Am I Anxious, Avoidant or Secure in Relationships (% of each style)?

Quiz Questions

• 1.
  My current relationship pattern is... (can select more than 1 option).

  • A.
    To crave being close to someone and having them meet all my needs.
  • B.
    To seek & enjoy relationships & connection, but I am also okay when we are apart or if I'm not in a relationship.
  • C.
    To avoid them, as they feel like too much many times.
• 2.
  When it comes to spending a decent amount of time together in a relationship, I now... (can select more than 1 option)

  • A.
    I like to spend time with my partner and am comfortable doing so multiple days of the week.
  • B.
    I feel smothered when I have to spend several days per week with the same person, especially in romantic relationships.
  • C.
    I want to spend a lot of time together, but I sometimes get anxious about it.
• 3.
  When it comes to recognizing & expressing my feelings, I now... (can select more than 1 option)

  • A.
    I am able to do so the majority of the time.
  • B.
    I have a hard time knowing how I feel and I rarely express my feelings to others.
  • C.
    I want to, but I'm often afraid of "rocking the boat" or being judged.
  • D.
    Note - if you've improved in an area, select the option that you are NOW able to do.
• 4.
  My current fear(s) in relationships are... (can select more than 1 option)

  • A.
    I'm afraid of losing my independence or feeling smothered.
  • B.
    I don't have too many fears about relationships.
  • C.
    I'm afraid of disconnection and/or abandonment.
  • D.
    I'm afraid of making the wrong decision.
• 5.
  When it comes to conflict in relationships... (can select more than 1 option)

  • A.
    I don't like it, but I feel I need to address it right away to get it resolved.
  • B.
    I typically avoid conflict and avoid addressing it at all costs.
  • C.
    I am comfortable expressing my needs, boundaries, and having uncomfortable conversations.
• 6.
  When it comes to affection and intimacy... (can select more than 1 option)

  • A.
    I am consistently comfortable with closeness & intimacy.
  • B.
    I am usually okay with it at first, but it gets harder as the relationship gets more serious.
  • C.
    I sometimes find myself avoiding intimacy due to discomfort.
  • D.
    I crave intimacy, but sometimes it worry that it's "good enough" or if the relationship is stable.
• 7.
  When my partner is distant or we have a disagreement... (can select more than 1 option)

  • A.
    I tend to get anxious and nervous about where we stand.
  • B.
    I can easily handle some distance or disconnection from time to time, but I don't let things simmer too long.
  • C.
    I crave peace but fear getting hurt.
  • D.
    I am more comfortable with space and disconnection than I am with consistent connection.
• 8.
  When it comes to asking for help & support, I now... (can select more than 1 option)

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  • A.
    I can usually put my pride aside and seek help.
  • B.
    I do ask for help, but sometimes feel weak doing so.
  • C.
    I do not like to ask for help, I prefer to do it myself.
• 9.
  When others show emotion, I now... (can select more than 1 option)

  • A.
    Often get annoyed, uncomfortable, and feel like they need to be stronger.
  • B.
    Empathize a lot with them and can sometimes even feel those same emotions with them.
  • C.
    Can listen & be there for them without "taking on" their emotions.
• 10.
  My current tendency in relationships is to... (can select more than 1 option)

  • A.
    Give a lot more than the other person and/or I'm always the one to "give in" during disagreements or differences in needs.
  • B.
    I stand strong in my desires, maybe too strong sometimes, not listening enough to others' needs.
  • C.
    I usually have a good balance of give and take in my relationships.

