What's Holding You Back In Your Love Life?

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Quiz Questions

1.
You meet someone you actually like for the first time in a long time. Where does your mind go?
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- A.
  I hope they don't hurt me like the last person did.
- B.
  I wonder if my family/friends will like them...
- C.
  I hope this works out so I don't have to date again.
- D.
  Finally, someone I connect with!
- E.
  I hope they like me as much as I like them.
- F.
  Maybe they'll be the one?
2.
What's your relationship with dating apps?
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- A.
  I tend to message my app matches a lot before we've met and get attached quickly.
- B.
  My profile is optimized, I get matches and can get to the date.
- C.
  I'm not a fan; they're terrible for my mental health.
- D.
  I've deleted and redownloaded them more times than I can count.
- E.
  I don't use them because they're full of low-quality people.
- F.
  I'm on them, but I rarely make the first move.
3.
You have a first date today, but they haven't confirmed yet. How do you navigate this?
- A.
  Send a warm confirmation text.
- B.
  Assume they're flaking and let them know I've made other plans.
- C.
  Begrudgingly reach out to confirm. Here we go again!
- D.
  Wait to see if they reach out; I don't want to seem too eager.
- E.
  Don't confirm. My future partner would have locked it in by now.
- F.
  Give them the benefit of the doubt and reach out.
4.
How do you usually feel on a first date with someone you're excited about?
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- A.
  Like I'm performing and closely watching for signs they're into me.
- B.
  Like I'm going through the motions - I've done this so many times.
- C.
  In my head, aware of how I'm coming off and presenting myself.
- D.
  Guarded, scanning for red flags and signs they're not being genuine.
- E.
  If I like them, my mind jumps to the future.
- F.
  Judgy, evaluating whether they're worth a second date.
5.
What's the *most* important thing you look for on the first 3 dates?
- A.
  If they check my boxes (values, career, family, lifestyle etc)
- B.
  If they ask good questions and can hold a conversation
- C.
  Integrity. Their actions align with their words
- D.
  They're showing interest in me in various ways
- E.
  Strong chemistry, attraction on all levels
- F.
  Reciprocation and consistency between dates
6.
What's the thought that comes up most while dating?
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- A.
  "There's no one good left."
- B.
  "Whenever I like someone, they don't like me back."
- C.
  "If I was more ___ I'd be in a relationship by now."
- D.
  "They're a catch. I wonder what's secretly wrong with them?"
- E.
  "Maybe I should give up."
- F.
  "I'm doing everything right, but keep getting stuck."
7.
You've been seeing someone for 1 month and it's going fine, but you notice you feel anxious. What's your next step?
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- A.
  Try to be chill about it, hoping they notice how great I am.
- B.
  Just call it off; I've felt enough anxiety in my journey to know it's not worth it.
- C.
  Take it as a bad sign and think about how I can end it.
- D.
  Brush it off; I don't want to make it a thing.
- E.
  Wonder if the anxiety means they're not right for me.
- F.
  Journal, reflect and bring it up to them.
8.
How and when would you approach the "define the relationship" moment next time?
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- A.
  Check in about how they feel it's going after a few dates, and decide based on that.
- B.
  Wait for them to ask me to be their partner in a romantic way, hopefully 1-2 months.
- C.
  I'd put it off until I was really sure they're partner material, around 6 months.
- D.
  I'd let them know how I feel and what I want moving forward, around 2-3 months in.
- E.
  I'd rather just be exclusive for a while before using labels.
- F.
  If they don't bring it up by 3 months, it's over.
9.
What's your reaction to being ghosted by someone you've been out with 1-2 times?
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- A.
  Feel validated - this happens every time
- B.
  Send a "close the loop" text and move on
- C.
  Ruminate on what could have gone wrong or why they weren't into me
- D.
  Consider taking a break from dating
- E.
  Send a follow-up text, maybe they just got busy
- F.
  Decide it's a sign they weren't on your level anyway
10.
How do you feel when you don't have any upcoming dates or prospective matches?
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- A.
  Determined to line up some dates ASAP.
- B.
  Ambivalent - is this a sign to take a break or dive back in?
- C.
  A little relieved, but also longing for someone to connect with.
- D.
  Fine, especially since the last few were so bad.
- E.
  A little lonely, and thinking about texting an old situationship or ex.
- F.
  A little deflated, but also motivated to get some dates lined up.

