Is Self-Silencing Quietly Sabotaging Your Relationships?

Quiz Questions

• 1.
  When life gets busy, what’s your default mode?

  • A.
    I keep things light and stay positive so we all get through it
  • B.
    I go quiet and just get through the day
  • C.
    I take care of everyone/everything so nothing drops
  • D.
    I try to keep everything under control but getting it all done
• 2.
  With simple plans (dinner, weekend, shows), I usually…

  • A.
    Try to gauge what people think of my choice before I commit
  • B.
    Offer to coordinate so it’s easier for everyone
  • C.
    Read the room and go with what the group favors
  • D.
    Let others decide—I’m easy either way
• 3.
  When someone seems disappointed with me, I tend to…

  • A.
    Stay cheerful and pretend not to think about it too much
  • B.
    Feel uneasy and want to fix it fast
  • C.
    Do something nice to smooth it over
  • D.
    Stay quiet and hope it blows over
• 4.
  Lately, the thought that pops up most is…

  • A.
    “I don't want to disappoint anyone.”
  • B.
    “I’m never doing enough.”
  • C.
    “I’m not sure people know the real me.”
  • D.
    “As long as everyone’s okay, I’m okay.”
• 5.
  When I finally get a quiet moment to myself, I usually…

  • A.
    Have no idea what to do with myself
  • B.
    Feel torn between being productive or relaxing
  • C.
    Start planning the next task
  • D.
    Feel guilty or selfish for taking time for myself
• 6.
  Decisions for me often look like…

  • A.
    Just letting someone else decide
  • B.
    Picking what keeps the peace
  • C.
    Choosing what I think other people expect of me
  • D.
    Overthinking and second-guessing my own choices
• 7.
  What feels most true right now?

  • A.
    I have a really hard time making decisions
  • B.
    I want to stop performing and be the same me everywhere
  • C.
    I want to trust my gut without second-guessing
  • D.
    I’m tired of saying yes when I mean no

Quiz Outcomes

• 1.
  Approval Seeker

  You scored the Approval Seeker pattern.In plain language, it means you often look to others before you look within — replaying conversations, second-guessing decisions, or needing a little validation to feel okay.Take a breath—nothing is wrong with you. This is a common protection pattern for caring, competent women.Around here, we call this an "externalized self-perception"—a fancy way of saying your inner compass has been drowned out by other people’s expectations. It’s a form of self-silencing, not a character flaw. And it’s changeable. If this idea of self-silencing is new to you, I put together a short guide that explains what it really means and how it quietly shows up in everyday life.👉 Start Here: What Is Self-Silencing? →What this often looks like:Saying yes then wishing you hadn'tLate-night overthinkingFeeling like what you do is never enoughFeeling resentful…then feeling guilty for feeling resentfulYour nervous system learned that approval = safety.So it scans for harmony before letting you take up space. It’s not broken — just over-practiced.When you start listening inward before you look outward, you’ll notice:Less second-guessing, more easeBoundaries that feel kind, not scaryDecisions that don’t need a committee👉 A tiny step for today: The next time you find your mind moving into second-guessing mode stop and ask yourself this one question:"If I was only concerned with what feels right to me, what would I choose right now?"If considering this feels like a breath of relief, or if it feels scary or selfish but you wish you could do this more easily...That’s your system recognizing truth. You don’t need to fix yourself — you’re just learning to listen inward again.To help you keep practicing that, I created a simple 30-Day Challenge — a gentle, 5-minute-a-day way to turn down the approval scan and turn up your inner compass.Each morning, you’ll get one short note from me — a mix of insight, reflection, and small, doable invitations that help you reconnect with yourself without feeling selfish or overwhelmed.Because this isn’t about changing who you are.It’s about coming home to the voice that’s always been there.👉 Start the 30-Day Email Challenge(gentle daily guidance, right to your inbox)
• 2.
  The Peacemaker

  You scored the Peacemaker pattern.In plain language, you often keep your own wants quiet so things stay smooth—“whatever you want,” “it’s fine,” or sidestepping topics to avoid conflict.Take a breath — nothing is wrong with you. This is a common protection pattern for caring, capable women.Around here, we call this self-suppression—when you soften or hide your preferences to keep harmony.It’s a subtle form of self-silencing, not a character flaw. And it’s changeable.If this idea of self-silencing is new to you, I put together a short guide that explains what it really means and how it quietly shows up in everyday life.👉 Start Here: What Is Self-Silencing? →What this often looks like:“I’m good with whatever” by defaultReading the room and tiptoeing around tensionGoing quiet in groups or with strong personalitiesDeferring decisions until someone else choosesFeeling resentment… then guilt for feeling itYour nervous system learned that conflict = danger and harmony = safety.So it smooths edges before you take up space. It’s not broken—just over-practiced.When you start letting small preferences be heard, you’ll notice:More connection (because you’re actually there)Fewer simmering resentmentsDecisions feel lighter and fasterA tiny step for todayWhen someone asks what you want, name one mild preference out loud:“If it were just me, I’d pick ____.”No confrontation, no speech—just a breadcrumb of truth.If that feels like relief—or a little scary but true—that’s your system recognizing what it’s been craving: self-trust.To help you keep practicing, I created a 30-Day Challenge—a gentle, 5-minute-a-day way to say what’s true, kindly, and rebuild trust with your own voice.Each morning, you’ll get a short note from me—insight, reflection, and one doable invitation—so you can keep the peace without losing yourself.Because this isn’t about changing who you are.It’s about coming home to the voice that’s always been there.👉 Start the 30-Day Challenge(gentle daily guidance, right to your inbox)
• 3.
  Over-Giver

