What's killing your joy?

Image Source

Quiz Questions

1.
Which of these was common to hear in your family growing up?
- A.
  "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right."
- B.
  "When in doubt, it's best to play it safe."
- C.
  "There's no such thing as a free lunch."
- D.
  "Some people have all the luck."
- E.
  "What will people think?"
- F.
  "Don't get your hopes up."
- G.
  "Too much of a good thing is no good at all."
2.
Which of these compliments are you most likely to receive?
- A.
  “You always look so put together.”
- B.
  “You have a knack for finding special things that are totally unique.”
- C.
  “You make such smart choices. You never take stupid risks.”
- D.
  “You have such amazing self-control! How do you always manage to resist going overboard?”
- E.
  “You always know what’s cool right now.”
- F.
  “You’re so resilient. Life never seems to get you down.”
- G.
  “Your work ethic is off the charts.”
3.
What's a profession you secretly think you might be good at?
- A.
  Client management — you've mastered the art of underpromise, overdeliver
- B.
  A bouncer at a club — leave it to you to know who’s in and who’s out
- C.
  An actuary — you have a talent for thinking up anything and everything that could go wrong
- D.
  Quality control specialist — you can spot a tiny flaw a mile away
- E.
  Rare coin collector — you know something one-of-a-kind when you see it
- F.
  Wedding planner — you know how to be invisible while keeping the whole show running smoothly
- G.
  A solopreneur — you’re the toughest boss you'll ever have
4.
You hate to admit it, but which of these is your toxic trait?
- A.
  Overindulging — and then beating yourself up about it later
- B.
  Nitpicking — it's not your fault you have an eye for detail
- C.
  Gossiping about other people
- D.
  Being a little boring (can you help it if you just love vanilla?)
- E.
  Being a workaholic
- F.
  Being a wet blanket (you prefer “realist” thank you very much)
- G.
  Schadenfreude — sometimes it’s a relief to see that people who seem to have it all struggle too
5.
It’s 9pm and you’re curled up on the sofa scrolling your phone. Which of these are you most likely to be doing?
- A.
  Texting a friend to decline an invite for the weekend — you have too many chores to do
- B.
  Spending FOREVER editing photos and re-writing captions — your feed is curated
- C.
  Browsing job listings (without applying to any) while you daydream about something new
- D.
  Abandoning your shopping cart because even though you love that shirt, it isn’t exactly “on trend”
- E.
  Scrolling through Instagram, feeling jealous of your friends’ filtered “perfection”
- F.
  Hesitating to put an event in your calendar, because what if plans change?
- G.
  Opening a bunch of browser tabs researching a vacation, but closing them all because nothing is ever *quite right*
6.
You know you seem well-adjusted (most of the time at least!) but on the inside you occasionally worry that:
- A.
  If you let loose and really enjoyed yourself, you’d end up doing something embarrassing.
- B.
  Other people are going to achieve their dreams, and it’s never going to happen for you.
- C.
  If you took a break from work and really let yourself rest, you’d discover you’re totally lazy and your life would fall apart.
- D.
  You’re one mistake away from losing everything you have.
- E.
  You’re a failure. You’ll just never quite measure up.
- F.
  If people saw you as you really are, they wouldn’t like you.
- G.
  You’re a scaredy cat. You can imagine a better life, but you’re too much of a coward to go after what you want.
7.
You just won the lottery! What's your first step?
- A.
  Research every possible investment and charity. This is a golden opportunity and you don’t want to mess it up.
- B.
  Save it all. You never know what’s going to happen next.
- C.
  Put into a trust so you can only access a little at a time. You don’t want to end up going overboard.
- D.
  Talk to friends and family to get advice on what to do with it.
- E.
  Well, you’re definitely not quitting your job. But you might treat yourself to a nice massage on the weekend.
- F.
  Buy something super-rare and then take a selfie with it. Let people wonder how you could afford it.
- G.
  Nothing too crazy. The safest move is to change as little as possible.

