Which role are you playing in your relationships?

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Quiz Questions

1.
Your partner (who isn't a planner) asks you to change your massage appointment that you've been looking forward to for weeks so they can do something they enjoy. What do you do?
- A.
  
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  I feel anxious because I want to say no, I've waited weeks, but don't want to disappoint my partner so I say "Okay".
- B.
  
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  I feel frustrated but I know how they are...they don't plan ahead so here I go again giving up my needs.
- C.
  
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  I feel okay saying no that I can't cancel my appointment. Hopefully, they'll plan better next time.
2.
Which of these best describe you and the idea of conflict?

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- A.
  
  I don't like conflict but I know they happen, so I'll speak up about what's bothering me.
- B.
  
  I hate conflict and do everything in my power to avoid it, even if I am hurt in the process.
- C.
  
  I don't like conflict but what can I do...they're not changing, so what's the point?
3.
When you hear BOUNDARIES, what do you think

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- A.
  
  Oh noooo, I'm horrible at boundaries.
- B.
  
  I can set boundaries, but it feels almost impossible to uphold them.
- C.
  
  I'm getting better than I use to be at setting boundaries.
4.
How would you describe your communication style?
- A.
  
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  I struggle to speak up for my needs especially when it can effect others.
- B.
  
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  I speak up for what I need and want. If I don't who will?
- C.
  
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  I often stuff and stack my feelings. So, when I do talk it comes out angry or passive aggressively.
5.
How often do you talk about your emotional intimacy in your relationship?

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- A.
  
  Emotional intimacy? I didn't know that was a thing!
- B.
  
  I need emotional intimacy and have talked with my partner about it, but the relationship isn't getting better.
- C.
  
  I know I need emotional intimacy with my partner, so I feel more physically connected with them (especially with sex), so I tell them what I need.
6.
Which best describes you in relationships?

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- A.
  
  I'm a caretaker and people-pleaser.
- B.
  
  I'm constantly second-guessing myself and often feel anxious.
- C.
  
  I've made changes in how I show up in relationships.
7.
The best way to describe my current view of sex...
- A.
  
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  Just thinking about it makes me feel anxious especially talking about it.
- B.
  
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  I know my needs, wants, and desires when it comes to my sexual self.
- C.
  
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  It feels like a chore or something I need to check off on my to-do list.
8.
You get into an argument, and the other person wants to fix it now, but you need some time to process it, what do you do?

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- A.
  
  I tell them I need time to think about how I feel and that we can talk later. I ask for space so I don't make things worse or say something I'll regret.
- B.
  
  I feel uncomfortable and a little panicked. I say whatever they want to hear or shut down, so the argument (and feelings) pass.
- C.
  
  I'm frustrated because I've told them many times I need time to think before responding but, no matter what I need, they want things resolved on their timetable, not mine. I feel angry and resentful towards them.
9.
On a scale from 1 — 10, how happy and content would you say you are in your relationships?

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- A.
  
  3 — I have a lot of needs, and none of them have been fulfilled lately! I wouldn’t say I’m miserable, but I could use something, or someone, to liven things up!
- B.
  
  7 — I’m working to get established where I want to be in life, and have a few things I need to work on within myself that affect my relationships.
- C.
  
  12 — I love my life just the way it is! I get to do what I want when I want, while also keeping in my other people's needs, but prioritizing my own!

Quiz Outcomes

1.

Your Quiz Results are in...

