Mutual Marriage Assessment

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Quiz Questions

1.
Q#1: When it comes to decision-making in your marriage, which statement most accurately reflects your situation?
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- A.
  One partner consistently takes the lead, often making final decisions without including the other in any discussions.
- B.
  We each handle numerous decisions in our own areas of life, but there is a noticeable lack of consultation between us.
- C.
  One partner ultimately decides after extensive arguments and attempts at persuasion, which can be emotionally draining for both of us.
- D.
  We engage in regular discussions to make decisions together, valuing each other's perspectives and ensuring that both partners feel genuinely heard and respected.
2.
Q#2: How do you believe your partner feels about the decision-making process in your relationship?
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- A.
  I sense that they often give into my viewpoint, feeling like they are conceding rather than engaging in a partnership.
- B.
  I truly think they feel appreciated and valued, with their voice being considered deeply in our discussions.
- C.
  I think they feel sidelined and may carry some resentment because their opinions are often overlooked.
- D.
  I believe they prefer not to be involved in the decision-making process, but this can lead to frustration down the line.
3.
Q#3: Is there a power dynamic influencing how decisions are made between you?
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- A.
  We tend to avoid discussing sensitive topics that might highlight our differences, which prevents us from collaborating.
- B.
  One partner often pacifies the other by agreeing to any decision made.
- C.
  One partner's strong logical arguments or dominant personality frequently overshadows the other, stifling collaborative conversation.
- D.
  We both actively contribute and share equal input in every decision, regardless of individual expertise and skills. We are always fostering a sense of teamwork and equality.
4.
Q#4: When reflecting on the individuality within your marriage, which description resonates with your experience the most?
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- A.
  My partner and I possess distinctly different personalities, leading us to avoid discussions about our differences to sidestep conflict.
- B.
  My partner fully embraces my personality differences, valuing in the uniqueness they bring to our relationship.
- C.
  My partner finds my unique personality traits mildly irritating but ultimately tolerates them, accepting them as part of who I am.
- D.
  My partner thinks my personality is the problem and theirs is not.
5.
Q#5: As you consider who influences whom in your marriage, which scenario best depicts your dynamics?
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- A.
  While we are both striving to develop our own skills and identities and give space for each other to do that, this pursuit has inadvertently created emotional distance between us.
- B.
  We actively support and invest in each other’s personal growth and unique qualities, ensuring that we maintain emotional closeness and open lines of communication.
- C.
  One partner has yet to cultivate their individuality because all personal investment has been directed toward taking care of the other’s needs.
- D.
  One partner’s personality dominates our household, shaping the environment and creating a culture that prioritizes their preferences.
6.
Q#6: In terms of how you navigate individuality and personality differences in your marriage, which approach reflects your interactions?
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- A.
  We both see and understand each other’s shadow sides, humbling ourselves to address them honestly, and we regularly encourage each other’s growth without judgment.
- B.
  We acknowledge each other’s shadow sides but tend to steer clear of conversations about them, recognizing they are sensitive subjects.
- C.
  We both hold the belief that if only the other person addressed their issues, our relationship would be significantly improved.
- D.
  We recognize the shadow sides of each other’s personality—the flaws—but one partner only brings them up as a weapon when we are arguing.
7.
Q#7: When it comes to the future, which description resonates with you most accurately?
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- A.
  We seldom dream and plan together because we are so different, and it seems we might have slightly different visions for thriving in the future.
- B.
  One person's financial power and prowess can influence the vision for our lives.
- C.
  We love to co-dream and plan every few years and find fulfillment in merging our longings.
- D.
  One person's vocation often dictates what we do and where we go.
8.
Q#8: Regarding vocation, which statement best describes your situation?
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- A.
  While we have both pursued different career paths, it feels like we inhabit two separate worlds, and we don’t know what the other is truly experiencing.
- B.
  One of us has made considerably more sacrifices for the other's vocational pursuits.
- C.
  We have sought various ways to combine our vocations to so that we can enjoy collaboration together.
- D.
  Although we have different vocations, we try to share our emotional experiences related to work and offer support to one another.
9.
Q#9: When you think about the quality of your future, how do you feel?
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- A.
  We don’t actively cultivate joy and delight in each other, making the future feel somewhat bleak.
- B.
  We have been in survival mode, either financially or practically, so we are a bit numbed to what thriving in the future looks like.
- C.
  One of us experiences a lot of anxiety or fear, making it difficult to generate excitement about the future.
- D.
  We might not know what lies ahead, but as long as we're together, we believe it will be fulfilling and enjoyable.
10.
Q#10: When it comes to being fully present with each other in your marriage, which statement resonates most with your experience?
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- A.
  We carve out dedicated time each week where we unplug from our devices, allowing us to sit together and strengthen our bond through curious conversation.
- B.
  Much of our interaction revolves around daily tasks—leaving little room for deeper connection.
- C.
