Identifying your child’s needs

Quiz Questions

• 1.
  What is most likely to cause a meltdown for your child? 

  • A.
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    You leaving (the room, the house, or the separation at daycare)
  • B.
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    Socks not fitting right
  • C.
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    Not being allowed to jump on the couch
  • D.
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    Being told ‘no’
  • E.
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    When they have an idea and you tell them it won’t work
• 2.
  Your child’s idea of perfection is:

  • A.
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    Snuggling on the couch with you
  • B.
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    A ‘yes’ day (when you say ‘yes’ to whatever they ask)
  • C.
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    Playing – with LEGOs, in the mud, running around…whatever they enjoy most
  • D.
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    When the tags on their clothes FINALLY stop itching / they can get their body temperature just right / they can wear their favorite fuzzy sweater
  • E.
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    When you really listen to them and consider their ideas
• 3.
  Does your child:

  • A.
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    Hit sibling(s)
  • B.
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    Do things they know they aren’t supposed to do
  • C.
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    Refuse to help with things you ask them to do
  • D.
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    Two of the above, regularly
  • E.
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    All three of the above, regularly
• 4.
  What could you say that would light your child up in the best possible way?

  • A.
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    “I know that [being squeezed tightly / being in a quiet place / being on the sensory swing] really helps when you’re having a hard time. Can I help you do that?”
  • B.
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    “Hmmmm…I never would have thought of that. I’m not sure if it’ll work, but let’s try it!”
  • C.
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    “Would you like to have an hour of Special Time today where I’ll do exactly what you’d like to do with you?”
  • D.
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    “Would you like to play LEGOs / visit friends / be in the mud / do whatever you love to do best?”
  • E.
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    “Would you like to make every decision about what we do today?”
• 5.
  Do you tell your child the same thing over and over again, many times a day, to the point where you feel frustrated and exhausted?

  • A.
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    No, never
  • B.
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    Yes, sometimes, but it isn’t a big deal
  • C.
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    Yes, often
  • D.
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    I’ve told my child something I’ve already told them before during the time it has taken me to get to this point in the quiz
• 6.
  Do you play with your child every day, for at least five minutes, with no distractions (including phones), focused entirely on them, allowing them to direct how you play?

  • A.
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    Yes, we do this consistently
  • B.
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    We do this sometimes, but not consistently
  • C.
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    I barely have time to figure out what’s for dinner tonight
• 7.
  Which Octonauts character is your child?

  • A.
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    Captain Barnacles Bear: The leader; the one who decides what will be done and how it will happen
  • B.
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    Peso Penguin: They want to feel connected with other people (mostly with you)
  • C.
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    Kwazii Kitten: They love play, fun, and excitement
  • D.
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    Professor Inkling Octopus: They want things to be just so, and often don’t want to leave the Octopod
  • E.
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    Shellington Sea Otter: They want to tell you what they know and how they feel, and know you will really listen
• 8.
   You’re tucking your child into bed at the end of a day that has gone much better than most. Your child didn’t resist, argue, or melt down nearly as often as usual. What was most different about today compared to other days?

  • A.
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    We played, and I was able to really get into it instead of thinking about the other things I could be doing
  • B.
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    I listened to my child’s ideas, which seemed a bit wild at first, and then I saw how we might be able to make them work – and we did!
  • C.
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    I was able to help them feel comfortable – we got their clothes fitted just right, and things weren’t too loud, and they didn’t get overwhelmed
  • D.
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    They spent a good deal of the day doing the thing they love best (whether that was with or without me)
  • E.
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    I said “yes” a lot more often than “no” today
• 9.
  How does your child generally seem to feel, across most days?

  • A.
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    Generally good to great! Warm, loving, connected.
  • B.
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    They seem angry a lot of the time.
  • C.
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    I think they may be feeling distant and disconnected from me. We tend to have a lot more ‘negative’ interactions than ‘positive’ ones.
  • D.
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    They come alive when they’re doing their favorite activity. When that has to stop, the annoyance comes out.
  • E.
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    Everything is fine until I say “no,” and then they seem really angry
  • F.
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    We have a hard time setting up their environment so things are just right. Once that’s sorted out, they’re calm and mostly happy
• 10.
  What song is going to be emblematic of your child’s early years?

  • A.
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    "Girls [and boys, and transgender/non-binary children] Just Wanna Have Fun," by Cyndi Lauper
  • B.
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    "Respect," by Aretha Franklin
  • C.
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    "I’m In Control," by Alicia Keys and Khalid
  • D.
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    "We Belong Together," by Mariah Carey
  • E.
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    "Comfy Clothes," by Lee Coulter

Quiz Outcomes

• 1.
  Connection
• 2.
  Comfort
• 3.
  Play
• 4.
  Autonomy
• 5.
  Respect