Quiz Outcomes

1.
The Inner Critic
aka The Fear of JudgmentAh, that judgy voice inside your head. The Inner Critic tells you that the things that bring you joy are silly, weird, or pathetic. It thinks it's being helpful by protecting you from the sting of other people's judgments, but instead it makes you second guess yourself and suppress your joy to gain the approval of others. It leaves you questioning everything: what you want, what you like, who you want to be.Break free from your Inner CriticThough the Inner Critic sounds mean and imposing, like all killjoys, it's rooted in fear. The Inner Critic often begins with the voices of people you love trying to protect you from rejection or hurt, but over time gets internalized. The first step to breaking free from the Inner Critic is to recognize it is trying to keep you safe. Thank it for looking after you, but let it know you’ve got it from here.The next time the Inner Critic comes around, repeat after me:"My joy is more important than their judgment." There are always going to be judgmental people. Your job is to remind your Inner Critic that the vibrant, joyful life you want is so much more important than what a few naysayers think. What would you do if your Inner Critic wasn't standing in your way?Would you change careers? Take a dream trip by yourself? Wear that supposedly "unflattering" orange dress that actually makes you feel fabulous?The difference between dreaming about your best life and actually living it often comes down to one thing: fear.When you understand your fear and where it comes from, you can begin to resolve the inner conflict that holds you back from joy.Release your fears. Find more joy.This month, I’m teaching a live workshop that will help you do just that. You'll learn strategies for quieting your killjoys (take that, Inner Critic!) so you can bravely begin crafting the big, bold life you deserve.
2.
The Taskmaster
aka The Fear that You're UnworthyThe Taskmaster is the part of you that secretly believes that you don't really deserve joy. It tells you that you have to work harder or be "better" in order to be worthy of joy, but (spoiler alert) you never feel productive enough or "good" enough to actually deserve it.Break free from your TaskmasterLike all killjoys, the Taskmaster is rooted in fear. This one is common in achievement-oriented families and cultures, where success equals attention, approval, and even survival.The first step to breaking free from the Taskmaster is to recognize it is trying to keep you safe. Thank it for looking after you, but let it know you’ve got it from here.The next time the Taskmaster comes around, repeat after me:"I don’t need to do anything to be worthy of joy."The Taskmaster gets its power from the mistaken belief that joy is something we have to earn, not something that's integral to our thriving as human beings. To ease the Taskmaster’s grip, you need to disentangle your work from your worth. Remind yourself that you deserve joy, just as you are.What would you do if your Taskmaster wasn't standing in your way?Would you take a real vacation? Have an actual hobby? Be able to be truly present with your family? The difference between dreaming about your best life and actually living it often comes down to one thing: fear.When you understand your fear and where it comes from, you can begin to resolve the inner conflict that holds you back from joy.Release your fears. Find more joy.This month, I’m teaching a live workshop that will help you do just that. You'll learn strategies for quieting your killjoys (take that, Taskmaster!) so you can bravely begin crafting the big, bold life you deserve.
3.
The Green-Eyed Monster
aka The Fear There Isn't Enough to Go AroundThe Green-eyed Monster spends a lot of time thinking about other people's joy. A manifestation of the scarcity mindset, it believes that joy is finite and that if other people are experiencing it, that means there's less for you.Break free from your Green-eyed MonsterThough the Green-eyed Monster’s default mode is jealousy, like all killjoys, it's actually rooted in fear — specifically, the fear that there’s a limited supply of good fortune in the world, and you’ve got to fight for every scrap you can get. The first step to breaking free from the Green-eyed Monster is to recognize it is trying to keep you safe. Thank it for looking after you, but let it know you’ve got it from here.The next time the Green-eyed Monster comes around, repeat after me:"There are many different paths to joy. I can make my own."The Green-eyed Monster traffics in scarcity, always tabulating who gets what and worrying about what might be left. Use this script to adopt an abundance mindset, and remind yourself that joy isn't a zero-sum game.What would you do if the Green-eyed Monster wasn't standing in your way?Would you write the book you’ve been dreaming about? Decorate your home your way? Fall in love with your own beautiful, yet imperfect life? The difference between dreaming about your best life and actually living it often comes down to one thing: fear.When you understand your fear and where it comes from, you can begin to resolve the inner conflict that holds you back from joy.Release your fears. Find more joy.This month, I’m teaching a live workshop that will help you do just that. You'll learn strategies for quieting your killjoys (take that, Green-eyed Monster!) so you can bravely begin crafting the big, bold life you deserve.
4.
The Protective Pessimist
aka The Fear of Loss"Well, it'll probably rain," says the Protective Pessimist, as soon as you book your tickets for the Bon Jovi reunion tour. This killjoy thinks it's look- ing out for you by keeping you from getting your hopes up so you won't be disappointed if things don't go your way. But in the process, it keeps you forever waiting for the other shoe to drop, holding yourself back from being fully immersed in joy.Break free from your Protective PessimistLike all killjoys, the Protective Pessimist is rooted in fear. It’s certain that disappointment is the worst thing that could ever happen to you, and it’s determined to make sure you never feel it. The first step to breaking free from the Protective Pessimist is to recognize it is trying to keep you safe. Thank it for looking after you, but let it know you’ve got it from here.The next time the Protective Pessimist comes around, repeat after me:"What if my best-case scenario comes true?"The Protective Pessimist’s relentless focus on what could go wrong has a dangerous side effect: it narrows your mindset and shrinks your world. To open yourself back up to possibility and give equal weight to your hopes and dreams, allow yourself to imagine what could happen if things go right.What would you do if your Protective Pessimist wasn't standing in your way?Would you ask your crush out on a date? Apply for a long-shot grant? Commit to making calls for a cause you care about?The difference between dreaming about your best life and actually living it often comes down to one thing: fear.When you understand your fear and where it comes from, you can begin to resolve the inner conflict that holds you back from joy.Release your fears. Find more joy.This month, I’m teaching a live workshop that will help you do just that. You'll learn strategies for quieting your killjoys (take that, Protective Pessimist!) so you can bravely begin crafting the big, bold life you deserve.