  Our lives are often like ships passing in the night; we have conflicting schedules that prevent us from spending quality time together.
- D.
  One person has a difficult time being still and listening with empathy, so we end up not emotionally connecting.
11.
Q#11: The way we are present with one another can be best described this way.
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- A.
  When we're together, we frequently find ourselves struggling to open up about our emotions. Instead, we often gravitate towards other activities.
- B.
  We tend to make assumptions about each other’s feelings, leading us to react based on our interpretations of each other.
- C.
  Our communication could be characterized by one person engaging in most of the speaking while the other listens intently—one of us probably feels unheard.
- D.
  We make a conscious effort to set aside time to discuss our emotional states, allowing us to explore where we currently feel and how we can support each other.
12.
Q#12: When it comes to providing emotional support in our marriage, which statement best describes our situation?
- A.
  We have different emotional temperaments and have not yet figured out how to understand each other.
- B.
  When one of us is struggling emotionally, we have established tools to help each other regulate our feelings, feel safe, and allow space for processing emotions.
- C.
  One person's emotional temperament tends to dominate our relationship.
- D.
  When one of us is emotionally struggling, we tend to avoid each other to prevent potential arguments.
13.
Q#13: How do you and your partner approach household responsibilities?
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- A.
  One partner regularly handles most chores and feels overwhelmed.
- B.
  One partner chooses to manage the responsibilities they enjoy, while the other partner takes care of the remaining tasks that are less preferred.
- C.
  Responsibilities are distributed based on each partner’s strengths which does create a little bit of an imbalance in who does what.
- D.
  Responsibilities are divided with a strict 50/50 split, where both partners take equal responsibility for specific tasks, ensuring that everything is shared evenly.
14.
Q#14: How do you handle financial matters together?
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- A.
  We hardly talk about our finances because it causes us to argue; one partner still makes the majority of the decisions regarding big expenditures.
- B.
  Financial discussions are minimal; we both manage the finances without a cohesive plan, resulting in a lack of collaboration and foresight.
- C.
  We prioritize regular discussions about our finances, sitting down together to review our budget and future projections. This helps us work towards common financial goals.
- D.
  One partner looks at the budget regularly and assumes control over the household finances.
15.
Q#15: How do you navigate leadership roles in your relationship?
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- A.
  One person naturally emerges as the leader in the relationship, guiding both decisions and everyday interactions.
- B.
  One partner's strong personality often places them in the lead for various things, which can overshadow another's input.
- C.
  Our approach to leadership is hands-off, where both partners operate independently, relying on personal initiative rather than collaboration.
- D.
  Leadership is a shared responsibility; both partners take turns leading in various areas, frequently communicating, fostering a sense of equality.
16.
Q#16: When we argue in our marriage, which statement best describes us?
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- A.
  In some conflicts, one person manages to come out on top, while the other reluctantly gives in.
- B.
  When we do argue, we look for common ground and search for how we can both win through some level of compromise. We both feel heard.
- C.
  We frequently hold back our true feelings, so we don't argue much. We prioritize a false sense of peace over honest communication.
- D.
  Our arguments often escalate into shouting matches, where harsh words are exchanged.
17.
Q#17: How do we respond to each other when we have a concern?
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- A.
  One partner brings up most of the concerns, often causing the other to become defensive.
- B.
  We can distinguish between significant issues and minor grievances, so we only share our concerns occasionally.
- C.
  Both of us feel secure in voicing our concerns, and are adept at recognizing appropriate moments for discussion, and can listen without immediate defensiveness.
- D.
  Regardless of the topic, one of us tends to take a defensive stance, which complicates communication.
18.
Q#18: When we fight, what is our habit?
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- A.
  Both of us dig in our heels during disagreements, as we both want to emerge victorious, which frequently results in a stalemate.
- B.
  Our arguments are rare because we are afraid to hurt each other, so unresolved issues are lingering between us.
- C.
  We allow everyone to speak without interrupting each other. Then we summarize what we hear each other saying. We are disciplined not to use harsh language with each other
- D.
  Often, one partner strives to win the argument, leading the other to feel pressured to acquiesce.
19.
Q#19: When it comes to sexual intimacy, which one best describes your marriage?
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- A.
  We have sex at least once a week and we trade off and on who initiates.
- B.
  We both like having sex, but we are too busy to have it as frequently as we’d like.
- C.
  One of us initiates sex, and the other feels obligated.
- D.
  We don’t have sex very often because there is something between us.
20.
Q#20: When it comes to sexual pleasure, which one best describes your marriage?
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- A.
  One partner knows what they want sexually and is frustrated at the other for not providing it.
- B.
  When we have sex, we both don’t feel all that much pleasure because it feels transactional.
- C.
  Our sex life is just OK, but it feels too awkward to talk about it.
- D.
  We talk about our sex-life regularly and have discerned a shared way to both equally enjoy it.
21.
Q#21: When it comes to how we pleasure one another, which best describes your marriage?
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- A.
  We talk about what pleases each of us, no one's pleasures rule, and we take turns featuring one person's desires when we have sex.