  You scored the Over-Giver pattern.You have a beautiful reflex to care for people and make things better. (Truly — what a gift you are to the people around you.)But sometimes that same generosity turns heavy. You end up tired, resentful, or wondering why the care you give doesn’t seem to circle back.Take a breath — nothing is wrong with you.This is one of the most common protection patterns for kind, capable women.Around here, we call this self-sacrifice as a sense of self-worth — the quiet belief that you have to earn love and rest by taking care of everyone else first.It’s a subtle form of self-silencing, not a flaw. And it’s changeable.If this idea of self-silencing is new to you, I put together a short guide that explains what it really means and how it quietly shows up in everyday life.👉 Start Here: What Is Self-Silencing? →What this often looks likeDoing thoughtful things for everyone and quietly wishing it were reciprocatedFeeling guilty (or unsure of what to do) when you take time for yourselfFeeling responsible for others’ comfort or moodsFeeling tired but like there's still more to doYour nervous system learned that care = safety and selflessness = love.So it over-delivers before you even notice. It’s not broken — just over-practiced.When you start giving from fullness instead of obligation, you’ll notice:More energy and genuine warmthRelationships that feel mutual, not one-sidedRest that feels allowed, not indulgentA tiny step for todayWhen you feel the “Am I doing enough?” spiral start, pause and remove one non-essential “should” from your list — no explanation needed.Then notice what that space feels like.That single act isn’t selfish — it’s self-trust.If that feels like relief — or a little scary but needed — that’s your system recognizing what it’s been craving: permission to rest and still feel like enough.To help you keep practicing that, I created a 30-Day Email Challenge — a gentle, 5-minute-a-day way to help you give to yourself the same care you give to others.Each morning, you’ll get a short note from me — reflection, insight, and one small invitation — so you can keep showing up with a full heart, not an empty tank.Because this isn’t about changing who you are.It’s about coming home to the voice that’s always been there.👉 Start the 30-Day Challenge(gentle daily guidance, right to your inbox)
• 4.
  The Disappearing Act

  You scored the Disappearing Act pattern.In plain language, it means what’s happening inside doesn’t always match what you show on the outside.You might feel anxious, tired, or lonely yet still smile, stay upbeat, and say “I’m fine” because that feels safer.(And honestly, who hasn’t learned to hold it together?)Take a breath — nothing is wrong with you.This is a common protection pattern for women who carry a lot and still want to be okay for everyone else.Around here, we call this the Divided Self — when your true feelings get tucked away behind the part of you that keeps things steady.It’s a subtle form of self-silencing. And it’s completely changeable.If this idea of self-silencing is new to you, I put together a short guide that explains what it really means and how it quietly shows up in everyday life.👉 Start Here: What Is Self-Silencing? →What this often looks likeSnapping at your kids, then smiling when someone walks bySaying “I’m fine” when the truth is “I’m tired”Downplaying stress to keep others comfortableShifting how you act depending on who’s aroundYour nervous system learned that stability = safety.So it masks the mess before anyone can see it. It’s not broken — just over-practiced.When you start letting your inside and outside line up, you’ll notice:More ease and deeper connectionRelief instead of pressure when people ask how you areEnergy that comes from honesty, not performanceA tiny step for todayPick one gentle truth to let the outside match the inside:“Honestly, it’s been a long week, but I’m hanging in” or “I’m okay, just kind of tired today.”Small, honest moments invite real connection back in.If that feels like relief — or a little scary but something you want — that’s your system recognizing what it’s been craving: authenticity without fallout.To help you keep practicing that, I created the 30-Day Email Challenge — a gentle, 5-minute-a-day way to help you show up as your whole self without guilt or pressure.Each morning, you’ll get a short note from me — reflection, insight, and one doable invitation — so honesty feels like freedom, not risk.Because this isn’t about changing who you are.It’s about coming home to the voice that’s always been there.👉 Start the 30-Day Challenge(gentle daily guidance, right to your inbox)