Which of the 8 types of "Conflict Repeaters" are you? Take the quiz.

Quiz Questions

• 1.
  How are you FEELING about your repetitive conflict?  Pick your top 1-2 answers below.

  • A.
    I avoid my feelings (emotions) regarding the conflict because they don't feel good. I can feel them, but I would rather not, so I find ways to distract myself.
  • B.
    I feel overtaken by other people's feelings (emotions) in the conflict and just want to make them feel better so the conflict will go away. I can literally feel "drained" by other people.
  • C.
    I don't feel anything about the conflict, I am numb to it. When asked about how I feel about the conflict - I would say "I don't know".
  • D.
    My feelings (emotions) are very strong regarding the conflict and can overshadow my entire day or longer time periods. I have a hard time letting them go once I start feeling them or the conflict arises again. They can ruin my whole day.
  • E.
    None of the Above.
• 2.
  What sort of ACTIONS are you taking to solve your repetitive conflict? Pick your top 1-2 answers below.

  • A.
    I am not taking any action to fix my conflict. I don't know what to do or feel stuck.
  • B.
    I am doing everything I can to make the conflict go away by appeasing the other person in the conflict or what I think I "should" do. This words short-term, but not long-term.
  • C.
    I do the easiest actions to "fix" my conflict short-term when the conflict comes up. This patterns repeats because I am not really fixing the deeper conflict, just avoiding it with short-term fixes.
  • D.
    I am taking a lot of action (reading books, therapy, talking, etc) to fix my conflict, but none of them are working to fix it once and for all. It keeps re-surfacing and I feel tired.
  • E.
    None of the Above.
• 3.
  What are your THOUGHTS about your repetitive conflict? Pick your top 1-2 answers below.

  • A.
    I am obsessing about my conflict or stuck in analysis paralysis. I don't know what path to choose. I am ruminating and no real action to solve my conflict.
  • B.
    I feel overwhelmed by my thoughts about the conflict. It feels too big or I don't know what to do. I will take an action just b/c I think I "should" so I can stop judging myself for not taking an action.
  • C.
    I have waves of thoughts that feel hopeful about my conflict and I take action, then I feel resigned and quit taking action.
  • D.
    I am doing any thought/idea that comes to mind that might fix the conflict, without researching them and/or taking some time to create a plan. I feel tired and am not seeing the final results I want.
  • E.
    None of the Above.
• 4.
  How MOTIVATED are you to fix your repetitive conflict? Pick your top 1-2 answers below.

  • A.
    I am not motivated to fix the conflict. Maybe b/c it will be "too much work", "you don't know how to fix it" or "you're tired of trying to fix it".
  • B.
    I feel motivated some days to fix the conflict and other days I do not feel motivated at all.
  • C.
    I am motivated to fix the conflict only enough to make the other person in the conflict happy/appeased, then I avoid the conflict until it arises again.
  • D.
    I am very motivated to fix the conflict, but none of the things have fixed my conflict and I am starting to get tired or frustrated.
  • E.
    None of the Above.
• 5.
  What best describes your OVERALL ENERGY regarding your repetitive conflict? Pick your top 1-2 answers below.

  • A.
    Drained/Exhausted or Emotionally Overwhelmed
  • B.
    Burned Out or Ready to Burn this place down
  • C.
    Overthinking/Anxious or Ungrounded/Confused
  • D.
    Overdoing/Perfectionist or Procrastinating/Avoiding
  • E.
    None of the Above.
• 6.
  How do you want to feel about your repetitive conflict? Pick your top 1-2 answers below.

  • A.
    Peaceful & Meditative
  • B.
    Like a New Chapter has Begun
  • C.
    Grounded & Consistent Actions Forward
  • D.
    Attracted & Excited about the Future
  • E.
    None of the Above

Quiz Outcomes

• 1.
  #1 - "The Desert" (aka Low Water)

