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Your Quiz Results are in...
You're current relationship role is a...Forgotten FixerIf your quiz results came as a FORGOTTEN FIXER, chances are you're not getting your needs met in your relationships, despite how much work you put in. Or perhaps you are getting some of your needs met, but it doesn't feel like ENOUGH. Something's missing...this isn't how you imagined life would be as an adult in a relationship.And chances are when things are going okay in your relationship, it feels temporary...a few good times and more bad times. Right now, you feel forgotten and unheard, they notice you but only when they need you. If you aren't there to pick up the pieces, and handle the day-to-day tasks, then nothing gets done.Does this sound like you?The FORGOTTEN FIXER is constantly taking care of everything and everyone around them but neglects their own needs. They are great at putting their heads down and doing the work, even if they're feeling full of resentment. They keep the smile on their face until they have privacy and they can drop their mask. They feel unheard, unseen, and handle the lives of others. They know it isn't supposed to be this way but don't know what to do to fix it. Here are a few areas that a FORGOTTEN FIXER struggles in:❤️ Self-Care: There is little to NO TIME in place to care for your needs. You're busy taking care of everyone else around you because that's what you're "supposed to do." Sure, you love them and want to take care of them, but what about you...who takes care of you? They say, "take time for yourself," but no one consistently takes the load so you can. When you do carve out a few minutes for yourself, it's interrupted by someone needing you RIGHT NOW. 🙅♀️ Boundaries:You've gotten better about recognizing you need to set a boundary, but you struggle with the follow-through. When you say "no," you cave in and do it anyway. What's the point of setting a boundary when people step over it? Setting boundaries is a 'great' idea but putting it into action is hard. You've tried to create boundaries, but people don't respect them so you give up on them. 🗣 Communication: When you do speak up for your needs, they are often ignored. You tell them what you need, want, and desire, but it isn't heard because you don't see a change in them. You take what they say personally (even when it's their stuff).So, you stop speaking up as much, then stuff and stack your feelings. This leads you to feel FULL OF RESENTMENT and FRUSTRATION. Your communication style is either passive, where you don't speak up, or passive-aggressive, where you don't speak up, and your true feelings come out in ways that negatively affect your relationship. For example, mumbling under your breath, rolling your eyes, tit for tat, and keeping score. 😐 Conflict: There used to be more arguing and conflict, but you learned that speaking up doesn't work because they don't listen to you. You're tired of saying anything back in an argument because it is pointless. They just keep at it until you say yes, back down, or walk away.You would like some space from them to think about things and work on your comeback of what to say, but they want to resolve things NOW. You feel spun up and unconfident in your response due to their pressure to fix things. So, you give in or stuff and stack your feelings again. You're left feeling stuck and frustrated that this is happening (again). 🛌 Intimacy & Sex:You want to feel emotionally connected to your partner so you feel more physically connected with them, but that isn't happening or as often as you would like it.Sex often feels like another thing on your to-do list you must check off as being a 'good' partner. You don't feel pleasure, and sex feels like pressure in your relationship.You feel disconnected from sex and intimacy with your partner, but it wasn't always like this. In the beginning, sex was easier and was actually enjoyable, but things changed, the relationship changed, they changed, and you changed.Maybe you also feel shame around sex due to your past experiences, feelings about your body, or feeling disconnected from your partner. Sex feels harder than has to be, which causes you to avoid it often. ➡️ It's easier not to rock the boat, and if you don't keep the train on the tracks, who will?You are hopeful that your partner and/or family members will change, but if you're honest with yourself, you know they're not going to change. Maybe you're fortunate to have a partner who helps out, but you're still carrying the load in your relationships and left feeling exhausted. 🙋♀️ If this sounds a little TOO ACCURATE, that's simply because I've been there myself.I've been in plenty of unhealthy relationships. And I'm clear that if you stay here as a FORGOTTEN FIXER, it will only lead to one place: UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS. When you feel overwhelmed, anxious, and helpless, you become emotionally, physically, mentally, and relationally unhealthy. And chances are that in the back of your mind...you might have thought I know I need to make a change, but HOW?If you'd like a way out of your role as a FORGOTTEN FIXER, here's what to do...First, I'd like you to consider how you've been showing up as a FORGOTTEN FIXER and how much effort and energy you're giving up by feeling stuck. 