What's Your Conflict Style?

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Quiz Questions

1.
You come home to find your roommate’s stuff all over your side of the room. What do you do?
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- A.
  Bring up your frustration and ask them to not do this again
- B.
  Do and say nothing. They’ll probably clean it up later
- C.
  Decide not to bring it up this time – you've probably done something that annoyed them, so now you’re even
2.
Your friend group is deciding where to eat. You are...
- A.
  Trying to get everyone to share their preference and to be involved in the discussion
- B.
  Making the decision – you want to make sure you get what you’re craving!
- C.
  Saying, “I’m good with whatever!” -- you want the group to be happy
- D.
  Suggesting a few options that everyone likes and organizing a vote between those
- E.
  Waiting for the discussion to be over - you hate this part of going out to eat
3.
You loaned your sibling some money for their spring break trip, and they promised to pay you back once they got paid from their job. It’s been over a month, and they still haven’t paid you back. What would you do?
- A.
  Don't say anything, you'd rather wait for them to eventually remember than say something
- B.
  Remind them about the money, share your frustration, and set a deadline for the payment that works for both of you
4.
Your friend sends you a long text telling you something you said at lunch yesterday really hurt them. You didn’t think what you said was that big of a deal. How do you respond?
- A.
  Immediately apologize and tell them you’ll never do it again. You feel anxious and horrible that you made them feel that way.
- B.
  Apologize and let them know why you said it. You feel bad but also know you didn’t mean it like that.
5.
Your friend has started re-posting content on their Instagram story that you find problematic. Your gut instinct is to...
- A.
  Continue liking their content like normal – you don’t want to start a fight over it
- B.
  Keep following them, but intentionally don’t like the posts you find problematic
- C.
  Reply to one of their posts to challenge some of the problematic thinking
- D.
  Unfollow them – it's not worth your time and energy to get into anything
- E.
  DM them asking a genuine question about one of their posts
6.
After you participate in a class discussion, a classmate chimes in and corrects something you said. What would you do next?
- A.
  Ask them questions to clarify their point and share more of your reasoning for your thinking. Maybe there’s a misunderstanding.
- B.
  Concede some of their points and stand your ground on others. You're willing to acknowledge what they got right, as long as they’ll acknowledge what you got right too.
- C.
  Let it go – you’d rather not get into it in front of your class.
7.
Your significant other wants to go to the gym together, but you hate going to the gym. What’s your next move?
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- A.
  Agree to go with them once a week, in exchange for them buying you a sweet treat after
- B.
  Tell them there’s no way, they’ll have to find someone else
8.
Your housemate keeps eating the snacks you buy for yourself. It’s common practice in your house to label food you don’t want to share, so they definitely know that the snacks belong to you. How would you respond?
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- A.
  Work out a deal – they can eat your snacks if you can eat some of their snacks or they agree to venmo you to help pay for them
- B.
  Don't say anything to them, and vent to another friend about it
- C.
  Bring it up and tell them to stop
- D.
  Ask them why they keep eating your snacks – you truly want to know what's going on!
- E.
  Stop labeling your food and adjust your expectations that they’ll be eating your snacks – it's just food
9.
You are working on a group project, and one person is not really contributing to the group. How do you handle it?
- A.
  Don't say anything – forcing them to do anything is probably just going to make them mad and it won't end up helping anyone.
- B.
  Directly call them out over email and ask them to start pulling their weight.
- C.
  Offer them some specific, simple tasks in exchange for you doing the harder tasks – for example, if they are willing to find a few sources, you’ll find quotes to use from them.
10.
You ran for secretary of your student org and didn’t get it. Someone tells you that another member was bad-mouthing you to other people in the org, saying you’d make a horrible secretary. If you were going to talk to them about it, the main thing that matters to you is...
- A.
  Pushing back on whatever their reasons are that you’d be “terrible”
- B.
  Figuring out why they hate you and what you can do to fix it
- C.
  Avoiding an awkward situation going forward
- D.
  Understanding why they are saying those things, and them understanding how it makes you feel
- E.
  Getting them to stop saying things to other people
11.
You come home from class one day to find a note from your roommate letting you know that you’ve been waking them up in the morning when you’re getting ready for the day. Your roommate has consistently been waking you up when they come home late at night. What would you do?
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- A.
  Talk to your roommate to figure out how to compromise. As long as they are willing to make changes at night, you’ll make changes in the morning. There's not much you can do about your opposite schedules.
- B.
  Start getting ready in the bathroom in the mornings, instead of in your room, to keep the peace.
12.
When it comes to conflict, you gravitate toward...
- A.
  Being sensitive to what others are feeling and what they need
- B.
  Seeing a middle ground that works for everyone
- C.
  Considering if and when a conflict is worth getting into
- D.
  Making space to hear from everyone involved
- E.
  Advocating for yourself and making sure your needs are met
13.
You’re on an event planning committee in your org, and another member comes up to you after a meeting and tells you that you should be doing more to help. You’re totally caught off guard – you've been involved in the planning as much as anyone else. How would you respond?
- A.
  Set the record straight about your contributions, they may not know all that you’re doing.
- B.
  Ask questions to see why they are upset and where they see a need for more help. Talk through a bunch of possible solutions to make sure everything gets done for the event.
- C.
  Let them know that you want to help, and ask what else you can be doing.
14.
Your boss sends you an email confronting you about being consistently late to work. You know that other people are also late to work all the time, and just lie on their time sheets, so you’re the only one getting in trouble. How would you respond?
- A.
  Reply to your boss acknowledging that you need to be on time and letting them know that others are also consistently late -- if you're getting called out, you’re going to make sure everyone else is too
- B.
  Apologize and promise to do better to be on time
15.
Your hallmate microwaves food in the communal kitchen for breakfast every morning, and it stinks up the whole hallway. What do you do?
- A.
  Do nothing – it's their breakfast, saying something isn't going to change the way it smells.
- B.
  Keep your door closed in the morning, spray air freshener, buy a gadget you saw on TikTok that claims to neutralize microwave smells – figure out how to make it work.
- C.
  Bring up the issue with your hallmate and talk through all the options that allow them to have their breakfast and address the smell.
16.
Your exec board needs to make an important decision to address a growing problem in your org, and the board is disagreeing about what to do. What are you focused on?
- A.
  Making sure everyone on the board gets a chance to voice their opinion
- B.
  Finding a solution that works quickly to address the problem, so it doesn’t get worse
- C.
  Staying out of the arguments that others are having
- D.
  Ensuring that your suggestions are part of the final decision
- E.
  Making sure people don’t stay mad at each other
17.
Almost there! Please select all that apply:
- A.
  I am a William & Mary undergraduate student.
- B.
  I am a William & Mary graduate student.
- C.
  I am a William & Mary faculty member.
- D.
  I am a William & Mary staff member.
- E.
  I am a William & Mary alumni, supporter, family, or friend.
- F.
  I am not affiliated with William & Mary.