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  When your 4 elements are in harmony & balanced: thoughts (air), emotions (water), passions & motivations (fire) and your actions (earth), your life is happier & you can easily solve conflicts that come up right away and get back to enjoying your day. When you are stuck in a repetitive conflict, one of our 4 Elements (air, water, fire or earth) is either too high or too low and needs to be re-balanced to bring harmony & happiness back to your life. What does your Water Element (Emotions) do for you:Your Water Element helps you connect in with your core values, keeping you firmly rooted and on track in life. They also helps you connect with other people on a safe, intimate & deep way and let's you know where your boundaries need to be. It is also where your intuition lives & gives you guidance. It is here that you connect in with your emotions and can let go of the past pain & connect with others deeply & lovingly.💔Does this sound familiar right now:💔You maybe are out of touch with Your Truth or core values, not sure, check in right now, are you living your truth? You might have a lack of compassion for yourself (self- judgment) or for others, you might be avoiding your negative emotions because they don't feel good to you or feel like a waste of time. You may have black & white thinking going on. You may have a fear of connecting deeply with someone else b/c of past pain.❤️How you will feel when "The Desert" has been irrigated & nourished❤️:In flow, connected to people & activities in a nourishing way (not a draining way), trusting yourself and others, being able to navigate any emotion you feel, having compassion for yourself, setting boundaries that feel good & safe to you, getting internal guidance, able to make decisions easily based on your core values, in touch with yourself, values and emotions, & feeling safe.I have over 8 different ways to help you with this imbalance, but I don't want to overwhelm you, so here is one of my client's favorites that you can start using today:Adding some Earth Element (action) will help balance Low Water (emotions) . Journal or think about where you don't feel safe in your life and create some loving boundaries with yourself & others that make you feel safe - take a moment and try to connect with what "feeling safe" feels like in your body. Your Earth Element (Actions) will give your Water Element (Emotions) a safe & defined container to reside to support & nourish yourself & others. What does your container look like (what color, shape, size - draw a visual if you want), who does it want to let it & why, who does it want to keep out & why? What is one thing you can do today to set a loving boundary that supports you & your container. Don't know what loving boundaries are - check out episode #15 of my podcast, the Wildly Confident Podcast, it's only 15 minutes and will teach you my loving boundary process. Interested in learning more about The 4 Elements Method and specific, easy actions you can take to end your repetitive conflict & start feeling better. Book a 20 minute call with me today.
• 2.
  #2 - "The Stuck" (aka Low Earth)

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  When your 4 elements are in harmony & balanced: thoughts (air), emotions (water), passions & motivations (fire) and your actions (earth), your life is happier & you can easily solve conflicts that come up right away and get back to enjoying your day. When you are stuck in a repetitive conflict, one of our 4 Elements is either too high or too low and needs to be re-balanced to bring harmony & happiness back to your life. What does your Earth Element (Actions) do for you:Your Earth Element helps you get things done. It is the practical, day to day actions you need to take to get your small or big goals meet. It is neutral and very grounding. When you have a balanced Earth Element you get things done in flow, and take time for action & rest seamlessly. 💔Does this sound familiar right now:💔You are not taking action, or are being inconsistent. You likely judge & shame yourself for not getting the things done you need to. You maybe distracting yourself with fake work, fake to do lists, food, tv, friends, shopping, alcohol, wishful thinking, etc. You sometimes start a new plan/program, then quit it after a few days/weeks. You may have perfectionist or procrastinating tendencies.❤️How you will feel when you are no longer " Stuck"❤️:Taking aligned action everyday, making progress & meeting your goals, have a balanced schedule that feels nourishing (true self care), & feeling great about how you are managing your time.I have over 8 different ways to help you with this imbalance, but I don't want to overwhelm you, so here is one of my client's favorites that you can start using today: Adding some Water Element (emotions) will help balance Low Earth (action). To do this, you will want to journal about your Truth or Core Values you have around the thing you are not feeling motivated to do, why do you want to do this thing, why it is actually important to your heart & soul, what will it mean when you accomplish it? If you want a great list of Core Values to work from, here is the list I use with my clients: https://www.cnvc.org/training/resource/needs-inventorySo often, the reason why we are failing to take consistent action is b/c we are using negative emotions (judgment & shame) to try and force/guilt ourselves into taking action. These emotions doesn't feel good, so taking the action doesn't feel good. Looking at WHY you actually want to do this thing (your Truth or Core Values) will connect you with the positive emotion & true reason why you want to do this thing. This will help you get re-aligned and to find the motivation to take more consistent action. Write that reason (examples: love, security, nourishment, respect..) on a sticky note and post it around your house to remind yourself WHY this action matters to your heart & soul. Sometimes from this process, you might figure out that your goals is not in alignment with your values, and needs to be changed completely. Interested in learning more about The 4 Elements Method and specific, easy actions you can take to end your repetitive conflict & start feeling better. Book a 20 minute call with me today.
• 3.
  #3 - "Up in the Air" (aka Low Air)