You're current relationship role is a...Anxious AvoiderIf your quiz results came as a ANXIOUS AVOIDER, chances are you're not getting your needs met in your relationships, despite how hard you work to communicate. Or perhaps you are getting some of your needs met, but it's NOT ENOUGH to make you feel fullfilled. And chances are when things are going well in your relationships, you still feel anxious, uncertain, and worried about what bad thing will happen next. Right now, you may feel overwhelmed and not have time to think about yourself because you're busy taking care of everyone else's needs. They are more important. Does this sound like you?The ANXIOUS AVOIDER is constantly overwhelmed, anxious, and avoidant of taking care of their needs in their relationships. They care more about what others will think or say if they do what's best for them.Here are a few areas that a ANXIOUS AVOIDER struggles in:❤️ Self-Care: There is little to NO TIME in place to care for your needs. You're busy taking care of everyone else around you because that's what you're "supposed to do". Even though you care about them, it's easy to feel frustrated and overwhelmed because you're doing it yourself. 🙅‍♀️ Boundaries:Just the idea of saying "no" causes you to feel anxious. You may even say, "I can't say no to them." You end up saying "yes" when you want to say "no" because you don't want them to be upset, think negatively about you, or dislike you. The idea of creating boundaries feels overwhelming, so it's easier to avoid them.🗣 Communication: Almost every time you go to speak up or do something for yourself, you are filled with more anxiety, which can easily cause you to avoid taking action. Maybe you've tried telling them what you think, feel, or need, and it caused more conflict and doesn't seem worth it. You take what they say personally (even when it's their stuff), which leads you to struggle internally even more.Your communication style is either passive, where you don't speak up, or passive-aggressive, where you don't speak up, and your true feelings come out in ways that negatively affect your relationship. For example, mumbling under your breath, rolling your eyes, tit for tat, and keeping score. 😐 Conflict: You often feel at the mercy of their feelings, behaviors, and actions. You move around them versus taking action on what you want, need, or desire. You want to resolve issues ASAP because not fixing them leads to more anxiety. You often give in and say what they want to hear to make the conflict go away, leading you to stuff and stack your feelings, which leads you to feeling resentment. 🛌 Intimacy & Sex:You want to feel emotionally connected to your partner so you feel more physically connected with them, but that isn't happening or as often as you would like it.You often feel anxious thinking of sex because of how much you're in your head. Whether it's overthinking or struggling to get into your body, it feels overwhelming. In your relationships, sex has in the past or currently felt pressured, like you're not doing something enough, wanting it enough, or initiating it enough. Maybe you also feel shame around sex due to your past experiences, feelings about your body, or feeling disconnected from your partner. Sex feels harder than has to be, which causes you to avoid it often. ➡️ It's easier not to rock the boat, and if you don't keep the train on the tracks, who will?You are hopeful that your partner and/or family members will change, but if you're honest with yourself, you know they're not going to change. Maybe you're fortunate to have a partner who helps out, but you're still carrying the load in your relationships and left feeling exhausted. 🙋‍♀️ If this sounds a little TOO ACCURATE, that's simply because I've been there myself.I've been in plenty of unhealthy relationships. And I'm clear that if you stay here as a ANXIOUS AVOIDER, it will only lead to one place: UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS. When you feel overwhelmed, anxious, and helpless, you become emotionally, physically, mentally, and relationally unhealthy. And chances are that in the back of your mind...you might have thought I know I need to make a change, but HOW?If you'd like a way out of your role as a ANXIOUS AVOIDER, here's what to do...First, I'd like you to consider how you've been showing up as an ANXIOUS AVOIDER and how much effort and energy you're giving up by feeling overwhelmed. 