You know it's trauma but it keeps getting worse!

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Quiz Questions

1.
Has your child had major traumatic experiences in the past (abuse, neglect, domestic violence, in utero exposure to substances, attachment breach and birth trauma)?
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- A.
  Don't know. My child was adopted.
- B.
  Don't know. My child spent time in foster care.
- C.
  Repeatedly over a number of years
- D.
  Several times over a brief time
- E.
  Once
- F.
  Never
2.
Has your child experienced major changes such as divorce, change of school, relocation, something scary, or death of a distant but important other (grandparent, uncle, family friend, or friend)?
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- A.
  Never
- B.
  At least once after 24 months of age
- C.
  At least once between conception and 24 months of age
- D.
  So many experiences I have lost count
3.
When faced with a challenging situation (like going to or leaving school, accepting no, having to stop a preferred activity), how does your child typically respond?
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- A.
  They are often anxious or hesitant.
- B.
  They handle it well and adapt easily.
- C.
  They manage with some support from me.
- D.
  With significant distress or outbursts.
4.
Does your child have trouble trusting?
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- A.
  My child trusts other people more than me.
- B.
  My child has an "on and off" trust with me.
- C.
  My child seems fairly healthy to me and others.
- D.
  My child clings to me all the time, but it doesn't feel trusting.
5.
How confident are you in your ability to support your child by helping them talk about what's wrong, comforting them or helping them settle down when they are upset?
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- A.
  Somewhat confident, but I can't always settle them.
- B.
  Not very confident, I feel lost. I can't reach them.
- C.
  Pretty confident, but I can't always get the result I want with the tools and knowledge I have.
- D.
  Fairly confident, though I can't always tell the difference between bad behavior and trauma behavior.
- E.
  Very confident, I have all the tools I need.
6.
What's the first thing that comes to mind when your child has a meltdown?
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- A.
  I understand this is part of their expressing process and respond with patience, lower demands and empathy.
- B.
  I feel angry and embarrassed. I just want it to stop.
- C.
  I feel overwhelmed and unsure how to help.
- D.
  I try to stay calm and use the strategies I know, but I lose it a lot and end up yelling.
7.
How do you handle your child's resistance to rules and structure?
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- A.
  I've found effective ways to maintain harmony and respect.
- B.
  I struggle but try to enforce boundaries consistently.
- C.
  I'm learning to balance firmness with understanding.
- D.
  It's a daily battle and I feel powerless.
8.
How connected do you feel to a community or support system that understands your needs and the needs of your child?
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- A.
  I feel isolated and without support. People don't really want my child around.
- B.
  I'm actively engaged in a supportive and understanding community.
- C.
  I'm part of a community who kind of gets this, but I could be more involved. I just don't have time/money to get a sitter and go to a meeting.
- D.
  I have some support, but it's not always reliable. Friends and family get worn out by my child.
9.
How often do you find yourself searching for new strategies to help your child?
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- A.
  Rarely, I'm confident in the strategies we're using.
- B.
  Regularly, I'm always on the lookout for better methods.
- C.
  Occasionally, when I feel current methods aren't enough.
- D.
  Constantly, nothing seems to work.
10.
To what degree do you experience stress and frustration in your parenting role?
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- A.
  Minimal, I've learned to navigate the challenges effectively.
- B.
  Sometimes, but I manage to find balance.
- C.
  Quite a bit, it's a frequent source of tension.
- D.
  It's overwhelming and affects my daily life.
11.
How would you describe how you deal with your child's therapeutic needs?
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- A.
  I'm learning, but feel I'm not doing enough.
- B.
  I'm super shaky and unsure.
- C.
  I'm well-informed and confident in meeting their needs. I've got this.
- D.
  I'm proactive, always seeking to improve but have trouble finding help that "get's us."
12.
What is your biggest challenge when it comes to maintaining a peaceful home environment?
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- A.
  Managing frequent conflicts and outbursts.
- B.
  Constant chaos and lack of control.
- C.
  Minor disruptions, but we generally have a calm atmosphere.
- D.
  Balancing everyone's needs and keeping the peace.
13.
How do you feel about your ability to advocate for your child in educational or therapeutic settings?
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- A.
  I'm a strong advocate and feel my efforts are successful.
- B.
  I try to advocate, but it's challenging and sometimes ineffective.
- C.
  I feel unheard and often dismissed.
- D.
  I'm becoming more skilled but sometimes I feel like I know more than the professionals.
14.
How do you manage your own emotional well-being while caring for a child with trauma?
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- A.
  I struggle often, but I try to make sure I do something for myself once in a while.
- B.
  I often neglect my own needs. Who has time for wellness appointments, social activities, or exercise? It's all about my child.
- C.
  I prioritize self-care, though it's not always easy because there is so much to do for everyone else.
- D.
  I have a solid self-care routine that includes time to myself, time for my health, and time to nurture my relationship with my partner and friends.
15.
How well do you feel equipped with the knowledge and tools to help your child heal from trauma?
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- A.
  I have no idea what to do.
- B.
  I have taken quite a few classes and gotten some education and tips but they seem to stop working after a while.
- C.
  I have some knowledge, but everything I try seems to make it worse.
- D.
  I have all the knowledge, tools and expertise as I need.
16.
How connected do you feel to your child on an emotional level?
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- A.
  We have a deep emotional bond and understand each other well.
- B.
  We have moments of connection, but we also have times when things seem to go backward.
- C.
  It is a struggle. It feels like there's a barrier.
- D.
  I try to be patient and believe that we will build a stronger connection over time.