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  When your 4 elements are in harmony & balanced: thoughts (air), emotions (water), passions & motivations (fire) and your actions (earth), your life is happier & you can easily solve conflicts that come up right away and get back to enjoying your day. When you are stuck in a repetitive conflict, one of our 4 Elements is either too high or too low and needs to be re-balanced to bring harmony & happiness back to your life. What does your Air Element (Thoughts) do for you:Your Air Element helps you rest, prepare for change and gracefully make changes when the time comes. Air is where your thoughts & strategy live. Air gives you a vista or vantage point from which to see life. When you have a balanced Air Element you rest, prepare/strategize for change and flow with change when it comes (the in breathe and then the out breathe). You are able to make strategic plans and follow through, and change them as new information comes up.💔Does this sound familiar right now:💔You may have a hard time making decisions about what to do b/c you have so many thoughts & ideas, you might have analysis paralysis, feel confused or stuck between a rock & a hard place. You are likely thinking the same things over and over again and don't even know it. You likely have resistance or an hidden fear to change.❤️How you will feel when you are no longer "Up in the Air"❤️:You will be able to make strategic plans & following through on them, getting your goals done, balancing rest & action, able to navigate inevitable change with grace & confidence, growing into your fullest, most expansive, joyful self, feeling balanced and well rested.I have over 8 different ways to help you with this imbalance, but I don't want to overwhelm you, so here is one of my client's favorites that you can start using today:Adding some Earth Element (action) will help balance Low Air (thoughts). Make a list of what you know you need to do to start resolving your repetitive conflict - break the list into small things (like send an email to Mike, pay the energy bill, go for a walk, etc). Then ask a someone you trust to hold you accountable and to help you figure out what on your list you need to do this week and why. Put only 1 thing on your calendar each day, make it reasonable, do not try and do too much all at once. If you end up getting more done in a day, great, but only if you have time & feel motivated.After the 1 week, meet with the person you trust again and reflect on what you got done, celebrate what you learned & did. What actually helped your repetitive conflict and what didn't, and why. Now look at your list and see if you want to add anything for next week, or if anything changed because of what you did last week?Rinse & Repeat this process every week with your trusted person until you feel confident enough to do it on your own (but you can always just do this process with someone else forever b/c it feels great!)This will help ground you & it works to build momentum & trust!! I like to say that Low Air is like a kite that has lost it's sting to the ground (earth), this process will reattach you to the ground again so you can soar & get things done safely. Just keep going if it feels ok- the answers you are looking for will appear with each action you take. Sometimes you have to take the action to get the answers.Interested in learning more about The 4 Elements Method and specific, easy actions you can take to end your repetitive conflict & start feeling better. Book a 20 minute call with me today.
• 4.
  #4 - "In the Cold" (aka low fire)

