Why Your Communication Isn’t Working — and How to Get What You Want in Love

Quiz Questions

• 1.
  When you’re upset, how do you usually express yourself?

  • A.
    I get irritated or say things with an edge
  • B.
    I explain things clearly and calmly
  • C.
    I say things consciously but feel angry or really sad underneath
  • D.
    I talk about what I want instead of what’s wrong
  • E.
    I cry, withdraw, or get visibly emotional
• 2.
  What does your partner usually do when you bring something up?

  • A.
    Gets defensive or shuts down
  • B.
    Listens and understands but rarely follows through or changes things
  • C.
    Seems overwhelmed, unsure of how to respond, or doesn't feel like he can ever make you happy
  • D.
    Smiles or agrees, but doesn’t always act in new ways
  • E.
    Gets sassy or pulls away even though you're communicating "consciously"
• 3.
  How do your arguments or important conversations usually feel?

  • A.
    Like I'm too much and don't feel safe to share my feelings with him
  • B.
    Feels kind of productive in the moment — but the same issue comes back up.
  • C.
    You feel misunderstood or frustrated. He didn't get what you were trying to communicate
  • D.
    Tense, repetitive, and nothing gets better. Maybe even a little toxic.
  • E.
    They usually end sweet or hopeful — but it fades.
• 4.
  Which of these best describes how you want to feel in your relationship?

  • A.
    Relaxed and like I don't have to think about speaking consciously
  • B.
    Like what I share actually leads to change.
  • C.
    Emotionally held and safe so I can be all of me.
  • D.
    Confident about the future and what we're creating together.
  • E.
    Safe to express myself without backlash.
• 5.
  Which of these is your most common frustration?

  • A.
    I hate that everything turns into an argument.
  • B.
    Something feels off or shallow. Even when we’re “fine.”
  • C.
    I say it all — and he still doesn’t change.
  • D.
    I'm tired of having dreams and desires for our relationship and us not making it happen
  • E.
    I feel like I’m too emotional or misunderstood.

Quiz Outcomes

• 1.
  The “Protected Pain” Communication Layer.

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  *SCREENSHOT YOUR RESULTS*You’re Currently Communicating From The “Protected Pain” Communication Layer.You probably grew up watching your parents fight, or watching someone always compromise and suppress their feelings.Maybe you even learned to hide your own feelings because it hasn’t always felt safe to share what’s really going on in your hear.Now in your relationships, you might react to him and say something sharp. Or try to keep it together until it eventually builds up and explodes out of you.Your partner…Gets triggered too and your fights seem to trigger each other even deeper. When he gets defensive or shut down, it just makes you want to talk about it even more. You know you love each other but you just can never seem to get on the same page. It seems to be a battle of back and forth frustration, disappointments, and not ever finding real resolution What’s Really Going OnYou have a desire to be seen. To be met. To feel like your feelings actually matter.But when communication comes from a place of armor and reactivity — even if it’s unintentional — your partner feels that defense, not your heart. And he protects himself by getting defensive or pulling away or fighting back harder in response.That’s how the cycle begins. Not because either of you are bad at communicating, but because both of you are protecting your heart's old pains and patterns from childhood and past relationships.Where To Improve: Speak From The Emotional Layer of Communication (But First, The Mind Layer)Learning how to shift out of protected pain and speak from your real emotional truth — the one that lives underneath the reactivity — will stop triggering his defensiveness and begin to create a new relationship environment of vulnerability and connection.When he feels that version of you, he doesn’t have to get defensive or shut down.He softens. He leans in. He wants to love you better.The problem is, right now anything you communicate with him will likely trigger his defensiveness because that's the norm (aka relational environment) you guys have created. So your first step will be to take all emotion out of it and communicate with him consciously and logically about what’s been going on between the two of you and what you’re both going to do moving forward. No blaming, no intense emotions around it, just matter of fact level-headed communication.Next Step: Hijack His Heart WorkshopIn the Hijack His Heart workshop I share with you all 5 layers of communication, what layer to use based on your unique partner and what you’re communicating about, + how to feel seen, heard and inspire him to change. You don't need to keep dealing with defensiveness, recurring fights, and feeling like your relationship is a war zone. Choose your peace by communicating in a way that works.
• 2.
  The “Mind” Communication Layer.

