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Your self-sabotage superpower is... Perfectionism!
You wield meticulous planning and laser focus like a diamond-tipped drill, crafting everything to flawless perfection.This is a sneaky once because perfectionism is often sold as a fine attention to detail, and who doesn’t want that kind of expert attention?But it can create a crippling fear of imperfection – and that ain’t good.When you put so much emphasis on a perfect result, how do you ever find the motivation to get started?And the negative self-talk that comes with perfectionism is even worse than the pressure of the task itself.Do you constantly put yourself down?Do you pick apart everything you do?Can you let your mistakes go? Or do you replay everything you did wrong, in a horror movie hamster wheel reel of all your past failures?The belief that you need to be perfect, no matter what, can take a serious toll on your mental health, causing depression and low feelings of self-worth and higher feelings of failure.Not to mention, it paralyzes you when it comes time to make any productive steps ahead.But the root of perfectionism is a need for control, which is ironic because it can often remove your control by incapacitating you with fear and hesitation.But there are ways that you can take the reins on your perfectionism…1. Take Stock – Look around and see how others accomplish similar tasks.Are they getting the job done well enough?Does your over-the-top attention to detail really count for much if it takes too much time or keeps you from completing things?2. Relax Your Standards – I’m not saying half-ass everything, but maybe you don’t need to color coordinate your Post-Its or Alphabetize your spice cabinet.Set SMART goals that are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-Bound.3. Get Real With Your Expectations – Stop comparing yourself to others and allow yourself some slack when you put pressure on yourself. As long as you’re motivated and doing your best work, you’re doing fine.‘Perfect’ is a harmfully unattainable standard, and you’re just as human and imperfect as the rest of us.Try to focus on finding joy and meaning in the things you do, rather than the perfect result.Lastly, repeat after me, “Finished is better than perfect!” ...because perfect rarely gets finished.“The seed of your next artwork lies embedded in the imperfections of your current piece.” - David BaylesSelf-Sabotage Counter-Attack!If you want to stop the self-sabotage and finally get out of your own way, the key is to understand why you’re doing it — what need is it filling?Then apply a little creativity to identify healthier, happier, and more productive ways to meet those needs.Here’s a simple guide to help you begin the journey of rewriting your self-sabotaging programming:The cure is Self-Awareness1. Inventory – Reflect back and get curious about your own self-sabotage. What does your self-sabotage look like?How does it typically start?Are there any unhealthy patterns?By taking the time to reflect and notice any repeating patterns, you can more easily recognize when it’s time to take over and kick those traits to the curb. You can then take a moment to pause and get familiar with what’s happening in your mind and body – what’s triggering them, and how it feels physically.Check out our YouTube video on the Top 7 Self-Sabotage Traits That Hold You Back.2. Challenge – Once you’ve spotted your self-sabotaging habits, it’s time to challenge what they’re actually doing for you.If you want to stop procrastinating, you first need to realize that it’s helping you deal with your own fear of success. If you want to stop over committing, you need to recognize that it fills your need to feel useful by ignoring your own needs.So ask yourself what your self-sabotaging habits ‘do’ for you – and then do the harder work of uncovering some underlying issues that you need to work through. Childhood trauma, feelings of inadequacy, even a pleasant life without challenges to build resilience can all lead to self-sabotaging behaviors.Check out our worksheet Why Do I Do This? And How Can I Stop?3. Create a new pattern – This is the fun part where you get to choose your next adventure!Once you’ve spotted your negative self-sabotaging habits and rooted out the cause of them, you can do the fun work of making a new pattern, one that serves your end goals and helps you grow with confidence and healing.Think about who you really want to be – and start aligning your actions to that potential. Use affirmations to help ease your negative self-talk, so the next time you find yourself turning to your old self-sabotaging ways, you can confidently choose your new, self-affirming solutions.Download our helpful list of Self-Affirmations to Help You End Self-Sabotage.Most importantly, be compassionate. Old habits die hard and you will most likely find yourself falling back into old patterns. Just stop, recognize that you’re trying, and remind yourself of why these patterns didn’t actually work for you before – then give yourself the opportunity to do better.This work takes time, and sometimes you need outside help to guide you down the path. Reach out to a qualified therapist or counselor to help you overcome your harmful self-sabotaging ways. We have many available who are fully trained in trauma a self-sabotage healing. Book a consult to find the right fit for you.Self-Sabotage EspionageHey there, self-saboteur! I'm Niles Frasier, life coach, licensed counselor, and trauma specialist, owner of Self Aware, an academy created to help people who struggle to understand why they do the things they do.In my 15 year practice as a counselor, I found that many of my patients suffer from the same self-limiting beliefs and repeatedly engage in the self-harm that comes from self-sabotage.I decided it was time to focus on these issues and created a wellness center around the foundations of radical self-awareness, gathering experts in leadership, coaching, and mentorship, to help others unlock their potential.Check out our articles in “Self” magazine, and tune into our guest spot on the “Inner Power” podcast.Challenge Your Ways!Check out these helpful resources to help you ditch your self-sabotaging ways!1. Follow us on Instagram. From helpful tips and mindset hacks, to mindfulness reels and Q&A Lives, @SelfAware is an interactive resource to find compassionate help as you discover your happiest, healthiest self.2. Listen to my Podcast interview on “Inner Power” where I share my passion for helping people unlock their potential best.3. Want guidance on how to rewrite your patterns and build awareness? Book a consultation with me. We’ll not only assess your own self-sabotaging habits, we’ll look at the beliefs that brought you to them – and find better ways together.Get To Know YourselfNow that you've got some insight into how you’re holding yourself back, keep an eye on your inbox for a Self-Sabotage Counter Attack Strategy based around your quiz results.Over the next week, I'll share with you more positive pattern building tips and tell you more about how to create a powerful recipe for personal success.“Self-destruction and self-sabotage are often just the start of the self-resurrection process.”― Oli Anderson