💡 What if you could take the energy you burn overthinking, worrying excessively about others, feeling anxious, and putting it into self-growth?Here's the thing, the people you're in relationships with aren't going to change. Sure, there is a chance they may do something different, BUT you're not going to keep sitting around as a ANXIOUS AVOIDER waiting for things to get better.🔥 You're determined to have healthy relationships, so YOU'RE going to be the catalyst of change. Because when you change for the better and start becoming your healthiest self, it flows onto EVERY relationship you're a part of. It's the best and only way to see changes in your relationships. 👉 If you want to move from a ANXIOUS AVOIDER to an IDEAL PARTNER so that you can have a healthy relationship, there are two things to start doing:1. Identify your needs and wants by starting withinThink about yourself as a Whole Person, who is made up of six areas of self, including your:Emotional selfRelational selfPhysical selfSexual selfRecreational selfCareer selfUnder each part of self, identify 3 needs you desire for yourself. Don't worry about what others will think or judge yourself, dump them out. Then write what action you will take for each of your needs.✨ Bonus #1: Feeling guilty about having needs? Check out this episode of the Fix Yourself First podcast, where I'll walk you through the five steps to figure out your needs without the guiltLISTEN HERE✨ Bonus #2:Is your overthinking causing relationship anxiety? Check out this episode of the Fix Yourself First podcast and learn my strategies to overcome it. LISTEN HERE2. Identify, create, and uphold boundariesYep, there's no avoiding it. You've got to begin to create and uphold boundaries in your relationships. With boundaries come less anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. Trust me, boundaries are your lifeline, and with them, you will create the relationships you deserve.Not sure where to start? There are 7 types of boundaries we all need. They are:Physical boundariesSexual boundariesFinancial boundariesIntellectual boundariesEmotional boundariesTime boundariesExpectation boundariesLooking at these types of boundaries, begin to identify the one(s) you struggle with the most and what comes up for you when you think about creating these boundaries.Begin to identify small boundaries that you can begin to practice with. For example, time boundaries are a great one to start. When someone asks you to do something that intrudes on your time say, "No, I'm not able to," and see what feelings come up for you. After the initial anxiety, you'll notice feeling calmer after you've said no and got your time back. ✨ Bonus:Want to learn why we struggle with boundaries and how to create the 7 boundaries from above? Check out this episode of the Fix Yourself First podcast and learn my strategies to overcome it. LISTEN HEREThis is just the start of your growth 🌱 You've done harder things, and I know you can do this. Let me be there to support you during your journey. ABOUT DR KRISTIE OVERSTREET👋 Hey there, I'm Dr. Kristie, Clinical Sexologist and Certified Sex Therapist My mission? To provide a transformation for women just like you to create better relationships with themselves and others. Whether it's identifying or getting your emotional and physical intimacy needs met without guilt or improving your confidence, I'm here to help you along the way.🆓 Training, tips, and transformations:1. Join me on Instagram Live I'll help you figure out your needs, show up authentically, and courageously ask for everything you need in your relationships in weekly lives and content. FOLLOW ME ON IG HERE2. Join my free Facebook group the Ideal ConnectionYou'll get access to my training in weekly FB lives, tips, strategies, and I'll keep you motivated to focus on YOU so you can create the relationships you deserve. It'll give you the confidence you need to take the risks you've been putting off and finally live the life of your dreams. JOIN MY FACEBOOK GROUP HERE3. Join the Ideal Intimacy Method for Women waitlist for my upcoming group coaching programYou'll get live group coaching with me, my signature course, and MUCH MORE that will transform how you show up in your relationships. It'll give you the confidence to identify, explore, and speak up for your emotional and physical intimacy needs in your relationship without the guilt. JOIN THE WAITLIST HERE📧 You'll receive emails with more strategies to help you transform your relationships
2.

