from a place of love.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 31.
  It's easy for me to transition from being alone to being with my partner and vice versa.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 32.
  I don't fear I'll eventually lose my autonomy if I keep "compromising."

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 33.
  I don't worry much about my partner leaving the relationship.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 34.
  I make most of my decisions with the question, "Is this good for me as well as the relationship?"

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 35.
  I trust feelings and logic equally.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 36.
  I'm aware of my wants and needs and I feel I can go after them.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 37.
  I know it's possible to completely trust and rely on someone else, no strings attached.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 38.
  I consider myself good at conflict and it's easy for me to initiate repair after a fight.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 39.
  I'm good with receiving constructive feedback from my partner non-defensively.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 40.
  Shortly after a fight, I'm able to understand my partner's point of view even if I don't agree with it.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 41.
  It's easy for me to say "NO" to things I don't want and need in the relationship.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 42.
  I'm usually open to being affectionate with my partner.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 43.
  It's easy for me to express my feelings with my partner.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 44.
  I know my partner is trying their best, and they rarely intentionally try to upset me.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No
• 45.
  I know the relationship can handle and support me being me.

  • A.
    Yes
  • B.
    No

Quiz Outcomes

• 1.
  "The Island"

  Image Source

  Please note: This quiz is based off of attachment theory. Our upbringing and the person we're in a relationship with affect our relationship style. Because of many factors, if we scored highest in this category, we can think of ourselves as "Island-ish." Island Strengths:IndependentSelf-reliantProductive and creative – especially if given space.Common relational stumbling blocks for islands:Your reflex for space and withdrawal can lead to your partner's anxiety. Your partner may assume or ask: "I must not be a priority." "Do you want to be around me?""Am I too much for them?"Another may be not taping into the benefits of sharing feelings and vulnerabilities, as well as embracing and sharing your wants and needs.
• 2.
  "The Wave"

  Image Source

  Please note: This quiz is based off of attachment theory. Our upbringing and the person we're in a relationship with affect our relationship style. Because of many factors, if we scored highest in this category, we can think of ourselves as "Wave-ish." Wave Strengths:GivingGenerousEmpathetic to othersCommon relational stumbling blocks for waves:When there's anxiety or uncertainty around connection, you may have an unhealthy preoccupation with your partner, or "bomb" them with your need to connect – which usually leaves you with the opposite of what you've hoped for.When giving feedback to your partner (when your partner is open to listen), you may speak for awhile (think out loud) and share more than one thing at a time. This makes is so your partner may be unable to respond to your specific need.
• 3.
  "The Anchor"

  Image Source

  Anchor Strengths:Able to see both sidesEqually OK with connection and autonomyKnows the inherent benefits of connection and intimacyWorks for "win-wins" in disagreementsCan listen to feedback without getting defensive (most of the time)We can all be Anchors when in our centered, adult state-of-mind. However, when we're stressed or disconnected, we may revert to "Island" or "Wave" templates.