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  When your 4 elements are in harmony & balanced: thoughts (air), emotions (water), passions & motivations (fire) and your actions (earth), your life is happier & you can easily solve conflicts that come up right away and get back to enjoying your day. When you are stuck in a repetitive conflict, one of our 4 Elements is either too high or too low and needs to be re-balanced to bring harmony & happiness back to your life. What does your Fire Element (Passions & Motivations) do for you:Your Fire Element helps you to take aligned action you are passionate about that bring you joy & purpose in life. It is like the sun that fuels a plant. It is a moth to the flame - what you are attracted to and desire. Some call it your life purpose. When you are aligned with your the fire element you will feel very motivated & inspired and take aligned action to grow into who you are meant, often very quickly (it's what I call quantuming).💔Does this sound familiar right now:You have a hard time feeling inspired about anything. You might feel despondent or resigned to your job, life. You feel unmotivated to take action or resentful if you do. You might feel cold of disengaged to others. Ho-hum life of doing the same things every day, little joy or spark, lacking sexual intimacy. You might shut people out of your life or feel lonely. ❤️How you will feel when you are not longer "In the Cold" ❤️:Having more fun, passion, pleasure & joy. Feeling inspired to take action, in love with life. Attracting in what you desire with ease & flow. Easier intimacy & sexual pleasure and connection. Going after your purpose and what lights you up in life. Feeling alive.I have over 8 different ways to help you with this imbalance, but I don't want to overwhelm you, so here is one of my client's favorites that you can start using today:Adding some Air Element (Thoughts) will help balance Low Fire (Passion & Motivations). Think & strategize about how you can add some new or different things to your routine that bring a little naughty or joyful smile to you. Make a list and schedule in the things you come up with. If you have any resistance, just pick something really small, like drive home a different way and see what you learn, or you could pick up a fun dessert at the grocery store this week and eat it in the bath (or wherever makes sounds like fun). I like to ask my clients, if you were a little bit naughty this week, what might you do? How can schedule in this naughty or playful action? How might you do something you don't like doing or find boring, and add some naughtiness or playfulness to it? This will help get your desire & passion moving and get you out of your day to day slog. You will start to see the world differently and will feel more joy, happiness. The more you add these sprinkles of joy & fun to your day, the more fired up you will be. Interested in learning more about The 4 Elements Method and specific, easy actions you can take to end your repetitive conflict & start feeling better. Book a 20 minute call with me today.
• 5.
  #5 - "The Flooded" (aka High Water)

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  When your 4 elements are in harmony & balanced: thoughts (air), emotions (water), passions & motivations (fire) and your actions (earth), your life is happier & you can easily solve conflicts that come up right away and get back to enjoying your day. When you are stuck in a repetitive conflict, one of our 4 Elements is either too high or too low and needs to be re-balanced to bring harmony & happiness back to your life. What does your Water Element (Emotions) do for you:Your Water Element helps you connect in with your core values, keeping you firmly rooted and on track in life. They also helps you connect with other people on a safe, intimate & deep way and let's you know where your boundaries need to be. It is also where your intuition lives & gives you guidance. It is here that you connect in with your emotions and can let go of the past pain & connect with others deeply & lovingly.💔Does this sound familiar right now:You are likely absorbing other's emotions and avoiding those people which feel overwhelming to you or trying to control them so they don't overwhelm you. You might be people pleasing, or put other's needs first before you own. You can be swept up in your emotions and they can take over your day in a negative way. ❤️How you will feel when "The Flooding" has stopped❤️:In flow, connected to people & activities in a nourishing way (not a draining way), trusting yourself and others, being able to navigate any emotion you feel, having compassion for yourself, setting boundaries that feel good & safe to you, getting internal guidance, able to make decisions easily based on your core values, in touch with yourself, values and emotions, & feeling safe.I have over 8 different ways to help you with this imbalance, but I don't want to overwhelm you, so here is one of my client's favorites that you can start using today:Adding some Fire Element (Passion & Motivation) will help balance High Water (Emotions). Journal about all the people or things that don't bring your joy, feel like a drain on your energy or that you are not attracted to being around. Now I want you to ask yourself, do I want to keep those people in my life. If you don't want to, you can release them energetically in your mind by cutting the cord between you two. This is a ritual I do with my clients along with a number of other energetic rituals to end relationships that are no longer serving your highest good. Now for the people you want to keep in your life, I want you to ask yourself, what is one loving boundary you could put in place that would make you fell less overwhelmed or drained. For example, if I am feeling overwhelmed or drained, I often tell the other person "I am at capacity, and while I love them, I need to take care of myself right now too and we can talk later." Fire (Passions & Motivations) helps keep you and the ones you love warm, but you can also create a figurative ring of fire to keep people out of your life that are draining you. Fire will help you shift out of your negative emotions and into what makes you happy/joyful, what you are attracted to, so you can get something positive from the relationship as well. I like to say that a healthy relationship has a warm fire at the center, with a beautiful ring of stones around it (like a fire pit) to serve as loving boundaries, to keep everyone safe from getting burned, but still warm & toasty. Envision your fire pit/ring in your head, who do you want sitting around it enjoying life (and maybe a s'more or two) with you, and who do you want to leave your fire ring right now? Interested in learning more about The 4 Elements Method and specific, easy actions you can take to end your repetitive conflict & start feeling better. Book a 20 minute call with me today.
• 6.
  #6 - "The Torpedo" (aka high earth)

