Couple-Centered Recovery® Phases of Healing Assessment

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Quiz Questions

1.
I am a:
- A.
  man.
- B.
  woman.
2.
I am a (select all that apply):
- A.
  betrayed partner.
- B.
  betraying partner.
- C.
  sex or pornography addict.
- D.
  professional working in the betrayal trauma space.
3.
How emotionally safe do you feel in your relationship?
- A.
  I feel safer than before, but still unsure at times.
- B.
  I feel completely safe and secure emotionally.
- C.
  I do not feel emotionally safe at all.
- D.
  I often feel emotionally unsafe or anxious.
4.
Do you believe honesty and transparency are present between you and your partner?
- A.
  No, I often feel things are being hidden from me.
- B.
  Yes, we’re consistently open and honest with each other.
- C.
  Mostly, though sometimes things are left unsaid.
- D.
  Not really—there’s still a lack of transparency.
5.
Are you confident that you received the full truth through a therapeutic disclosure process?
- A.
  I feel confident the truth has been shared.
- B.
  I feel mostly sure the truth has been shared.
- C.
  Lots of questions about what happened remain between us.
- D.
  We have not participated in a full therapeutic disclosure.
6.
Do you feel boundaries are respected in your relationship?
- A.
  Not really, boundaries are often overlooked.
- B.
  Yes, my partner fully respects our boundaries.
- C.
  No, boundaries are not respected at all.
- D.
  Mostly, but there are occasional slip-ups.
7.
When you express emotional needs or pain, how does your partner respond?
- A.
  They often minimize or avoid my feelings.
- B.
  With empathy and validation most of the time.
- C.
  My feelings are usually dismissed or ignored.
- D.
  They try, but sometimes become defensive.
8.
How would you describe your level of trust in the relationship right now?
- A.
  I still feel very unsure and distrustful.
- B.
  Trust is strong and continuing to grow.
- C.
  It’s hard to trust fully at this point.
- D.
  It’s improving, but still fragile.
9.
Are you and your partner working together to process the past and make meaning of it?
- A.
  No, we’re not working through the past together.
- B.
  We mostly avoid those conversations.
- C.
  Yes, we are creating a shared understanding of what happened.
- D.
  We're trying, but it's difficult at times.
10.
How would you describe your partner’s engagement with the emotional impact of what happened between you?
- A.
  They avoid or minimize the significance of what occurred.
- B.
  They acknowledge the impact at times but can be uncomfortable staying with it.
- C.
  They engage meaningfully and show care for how it has affected us both.
- D.
  They rarely engage with the emotional impact or seem emotionally distant.
11.
How emotionally connected do you feel to your partner right now?
- A.
  There’s emotional distance that we struggle to bridge.
- B.
  Very connected—we’re rebuilding intimacy and closeness.
- C.
  We feel disconnected most of the time.
- D.
  Somewhat connected, but it’s inconsistent.
12.
How often do you and your partner discuss the relationship’s progress or healing?
- A.
  Regularly—we reflect and adjust together.
- B.
  Occasionally, when prompted by something.
- C.
  Almost never—we avoid those conversations.
- D.
  Rarely—we’re not very intentional about it.
13.
Do you feel like both of you are participating in rebuilding the relationship?
- A.
  Not really—efforts feel mostly one-sided.
- B.
  Mostly, though one of us takes more initiative.
- C.
  No, I feel like I’m doing this alone.
- D.
  Yes, we’re both actively invested in healing and growth.
14.
Do you feel hopeful about the future of your relationship?
- A.
  I’m cautiously hopeful, but still uncertain.
- B.
  I often feel discouraged about where we’re headed.
- C.
  Yes, I believe we are building something meaningful together.
- D.
  No, I struggle to imagine a positive future together.
15.
Are you working together to set goals or envision a new relationship dynamic?
- A.
  Yes, we've discovered a shared vision for our relationship.
- B.
  No, we haven’t talked about that at all.
- C.
  Not much—we’re still stuck in day-to-day survival.
- D.
  We’ve started discussing it, but it’s not clear yet.