- B.
  We often guess what the other likes, talking about it feels uncomfortable.
- C.
  There is an inequality in our pleasure. One receives more than the other.
- D.
  We don’t know how to pleasure each other. We’re bored.
22.
Q#22: When reflecting on how you both reconcile in your marriage, which statement resonates most?
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- A.
  Following a conflict, one of us sincerely apologizes, and then we engage in an open discussion seeking understanding and resolution.
- B.
  After a disagreement, one partner typically offers a simple "sorry," and the other responds with a casual "It’s okay," leaving the underlying feelings unexamined.
- C.
  Formal apologies are generally not given; rather, we typically allow time to pass.
- D.
  We often harbor grudges against one another, waiting for one of us to show signs of warmth before we can reconnect.
23.
Q#23: How do you and your partner seek to rebuild your connection after experiencing a rift?
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- A.
  When our connection feels strained, we avoid discussing it directly, yet we find subtle ways to enjoy each other's company once again.
- B.
  After a conflict, one of us feels as though they are in the "doghouse," needing to perform certain actions to regain connection again.
- C.
  In the process of healing, we both openly share our feelings of regret and collaboratively brainstorm solutions to reconnect.
- D.
  When we feel distant, we struggle to make an effort to initiate repair; the gap remains.
24.
Q#24: In terms of forgiveness, how does your marriage navigate this important aspect?
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- A.
  We rarely express the words "I forgive you," often leaving the resolution unspoken.
- B.
  We explicitly say, "I forgive you," and then we follow up with warm, reassuring gestures or touches that reaffirm our bond.
- C.
  Our approach to forgiveness tends to be more unvoiced, relying on nonverbal cues to move past hurt.
- D.
  One of us may extend forgiveness, but the other often clings to anger or resentment, leaving tension.
25.
Q#25: In terms of self-awareness within your marriage, which statement resonates with your experience the most?
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- A.
  Both of us have embarked on a journey of self-awareness and have made a point to share our discoveries, fostering a deeper understanding of each other.
- B.
  We both aspire to grow individually, but it often feels awkward to broach these sensitive topics with one another, so we don't speak about it.
- C.
  One of us is actively pursuing self-awareness through various tools, diving deep into personal growth, while the other remains uninterested and disengaged.
- D.
  One partner resents the changes and growth of the other. They wish we could just stay the way we were.
26.
Q#26: Regarding our shadow sides, which of the following statements best reflects your situation?
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- A.
  One partner is irritated with the other, frustrated that they are not working to address their shortcomings. Blame seems to be unfairly distributed.
- B.
  We recognize that we each have darker aspects of our personalities, but these often emerge during conflicts rather than being addressed maturely.
- C.
  We are committed to openly examining our shadow sides together, seeking support and insights from each other as we navigate this complex aspect of our personalities.
- D.
  We’re dealing with exploring our issues alone, talking to friends or others instead of sharing them.
27.
Q#27: When it comes to growth in our marriage, which statement best captures your experience?
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- A.
  We tend to go with what feels comfortable, exploring relational growth has not been a priority for us.
- B.
  We’ve made a few attempts to engage in discussions about growth, but the enthusiasm isn’t equally shared—one of us remains less motivated.
- C.
  Most of our growth occurs in the aftermath of overcoming challenges, as these shared experiences tend to awaken us to new growth.
- D.
  We’ve actively identified specific areas for growth within our relationship, regularly discussing our aspirations and creating some plans to pursue our growth.
28.
Q#28: When it comes to our spirituality, which statement best captures the essence of our marriage?
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- A.
  Both of us actively participate in a spiritual community that supports the development of our faith.
- B.
  One of us actively seeks a richer, more profound spiritual life, while the other remains more passive in this pursuit.
- C.
  We regularly take the time to sit down and engage in meaningful conversations about rest, personal rhythms, and spirituality, encouraging one another to deepen our relationship with ourselves and with God.
- D.
  We each have a spiritual life, but it's very different between us, and so we don't know how to explore deeper connections or practices together.
29.
Q#29: When it comes to faith, which statement best reflects our journey together?
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- A.
  We grew up within the church and there seems to be doctrines and ways of being a Christain that we cannot question.
- B.
  We find ourselves in a phase of deconstructing our beliefs, grappling with uncertainty about where we stand and where we are going.
- C.
  While we both have a genuine love for God, but we let the church mediate our experience. We have not cultivated a spirituality between us.
- D.
  We share a deep affection for God and engage in conversations about how to nurture and express that love in our everyday life, beyond the confines of church activities.
30.
Q#30: When it comes to our sense of mission, which statement best describes our shared purpose?
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- A.
  Our daily routine primarily consists of working, eating, sleeping, and watching TV, leaving little room for a sense of mission or purpose.
- B.
  We have thoughtfully discerned our shared mission within our local community, making a conscious effort to engage and contribute to that mission together actively.
- C.
  We both participate in a mission outside of the church context, but these pursuits often take us in different directions, lacking a shared focus
- D.
  One of us is passionate about pursuing a mission or cause, while the other feels indifferent or disconnected from that drive.