Quiz Outcomes

1.
Sweet! Your Child Is Showing Resilience
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Your child shows signs of resilience despite early challenges. Great! You are doing well. Remember that children need the right tools in the right order at the right time to thrive, and every developmental milestone presents challenges. If your child had early trauma and you are having few challenges now, then you might be wise to investigate typical trauma responses to the milestone that is just ahead for your child--school entrance or transitioning from elementary to pre-adolescence in jr. high school. High School, of course, poses challenges for all teens and those with trauma experiences have the most difficulty navigating the ups and downs of relationships, drug and alcohol experimentation, and sexual encounters, just to name a few. Finally, the ability to launch at 18 is unusual these days, but there are hidden fears for our young adults who want to leave but are not ready and for those who never want to leave because they are not ready either. I believe with the right support and therapeutic tools, you can enhance their ability to cope and flourish. Consider exploring more targeted strategies to further empower your child's journey towards thriving.You might want to sign up below for the Love Matters Parenting Blog for Parents of Children from Difficult Beginnings.
2.
Okay, You Are Aware
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You're becoming aware of the impact of trauma on your child. I can see your dedication to understanding and supporting your child's needs. If your child experienced attachment separation, in utero exposure to drugs or alcohol or trauma in the first 33 months of life, then deepening your knowledge and applying therapeutic parenting techniques can make a significant difference in your child's life. The right tools in the right order at the right time makes all the difference between weathering the big waves or crashing against the rocks in the perfect storm. You may need a little more support than you have because support is often hard to find. UnMuted Love with Ce Eshelman is a great podcast to learn more easily about parenting children from difficult beginnings.
3.
Yes, Becoming Therapeutic Is Essential
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You're actively engaged in advocating for your child's growth. I admire your commitment to learning and applying therapeutic tools. To further your progress, consider my comprehensive program to refine your approach and maximize your child's healing potential. When you use the right tools in the the right order at the right time, you can stem the tide of negative patterns in your relationship with your child and begin to change the course of their life. It is never too late to be the parent your child needs you to be. Early experiences of trauma, attachment breach, or in utero exposure makes your child's brain different in structure. In order to parent effectively, therapeutic parenting will be your best path to peace at home.
4.
Now Is The Time
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Your child had trauma between conception and the first 33 months of life. This is the most important thing you need to know. Even if you are parenting a baby or your child is seemingly doing the same child like shenanigans as the typical kids on your block, your child's brain is different and you need specialized therapeutic parent training to avoid the pitfalls of thinking your child will be different because right now every thing seems okay. The truth is it is very important. You need a coach in your corner who can help you champion your child's healing journey. I'm here to support you in taking the next steps to ensure your child thrives. The right tools in the right order at the right time with make all the difference between weathering the storms or crashing against the rocks in the perfect storm. My program offers those tools, gives you the right order, and prepares you for the right timing to save your child from the ravages of trauma and you from the distress of figuring out what to do at every turn. There is hope and there are answers. You need a community to help you stay afloat. We have that here for you, too. You don't have to do this alone.

You know it's trauma but it keeps getting worse!

FIND Out if you're doing the Right Thing or if YOU are making it worse.

Quiz Questions

Quiz Outcomes