What's My Conflict Styles In Relationships

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Quiz Questions

1.
You're hosting a game night at your house. One of your friends insists on playing a game that you believe is overly complicated and could slow down the evening. How do you handle this?
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- A.
  They would get a piece of my mind, and firmly put in their place.... They can go home if they don't like it!
- B.
  I discuss my concerns and make sure everyone is aware of the limits and potential issues with that game.
- C.
  I'll stay quiet and hope someone else disagrees, or I could sabotage their game choice by 'losing' the dice?
2.
You're super late for your flight and the check-in person tells you to go right to the front of the security line where the person behind you yells at you... What are you most likely to do?
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- A.
  Say something like: "ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I am going to be late for my flight and that person TOLD ME TO COME HERE. Back off Mister"
- B.
  Try and de-escalate the situation by talking to them, explaining the situation and hopefully shifting the conversation away from you ... "nice shoes btw, do they come in green?"
- C.
  I'd completely understand their frustration and make sure they didn't have an earlier flight, and if they did I'd swap positions.
3.
You've been working on a group project and one member isn't pulling their weight. How do you handle this?
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- A.
  I am so sick of people expecting me to carry their weight, and I'll have none of that! I will tell them what I expect and call them out
- B.
  Obviously, I talk to the rest of the group and see if I can't get them to take action, perhaps a mutiny, sabotage or other way of making them look like the lazy chump that they are.
- C.
  I wouldn't say anything during the meeting but later send my boss a message detailing my concerns.
4.
You've asked your neighbor repeatedly not to play their music and on your one evening with the house to yourself you hear the bass kicking in, what do you do?"
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- A.
  I would go over and calmly explain the situation, trying to find a compromise that works for both of us.
- B.
  Luckily for me I've got those noise-canceling headphones can get really lost in Netflix.
- C.
  Well, perhaps they are having a party or just unwinding on a Friday night, there's some good reason for it.
5.
On your way to work one morning your next door neighbor catches you and starts telling you that you were playing the TV too loud again. How do you respond?
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- A.
  Seriously? I would immediately remind them of the two times the previous week that they were yelling at each other until midnight. Don't come for me, Lady.
- B.
  I'd smile and nod and go to work, or give some non-commital answer that leaves them stewing even more.
- C.
  I'd tell them I was in a hurry and had a meeting i had to be in, and ask how their dog was doing.
6.
You've been planning a vacation with your friends for months, but one friend keeps changing their mind about the destination. How might you normally respond?
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- A.
  Enough already, we need to bake a pie or get out of the kitchen. I'll call them and tell them to get it together.
- B.
  My patience has a limit, I might be able to hold my tongue this time, but you don't want to be around me if it happens again
- C.
  THEY ALWAYS DO THIS! If it's not about vacations, it's about what to order at dinner, or if we should see this movie or that movie - they need to hear how annoying this is.
7.
Some people keep anger locked up inside when in conflict, while other people have no problem letting it erupt outwards. When you're in conflict with your partner, are you more likely to...
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- A.
  Keep my anger locked up inside
- B.
  Let my anger erupt outwards
- C.
  It depends on the situation
8.
During a family gathering, Aunty Karen makes a comment about politics or religion that you find offensive. How do you handle this
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- A.
  She will never learn, I'm done with her and refuse to engage or look at her for the rest of the dinner. Or year. Or both.
- B.
  If she is going to come after the things I find important, she'll hear a few things from me about what she stands for. Starting with that hideous dress she's wearing.
- C.
  I know better than to take the bate from Aunty Karen, she's always stiring the pot, I'll change the subject to something more tranquil, like that new Taylor Swift album.
9.
You RSVP to your friends birthday as a "maybe" because you already have plans that night. You get confronted with an angry call from them in which they say that you should have known to keep it free. What do you do?
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- A.
  Ugh- I hate that. I feel uncomfortable with the confrontation and decide to apologize without explaining, hoping to smooth things over quickly.
- B.
  I calmly explain that I believe there's been a misunderstanding and I will try and get out of my other commitment.
- C.
  What the hell?! I'll tell her it's not my fault she took so long to send that invite, and that I am not a damn mind reader.

