Which of the Four Horsemen Is Hurting Your Relationship Most?

Quiz Questions

• 1.
  Which best describes your current relationship status?

  • A.
    In a long-term relationship
  • B.
    Married
  • C.
    Dating
  • D.
    Not currently in a relationship (just curious!)
• 2.
  When a disagreement starts, what's your typical first reaction?

  • A.
    I point out what they did wrong so we can address it.
  • B.
    I think, “Here we go again...” and silently shut down.
  • C.
    I roll my eyes or think, “Wow, you’re being ridiculous.
  • D.
    I quickly explain why it’s not my fault.
• 3.
  How do you express dissatisfaction in your relationship?

  • A.
    I dismiss their feelings or make jokes at their expense.
  • B.
    I highlight my partner’s flaws, so they understand the issue.
  • C.
    I withdraw and say nothing. I need space.
  • D.
    I interrupt to defend myself or explain my side.
• 4.
  During conflict, which thought feels most familiar?

  • A.
    This isn’t even my fault. They always twist it!
  • B.
    Why can’t they ever do anything right?
  • C.
    I can’t deal with this—I’m just shutting down.
  • D.
    They’re so dramatic. I’m over this
• 5.
   How do you typically communicate your needs?

  • A.
    I don’t bother saying much—it won’t help.
  • B.
    I feel superior and let my body language show it.
  • C.
    I feel attacked and immediately defend myself.
  • D.
    I start with what they did wrong before I explain myself.
• 6.
   When your partner brings up an issue, how do you feel?

  • A.
    Annoyed that they’re blaming me—again.
  • B.
    Tired of hearing it and emotionally check out.
  • C.
    Disgusted, like they’re beneath me.
  • D.
    Misunderstood—I just want to explain my side.

Quiz Outcomes

• 1.
   Your Primary Horseman: Criticism

  What it means: You tend to express frustration by focusing on your partner’s flaws or character.Try this instead: Practice using gentle start-ups—focus on your feelings and needs, not blame.
• 2.
   Your Primary Horseman: Stonewalling

  What it means: You shut down emotionally or physically leave the situation to avoid stress.Try this instead: Practice self-soothing. Take a 20-minute break, breathe, then return ready to reconnect.
• 3.
   Your Primary Horseman: Contempt

  What it means: Sarcasm, eye-rolling, or judgment may be your go-to in conflict. This is the most dangerous of the Four.Try this instead: Build a culture of appreciation. Make a habit of pointing out what you admire in your partner.
• 4.
  Your Primary Horseman: Defensiveness

  What it means: You often feel attacked and rush to defend yourself, which can escalate arguments.Try this instead: Listen with curiosity. Own even a small part of the issue and validate their feelings.