Quiz Outcomes

1.
Collaborating
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Highly assertive, highly cooperative.Your strengths? Your approach tends to be thorough, inclusive, and process oriented.You work with others to find solutions that fully satisfy everyone. You approach conflict by wanting to hear from everyone, get at deeper needs, and work with people (instead of against them) to come up with creative solutions. You focus on and value the process of the resolving conflict - you know that it's the process often changes what people consider the best outcome, which helps you get to more win-win solutions.Your challenge? Balancing process with practicality. Sometimes you think a problem to death and get stuck in process, when it's time to make a decision and move on. The time and energy needed for collaboration may be worth it to you, but not always to others.
2.
Competing
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Highly assertive, low cooperative.Your strength? Your approach tends to direct, decisive, and advocating.You advocate for your own needs and concerns to be met, even at the expense of others'. You approach conflict by looking for ways to fully satisfy your concerns, to gain strategic wins, and to ensure alignment with your priorities. You value leading conversations, being true to your voice and values, and communicating directly about issues.Your challenge? Balancing winning the conflict with "winning" the relationship. Using your advocacy to invite others to communicate clearly and directly about their needs, so you can find collaborative ways forward that build relationship, rather than damage it.
3.
Compromising
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Medium assertive, medium cooperativeYour strength? Your approach tends to be practical, time-sensitive, and solutions-oriented.You find resolutions to conflict that partially satisfy everyone, in order to avoid lingering over issues. You approach conflict by understanding what matters most to everyone, seeing opportunities for everyone to get something, and expediting decision-making. You value fair sacrifice, working quickly, and living in reality.Your challenge? Balancing quickness and depth. Some conflicts reveal deeper issues that benefit from more time and energy than compromisers typically give an issue.
4.
Accommodating
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Low assertive, high cooperativeYour strength? Your approach tends to be generous, empathetic, and others-focused.You prioritize the concerns of others over your own in pursuit of conflict resolution. You approach conflict by thinking of how you can meet the other person's needs and considering how your actions may impact your relationship. You value harmony, self-sacrifice, and kindness.Your challenge? Believing that raising your concerns can be kind. Accommodators tend to shrink back from advocating for themselves or raising legitimate issues, creating false peace that does not last or create a healthy relationship.
5.
Avoiding
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Low assertive, low cooperativeYour strengths? Your approach tends to be deliberative, cautious, and reflects a value of stability.You side-step issues and choose not to engage your concerns or other concerns of others. Your approach preserves emotional energy, creates a cooling off period, and assesses risk. You value peace and stability and are mindful of avoiding unnecessary drama or damage to relationships. You consider the pros and cons of raising an issue and the best context to address it.Your challenge? Learn to identify when you are avoiding out of fear, rather than wisdom. Conflict indicates that something is not working and needs to be discussed. When avoided, real issues do not go away, but build over time. Avoiders tend to get stuck addressing issues after they have built up over time, rather than early on, when they are much easier to address.