Your Quiz Results are in...

You're current relationship role is a...Forgotten FixerIf your quiz results came as a FORGOTTEN FIXER, chances are you're not getting your needs met in your relationships, despite how much work you put in. Or perhaps you are getting some of your needs met, but it doesn't feel like ENOUGH. Something's missing...this isn't how you imagined life would be as an adult in a relationship.And chances are when things are going okay in your relationship, it feels temporary...a few good times and more bad times. Right now, you feel forgotten and unheard, they notice you but only when they need you. If you aren't there to pick up the pieces, and handle the day-to-day tasks, then nothing gets done.Does this sound like you?The FORGOTTEN FIXER is constantly taking care of everything and everyone around them but neglects their own needs. They are great at putting their heads down and doing the work, even if they're feeling full of resentment. They keep the smile on their face until they have privacy and they can drop their mask. They feel unheard, unseen, and handle the lives of others. They know it isn't supposed to be this way but don't know what to do to fix it. Here are a few areas that a FORGOTTEN FIXER struggles in:❤️ Self-Care: There is little to NO TIME in place to care for your needs. You're busy taking care of everyone else around you because that's what you're "supposed to do." Sure, you love them and want to take care of them, but what about you...who takes care of you? They say, "take time for yourself," but no one consistently takes the load so you can. When you do carve out a few minutes for yourself, it's interrupted by someone needing you RIGHT NOW. 🙅‍♀️ Boundaries:You've gotten better about recognizing you need to set a boundary, but you struggle with the follow-through. When you say "no," you cave in and do it anyway. What's the point of setting a boundary when people step over it? Setting boundaries is a 'great' idea but putting it into action is hard. You've tried to create boundaries, but people don't respect them so you give up on them. 🗣 Communication: When you do speak up for your needs, they are often ignored. You tell them what you need, want, and desire, but it isn't heard because you don't see a change in them. You take what they say personally (even when it's their stuff).So, you stop speaking up as much, then stuff and stack your feelings. This leads you to feel FULL OF RESENTMENT and FRUSTRATION. Your communication style is either passive, where you don't speak up, or passive-aggressive, where you don't speak up, and your true feelings come out in ways that negatively affect your relationship. For example, mumbling under your breath, rolling your eyes, tit for tat, and keeping score. 😐 Conflict: There used to be more arguing and conflict, but you learned that speaking up doesn't work because they don't listen to you. You're tired of saying anything back in an argument because it is pointless. They just keep at it until you say yes, back down, or walk away.You would like some space from them to think about things and work on your comeback of what to say, but they want to resolve things NOW. You feel spun up and unconfident in your response due to their pressure to fix things. So, you give in or stuff and stack your feelings again. You're left feeling stuck and frustrated that this is happening (again). 🛌 Intimacy & Sex:You want to feel emotionally connected to your partner so you feel more physically connected with them, but that isn't happening or as often as you would like it.Sex often feels like another thing on your to-do list you must check off as being a 'good' partner. You don't feel pleasure, and sex feels like pressure in your relationship.You feel disconnected from sex and intimacy with your partner, but it wasn't always like this. In the beginning, sex was easier and was actually enjoyable, but things changed, the relationship changed, they changed, and you changed.Maybe you also feel shame around sex due to your past experiences, feelings about your body, or feeling disconnected from your partner. Sex feels harder than has to be, which causes you to avoid it often. ➡️ It's easier not to rock the boat, and if you don't keep the train on the tracks, who will?You are hopeful that your partner and/or family members will change, but if you're honest with yourself, you know they're not going to change. Maybe you're fortunate to have a partner who helps out, but you're still carrying the load in your relationships and left feeling exhausted. 🙋‍♀️ If this sounds a little TOO ACCURATE, that's simply because I've been there myself.I've been in plenty of unhealthy relationships. And I'm clear that if you stay here as a FORGOTTEN FIXER, it will only lead to one place: UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS. When you feel overwhelmed, anxious, and helpless, you become emotionally, physically, mentally, and relationally unhealthy. And chances are that in the back of your mind...you might have thought I know I need to make a change, but HOW?If you'd like a way out of your role as a FORGOTTEN FIXER, here's what to do...First, I'd like you to consider how you've been showing up as a FORGOTTEN FIXER and how much effort and energy you're giving up by feeling stuck. 