Quiz Outcomes

1.
The Fighter
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The Fighter is usually the one who starts the fight, and if not, then they’’re unafraid to express their anger and opinions during a conflict or disagreement. They seem to thrive on debating hot-topics without realizing that they are quickly able to turn conversations into conflict. These disputes typically start out as simple disagreements but this partner rapidly escalates the battle into one that is won by the person who can yell the loudest and the longest (ie them). They tend to use the sheer power of noisy and contemptuous attacks to win the argument.
2.
The Defender
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The Defender perceives conflict as a personal attack and reacts by adopting self-protective strategies which tend to manifest as righteous indignation or a sense of innocent victimhood. This reaction serves as a shield against perceived aggression or threats. While it's common for people to become defensive when criticized, the Defender takes it a step further by launching a counterattack.
3.
The Avoider
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The Avoider is a conflict pattern characterized by a tendency to evade or sidestep disagreements or confrontations. This pattern often stems from anxiety triggered by conflicts, leading to behaviors such as apologizing excessively, agreeing without genuine consent, or accommodating others to avoid tension. When faced with the slightest disagreement, Avoiders may blank out, feel panic, or perceive themselves as victims.I find that The Avoider is misunderstood, perhaps you...find it challenging to set boundaries, or express needs in a conflict situation, and prefer to just keep quiet?had past experiences with strict or short-tempered parents, aggressive siblings or peers, or an absent caretaker. These past traumas resurface during conflicts, making current disagreements feel more intensedon't quite know how to deal with anger or feelings. Avoiders often hide their true feelings, which tends to lead to more difficulties in the long term.If you want to learn how to overcome your conflict-avoiding tendencies, and learn how to change your relationship dynamics for the better, read on at My People Patterns.
4.
The Volcano
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The Volcano is a type of anger that can be likened to a dormant volcano that suddenly erupts, causing havoc and destruction. This type of anger is characterized by sudden, explosive outbursts that are often out of proportion to the situation at hand. The individual may seem calm and composed on the surface, but beneath that calm exterior, there's a buildup of anger and frustration that can explode without warning.
5.
The Analyst
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The Analyst is a type of individual who tends to approach conflict and anger through a lens of intellectualization. They often use their intellect as a shield, distancing themselves from the emotional aspects of a situation by focusing on logic, facts, and analysis. This can be seen as a form of disowned anger, where the emotional response is suppressed or ignored in favor of a more detached, cerebral approach.
6.
The Criticizer
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The Criticizer is a type of person who uses criticism as a defense mechanism in relationships. This individual tends to find faults in their partner, often as a way to protect themselves from feeling vulnerable. The Criticizer's constant criticism can create a negative atmosphere in the relationship, leading to a cycle of mutual attacks and defenses. This behavior can be driven by hardened anger, where the Criticizer holds onto grudges and harbors feelings of bitterness.
7.
The Diplomat
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The Diplomat, as we call them, is a person who is often seen as agreeable and accommodating. They are the ones who are always ready to lend a hand, often putting the needs of others before their own. They are the peacemakers, the ones who avoid conflict and strive for harmony. They are often seen as non-assertive, always seeking approval, and never disagreeing. They are the ones who go with the flow, even if it's not what they truly want.
8.
The Deflector
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The Deflector: The Deflector is an expert at subtly shifting the focus of a conversation, often using a tactic known as "switch-tracking." This is when a response to feedback or criticism changes the subject, leading the conversation down a different track.
9.
The Stonewaller
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The Stonewaller is a master of avoidance, using silence and withdrawal as a shield against conflict. Unlike a temporary timeout to cool down, 'stonewalling' is a persistent refusal to engage in conversation or consider the other person's perspective. This behavior often manifests as dismissive or contemptuous responses, such as "Just leave me alone…" or "End of conversation…".The experience of a Stonewaller is often misunderstood :Perhaps in an argument, you feel like you're just trying to keep your head above water, navigating those intense waves of emotions? Or maybe there are times you find yourself avoiding conflict, not because you want to, but because it feels like the safest option?And let's not even talk about those moments when it seems like your partner is examining and scrutinizing every word, every action, as if you're under a magnifying glass.If you want to learn how to overcome the experience and effects of Stonewalling, and learn how to change your relationship dynamics for the better, read on at My People Patterns.
10.
The Placator
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The Placator is an individual who seeks to mollify and soothe during conflicts, often prioritizing the feelings and needs of others above their own. This conflict style is characterized by a strong desire to maintain peace and avoid any form of confrontation. The Placator often uses reassuring language, gestures of goodwill, and sometimes even self-deprecation to defuse tense situations.

What's My Conflict Styles In Relationships

Conflict and disagreement is part of every relationship and just part of being human, but how you handle conflict can make or break a relationship - take our quiz to see if the way you handle arguments is healthy or if it needs some work.

Quiz Questions

Quiz Outcomes