Is Self-Silencing Quietly Sabotaging Your Relationships?

Quiz Questions

• 1.
  Which of these sounds the most like you? 

  • A.
    I’m really good at putting on a happy face even when I feel awful inside
  • B.
    I hate conflict and will do just about anything to avoid it
  • C.
    I’m the person who is always going out of her way to make others happy
  • D.
    I can’t seem to pull my life together the way other women seem to
• 2.
  Which of these sounds the most like you? 

  • A.
    I critique my own appearance a lot during the day
  • B.
    I rarely find time for self-care…and when I do, I feel a little guilty
  • C.
    I’d rather let other people make choices like where to go to dinner than have to choose myself
  • D.
    I sometimes change how I act depending on who I am around
• 3.
  Which of these sounds the most like you? 

  • A.
    I’m struggling with feelings of depression or anxiety right now
  • B.
    I constantly feel like a hot mess
  • C.
    I’m exhausted from taking care of other people all the time
  • D.
    I sometimes feel invisible
• 4.
  Which of these sounds the most like you? 

  • A.
    I feel good about myself when I do something really nice for someone else
  • B.
    I’m motivated by tracking things like steps, calories, or checking things off my to-do list
  • C.
    When things get rough, I’m good at staying positive and keeping things light
  • D.
    I’m usually pretty good at keeping the peace and not rocking the boat in my relationships
• 5.
  Which of these sounds the most like you? 

  • A.
    When I am in a group of people, I usually talk less than other people
  • B.
    I sometimes wonder if anyone knows the real me
  • C.
    I feel super uncomfortable when it seems like someone is mad at me or doesn’t like me
  • D.
    I’m burned out from taking care of other people so much of the time
• 6.
  Which of these sounds the most like you? 

  • A.
    I have dreams (or had dreams once) that I don’t really pursue as much as I wish I did
  • B.
    If life was a group project, I am always the leader
  • C.
    There are things about me I don’t really want other people to know
  • D.
    I’m a people-pleaser
• 7.
  Which of these sounds the most like you? 

  • A.
    I have a really hard time making decisions
  • B.
    I put on a happy face a lot of the time, but inside I don’t feel as happy as I pretend to be
  • C.
    I feel way better about myself when someone gives me a compliment
  • D.
    Doing things for myself sometimes makes me feel selfish
• 8.
  Which of these sounds the most like you? 

  • A.
    I don’t feel all that good about who I am sometimes
  • B.
    I don't usually care what we do, as long as the other person is happy
  • C.
    Being helpful feels like the right thing to do, even when I’m exhausted
  • D.
    I downplay my struggles so I don’t seem too negative

Quiz Outcomes

• 1.
  Externalized Self-Perception

  Your results show that you've got an externalized self-perception...which is just a fancy way of saying that you sometimes worry about what other people think (and you want them to like you). Guess what? You're not alone!This world is set up to make us compare with others, base our worth on idealized expectations, and watch ourselves to see if we are measuring up.Check your inbox and I'll tell you more about this! You can also learn more here
• 2.
  Self-Suppression

  Your results show that you sometimes suppress yourself to earn others' approval or to preserve a relationship. So many of us do this, suppress our ideas, needs, or desires in what might seem like small and not even all that important ways, just so that we can keep the peace in our relationships. I mean, who likes conflict? Not me! (Not you either?) It’s often easiest to just go with the flow and not rock the boat. This can get a little tricky over time though when bit by bit you start to feel yourself and your preferences chipped away. Check your inbox and I'll tell you more about this.You can also learn more here
• 3.
  Self-Sacrifice as a Source of Worth

  People who see others and go out of their way to make the world a better place are some of the best people. And good relationships thrive on some level of self-sacrifice from both people. But if you’re like me (and so many of us), this tendency to self-sacrifice can sometimes become a bit of a burden…and you end up exhausted and overwhelmed by taking care of others. Self-sacrifice can be a problem when we feel like we *have* to take care of others in order to feel worthy of their love. Like this is what makes me a good mom, or a good wife, or a good friend. That’s when this crosses over into self-silencing. And if you’re feeling the exhaustion of this self-sacrifice, you’re probably there. Check your inbox and I'll tell you more.You can also learn more here
• 4.
  Divided Self

  Your quiz results show that you sometimes feel like a divided self. This means that even though life sometimes feels really hard, you often put on a happy face and pretend everything is fine. And to be honest, that’s not always a bad thing at all! It can be really beneficial to focus on what’s good and right in our lives, to express gratitude, to sometimes smile through struggles. But when life is really weighing on you and you consistently pretend that everything is fine, when you feel like you can’t really show people what’s going on beneath the pleasant look (or at least neutral look) on your face, it can start to feel really inauthentic. Check your inbox and I'll tell you more. And you can also learn more here