💡 What if you could take the energy you burn overthinking, worrying excessively about others, feeling stuck, unconfident, and put it into self-growth?Here's the thing, the people you're in relationships with aren't going to change. Sure, there is a chance they may do something different, BUT you're not going to keep sitting around as a FORGOTTEN FIXER waiting for things to get better.🔥 You're determined to have healthy relationships, so YOU'RE going to be the catalyst of change. Because when you change for the better and start becoming your healthiest self, it flows onto EVERY relationship you're a part of. It's the best and only way to see changes in your relationships. 👉 If you want to move from a FORGOTTEN FIXER to an IDEAL PARTNER so that you can have a healthy relationship, there are two things to start doing:1. Take back control of YOU in relationshipsWhen you feel frustrated, stuck, and unseen, it's easy to feel helpless in relationships. Start by identifying how you can take back control of how you show up in your relationships. There are five things you can do to start:Take responsibilityAccept that people treat us how we allow them toPrevention of reactionKnow your needs and desiresUphold the boundaries you setNeed some extra help, here are a few freebie episodes that can help you.✨ Bonus #1:Ready to take control of how people treat you? Check out this episode of the Fix Yourself First podcast, where I'll empower you to take control of how you show up in your relationships.LISTEN HERE✨ Bonus #2:Want to feel more confident in your communication? Check out this episode of the Fix Yourself First podcast and learn my strategies to build up how you communicate in your relationships. LISTEN HERE2. Identify, create, and uphold boundariesYep, there's no avoiding it. You've got to begin to create and uphold boundaries in your relationships. With boundaries come less anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. Trust me, boundaries are your lifeline, and with them, you will create the relationships you deserve.Not sure where to start? There are 7 types of boundaries we all need. They are:Physical boundariesSexual boundariesFinancial boundariesIntellectual boundariesEmotional boundariesTime boundariesExpectation boundariesLooking at these types of boundaries, begin to identify the one(s) you struggle with the most and what comes up for you when you think about creating these boundaries.Begin to identify small boundaries that you can begin to practice with. For example, time boundaries are a great one to start. When someone asks you to do something that intrudes on your time say, "No, I'm not able to," and see what feelings come up for you. After the initial anxiety, you'll notice feeling calmer after you've said no and got your time back. ✨ Bonus:Want to learn why we struggle with boundaries and how to create the 7 boundaries from above? Check out this episode of the Fix Yourself First podcast and learn my strategies to overcome it. LISTEN HEREThis is just the start of your growth 🌱 You've done harder things, and I know you can do this. Let me be there to support you during your journey. ABOUT DR KRISTIE OVERSTREET👋 Hey there, I'm Dr. Kristie, Clinical Sexologist and Certified Sex Therapist My mission? To provide a transformation for women just like you to create better relationships with themselves and others. Whether it's identifying or getting your emotional and physical intimacy needs met without guilt or improving your confidence, I'm here to help you along the way.🆓 Training, tips, and transformations:1. Join me on Instagram Live I'll help you figure out your needs, show up authentically, and courageously ask for everything you need in your relationships in weekly lives and content. FOLLOW ME ON IG HERE2. Join my free Facebook group the Ideal ConnectionYou'll get access to my training in weekly FB lives, tips, strategies, and I'll keep you motivated to focus on YOU so you can create the relationships you deserve. It'll give you the confidence you need to take the risks you've been putting off and finally live the life of your dreams. JOIN MY FACEBOOK GROUP HERE3. Join the Ideal Intimacy Method for Women waitlist for my upcoming group coaching programYou'll get live group coaching with me, my signature course, and MUCH MORE that will transform how you show up in your relationships. It'll give you the confidence to identify, explore, and speak up for your emotional and physical intimacy needs in your relationship without the guilt. JOIN THE WAITLIST HERE📧 You'll receive emails with more strategies to help you transform your relationships
3.