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  When your 4 elements are in harmony & balanced: thoughts (air), emotions (water), passions & motivations (fire) and your actions (earth), your life is happier & you can easily solve conflicts that come up right away and get back to enjoying your day. When you are stuck in a repetitive conflict, one of our 4 Elements is either too high or too low and needs to be re-balanced to bring harmony & happiness back to your life. What does your Earth Element (Actions) do for you:Your Earth Element helps you get things done. It is the practical, day to day actions you need to take to get your small or big goals meet. It is neutral and very grounding. When you have a balanced Earth Element you get things done in flow, and take time for action & rest seamlessly. 💔Does this sound familiar right now:💔You are taking too much action (often on autopilot). You may feel overwhelmed and exhausted from day to day. You keep yourself really busy to distract yourself perhaps. You are too tired at the end of the day to do much. You might keep doing things on repeat that used to work for you (but don't anymore and you don't know it). You think that being "productive" equates to being worthy. If you are not doing or achieving, you likely are judgmental or mean to yourself.❤️How you will feel when you balance your Earth element ❤️:Taking aligned, intentional & meaningful action everyday. Making progress & meeting your goals, which include your day to day have to do items and things you love and are passionate about. You will have a balanced schedule that feels nourishing (true self care), feeling great about how you are managing your time. You will be able to rest and pause without judging yourself. You will find joy in the present moment.I have over 8 different ways to help you with this imbalance, but I don't want to overwhelm you, so here is one of my client's favorites that you can start using today:Adding some Air Element (Thinking & Strategy) will help balance High Earth (Action). You are going to keep a detailed calendar for a week and write in it everything you do, from scrolling on you cell phone, to work, to going to the grocery store, to eating and how much time each took. You can do this in your phone or I suggest putting it in a spreadsheet or putting it in a small journal. At the end of the week, tally up how many hours you spend working (at your job or as a stay at home parent), doing things to run your household (cleaning, grocery shopping), self-care (eating, exercise, meeting friends) and things that "are draining you" (often scrolling on your phone, but it could also be anything that does not light you up, like hanging out with friends you don't really want to, or doing things you don't want to). Now I want you to make a plan on how to shift the things that are "draining you" now that you are aware of them. I have a ton of tools I use to help my clients create loving boundaries and to say no to "draining things" , some of which I talk about in the recommended podcasts episodes (see below) if you want some ideas. I also want you to add 1-4 hours a week of what I call "white space", you can often add this to your calendar easily when you start saying "No" to things that are "draining you." "White space" is a time for exploration and spontaneity - don't plan anything for that time and see what you want to do in the moment. It's about adding some much fun & joy into your week intentionally. Taking time to reflect on how you actually spend your time on paper(not how you believe you spend your time) will help you create this strategic, balanced plan (time to breathe in & breathe out) that is flexible (b/c things change! Air knows this) so your High Earth can ground more & actually be more efficient. When you are always running around, you will have a hard time feeling grounded and safe. When you take time to pause and reflect and have some "white space", you take a moment to connect into the present moment and ground into reality right now to figure out what the next best action is to take, instead of being on autopilot, and sometimes doing things that are "draining you" or are a "No" in your life right now. This will open up so much more possibilities & freedom for you. ❤️Podcast Episode Recommendations for High Earth❤️Ep 28: Healing Hurry Sickness: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1749042/992423Ep 18: Time Wealth - How to Create a Life you Love:https://www.buzzsprout.com/1749042/8980045Ep. 12: How to Create a Boundary:https://www.buzzsprout.com/1749042/8634141Interested in learning more about The 4 Elements Method and specific, easy actions you can take to end your repetitive conflict & start feeling better. Book a 20 minute call with me today.
• 7.
  #7 - "Swept Away" (aka high air)

