Relationship Behaviours Quiz for Survivors

Quiz Questions

• 1.
   How do you typically express your love and affection to your partner?    

  • A.
    verbally and physically, often wanting to spend a lot of time together
  • B.
    more reservedly, needing alone time to recharge and connect in smaller doses
• 2.
   When there is conflict in your relationship, you tend to...

  • A.
    want to talk things out immediately and find a resolution
  • B.
    need time and space to process my emotions before engaging in a discussion
• 3.
   How do you typically respond when your partner expresses a need or desire that you don't necessarily agree with?

  • A.
    want to discuss it further and change their mind or find a middle ground
  • B.
    need time to think it over and may even procrastinate responding to their request to avoid conflict
• 4.
   When you are feeling insecure or unsure in your relationship, you tend to...

  • A.
    express my emotions openly and seek reassurance and validation from my partner
  • B.
    keep my emotions to myself and try to work through them on my own
• 5.
   How do you typically handle it when your partner is upset or angry? 

  • A.
    I want to address the issue and resolve it as quickly as possible; sometimes I may even try to fix things for them
  • B.
    I need time and space to process my own emotions before engaging in the conversation; it's hard for me to have these types of conversations

Quiz Outcomes

• 1.
  Pursuer 

  Image Source

  Pursuing is a survival response. If you grew up feeling unseen, unheard, or emotionally neglected, you learned that love wasn’t freely given—you had to fight for it. You had to beg to be noticed, to be chosen, to matter.Fast forward to adulthood, and that same desperation kicks in when conflict arises. The moment tension enters the relationship, your body floods with panic. It doesn’t just feel like a disagreement—it feels like rejection. Like you're being abandoned all over again. And the only way to stop that unbearable feeling? Close the gap. Fix it. Talk it out now.So you push for a resolution. You explain, repeat yourself, send one more text, ask one more time. But when your partner pulls away instead of responding, that panic turns into frustration. You start feeling like you’re the only one doing the work, like you have to beg just to get them to care.What you don’t realize is that the more you pursue, the more they withdraw. And the more they withdraw, the more abandoned you feel. Breaking this pattern doesn’t mean shutting down your needs or pretending you don’t care. It means learning to regulate your nervous system and communicate effectively so that distress doesn’t take over. It means knowing how to soothe yourself in the moment so you can communicate your needs instead of forcing reassurance. And when you do? You stop feeling powerless in your relationships. You stop feeling like you have to beg to be loved. Instead, you create the space for real connection—the kind that doesn’t require you to fight for it.
• 2.
  Withdrawer

  Image Source

  Withdrawing is a survival response. If you grew up being shamed, criticized, or left to handle overwhelming situations alone, you learned to suppress your emotions and stop asking for help. It wasn’t safe to express your needs—so you didn’t.Fast forward to adulthood, and that same instinct kicks in when conflict arises. You shut down, not because you don’t care, but because confrontation triggers the same old fear and shame. You need space to process before engaging. But while you’re stepping back, your partner is stepping forward—pushing for answers, trying harder. The more they push, the more you pull away. And suddenly, you’re trapped in a cycle that neither of you knows how to break.Here’s the thing: If you want healthier communication, you don’t need to push through the discomfort and force yourself to talk when you’re overwhelmed. You need to learn how to regulate your nervous system so you don’t feel overwhelmed in the first place. When your body isn’t flooded with shame and fear, you can stay present, speak for yourself instead of shutting down, and finally feel safe in moments of tension.Because real safety in a relationship isn’t about avoiding conflict—it’s about knowing you can handle it without losing connection.