Connection Style Quiz

Quiz Questions

• 1.
  When beginning relationships, I tend to:

  • A.
    Move quickly to establish connection and become friends or romantic partners.
  • B.
    Move slowly to prevent a disappointing ending.
  • C.
    Move forward quickly if there is immediate emotional depth, but step back to prevent being taken advantage of by others.
  • D.
    Move at a steady pace as trust is established.
• 2.
  When it comes to intimacy, I:

  • A.
    Prefer space and independence.
  • B.
    Crave closeness and reassurance and fear distance.
  • C.
    Crave connection but fear getting hurt.
  • D.
    Feel safe giving and receiving love.
• 3.
  In conflict, I:

  • A.
    Feel emotions intensely. It's best to talk it out immediately.
  • B.
    Step back, cool off, and revisit calmly.
  • C.
    Shut down and avoid discussing it.
  • D.
    Feel torn. I want to talk but fear the outcome.
• 4.
  When someone I care about doesn't respond to my message, I usually:

  • A.
    Try not to care, but feel irritated or withdrawn.
  • B.
    Worry they're upset, but don't want to reach out either.
  • C.
    Feel panicked and check my phone often.
  • D.
    Think they're probably busy and go about my day as usual.
• 5.
  When a relationship ends, I tend to:

  • A.
    Feel stuck between anger and heartbreak.
  • B.
    Move on quickly and with little thought. It wasn't meant to be.
  • C.
    Obsess or ruminate about what went wrong.
  • D.
    Grieve, reflect, and eventually move forward.
• 6.
  My thoughts on vulnerability:

  • A.
    It's terrifying, but I need it.
  • B.
    It's risky and I'm not sure it's necessary.
  • C.
    I use it when I need reassurance that someone cares.
  • D.
    It's necessary for real connection. I can be vulnerable and accept it from others.
• 7.
  When my needs aren't being met, I:

  • A.
    Try harder to stay connected.
  • B.
    Stop asking. People do what they want to do,
  • C.
    Feel angry and afraid, but I'm unsure of what to say.
  • D.
    Communicate directly and calmly.
• 8.
  I most identify with this phrase:

  • A.
    I don't like needing anyone or being needed. There's bound to be disappointment.
  • B.
    I want closeness, but it doesn't feel safe. I want my partner to understand what I am thinking.
  • C.
    I love deeply. I just want to be seen and chosen.
  • D.
    I trust myself and others to work through challenges.
• 9.
  In dating, my biggest fear is:

  • A.
    Being abandoned.
  • B.
    Losing my independence.
  • C.
    Being betrayed. Again.
  • D.
    Not building a real connection.
• 10.
  I tend to feel like:

  • A.
    I don't know how to let people in.
  • B.
    I don't need anyone to be happy.
  • C.
    I give too much and get hurt.
  • D.
    I feel safe opening up to the right people.
• 11.
  I feel most loved when:

  • A.
    My need for space and independence are honored.
  • B.
    Someone consistently shows up and reassures me.
  • C.
    Someone stays even when I push them away.
  • D.
    I feel safe, respected, and emotionally close. We rely on one another and maintain independence.

Quiz Outcomes

• 1.
  The Nurturer

  You are a Nurturer. Those who are fortunate to be loved by you are infinitely blessed.In other literature, you may find that your primary attachment style aligns with an Anxious Attachment. Why do I say "may"? Well, things don't always fit so neatly into a box. And we can encompass multiple styles that may shift with relationships.You likely form deep emotional bonds quickly and feel soothed by constant reassurance. You may fear abandonment and overextend yourself to maintain connection.Another way to think of an attachment style is to consider it a relationship strategy for getting your needs met in a way that feels safe-- even if the strategy doesn't serve you in other ways. It's literally, "but did you die, though?" Since this strategy has served you in the past, your brain recognizes it as a safe way to proceed-- even if it leaves you hyperventilating along the way.This attachment style is typically formed when affection from one or more caregiver in childhood was inconsistent-- sometimes available and sometimes withdrawn. I want to acknowledge that for many caregivers, there were few easy options. Parents may have needed to work, care for other family members, or they may have been facing illness. Being loved isn't always the same as feeling loved. But as a result, you may find yourself craving closeness and reassurance that connection will remain, while fearing abandonment.In adult relationships, this may look like:Overthinking texts and interactionsPeople-pleasing to avoid rejectionAvoiding boundaries for yourself and othersFeeling triggered by emotional distanceBeing drawn to emotionally unavailable partnersYou are not "too much." You're someone who loves deeply and just wants to feel safe when doing so. Communicating and accepting healthy boundaries can help to strengthen relationships. If you find yourself repeating painful patterns, reach out for help.
• 2.
  The Guardian