Your Quiz Results are in...

Your current relationship role is a...Ideal PartnerIf your quiz results came as an IDEAL PARTNER, chances are you're getting your needs met in your relationships and working toward your healthiest self.You've been working hard on your communication, boundaries, and intimacy.You won't settle for minimal growth, and you're dedicated to keep moving forward. Sure, you're doing well overall but know that there are still areas to grow in. Does this sound like you?The IDEAL PARTNER is looking for areas to grow because they know how good it feels to be in healthy relationships. They know that when they fix themselves, everything around them gets better.Even if the relationships don't work out, they know that they are doing what's best for them as a whole person. They know change is hard but SO worth it. Here are a few areas that an IDEAL PARTNER wants to keep growing in. ❤️ Self-Care: Yes you've done better at taking time for yourself. From spending time alone, with friends, and doing things you enjoy, you've worked on nurturing yourself from the inside out.There's still room to improve taking time for yourself during the week. You know that your style of being is one that either needs time alone to recharge or spending time with others who care about you lights you up. 🙅‍♀️ Boundaries:You've learned the hard way what happens when you don't create and uphold boundaries. You've grown so much, but you want to keep working on your boundaries.You know there are one or two people in your life that you struggle with boundaries and they keep causing you to work hard to uphold them. But you're not giving up. 🗣 Communication: You've learned how empowering it is to speak up for your needs and wants. With some people in your life, it's easier than others. You've become more assertive and stopped stuffing and stacking so much. You know there is room to grow, and want to fine-tune your communication skills. As long as you're in relationships, you know you've got to keep working on speaking up for your needs and work on your listening skills. 😐 Conflict: You don't keep score or get caught in the tit-for-tat anymore. Not to say that arguments and conflict don't happen because they do. You've learned to be less reactive and stop taking things so personally.You either want to resolve things quickly or need time to process, so there's still room to grow in meeting your partner and their needs during the conflict. It's easier to talk about the hard things, but you could benefit from learning more skills so that conflict gets less and less. 🛌 Intimacy & Sex:You feel more emotionally and physically connected in your relationship, which decreases your anxiety about sexYou sometimes have desire differences, but you're not personalizing it as much as you used to. Sex is more enjoyable for both of you and more playful. Your improvement in emotional intimacy outside the bedroom has improved your ability to connect on many sexual levels with your partner. You feel safe and secure with them, which allows you to have more fun with sex and intimacy. You feel less shame and no longer let your past experiences dictate your current self. You've got more areas you want to grow in with your sexual self and have seen an improvement in your confidence that will allow it to happen. You don't sit around waiting for others to change...NOT ANYMORE. You know that YOU have to be the change and catalyst to see a change in your relationships. 🙋‍♀️ If this sounds a little TOO ACCURATE, that's simply because I've been there myself.I've been in plenty of unhealthy relationships, and I've grown from being the ANXIOUS AVOIDER, the FORGOTTEN FIXER, into the IDEAL PARTNER. When I changed and got healthier, every relationship around me changed...some for the better, and others had to end. 💡 What would happen if we didn't settle for where we are? If we said YES, we are IDEAL PARTNER'S but want to maintain it and grow even more?👉 Here are two areas to keep working on for growth:1. Learn about your attachment styleYou're working hard in how you show up in your relationships, but have you connected your attachment style to your intimacy needs? There are four main types of attachment styles:Anxious attachmentDismissive avoidant attachmentFearful/Disorganized avoidant attachmentSecure attachmentYour attachment style, how it was formed, and how it shows up in intimacy and sex in your relationships will help you grow even more. ✨ Bonus #1:Know what your attachment style has to do with intimacy? Check out this episode of the Fix Yourself First podcast, where I'll teach you the connection between your attachment style and intimacy needsLISTEN HERE✨ Bonus #2:Want to feel more confident in your communication? Check out this episode of the Fix Yourself First podcast and learn my strategies to build up how you communicate in your relationships. LISTEN HERE2. Identify, create, and uphold boundariesBoundaries aren't a one and done action. It depends on the type of person in our lives, which leads us to consistently stay sharp with our boundaries. There are 7 types of boundaries we all need. They are:Physical boundariesSexual boundariesFinancial boundariesIntellectual boundariesEmotional boundariesTime boundariesExpectation boundariesLooking at these types of boundaries, begin to identify the one(s) you struggle with the most and what comes up for you when you think about creating these boundaries.Begin to identify small boundaries that you can begin to practice with. For example, time boundaries are a great one to start. When someone asks you to do something that intrudes on your time say, "No, I'm not able to," and see what feelings come up for you. After the initial anxiety, you'll notice feeling calmer after you've said no and got your time back. ✨ Bonus:Want to learn why we struggle with boundaries and how to create the 7 boundaries from above? Check out this episode of the Fix Yourself First podcast and learn my strategies to overcome it. LISTEN HEREYou're doing GREAT with your relationship growth 🌱 BUT I know you're not stopping there, so let me help you keep it up. ABOUT DR KRISTIE OVERSTREET👋 Hey there, I'm Dr. Kristie, Clinical Sexologist and Certified Sex Therapist My mission? To provide a transformation for women just like you to create better relationships with themselves and others. Whether it's identifying or getting your emotional and physical intimacy needs met without guilt or improving your confidence, I'm here to help you along the way.🆓 Training, tips, and transformations:1. Join me on Instagram Live I'll help you figure out your needs, show up authentically, and courageously ask for everything you need in your relationships in weekly lives and content. FOLLOW ME ON IG HERE2. Join my free Facebook group the Ideal ConnectionYou'll get access to my training in weekly FB lives, tips, strategies, and I'll keep you motivated to focus on YOU so you can create the relationships you deserve. It'll give you the confidence you need to take the risks you've been putting off and finally live the life of your dreams. JOIN MY FACEBOOK GROUP HERE3. Join the Ideal Intimacy Method for Women waitlist for my upcoming group coaching programYou'll get live group coaching with me, my signature course, and MUCH MORE that will transform how you show up in your relationships. It'll give you the confidence to identify, explore, and speak up for your emotional and physical intimacy needs in your relationship without the guilt. JOIN THE WAITLIST HERE📧 You'll receive emails with more strategies to help you transform your relationships

Which role are you playing in your relationships?

Communication, conflict, boundaries, sex, and anxiety, how are you showing up in your relationships? Are you a Anxious Avoider, Forgotten Fixer, or Ideal Partner? Take this quiz to discover your role and how to grow into your healthiest self resulting in the relationship you deserve.

Quiz Questions

Quiz Outcomes