5.
The Control Freak
aka The Fear of Losing ControlThe Control Freak is pretty sure that it's the one thing standing between you and total humiliation. It thinks that if you get caught up in a moment of joy, you'll let down your guard, and might forget to keep those awkward or uncool parts of yourself under wraps. In the process, it keeps you so self-conscious that it's impossible to fully enjoy yourself. Like a gatekeeper for pleasure, the Control Freak keeps you standing guard, preventing you from being truly immersed in the moment.Break free from your Control FreakLike all killjoys, the Control Freak is rooted in fear — the fear that if you don’t have complete control at all times, you might let people see the real you, and then the little voice inside that worries that you’re somehow unlovable might just be proven right. The first step to breaking free from the Control Freak is to recognize it is trying to keep you safe. Thank it for looking after you, but let it know you’ve got it from here.The next time the Control Freak comes around, repeat after me:"My joyful self is my true self."Feeling joy with full abandon means being willing to let others see you in ways you don't control. (Making love! Dancing! Laughing so hard you snort!) To soothe the Control Freak, remind it that joy brings out your authentic nature, and that the true you is beautiful. What would you do if your Control Freak wasn't standing in your way?Would you be the first one on the dance floor? Order the ice cream instead of the sorbet? Sing somewhere other than the shower? The difference between dreaming about your best life and actually living it often comes down to one thing: fear.When you understand your fear and where it comes from, you can begin to resolve the inner conflict that holds you back from joy.Release your fears. Find more joy.This month, I’m teaching a live workshop that will help you do just that. You'll learn strategies for quieting your killjoys (take that, Control Freak!) so you can bravely begin crafting the big, bold life you deserve.
6.
The Perfectionist
aka The Fear of FailureThe Perfectionist wants the very best for you — and only the very best. It believes that the only things that are worth doing are the ones that we do to perfection, and its definition of perfection has a lot to do with how things appear to other people. The Perfectionist is an all-or-nothing kind of creature. Either it makes you exhaust yourself obsessing over details that have no relationship to your actual joy, or you don't even try, because with such impossibly high standards, you’re practically sure to fail.Break free from the PerfectionistLike all killjoys, the Perfectionist is rooted in fear — in this case, being seen as a failure. If you were raised in a household where achievements were taken as a measure of value, you might be particularly vulnerable to this killjoy. The first step to breaking free from the Perfectionist is to recognize it is trying to keep you safe. Thank it for looking after you, but let it know you’ve got it from here.The next time the Perfectionist comes around, repeat after me:"Perfect doesn't exist, but joy is available right now."When working with the Perfectionist, it’s important to reframe the goal. Since perfection is not attainable (who defines perfect, anyway?), striving to achieve it often means that joy gets lost in the shuffle. Instead, remind yourself that joy is more realistic — and more fun — objective.What would you do if your Perfectionist wasn't standing in your way?Would you throw a dinner party (and actually enjoy it)? Share pictures on social media without editing every little flaw? Finally write that novel? The difference between dreaming about your best life and actually living it often comes down to one thing: fear.When you understand your fear and where it comes from, you can begin to resolve the inner conflict that holds you back from joy.Release your fears. Find more joy.This month, I’m teaching a live workshop that will help you do just that. You'll learn strategies for quieting your killjoys (take that, Perfectionist!) so you can bravely begin crafting the big, bold life you deserve.
7.
The Nervous Nellie
aka The Fear of the UnknownThe Nervous Nellie doesn't get out much — out of its comfort zone, that is. When Nellie pipes up, it's like looking at one of those old maps that have the words "Here Be Dragons" written all over it. This killjoy wants to keep you from being let down, and that means avoiding anything different, unconventional, or new. But by keeping you in you comfort zone, Nervous Nellie deprives you of joyful new experiences, squashes your creativity, and steals your confidence to go after what truly brings you to life.Break free from your Nervous NellieLike all killjoys, Nervous Nellie is rooted in fear — the fear of the unknown. Whenever you have a desire to try something different, Nellie pipes up “play it safe” and warns you of everything that could go wrong if you take a risk. The first step to breaking free from the Nervous Nellie is to recognize it is trying to keep you safe. Thank it for looking after you, but let it know you’ve got it from here.The next time the Nervous Nellie comes around, repeat after me:"Even if it doesn’t work out, I’ll learn something that will bring me closer to joy."One of the most powerful ways we learn what brings us joy is by trying things that don't work out. Trying new things helps us trust our own intuition and resilience. To help Nervous Nellie feel a little less, well, nervous, try building your tolerance for change slowly, and taking an experimental mindset.What would you do if your Nervous Nellie wasn't standing in your way?Would you get out of that job that’s never felt like a fit? Change your hair? Take a vacation somewhere exciting and new? The difference between dreaming about your best life and actually living it often comes down to one thing: fear.When you understand your fear and where it comes from, you can begin to resolve the inner conflict that holds you back from joy.Release your fears. Find more joy.This month, I’m teaching a live workshop that will help you do just that. You'll learn strategies for quieting your killjoys (take that, Nervous Nellie!) so you can bravely begin crafting the big, bold life you deserve.

What's killing your joy?

Take this 3-minute quiz to find out exactly what's holding you back from finding joy in your life. Plus: get a personalized script you can use to take back your joy right now.

Quiz Questions

Quiz Outcomes