Quiz Outcomes

1.
Your blind spot: Performing, not connecting
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You're the one who does everything right. You show up prepared, ask the thoughtful questions, you've read the books and done the therapy and you can hold a great conversation. So why does it keep not turning into anything?Here's the thing you might not be able to see from the inside: you're so busy checking all the boxes of being a good dater that the actual you never quite shows up.While being consistent and communicative is so important, keeping up a performance makes it hard for someone to feel truly connected to you.Here are some specific tips for you to try on your next few dates:Break out of your date routine. If you always do the same coffee-or-drinks script, you're running on autopilot. Try a different kind of date (something active, something a little novel) to tap into more authenticity.Let them take the lead sometimes. You don't have to carry the conversation, steer the plan, and manage the vibe. Letting someone else drive a little gives them room to show up and gives you a break from directing.Show up a little less polished on purpose. Challenge yourself to be more vulnerable and a little more unfiltered, and just watch what happens. The unscripted, real moments are usually the ones people actually connect to.And underneath all of it: practice dating NATO (not attached to outcome). The less you're managing the result, the more the real you gets to show up.Start with these Dating Intentionally podcast episodes:Ep 158 — "I'm Doing Everything Right, But I'm Still Single." (How To Get Unstuck)Ep 163 — Why High Achievers Struggle To Feel Secure In LoveEp 225 — How to Date NATO (Not Attached To Outcome)
2.
Your blind spot: Being guarded
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You've been hurt before, and now you go into dating with your guard up. You're hopeful and believe love is out there for you, but you're so worried about missing red flags and being hurt or blindsided again.The issue is that you're bracing for something bad to happen - a shift, a lie, any little ambiguity gets read as proof it's already falling apart, so you pull back first.Protecting yourself makes complete sense after being hurt. But guarding this hard means you're often ending things in your own mind before they ever got a real chance, and no one gets close enough to show you it could go differently this time.Here are some specific tips for you to try on your next few dates:Catch yourself collecting evidence. Next time you read into a small thing as a sign it's doomed, pause and focus on the facts, not the worst-case scenario in your head.Stay in it one beat longer than feels comfortable. When the urge to pull back hits, don't act on it right away. Give the connection a little more room before you decide it's over.Let yourself be a little more into it than feels safe. The risk is kind of the point. Matching someone's energy instead of hiding yours is how you actually find out if it's real.Start with these Dating Intentionally podcast episodes:Ep 255 — Why You Feel More Anxious When You Like Someone (And What To Do)Ep 244 — Building Inner Security (So Dating Doesn't Make You Spiral)Ep 209 — Why Self-Trust Is the Key to Feeling Safe in Love
3.
Your blind spot: Dating Burnout
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You've been doing this for a while. The apps, the dates, the putting-yourself-out-there over and over (you've done all of it), and somewhere along the way, the spark went out of it for you. Some days, you wonder if it will ever happen, or if you should just give up.Here's the thing: hopelessness can sometimes stem from exhaustion. You've started reading the lack of results as proof it won't happen for you, when really, you're just depleted and running on empty.Being tired after months or years of effort is so valid. But when you're burned out, you tend to go through the motions and half-show up, and that flatness becomes the very thing standing between you and the connection you actually want.Here are some specific tips for you to try on your next few dates:Give yourself permission to take a real break. This is NOT the same thing as quitting. Intentionally stepping back, rather than dragging yourself through dates you dread, is often what brings the spark back.Reconnect with why you wanted this in the first place. Underneath the burnout is a real desire for partnership. Get clear on what you want it to actually feel like, not just the box you're trying to check.Lower the stakes on a single date. You don't have to evaluate your entire future over dinner. Try treating one date as just a nice evening with someone new, and notice how much lighter it feels.Start with these Dating Intentionally podcast episodes: Ep 186 — Signs It's Time For A Dating Break & How To Do It (Without Getting FOMO) Ep 256 — How To Actually Stay Motivated While Dating Ep 103 –– Top 8 Tips For Enjoying Dating + The Best Date Ideas
4.
Your blind spot: Trying to be chosen