16.
Are there new rituals, routines, or practices you’ve started together in your relationship?
- A.
  No, we’re stuck in old patterns.
- B.
  Yes, we’ve established meaningful new ways to connect.
- C.
  A few small ones, but they’re not consistent.
- D.
  We’ve talked about it, but haven’t followed through.
17.
How well aligned do you feel your shared values are in your relationship decisions?
- A.
  We often disagree or don’t talk about values.
- B.
  We’re becoming more aligned over time.
- C.
  We have very different priorities and approaches.
- D.
  We are deeply aligned and make decisions together.
18.
When conflict or tension arises, how do you and your partner handle it?
- A.
  We manage it well, with healthy repair and communication.
- B.
  Sometimes we handle it okay, sometimes not.
- C.
  It often leads to defensiveness or disconnection.
- D.
  It usually escalates or gets swept under the rug.

Quiz Outcomes

1.
Early Phase One
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📍 You’re in Early Phase One: Safety & Stabilization(Scoring Range: 16–27)You and your partner are in the very first phase of the Couple–Centered Recovery® (CCR) process. This is a place where shock, instability, and emotional overwhelm are common—and expected. It may feel like the foundation of your relationship has crumbled. You may not even be sure if it’s possible—or wise—to rebuild.Early Phase One is not about fixing or solving. It’s about surviving and stabilizing.That includes calming the nervous system, reducing relational chaos, and learning how to stop doing further harm.🌪️ What This Phase Often Feels LikeYou may feel like you're walking on eggshells, unable to say or do the right thing.Conversations quickly escalate or shut down, even when you try to stay calm.One or both of you may feel like you're in fight-or-flight, or just emotionally numb.There’s a desperate need for answers and clarity, yet deep fear of knowing too much.You may feel like you’re losing yourself—or that you already have.This phase is often marked by intense emotional dysregulation and relational instability. The pain of betrayal—and the impact of harmful behaviors—disrupts the nervous system, overwhelms the brain’s capacity for connection, and creates emotional chaos.🛑 What This Phase Is Not AboutThis is not the time to:Force emotional closenessPressure each other to forgive or understandMake major relational decisionsExplain, justify, or reframe what happenedTry to process the full story of betrayal without professional supportBefore anything else, your system and relationship need to stabilize.🧭 For Both of You as a Couple: What You Need Right Now1. Safety First — for Each PersonYou cannot connect if either of you feels unsafe. Focus on:Reducing emotional, verbal, or physical intensityRespecting boundaries around space, time, and informationEstablishing ground rules to stop ongoing harm or chaos2. Nervous System RegulationUse body-based and environmental tools to reduce reactivity.This may include:Breathwork or grounding practicesDaily routines (sleep, meals, movement)Calm spaces free of technology or conflictGentle, consistent rhythms3. Validation Without ExplanationThe betrayed partner’s pain is valid—even if your experiences are different. The betraying partner needs to resist the urge to explain. Instead, try to:Say “It makes sense you'd feel that.”Respond to pain with presence, not defensivenessGive space without abandoning💔 For the Betrayed PartnerYou’ve experienced a profound rupture to trust and safety. You may feel confused, enraged, numb, devastated—or all of these within the same hour. Your brain and body are in a trauma response. That’s not a flaw; that’s biology.What you need most right now is safety, validation, and space to feel what you feel—without being told to forgive, fix, or understand.You might also feel a desperate need for truth. That need is real. But how the truth is told matters. Unstructured truth-telling can retraumatize. This is a time to ask:“What do I need to feel safe right now?”“What kind of support allows me to breathe again?”“What boundaries help me feel grounded?”You are not too much. You are impacted. And you are worthy of safety and care. ⚠️ For the Betraying PartnerWhether your behaviors were sexual, emotional, or involved chronic deceit, what matters now is this: your partner has experienced a profound rupture—and how you respond next is critical.This is not the time to defend, explain, or “move forward.” It’s the time to:Regulate your own emotions so you don’t cause more harmLearn to listen without becoming reactive, dismissive, or shut downRecognize that your partner expressing painful feelings to you is not the same as you being unsafeBegin to take personal responsibility—internally first, not just externallyEven if you feel immense shame or guilt, now is the time to get grounded, not give up. That begins by asking:“What can I do today to stop doing harm?”