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  When your 4 elements are in harmony & balanced: thoughts (air), emotions (water), passions & motivations (fire) and your actions (earth), your life is happier & you can easily solve conflicts that come up right away and get back to enjoying your day. When you are stuck in a repetitive conflict, one of our 4 Elements is either too high or too low and needs to be re-balanced to bring harmony & happiness back to your life. What does your Air Element (Thoughts) do for you:Your Air Element helps you rest, prepare for change and gracefully make changes when the time comes. Air is where your thoughts & strategy are. Air gives you a vista or vantage point from which to see life and prepares you for things to come. When you have a balanced Air Element you rest, prepare/strategize for change and flow with change when it comes (the in breathe and then the out breathe). You are able to make strategic plans and follow through, and change them as new information comes up.What you are likely doing because of your High Air (Thoughts):Having High Air means you are thinking too much and are because you are so overwhelmed with your thoughts you are making decisions that are not strategic. You may be making choices out of fear. You likely are taking action when it is actually time to rest & reflect. 💔Common actions you might be experiencing with high air 💔: Overdoing, Overthinking, Overwhelmed, Feeling Up in the Air, Not feeling grounded, lack of joy, pleasure & play time, not resting or taking breaks (except when forced to by your body, aka - getting sick).❤️How you will feel when your Air Element is Harmonized❤️:You will be able to make strategic plans & following through on them, getting your goals done, balancing rest & action, able to navigate inevitable change with grace & confidence, growing into your fullest, most expansive, joyful self, feeling balanced and well rested.I have over 8 different ways to help you with this imbalance, but I don't want to overwhelm you, so here is one of my client's favorites that you can start using today:Adding some Fire Element will help balance High Air. Make a list of everything you are doing and then figure out what you have to do no matter what AND what excites you/sounds like fun on the list? Anything else needs to be paused. Try it out for a few weeks and see how you feel. Take time to pause and re-assess everyday. This will help you figure out how you need to change your daily patterns so can have more balance in your life and have time to rest.Interested in learning more about The 4 Elements Method and specific, easy actions you can take to end your repetitive conflict & start feeling better. Book a 20 minute call with me today.
• 8.
  #8 - "Too Hot to Handle" (aka high fire)

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  When your 4 elements are in harmony & balanced: thoughts (air), emotions (water), passions & motivations (fire) and your actions (earth), your life is happier & you can easily solve conflicts that come up right away and get back to enjoying your day. When you are stuck in a repetitive conflict, one of our 4 Elements is either too high or too low and needs to be re-balanced to bring harmony & happiness back to your life. What does your Fire Element (Passions & Motivations) do for you:Your Fire Element helps you to take aligned action you are passionate about that brings you joy & purpose in life. It is like the sun that fuels a plant. It is a moth to the flame - what you are attracted to and desire. Some call it your life purpose. When you are aligned with your the fire element you will feel very motivated & inspired and take aligned action to grow into who you are meant, often very quickly (it's what I call quantuming). You Fire Element is like your North Star calling you home to who you are.What you are likely doing because of your High Fire (Passions & Emotions)Having too much fire means you might be distracted by lots of shiny pretty things, excited at first and then it fizzles out because you have too many fires to tend to, you might burn other people out or frighten people because you are too caught up in your passions, you might be using your passions to distract you from practical goals.💔Common actions you might be experiencing with high fire 💔: Super high highs and then low lows, always looking for the next thing to make you feel better, procrastinating over practical things, doing too much then feeling burnt out.❤️How you will feel when your Fire Element is Harmonized❤️:Having more fun, passion, pleasure & joy. Feeling inspired to take action, in love with life. Attracting in what you desire with ease & flow. Juicy sex.I have over 8 different ways to help you with this imbalance, but I don't want to overwhelm you, so here is one of my client's favorites that you can start using today:Adding some Water Element will help balance High Fire. Make a list of your core values and see where some of the things you are doing are not in alignment with those values, those are fires that are ready to be lovingly put out. This will help you create safe & manageable fires (passions, motivations, choices) so you can grow, keep you warm & motivated versus burn you out. Interested in learning more about The 4 Elements Method and specific, easy actions you can end your repetitive conflict & start feeling better. Book a 20 minute call with me today.