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'The Lonely Path'
The Lonely Path: When Your Grief Goes UnseenWhat Your Responses RevealYou might be navigating what I call The Lonely Path- a kind of experience in grief that exists in the space between what others see and what you actually feel. On the outside, you may look functional and maybe even like you're "doing well," but internally, grief continues to shape every moment. This disconnect and the gap between your reality and the world’s perception can create a painful weight all its own.This is an exhausting, invisible labor. Grief that goes unseen doesn’t become lighter, it becomes lonelier. And part of what’s draining you isn’t just the loss itself, but the pressure to carry it quietly, to make it easier for others, to grieve in a way that won’t make anyone uncomfortable.What’s This Experience Can Feel LikeWhen grief goes unacknowledged, your system adapts in ways that can feel isolating and disorienting:You start questioning your own grief (Should I be over this by now? Am I making too much of this?)Your body holds the tension: headaches, jaw clenching, exhaustion you can’t shake.You develop a public self that looks fine and a private self that carries the weight of it all.Grief hits harder in the quiet moments—when you finally let go of the act of being okay.You become hyperaware of others’ expectations, filtering what you say and what you show.You feel lonely even in the presence of people who care about you.The ripple effects of unseen grief are really hard on the nervous system seeking safety with others. What Might (Actually) Help NowWhen the world doesn’t see your grief, it’s easy to believe your only option is to keep going. You might notice beliefs that you have to keep it in, shrink it down, and figure it out alone. But grief was never meant to be carried in isolation. We are social creatures wired to seek closeness when we're in pain (and, always).Here are a few ways to make space for what you’re carrying, even when no one else does:1. Name It for YourselfIf the world won’t validate your grief, and often it doesn't, it becomes even more essential that you do. Practice asking yourself, "what's here for me right now?" and letting yourself name an emotion, thought, or feeling without minimizing or justifying. Sometimes, naming it is a start to creating just a little more breathing room.2. Find a Space Where You Don’t Have to Filter YourselfUnseen grief can start to feel like something that shouldn’t be seen, but that’s a lie. This just means you probably haven't found the right space, like a trusted person, a support group, a private journal, somewhere you can be unfiltered and honest without judgement. We all need places and spaces where we don’t have to translate our grief into something more digestible for others.3. Micro-Moments of ValidationUnseen grief can leave you waiting. Waiting for someone to notice, for someone to ask the right question, and for the world to slow down long enough to make space for what you feel. But you don’t have to wait for permission to grieve. Try small acts of self-recognition: Writing down one thing you’re missing or grieving today.Lighting a candle in quiet acknowledgment.Carrying a photo of your person or setting their picture as your phone’s lock screen.These tiny moments of acknowledgement send signals of safety to your nervous system. This acknowledgement tells your body it's okay to pay attention and feel what's here. That this grief is real, it’s allowed to exist, and you don’t have to erase it to function.One Small StepIf you take nothing else from this, consider this one small shift:The next time you catch yourself downplaying your grief, like telling yourself it’s not that bad, or that others have it worse, or that you should be handling it better...pause. Instead, try saying:"This is real. This is heavy. This deserves a lot of space, for as long as it needs."It won’t erase the loneliness, of course, but it might create just a micro-moment of relief to name the truth. A Note About Grief PatternsWhile your responses align most closely with "The Lonely Path," grief is never just one thing. Some days, it might feel like "The Earthquake"- like everything has collapsed beneath you. Other days, it might shift into something else entirely.Grief doesn’t follow a straight line. It doesn’t fit into neat categories. But identifying where-ish you are right now can help connect you to the support that meets you in this moment.*It's important to acknowledge that whose grief gets recognized and validated isn't random. Social power dynamics determine which losses receive acknowledgment and which get minimized. Certain types of grief, especially those involving marginalized identities, stigmatized losses, or relationships not recognized by dominant culture, are systematically invalidated. This isn't a personal failing but a structural reality. Recognizing these dynamics can help shift blame away from yourself when your grief goes unseen and place it where it belongs: on systems that determine whose pain matters.What To Do NextSign up for the '26 Grief Portal Program WaitlistGrief doesn’t disappear with time, but how you carry it changes.This 8-week online group is for grievers who aren’t in the raw early days of overwhelm, but still feel the weight of loss woven into everything and want to make sense of how this has changed them. If you’re navigating the long, complicated work of integrating grief- figuring out how to honor what was while making space for what’s next- this space is for you.🔹 You feel caught between honoring your grief and the pressure to ‘move on’🔹 Your inner critic questions whether you’re grieving ‘correctly’🔹 Relationships feel strained—some pulling away, others offering advice that doesn’t land🔹 Your body is holding grief in ways words can’t fully expressThrough creativity, IFS, and somatic therapy, we’ll explore how to integrate grief in a way that feels true to you- without timelines, without expectations, without erasing what still matters.Enrollment opens SOON. If this resonates, I’d love for you to join us. SAVE YOUR SPOT HERE.*I understand that joining a group when your grief has been invalidated might feel especially vulnerable. Will it be safe to finally be seen? In our grief spaces, we create safety through clear agreements, trauma-sensitive facilitation, options for participation levels, and recognition that each person's grief is uniquely theirs. You'll never be pressured to share more than feels right, and witnessing others' experiences of invalidation often creates profound relief—the moment of 'I'm not the only one' that your nervous system has been waiting for.Other Ways To Work With MeWhile the group program is particularly beneficial for those experiencing unrecognized grief, I understand that some situations may benefit from more personalized support.1:1 grief support might be right for you if:Your grief involves complex or sensitive circumstances difficult to share in a groupYou need focused attention on your specific situationYou prefer complete privacy while exploring your griefYou want to prepare individually before joining a group settingApply to work with me individually HERE..You can also...Subscribe to my weekly-ish newsletter, 'Touching The Fire' for more personal deep-dives on all things life after lossFollow me on Instagram at @andthatsgriefWhat Others Have Said About Working With Me"Working with Rio has honestly been life changing for me. She is a natural and intuitive guide who has extensive knowledge and really helpful tools and practices that I’m utilizing after our sessions. I am moving through my grief gradually and feeling relief with Rio’s expert, respectful guidance." - Adrienne"Working with Rio has proven to be very helpful. I gained tremendous value and direction as to how to move forward in my grief journey." -N.K. "Felt like a partner in my grief journey, and felt like my hand was being held when and if I needed it." - Sam