“What’s mine to own—without collapsing or blaming?”“How can I build the capacity to show up with empathy and consistency?”This phase is not about being perfect. It’s about becoming trustworthy—starting now.📌 What You Might Consider (If/When You’re Ready)While your next steps will depend on your unique situation, here are a few supports commonly helpful in Early Phase One:Level 1 of the Choose Connection Academy – foundational skills for nervous system regulation, boundaries, and safetyA formal disclosure process, guided by trained professionals (if full truth has not yet been safely shared)Betrayal trauma-trained support — not just any therapist or coach, but someone trained specifically to work in this space💬 A Final WordYou're not expected to have it all figured out. You're not even expected to “heal” yet.In Early Phase One, the goal is this:Protect what must be protected. Slow what must be slowed. And trust that surviving well now is the first step toward transforming together later.Learn More About Choose Connection AcademyYou don’t need a five-year plan right now. You need calm. You need clarity. You need space to breathe.The Choose Connection Academy was built for couples exactly where you are—in the raw aftermath, unsure how to move forward, but desperate not to fall apart. Level 1 of the program focuses on the basics: nervous system regulation, safe structure, healthy boundaries, and how to stop the bleeding.If you’re feeling overwhelmed and wondering if healing is even possible, let’s talk.➡️ Schedule a free exploration call to learn how CCA can help you find your footing—without pressure or overload.
2.
Late Phase One / Early Phase Two
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📍 You’re in Late Phase One / Early Phase Two: From Stabilizing to Grieving(Scoring Range: 28-38)You and your partner are somewhere between finding your footing and beginning to face the deeper emotional weight of what has happened. You may be moving out of the chaos of the initial aftermath, but things are still tender, uncertain, and often overwhelming.This is a threshold moment in the Couple–Centered Recovery® (CCR) model. You’re beginning to shift from pure survival into the early stages of grief, empathy, and deeper awareness. That shift isn’t clean or linear—but it is a sign that healing is unfolding.🌊 What This Phase Often Feels LikeThere’s less panic, but emotions still feel volatile and close to the surfaceOne or both of you can sometimes stay grounded in hard conversations—but not alwaysYou may begin noticing patterns or asking why, not just what happenedYou’re craving more clarity or connection—but wary of being hurt againYou’re unsure how much to say, how deep to go, or how much you can really trustThis phase can feel like having one foot on solid ground, and one still in the storm. It’s a time when regulation and stabilization must be revisited often, even as you start to glimpse the possibility of something more.🧭 For Both of You as a Couple: What You Need Right Now1. Consistent Regulation, Even When It Feels TediousYour nervous systems still need predictable support. Don’t stop doing the basics just because the crisis is easing. This is the time to reinforce:Sleep and nutrition rhythmsRegulating practices like breathwork, movement, and groundingBreaks and buffers during tough conversations2. Gentle Curiosity About the StoryYou may be ready to start asking questions that move beneath the surface—How did this happen? What were we missing? What do I need to understand to move forward? But those questions should still be handled with care, not intensity.Go slow. Allow room for “I don’t know yet” or “That’s too much right now.”3. Real Empathy, Not Just AgreementTrue empathy doesn’t mean agreeing—it means being willing to feel with. That includes:Listening to each other’s pain without hijacking itHolding space for both regret and rage, grief and guiltNaming emotions instead of explaining them away4. Boundaries That Support ConnectionYou’re learning to hold boundaries not just as protection—but as a container that can make connection possible. Boundaries now can help:Define what conversations are “safe enough” to haveClarify what helps versus what harmsEnsure that neither person disappears