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  *SCREENSHOT YOUR RESULTS*You’re Currently Communicating From The “Mind” Communication Layer.You try to stay calm, conscious and clearly communicate what’s happening inside of you. You’ve probably read the books, practiced the “I” statements, and tried to make sure you’re not playing out old traumas or blaming him.But still — you don’t really feel seen and even when he says he understands, you have to have the same conversation days later.What’s Really Going OnYou’ve learned that it’s more conscious and helpful to communicate in ways that are rational, fair, and calm. But sometimes… the truth is messier and he needs that messiness to actually understand you. In addition to that, you want to feel seen, but your heart isn’t craving to be logically understood all the time — it wants to be authentic and deeply loved.Your Partner…When you stay in logic and conscious “I” statements, your partner may hear you and agree with you, but not feel moved by what you’re saying. That’s the missing piece.You’re not asking for too much. It’s not that he doesn’t care to love you better. He’s just in his own patterns. Staying in your head and communicating from the mind layer doesn’t reach the subconscious parts of him that control his thoughts and behavior — the real power lives in a deeper truth in your heart and body.Where To Improve: Speak From The Emotional Layer of CommunicationLearning how to blend your mental clarity with just enough emotional impact makes the difference between him listening, understanding, and agreeing to something… versus him feeling inspired to love you, show up for you, and be the man you crave on his own accord.That’s when change actually happens. Not from pressure — but from naturally impacting the deep parts of his male psyche so that he feels called to move into action.Next Step: Hijack His Heart WorkshopInside the Hijack His Heart workshop, I’ll show you how to move from explaining to impacting. From “talking about things” to being received in a way that opens him — and leads to real change and deep intimacy.
• 3.
  The “Emotional” Communication Layer.

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  *SCREENSHOT YOUR RESULTS*You’re Currently Communicating From The “Emotional” Communication Layer.You speak from your heart — and you feel deeply.That’s your superpower. And also, sometimes, it causes problems in your relationship.You may worry your emotions are too much. Or that they’re misunderstood. Or that when you finally share what you feel, it gets brushed off, makes him feel not good enough or makes things so much worse.What’s Really Going OnYou want to feel safe enough to bring all of you — not just the easy parts. You want your partner to be able to hold the truth of your experience without shutting down. You want him to see you and love you without taking things personal or feeling not enough.But emotional communication is delicate. Without the right frame, it can land in him like pressure. Or overwhelm. Or chaos — even when it’s coming from good intentions.Your Partner…Most men aren’t at all comfortable with emotions and so they can take it as confusing or as an attack. Because he likely has wounds around “not enoughness”, he may internalize your authentic feelings as a sign that he isn’t doing a good job loving you. This can make him want to avoid your emotions all together, it's too confronting for his internal feelings of failure.In some cases, it may be true that he’s not doing a great job and you want more of something in the relationship, but you and I can both agree…you’re not trying to attack him, you’re simply trying to communicate how you feel so you feel seen and so that he can love you in the ways you’re wanting.You have good intentions, now let's make sure it lands the way you want it to with him.Where To Improve: Blend In Mind Layer CommunicationWhen you learn how to frame your feelings, needs, and desires in a way that gives your partner a clear roadmap while still vulnerably sharing your heart, everything changes.You don’t have to tone yourself down. You don’t have to stop being needy. You don’t have to be less emotional.You just need to know how to deliver it so that it creates connection instead of shutdown.Here’s the thing: because he’s likely not familiar with emotional landscapes, you have to tell him how to navigate it. He simply doesn’t know how to navigate your feelings in a way that makes you feel loved.In addition to sharing your raw feminine feelings, you want to give him “ways to win” aka a clear roadmap on how to love you and support you in the moment and moving forward.Next Step: Hijack His Heart WorkshopInside the Hijack His Heart workshop, you’ll learn how to break the argument cycles, feel seen and communicate in a way that gets through to him. You'll discover how to blend your mental clarity with emotional depth, so your partner sees you deeply and feels inspired to respond, show up, and love you better. This isn’t about communicating more. It’s about communicating in a way that moves him.
• 4.
  The “Desire” Communication Layer.