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You want it to feel natural. You don't want to force anything or come across as too eager, so you hang back, let people come to you, and wait to see who steps up and picks you.Here's the thing you might not be able to see from the inside: you've handed the whole process over to other people. You're waiting to be selected, to be noticed, pursued, chosen, instead of deciding who and what you actually want and moving toward it. So your dating life ends up shaped by whoever happens to show up, rather than by what you're truly looking for.Wanting to feel wanted is human, and there's nothing wrong with being pursued. But when being chosen is the strategy, you give up your say in it and settle for whoever picks you instead of going after what you really want.Here are some specific tips for you to try on your next few dates:Make the first move this week. Send the first message, suggest the plan, ask them out. Showing genuine interest isn't the same as chasing or being desperate.Get clear on who you're actually choosing. Instead of waiting to see who's interested, decide what you want and let that drive your decisions, not just who happens to like you back.Put yourself in more rooms. You can't choose from a pool you're not in. Say yes to the thing, go to the event, widen where you actually show up.Ep 218 — Being The Chooser VS Wanting To Be Chosen (How To Find Balance)Ep 250 — How To Show Interest (Without Looking Desperate)Ep 136 — Top 10 Qualities In A Partner & How To Know If Your Date Has Them
5.
Your dating blind spot: High standards, low flexibility
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You know what you want and you're not willing to settle for less. You've got a clear picture of your person, you can spot what's missing pretty fast, and you'd rather be on your own than waste time on someone who isn't right.Here's the thing: at a certain point, sky-high standards can be a form of self-sabotage. The disqualifying tends to happen fastest with the people who could actually get close, because high standards are a very socially acceptable way to keep everyone at a safe distance.Having standards is a good thing, and you should never settle for someone who's genuinely wrong for you. But when the bar becomes a way to rule people out before they get a chance, it stops protecting you and starts keeping you alone.Here are some specific tips for you to try on your next few dates:Separate your real dealbreakers from your preferences. Values and how someone treats you are dealbreakers. Height, hobbies, and a very specific "type" usually aren't. Get honest about which is which.If you enjoy their company, give it three dates before you decide. Real chemistry and an accurate read on someone don't always show up instantly. Challenge yourself to stay curious past the first impression.Notice if you disqualify fastest when you actually feel something. If the people you rule out quickest are the ones you kind of liked, the standards might be doing protective work, not discerning work.Start with these Dating Intentionally podcast episodes:Ep 164 — Dating Standards: Are You Too Picky or Not Picky Enough?Ep 197 — Tips For Dating Outside Of Your Type Without SettlingEp 262 — When You Don't Feel Attracted Right Away (How Long To Wait)Ep 177 –– How To Spot Real Compatibility In Early Dating
6.
Your dating blind spot: Dating for potential
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When you feel a strong connection, you go all in. You're loyal, compassionate, and you give people the benefit of the doubt. When you like someone, it's easy for you to envision how amazing the relationship could be.Here's the thing: you tend to rush in when the spark is strong, which puts you at risk of getting blindsided and hurt. You mistake the intensity of how you feel for proof that it's right, so you keep explaining away the things you know aren't working on a deeper level.Seeing the best in people is a beautiful quality. But when you're staying for the potential and talking yourself out of what you already feel, loyalty turns into staying somewhere long after it stopped being right for you.Here are some specific tips for you to try on your next few dates:Focus on the facts. Ask yourself if you'd be happy with this person if nothing changed.Slow down when the spark is strongest. Intensity isn't compatibility. When you feel yourself going all in fast, that's the moment to pump the brakes.Check your reasons for staying. Every so often, honestly ask: am I still here because it's good, or because leaving feels harder than staying?Start with these Dating Intentionally podcast episodes:Ep 160 — Six Reasons You Fall For The "Wrong" People (And How To Stop The Cycle)Ep 242 — Leaning Into A Slow Burn When You're Used To Intensity and SparksEp 182 — Sparks vs Chemistry: How To Build Chemistry & Stop Chasing Instant Attraction

What's Holding You Back In Your Love Life?

Let's figure out what exactly is holding you back from finding your best match and building the relationship of your dreams. This quiz will uncover which early dating behaviors are sneakily getting in your way, and you'll learn how to change them.

Quiz Questions

Quiz Outcomes