in the process💔 For the Betrayed PartnerYou may be feeling more sadness than shock now. That’s a sign of progress. Your nervous system is beginning to allow some grief to emerge. But you’re still in a fragile and highly sensitive place, and you’re not expected to be “ready” for full engagement.You may:Be wondering if your pain will ever be fully seenFeel conflicted between wanting closeness and needing distanceHave moments of trust followed by sudden floods of doubt or fearYour task right now isn’t to forgive or fix. It’s to keep honoring your own experience while slowly noticing what your system is ready to feel—when it’s ready to feel it.You’re allowed to grieve slowly. You’re allowed to hold boundaries even as you experiment with opening up. You don’t have to “be okay” to be making progress.⚠️ For the Betraying PartnerIf your partner is beginning to lower their defenses, even slightly, this is a sacred responsibility. But that does not mean you rush to explain, justify, or repair everything at once.Your work now is to:Show up consistently—even when emotions are intenseListen without trying to fix or change the narrativeRegulate yourself so you can stay emotionally presentBegin to explore why your behaviors occurred—not just what they wereYou might be moving from behavior management into deeper integrity work. That’s good. But this is also when your partner’s pain becomes clearer. Don’t pull away. Don’t make it about your shame. Stay connected to your values—and to your capacity to show up well even in discomfort.This isn’t about proving you’re good. It’s about becoming safe.📌 What You Might Consider (If/When You’re Ready)As you continue into this threshold between stabilizing and grieving, the following supports may be appropriate:Level 1 of the Choose Connection Academy (if not yet completed) — reinforces safety and begins to introduce deeper emotional toolsA formal disclosure process (if full truth has not yet been shared) — creates clarity and trust-building structureA betrayal trauma-trained professional — to guide both partners through the complexity of empathy, grief, and accountability💬 A Final WordThis phase can feel confusing: like you're no longer in crisis, but nowhere near restored. That’s okay. Healing isn’t about speed—it’s about integration.What matters now is this:Stay grounded in the presentHonor each the painChoose empathy over urgencyRevisit regulation oftenAnd remember: the goal is not perfection. The goal is connection that’s safe enough to hold the truth.Learn More About Choose Connection AcademyYou’ve moved beyond pure survival—but you’re still navigating tender ground. You may be feeling ready for more truth, more connection, and more clarity… but you’re also cautious.This is exactly where the Choose Connection Academy comes in. It meets couples in the in-between: past crisis, not yet whole. With structure, support, and trauma-informed guidance, CCA helps you build emotional safety, begin the grief work, and move forward without rushing the process.If you’re ready to stop circling the same patterns and start building something new, we’d love to walk with you.➡️ Schedule an exploration call to find out if CCA is the right fit for your next step.
3.
Phase Two
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📍 You’re in Phase Two: Grieving Together(Scoring Range: 39-55)You and your partner are no longer just surviving—you’re beginning to feel, remember, and make meaning of what’s happened. You’re in the heart of Phase Two of the Couple–Centered Recovery® (CCR) model: the space where healing deepens through shared grief, increased empathy, and emotional risk.This phase isn’t easy—but it is sacred ground. Grief is not a detour in the healing journey—it is the healing journey.💧 What This Phase Often Feels LikeThe truth is largely known, but the impact is still unfoldingConversations may become more honest, raw, and emotionally richYou may begin to feel moments of connection and hope, followed by unexpected waves of grief or fearEach partner is starting to see the other’s pain as real, even when it’s uncomfortableThere is an increased ability to sit in hard emotions—though it still takes intention and supportThis phase is marked by emotional courage. You are doing the vulnerable work of naming what was lost, feeling what it cost, and beginning to imagine what might be rebuilt.