Quiz Outcomes

1.
Result 1
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Your marriage is currently marked by a sense of separation. You find yourselves in distinct emotional spaces, traveling through life with a growing distance between you. While this independence may feel liberating at times, it ultimately leaves both of you feeling isolated in your own worlds. The true invitation here is to break free from these silos and blend your voices, emotional landscapes, unique gifts, passions, and personalities. What you both yearn for is a deep, mutual connection. It’s essential to address the dynamics of distance that are affecting your bond. Embrace this opportunity to come together and create a richer, more fulfilling partnership
2.
Result 2
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Your marriage reflects an awkward mix of emotional and practical isolation. Although there is a connection between you, it lacks the deep convergence you both yearn for. While your independence has its merits, it also breeds tension and a lingering sense of loneliness. You find yourselves operating as two distinct entities, even when you are physically together. The journey toward merging and cultivating a more unified bond depends on your mutual desire for closeness and the courage to acknowledge how your habits create distance. There are beautiful possibilities that lie ahead if you rediscover oneness and nurture a more shared way of being together.
3.
Result 3
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Your marriage is currently marked by a silenced dynamic, where at least one partner feels unheard. This imbalance has stifled individual agency, leading to feelings of bitterness and resentment. The time has come to break free from this silence and to restore a sense of equality in your relationship. Embrace the journey toward mutual listening, understanding and empowerment—it's a beautiful aspiration that you both deserve. Addressing the dynamics of silencing is essential for revitalizing the connection you once cherished. Your path to a more harmonious partnership begins with open dialogue and a commitment to truly affirm one another.
4.
Result 4
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Congratulations! Your relationship radiates with beautifully shared qualities—emotionally, vocationally, and spiritually. It’s truly inspiring to identify the deep work you’ve both invested in nurturing your marriage. A mutual marriage is not just a goal but a way of life—where you connect on the soul level, feeling safe, truly heard, and encouraged to express your authentic selves. This bond you’ve created is a testament to love’s profound potential.

Mutual Marriage Assessment

This assessment helps determine the mutualquality of your marriage (Siloed, Silenced, or Shared) - 15 mins.

Quiz Questions

Quiz Outcomes