Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn — or Grounded?

Quiz Questions

• 1.
  When pressure is high… (check all that apply)

  • A.
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    My mind races, especially at night when I'm trying to sleep
  • B.
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    I feel irritable or snap at people more than usual
  • C.
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    I feel like I can't slow down even when I have time off
  • D.
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    My jaw is clenched or I grind my teeth
  • E.
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    I feel a constant sense of urgency—everything feels important
  • F.
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    I find myself arguing or defending my position more than collaborating
  • G.
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    I have strong opinions about how things "should" be done
  • H.
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    I feel frustrated when others don't move as fast as I think they should
  • I.
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    I push through exhaustion because there's too much to do
  • J.
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    I feel guilty resting while others are suffering or work remains
  • K.
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    None apply to me
• 2.
  When things feel overwhelming…(check all that apply)

  • A.
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    My heart races or I feel chest tightness, even without physical exertion
  • B.
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    I feel anxious about email/Slack notifications even on weekends
  • C.
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    I have trouble focusing because my brain jumps between urgent tasks
  • D.
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    I'm hyper-vigilant in meetings—constantly analyzing power dynamics
  • E.
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    I feel like I'm always preparing for the next crisis or disappointment
  • F.
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    I avoid difficult conversations by staying busy with other tasks
  • G.
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    I plan escape routes or exit strategies in my head
  • H.
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    I feel restless and can't sit still for long
  • I.
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    I scan for problems or threats constantly
  • J.
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    I have a hard time being present because I'm thinking about what's next
  • K.
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    None apply to me
• 3.
  When stress peaks…(check all that apply)

  • A.
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    I feel numb or disconnected from the mission that used to inspire me
  • B.
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    I zone out during meetings or find myself going through the motions
  • C.
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    I feel exhausted no matter how much I sleep
  • D.
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    I avoid difficult conversations or decisions by procrastinating
  • E.
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    I feel foggy-headed or like I can't think clearly
  • F.
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    I've stopped caring about things that used to matter deeply to me
  • G.
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    I feel like I'm watching my work from outside my body—detached
  • H.
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    Simple tasks feel overwhelming or impossible to start
  • I.
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    I withdraw from colleagues or skip social opportunities
  • J.
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    I feel hopeless about making real change in the sector
  • K.
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    None apply to me
• 4.
  In tense situations…(check all that apply)

  • A.
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    I say yes when I want to say no, then resent it later
  • B.
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    I struggle to set boundaries with demanding colleagues or partners
  • C.
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    I apologize constantly, even when nothing is my fault
  • D.
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    I accommodate everyone else's needs before considering my own
  • E.
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    I stay quiet in meetings even when I disagree with decisions
  • F.
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    I feel responsible for managing other people's emotions at work
  • G.
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    I code-switch or hide parts of myself to avoid conflict
  • H.
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    I take on work that's not mine to avoid disappointing someone
  • I.
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    I feel like my value depends on being helpful or indispensable
  • J.
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    I struggle to advocate for myself even when I advocate fiercely for others
  • K.
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    None apply to me
• 5.
  Even under pressure…(check all that apply)

  • A.
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    I can feel a range of emotions without getting overwhelmed by them
  • B.
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    I notice when I'm getting activated and can usually return to calm
  • C.
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    I can set boundaries without excessive guilt or fear
  • D.
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    I sleep reasonably well most nights
  • E.
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    I feel connected to my body and can sense what I need
  • F.
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    I can be present with difficulty without shutting down or fighting
  • G.
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    I feel aligned with my values in most of my work
  • H.
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    I have relationships where I feel truly seen and supported
  • I.
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    I can rest without feeling like I'm abandoning the work
  • J.
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    I believe change is possible, even when it's slow
  • K.
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    None apply to me