🧭 For Both of You as a Couple: What You Need Right Now1. Shared Grieving Without FixingYou’re now able to hold more of each other’s experience. Don’t rush this gift. Instead:Let yourselves feel together, even if it’s messyStay present without trying to explain or problem-solveTrust that grief brings wisdom, not weakness2. Emotional Boundaries That Honor the WorkBoundaries now aren’t just for protection—they help hold space for the hard work of grief. That includes:Knowing when to pause and return to a conversation laterNaming when something feels too much, too soonStaying differentiated—your pain matters, but so does theirs3. Making Space for New Narratives to EmergeYou’re likely beginning to ask:What happened beneath the surface?How did we get so far apart?What is this teaching us?These questions don't demand quick answers. They invite you to begin writing a shared story that includes both the pain and the possibility.4. Integration of Emotion and MeaningIn this phase, emotional work and meaning-making begin to intersect. That means:Feeling deep emotions without collapsing under themFinding words for what was once unspeakableBeginning to explore how suffering can be transformed, not just endured💔 For the Betrayed PartnerYou are not just reacting now—you’re remembering, feeling, mourning. The shock has softened enough for you to look at the wreckage more clearly, and what you see may be heartbreaking.You may:Feel a deep sadness that has replaced earlier rageNotice more internal clarity, but also deeper emotional exhaustionExperience grief that is both solitary and sharedIt’s okay to feel both love and sorrow. It’s okay to miss what you thought you had, even if it wasn’t fully real. It’s okay to say, “I don’t know what I want yet,” even now.Let yourself grieve with dignity and slowness. You don’t have to make final decisions today. Your task is to be honest—with yourself and your partner—about the truth of what you’re holding, and what you’ve lost.⚠️ For the Betraying PartnerIf you’re in Phase Two, it likely means you’re showing up more consistently, and your partner is starting to take the risk of grieving in your presence.This is not a time to pull away. It is a time to go deeper:Own the full emotional impact of your choices—without becoming defensive or self-protectiveMake space for your partner’s grief to exist without rushing it or managing itContinue deep inner work: Why did I do this? What did it cost? Who do I want to become?You may also be grieving—your own losses, your former self, your past. That grief is not a threat to your partner’s—it is part of what will allow you to become someone trustworthy and whole.The greatest gift you can give in this phase is presence without rescue. Let your partner be in pain. And show them you can stay.📌 What You Might Consider (If/When You’re Ready)At this point in the process, your work is no longer about uncovering the truth—it’s about learning to hold that truth together with empathy, presence, and growing emotional capacity. The following supports may serve you well in this phase:Level 2 of the Choose Connection Academy — designed specifically for couples entering the grieving phase, with tools for co-regulation, shared meaning-making, and emotional repairA Grief Intensive or Relational Dynamics Intensive — targeted support that helps couples explore loss, deepen emotional connection, and navigate the complex feelings that surface in Phase TwoOngoing work with a CCR-informed or betrayal trauma-trained professional — especially one equipped to guide you through the emotional exposure and relational shifts required to move through grief and toward reconnection💬 A Final WordYou’re no longer just trying to survive—you’re trying to feel and heal together. This is a brave and beautiful phase, but it will ask much of you both.The goal here isn’t resolution. It’s recognition—of the harm done, the pain caused, and the possibility of something more honest being born in its wake.Keep choosing to stay in the room. Keep choosing the truth. Keep choosing connection over fear—one breath, one word, one moment at a time.Learn More About Choose Connection AcademyYou’ve done the hardest part—facing the truth and staying present through it. Now you’re grieving together, deepening empathy, and asking what comes next.Level 2 of the Choose Connection Academy is designed for couples like you. This phase of the program focuses on emotional integration, relational repair, and making meaning of the pain you’ve walked through. It’s not just about healing—it's about building something wiser, safer, and more authentic than what came before.If you’re ready to turn your pain into purpose, and your grief into growth, we’d love to support you.➡️ Schedule an exploration call to learn how CCA Level 2 can support your continued healing.
4.