Quiz Outcomes

• 1.
  Anxious

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  You have some ANXIOUS tendencies, but this isn't all bad! Most of us have a combination of attachment behaviors & the key is to learn and develop as many secure behaviors as possible.Anxious responses only train your brain to be more anxious, causing more fear, discomfort, and fear-based thoughts.The good news is...When you learn to recognize these tendencies & change your mental and behavioral responses, you WILL become more secure and drastically improve your relationships!4 Tips to Stop Anxiety1. Allow discomfort. The more you try to get rid of your discomfort or judge your feelings, the stronger your anxiety-response will get. Learn to allow it and know that you can tolerate uncertainty & imperfection in life.2. Don't engage mentally or physically. When you ruminate or overthink, you're only giving the thought, feeling & situation more power. Learn to let the thoughts & feelings be there without giving it any more attention - then watch it fade!3. Wait & see. When you don't automatically believe anxious feelings & thoughts, moving on anyway, you'll usually find that the worry/fear was exaggerated and "that thing" didn't even happen the way we thought it would!4. Don't tolerate bad patterns of behavior. Sometimes anxiety causes us to over-expose ourselves to unhealthy situations because we doubt ourselves, our ability to handle loss, or we doubt good things are to come. While tolerance of imperfection is important, it should not come at the expense of our own core needs & boundaries.Hi👋, I’m Danielle Thornton-Jhiani! I’m a Certified Life Coach & Anxiety/Attachment Specialist who's overcome severe anxiety & avoidance in relationships. I've taken what I've learned to help hundreds of clients become secure!Therapy helped me, but I had to learn what many therapists were missing (the long & hard way) as I went through my journey to security.I didn't want others to suffer as long as I did, so I created a simple method to Becoming Secure that will speed up the process for you!I offer private 1:1 sessions & a cost-effective membership program will be coming soon!!!Learn more by clicking the button below or to sign up for an Initial Session with me today!
• 2.
  Avoidant

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  You have some AVOIDANT tendencies, but this isn't all bad! Most of us have a combination of attachment behaviors & the key is to learn and develop as many secure behaviors as possible.Avoidant responses only train your brain to need to avoid anything uncomfortable more and more, affecting your life & relationships greatly.The good news is...When you learn to recognize these tendencies & change your mental and behavioral responses, you WILL become more secure and drastically improve your relationships!3 Tips to Stop Avoidance1. Recognize your patterns. Notice ALL the areas in life that you avoid due to feelings of discomfort (often masked as "good excuses). Information & awareness is power!2. Choose to expose yourself. While it might be uncomfortable at first, choosing not to run is what will stop these patterns. Go slowly, and you'll build comfort & tolerance in any situation!3. Get help. We know now hard this can be, so what helps immensely is working someone who understands & can help you learn when/how to make these changes so you're honoring your own needs while also learning healthier behaviors.Hi👋, I’m Danielle Thornton-Jhiani! I’m a Certified Life Coach & Anxiety/Attachment Specialist who's overcome severe anxiety & avoidance in relationships. I've taken what I've learned to help hundreds of clients become secure!Therapy helped me, but I had to learn what many therapists were missing (the long & hard way) as I went through my journey to security.I didn't want others to suffer as long as I did, so I created a simple method to Becoming Secure that will speed up the process for you!I offer private 1:1 sessions & a cost-effective membership program will be coming soon!!!Learn more by clicking the button below or to sign up for an Initial Session with me today!
• 3.
  Secure

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  You have some SECURE tendencies, and this is great!Most of us have a combination of attachment (anxious, avoidant & secure) tendencies. The key is to have a healthy balance, with most of our tendencies being SECURE.Congratulations! Whether you've always been this way, or you've done a lot of work to get here continue to practice these secure habits and shift any anxious or avoidant tendencies as well!!3 Tips to Remain or Improve Security1. Allow connection & disconnection. Both are normal, depending on the stage of the relationship and other circumstances. While regular connection should be the goal, you should also have your own hobbies, friends, goals, etc. that "fill your cup."2. Express your needs and boundaries. Choose your battles wisely (no one is going to meet all of your needs), but be vulnerable and express your needs and boundaries. Learn when you need to stay firm on a boundary & when you have a need that needs compromise or your partner needs time to learn to meet.3. Let go of perfection. All relationships go through ups and downs, and none of our relationships or partners will meet that "perfect picture of who we want them to be." Allow them and the relationship to be imperfect, while also being able to set and hold important boundaries.“Time is not refundable; use it with intention.” – UnknownHi👋, I’m Danielle Thornton-Jhiani! I’m a Certified Life Coach & Anxiety/Attachment Specialist who's overcome severe anxiety & avoidance in relationships. I've taken what I've learned to help hundreds of clients become secure!Therapy helped me, but I had to learn what many therapists were missing (the long & hard way) as I went through my journey to security.I didn't want others to suffer as long as I did, so I created a simple method to Becoming Secure that will speed up the process for you!I offer private 1:1 sessions & a cost-effective membership program will be coming soon!!!Learn more by clicking the button below or to sign up for an Initial Session with me today!