💡 What if you could take the energy you burn overthinking, worrying excessively about others, feeling stuck, unconfident, and put it into self-growth?Here's the thing, the people you're in relationships with aren't going to change. Sure, there is a chance they may do something different, BUT you're not going to keep sitting around as a FORGOTTEN FIXER waiting for things to get better.🔥 You're determined to have healthy relationships, so YOU'RE going to be the catalyst of change. Because when you change for the better and start becoming your healthiest self, it flows onto EVERY relationship you're a part of. It's the best and only way to see changes in your relationships. 👉 If you want to move from a FORGOTTEN FIXER to an IDEAL PARTNER so that you can have a healthy relationship, there are two things to start doing:1. Take back control of YOU in relationshipsWhen you feel frustrated, stuck, and unseen, it's easy to feel helpless in relationships. Start by identifying how you can take back control of how you show up in your relationships. There are five things you can do to start:Take responsibilityAccept that people treat us how we allow them toPrevention of reactionKnow your needs and desiresUphold the boundaries you setNeed some extra help, here are a few freebie episodes that can help you.✨ Bonus #1:Ready to take control of how people treat you? Check out this episode of the Fix Yourself First podcast, where I'll empower you to take control of how you show up in your relationships.LISTEN HERE✨ Bonus #2:Want to feel more confident in your communication? Check out this episode of the Fix Yourself First podcast and learn my strategies to build up how you communicate in your relationships. LISTEN HERE2. Identify, create, and uphold boundariesYep, there's no avoiding it. You've got to begin to create and uphold boundaries in your relationships. With boundaries come less anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. Trust me, boundaries are your lifeline, and with them, you will create the relationships you deserve.Not sure where to start? There are 7 types of boundaries we all need. They are:Physical boundariesSexual boundariesFinancial boundariesIntellectual boundariesEmotional boundariesTime boundariesExpectation boundariesLooking at these types of boundaries, begin to identify the one(s) you struggle with the most and what comes up for you when you think about creating these boundaries.Begin to identify small boundaries that you can begin to practice with. For example, time boundaries are a great one to start. When someone asks you to do something that intrudes on your time say, "No, I'm not able to," and see what feelings come up for you. After the initial anxiety, you'll notice feeling calmer after you've said no and got your time back. ✨ Bonus:Want to learn why we struggle with boundaries and how to create the 7 boundaries from above? Check out this episode of the Fix Yourself First podcast and learn my strategies to overcome it. LISTEN HEREThis is just the start of your growth 🌱 You've done harder things, and I know you can do this. Let me be there to support you during your journey. ABOUT DR KRISTIE OVERSTREET👋 Hey there, I'm Dr. Kristie, Clinical Sexologist and Certified Sex Therapist My mission? To provide a transformation for women just like you to create better relationships with themselves and others. Whether it's identifying or getting your emotional and physical intimacy needs met without guilt or improving your confidence, I'm here to help you along the way.🆓 Training, tips, and transformations:1. Join me on Instagram Live I'll help you figure out your needs, show up authentically, and courageously ask for everything you need in your relationships in weekly lives and content. FOLLOW ME ON IG HERE2. Join my free Facebook group the Ideal ConnectionYou'll get access to my training in weekly FB lives, tips, strategies, and I'll keep you motivated to focus on YOU so you can create the relationships you deserve. It'll give you the confidence you need to take the risks you've been putting off and finally live the life of your dreams. JOIN MY FACEBOOK GROUP HERE3. Join the Ideal Intimacy Method for Women waitlist for my upcoming group coaching programYou'll get live group coaching with me, my signature course, and MUCH MORE that will transform how you show up in your relationships. It'll give you the confidence to identify, explore, and speak up for your emotional and physical intimacy needs in your relationship without the guilt. JOIN THE WAITLIST HERE📧 You'll receive emails with more strategies to help you transform your relationships