Quiz Outcomes

• 1.
  You're in Fight Mode

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  Your Nervous System Is Ready for Battle ⚡Your body is operating as if you’re under threat—ready to push, defend, and advocate fast. This can show up as urgency, intensity, and strong reactions that sometimes create friction with the very allies you need.Pause for a moment. This isn’t a diagnosis or a judgment. It’s a snapshot of how your nervous system has adapted to the conditions you’ve been leading in. Many people move between modes depending on context.What this looks like in your leadershipYou may recognize some of these:Everything feels urgent, so strategy gets crowded outCollaboration turns into argument (even when you meant to partner)You push through exhaustion because slowing down feels unsafeYour body stays “on” (jaw tight, shallow breath, bracing)Anxiety about funding, partnerships, or politics never fully settlesYou’re not imagining it. Your system really is running on overdrive.Why you’re here (and why it makes sense)When you’re working in systems that violate your values—extractive partnerships, power imbalances, constant instability—your body learns to stay ready.This activation isn’t pathology—it’s an intelligent response to real conditions. For many women of color and historically marginalized leaders, a heightened baseline isn’t random “dysregulation.” It’s information about what you’ve navigated—and what you may still be navigating.The challenge isn’t that you’re “too activated.” It’s that the same intensity that helped you survive can sometimes make it harder to build sustained trust and coalition.Try one practice today (choose what fits your body)You don’t need to do all of these. Pick one.Option A — Long-exhale reset (90 seconds) Inhale 4 • hold 4 • exhale 6 (repeat 5 times)Option B — Discharge walk (8–10 minutes) No phone. Let your body set the pace.Option C — Voice/vagus cue (30–60 seconds) Hum gently on a long exhale (repeat 5 times).Why this mattersFight mode can make you effective in the short term—but costly over time. When urgency is always present, other people’s nervous systems respond to it too. People shut down or fight back, and the partnership work gets harder.You deserve to lead with choice, not constant bracing.What’s nextCheck your email for a detailed PDF guide including:more options beyond breathworkand guidance on how to use your “fight energy” strategically without living in it.You’re doing the hard and important work. And you're not alone.Maya 🧡
• 2.
  You're in Flight Mode

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  Your Nervous System Can’t Seem to Land 🏃‍♀️Your body is scanning for what could go wrong—preparing for the next task, the next risk, the next exit. This often shows up as restlessness, anxiety, and difficulty being fully present.Pause for a moment. This isn’t a flaw or a failure. It’s how your nervous system has adapted to uncertainty. Many people move in and out of flight depending on context.What this looks like in your leadershipYou may notice:Your mind jumps ahead to what’s next or what might failYou stay busy to avoid difficult conversationsYou plan exit strategies before you’ve fully committedPeople describe you as distracted or “not quite here”Even when things are okay, your body won’t settleThe restlessness is exhausting.Why you’re here (and why it makes sense)When you’ve lived through instability—funding cuts, restructures, broken partnerships, displacement—your body learns to stay ready to move.This isn’t dysfunction. It’s protection. For many leaders navigating chronic uncertainty, staying alert felt safer than settling in.The challenge is that when you can’t land, even briefly, it becomes hard to build trust, stay with complexity, or invest fully in partnership.Try one practice today (choose what fits your body)You don’t need to do all of these. Pick one.Option A — Ground through your feet (60 seconds) Press your feet into the floor. Feel the ground holding you.Option B — Orient to the present Name 5 things you see, 3 things you can feel, 1 thing you hear.Option C — Gentle movement Slow walking or stretching for 2–5 minutes, focusing on sensation.Why this mattersYou can’t build lasting partnerships when your nervous system is always preparing to leave. Presence—not urgency—is what builds trust.What’s nextCheck your email for a detailed PDF guide including:more ways to help your body learn it’s safe to landand tools for telling the difference between real red flags and nervous-system alarms.You don’t have to stay on the run to stay effective. And you're not alone.Maya 🧡
• 3.
  You're in Freeze Mode