  Your are Guardian. People oftentimes feel safe in your care.In other literature, your may find that your primary attachment style aligns with a Dismissive Avoidant Attachment. Why do I say "may"? Well, things don't always fit so neatly into a box. And we can encompass multiple styles that shift with relationships.It's likely that independence is your armor, and emotional self-sufficiency is your default. Underneath the calm surface may be unacknowledged hurt, built from years of being left to manage big feelings on your own during times when you should have been safe relying on others. Another way to think of an attachment style is to consider it a relationship strategy for getting your needs met in a way that feels safe-- even if the strategy doesn't serve you in other ways. It's literally, "but did you die, though?" Since this strategy has served you in the past, your brain recognizes it as a safe way to proceed-- even if it leaves you feeling isolated along the way.This attachment style typically forms when one or more caregiver was emotionally unavailable or dismissive of your needs. This includes loving families who did not allow children to feel and process the many negative emotions that come to all of us. When feelings like anger, sadness, or frustration are discouraged or punished, our brains recognize it as disapproval-- or rejection. And the rejection of a caregiver is unsafe to our human mind. Over time, you learned it was safer to rely on yourself. In adult relationships, this may look like:Struggling to open up or express needsFeeling smothered by closenessPulling away when conflict arisesFeeling triggered by emotional needsAvoiding vulnerability or dependency, even when encouragedYou may be someone whose emotional world was stuffed down so far by others that you had to bury it to make it through. And now you're expected to change on a dime. You are not cold, broken, or incapable of change. You are deeply protective of your heart. Share your needs and accept the call to meet the needs of loved ones. Opening yourself up to those who have proven their trustworthiness, can help to strengthen relationships.If you find yourself repeating painful patterns, reach out for help.
• 3.
  The Warrior

  You are a Warrior. You guard your heart and seek deep, soul-touching connection. You're like an otter: you mate for life.In other literature, you may find that your primary attachment style aligns with a Fearful Avoidant Attachment. Why do I say "may"? Well, things don't always fit so neatly into a box. And we can encompass multiple styles that shift with relationships.It's likely that you often feel caught between two opposing fears: the fear of being abandoned and the fear of being overwhelmed. You can think of overwhelm as a feeling of being incapable to meet demands. Yet you also seek emotional depth, passion, and connection. This push-pull dynamic creates chaos in relationships and confusion inside yourself. Another way to think of an attachment style is to consider it a relationship strategy for getting your needs met in a way that feels safe-- even if the strategy doesn't serve you in other ways. It's literally, "but did you die, though?" Since this strategy has served you in the past, your brain recognizes it as a safe way to proceed-- even if it leaves you feeling undone along the way.This attachment style typically stems from trauma, unpredictable caregiving, or unsafe environments where love was intermingled with fear and betrayal.In adult relationships, this may look like:Craving intimacy but pushing people awayHigh emotional reactivity or dissociationFeeling unsafe trusting others or yourselfSetting harsh boundaries from a place of charged emotionsSabotaging relationships out of fear or rejectionIt is hard to feel safe when you've spent time in an environment where the ground was constantly shifting beneath you. You are not broken. You adapted to survive. Let me write that again, but louder for the people in the back.You. Adapted. To. Survive. That's how incredible you are. Your brain was just trying to get you through to the other side. You are a survivor. Now you better go out there and thrive. You can do this. There's beauty for those ashes. Leveraging trauma-informed nervous system regulation and building safe, stable connections will give you the space to move forward, even if you are still caught up in trauma today. Please understand that if there is beauty in the universe, then there is beauty in you. Put your feet on the grass, tilt your head to the sky, and know that you are a masterpiece. If you find yourself repeating painful patterns, reach out for help.
• 4.
  The Anchor

  You are an anchor. You ground yourself and others easily feel safe and loved in your presence.In other literature, your primary attachment style may align with a Secure Attachment. Why do I say "may"? Well, things don't always fit so neatly into a box. And we can encompass multiple styles that shift with relationships.It's likely that you feel comfortable with closeness, balanced in independence, and grounded in conflict. You know you are worthy of love and trust that others can meet you there. That's fantastic!Another way to think of an attachment style is to consider it a relationship strategy for getting your needs met in a way that feels safe. Since this strategy has served you in the past, your brain recognizes it as a safe way to proceed.This attachment style often develops from emotionally attuned caregiving in early life, but it can also be the result of intentional healing on your part.In adult relationships, this may look like:Communicating clearly, directly, and calmlyBeing present during conflictSetting and establishing boundariesChoosing and accepting healthy, mutual partnershipsYour presence is healing-- for yourself and others. Cherish that. People with secure attachment styles feel a range of emotions just like everyone else. Stay connected to your growth and personal development practices. Notice any triggers that appear under stress and tend to them gently. If you find yourself stuck in a loop or repeating painful patterns, reach out for help.