Phase Three
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📍 You’re in Phase Three: Revisioning the Relationship(Scoring Range: 56-64)You and your partner have moved through the fires of betrayal, trauma, grief, and rupture. You’ve faced the truth together. You’ve felt it. You’ve named what was lost. And now, you’re in a new chapter—one not defined by what happened, but by how you choose to grow forward.Phase Three of the Couple–Centered Recovery® (CCR) model is where couples begin rebuilding their relational identity, grounded in empathy, emotional safety, and co-created meaning. It’s not about returning to what was. It’s about becoming something new.🌱 What This Phase Often Feels LikeYou’re learning to enjoy each other again—but in a more honest, grounded wayConversations include both hard truths and future dreamsThere’s greater flexibility, emotional tolerance, and shared regulationYou still have hard moments, but you recover faster—and togetherThere’s a growing sense that this relationship is no longer fragile, but resilientThis is a phase of deep integration. You’ve earned your way here—not by skipping pain, but by walking through it with courage and care. Now, you begin weaving that pain into a shared story of strength and transformation.🧭 For Both of You as a Couple: What You Need Right Now1. Integration of Your StoryYou’re now able to reflect on what happened without becoming destabilized. This allows you to ask:What have we learned?Who are we now?What values will define our future?Phase Three is the place for story work—not to relive the past, but to claim it, name it, and integrate it into your identity as a couple.2. Forward-Focused CollaborationYou’re moving from crisis repair to intentional growth. That might include:Defining shared goals, values, or practicesCreating relational rituals that reflect who you’ve becomeDesigning systems for connection, repair, and support3. Honoring Suffering as TransformativeThis is the time to gently explore how your pain has shaped you—not to glorify suffering, but to recognize the meaning that can emerge from it. This is the beginning of relational redemption, where your story becomes more than its rupture.4. Continued Practice, Not PerfectionYou will still have ruptures. What’s different now is how you respond:With humility, not shameWith repair, not avoidanceWith mutual trust that you are both safe, seen, and chosen💔 For the Betrayed PartnerYou’ve carried immense pain. But now, you may find that pain softening into wisdom. You are no longer just surviving betrayal—you are becoming someone shaped, not shattered, by it.You may still have moments of grief, fear, or doubt—and that’s okay. But now, you can name them. You can ask for what you need. You can receive care without second-guessing whether you deserve it.Phase Three is your chance to reclaim your voice, your body, and your story—not as a reaction to betrayal, but as a reflection of your own becoming.You are allowed to enjoy life again.⚠️ For the Betraying PartnerYou are no longer just managing behaviors—you are becoming someone different. You’ve faced your actions. You’ve chosen integrity over impulse, presence over shame. And now, you are invited to live with purpose.This phase calls you to:Lead with values, not fearTake ownership without collapsing into guiltServe your relationship not out of penance, but from loveYou’ve moved from “not harming” to actively building. Keep practicing the skills that brought you here: regulation, repair, empathy, and truth-telling. And now, begin dreaming of the kind of partner—and person—you want to continue becoming.📌 What You Might Consider (If/When You’re Ready)As you step into the rebuilding phase, the following supports can help sustain growth and deepen transformation:Level 3 of the Choose Connection Academy — designed for couples solidly in Phase Three, focused on co-creating vision, purpose, and relational identityA Strategic Legacy Intensive — opportunities to consolidate your healing, clarify shared values, and intentionally shape the future you want to buildOngoing work with a CCR-informed guide or mentor — not just for healing, but for continued development and integration as individuals and as a couple💬 A Final WordYou are proof that rupture does not have to be the end of a relationship. In fact, for many couples, it becomes the beginning of something truer, deeper, and more connected than ever before.Phase Three is not about erasing what happened. It’s about redeeming it. And as you continue to choose connection over fear, you’re not just recovering—you’re becoming.Learn More About Choose Connection AcademyYou’re no longer defined by the betrayal—you’re defined by how you’ve moved through it. Now, it’s time to dream forward.Level 3 of the Choose Connection Academy helps couples in Phase Three co-create a relationship grounded in integrity, purpose, and lasting connection. It’s about vision, values, and legacy—not just repair.If you're ready to move from recovery to growth, and to turn your story into something life-giving—for you, your relationship, and even others—this is your next step.➡️ Schedule an exploration call to see how CCA can help you build not just a healed relationship, but a resilient one.

Couple-Centered Recovery® Phases of Healing Assessment

Discover your current phase in the Couple-Centered Recovery process. This assessment helps you identify areas of focus for healing and growth. Perfect for couples on a recovery journey after the discovery of betrayal.

Quiz Questions

Quiz Outcomes