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  Your Nervous System Has Gone Into Shutdown 🧊Your body has pulled the emergency brake. This can look like numbness, fog, or feeling stuck—even when you care deeply and want to move forward.Pause here. This isn’t laziness, lack of motivation, or failure. It’s a protective response that shows up when stress has been high for a long time without enough relief or support.What this can look like in your leadershipYou may notice:Difficulty starting tasks, even simple onesBrain fog, low energy, or feeling disconnectedGoing through the motions without real presenceAvoiding decisions because everything feels heavyFeeling guilty for not “showing up like you used to”This can be confusing and isolating—especially if you’re used to being capable and reliable.Why you’re here (and why it makes sense)Freeze often shows up after fight and flight have been running for too long.When pushing didn’t fix things, and leaving wasn’t an option, your nervous system did the only thing left: it slowed everything down to protect you from overload.This isn’t a character flaw. It’s a biological safety response.For leaders navigating chronic stress, impossible demands, or ongoing exposure to harm without adequate support, shutdown can be the body’s way of saying: we can’t keep going like this.Try one gentle practice today (very small is enough)You don’t need to push yourself. Pick one.Option A — Micro-movement (30–60 seconds) Shake out your hands. Roll your shoulders slowly. Stop before you feel tired.Option B — Sensory orienting Name 3 things you can see and 1 thing you can feel in your body.Option C — One complete action Do one small, finishable task (reply to one email, make your bed, drink a glass of water).The goal isn’t motivation. It’s sending your body the signal that it’s safe to come back online—slowly.Why this mattersYou can’t lead, decide, or partner effectively when your system is shut down—not because you’re incapable, but because your body is conserving energy.Freeze isn’t something to “power through.” It needs patience, support, and gentleness.What’s nextCheck your email for a detailed PDF guide including:low-energy practices that don’t require willpowerways to rebuild capacity without forcing yourselfguidance on when extra support might be helpfulYou don’t have to rush your way out of this. And you're not alone.Maya 🧡
• 4.
  You're in Fawn Mode

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  Your Nervous System Default is Accommodating Others 🎭Your body has learned that staying safe means staying agreeable—anticipating others’ needs, minimizing conflict, and keeping the peace even at your own expense.Pause here. This isn’t weakness or lack of confidence. It’s a protective response shaped by power, context, and lived experience.What this can look like in your leadershipYou may notice:Saying yes when you mean noTaking on work that isn’t yours to avoid disappointmentStaying quiet in meetings even when you disagreeApologizing for things that aren’t your faultFeeling resentful or exhausted after “being nice” all dayYou might be seen as easy to work with—while quietly burning out.Why you’re here (and why it makes sense)Fawn mode often develops in environments where conflict isn’t safe.If you’ve navigated:power imbalancesmarginalization or tokenizationworkplaces where speaking up had consequencescultures where harmony was valued over honesty…your nervous system may have learned that accommodation equals safety.This isn’t a character flaw. It’s an adaptive strategy.The challenge is that what once protected you can now make it harder to set boundaries, advocate clearly, or build truly reciprocal partnerships.Try one practice today (low risk, private)You don’t need to confront anyone. Pick one.Option A — Boundary rehearsal (30 seconds) Place a hand on your chest and say quietly: “I’m allowed to have needs.”Option B — Physical boundary cue Sit or stand with your feet grounded. Gently press your palms together and notice your own strength.Option C — Preference practice Name one preference today—even just to yourself. (“I’d rather have tea than coffee.”)Why this mattersPartnership requires honesty, not just harmony. When you disappear to keep others comfortable, the work suffers—and so do you.What’s nextCheck your email for a detailed PDF guide including:ways to practice boundaries without escalating conflictlanguage that’s clear, respectful, and workplace-safesupport for reconnecting with your own needsYou don’t have to earn safety by disappearing.Maya 🧡
• 5.
  You’re Relatively Grounded

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  Your Nervous System Has Built Capacity ⛰️Your nervous system can respond to a challenge without immediately going into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. This doesn’t mean work is easy — it means you have resources to meet it.A quick note: Grounded isn’t a permanent state. It’s a capacity you’ve built — through practice, community, support, experience, or some combination of all three.What this can look like in your leadershipYou may notice:You can stay present in difficult conversationsYou recover more quickly after stressYou can set boundaries without excessive guiltYou respond more than you reactYou can hold complexity without shutting down or escalatingThis is not accidental. It reflects real work you’ve done.Why this mattersA regulated nervous system doesn’t just support you — it affects everyone around you.When you’re grounded:others feel safer around youconversations slow down enough for trust to formconflict becomes navigable instead of explosivepower dynamics can be engaged more thoughtfullyGrounded leaders make space for better decision-making — especially in high-pressure environments.One practice to protect what you’ve builtCapacity is easier to maintain than to rebuild.The Weekly Reset (10 minutes):What drained me this week?What restored me this week?What boundary do I need next week?This simple reflection helps you stay resourced before stress accumulates.What’s nextCheck your email for a detailed PDF guide including:ways to maintain and deepen your capacityguidance on becoming a co-regulating presence without over-functioningsupport for leading sustainably in complex systemsYou’ve built something worth protecting.Maya 🧡