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  *SCREENSHOT YOUR RESULTS*You’re Currently Communicating From The “Desire” Communication Layer.You speak in visions. You lead with what you want.You’re a dreamer, a lover, and a creator of possibility.And yet… you might feel like you’re not getting what you truly want and need.Your communication style is magnetic — but it can also be elusive. Sometimes you hint instead of directly ask. Suggest instead of state. Invite instead of implement.What’s Really Going OnYou have a longing to be met in the beauty and depth of what you feel and what you want together and for your future. You have a craving for your partner to pick up on what you should do without you saying it directly. But men don’t often hear between the lines the way women do. And when desire isn’t paired with grounding parameters, it can feel vague, dream-like — or even too far out of reach.Your Partner…He may be totally on board, agree with you, and support your visions, but not be taking initiative on things. It's possible he doesn’t believe he can give you what you’re wanting or he just doesn’t know how exactly to give it to you. It’s also likely that he sees your communication as optional invitations rather than a commitment to creating what you’re wanting, together.He needs more clarity, structure, and something to clearly commit to.Where To Improve: Ground It Into Reality With “Mind Layer” CommunicationBring your desire down into your body. Anchor it.Combine your creative, sensual, abundant desires with clarity, agreements, structure and timing — and it becomes impossible NOT to be met with exactly what you’re wanting in your relationship and future together.Next Step: Hijack His Heart WorkshopIn the Hijack His Heart workshop, I’ll show you how to use desire in a way that invites him deeper, not just along for the ride. So you’re not just expressing what you want — you’re receiving it.
• 5.
  “Invisible” Communication Layer.

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  *SCREENSHOT YOUR RESULTS*You’re Currently Communicating From The “Invisible” Communication Layer.You try to say the right things.You’re not blaming him or reacting like you used toAnd yet… something still feels off.You walk away from conversations thinking, “That didn’t go how I wanted it to… but I don’t know why.”What’s Really Going OnYou’re not doing anything wrong. But your nervous system might be sending mixed signals. You’re trying to be a calm and conscious communicator yet you’re pissed at him right underneath the surface.When your body, tone, or energy are saying one thing and your words are saying another — your partner can feel that. This is a form of unconscious protection. Your nervous system may not feel fully safe or open to receiving yet… even though your mind is.It’s not about constantly monitoring your tone or overanalyzing yourself.It’s about getting curious: Is the energy I’m speaking from truly open to receiving what I want?Your Partner…Instead of softening and opening up to hear your words, your partner will be responding to the feelings underneath your words. Whether he realizes it or not, he’s picking up on your micro-facial expressions, your shifts in body language, and your tone of voice.He likely doesn’t even know why he gets defensive or triggered, but he will be no matter what pretty, calm words you use. Energy doesn’t lieWhere To Improve: Inner Healing & Emotional Layer CommunicationLearn how to shift your invisible communication by tuning into what’s actually happening underneath your words: Your feelings and expectations.You might be saying “I want to be met” but your deeper feelings are saying “I don’t trust you to meet me.” This is a sign for deeper trauma healing needed to change your internal expectations of him to trust and worthiness.In addition to inner healing, the emotional communication layer will be your next step. Instead of keeping your emotions inside while trying to communicate consciously with your words, You’ll want to vulnerably share what you’re really feeling inside even if it’s not perfect or pretty.When your communication matches what you’re feeling, your partner can finally feel what you mean — and respond to the truth of it.Next Step: Hijack His Heart WorkshopInside the Hijack His Heart workshop, I’ll help you shift your invisible communication — so you’re no longer speaking through a subtle layer of doubt, disappointment, or fear.Instead, you’ll be received from the place you’ve always wanted to be heard: your truth.