Which Detachment Style is sabotaging your relationship?

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Quiz Questions

1.
How would you describe a typical evening at home with your partner?
- A.
  We're both on our devices or doing separate activities. We're in the same room but not really together.
- B.
  I'm managing the household - cleaning, organising, planning tomorrow - while they relax. Then I resent that they're not helping.
- C.
  We're coordinating logistics - who's doing pick-up tomorrow, what's for dinner, when's that appointment. Efficient but not intimate.
- D.
  We genuinely connect and enjoy being together. We might do separate things sometimes, but there's real presence and affection between us.
- E.
  I'm mentally reviewing my day and planning tomorrow. Even if we're sitting together, I'm not really present.
- F.
  I'm accommodating what they want to do, even if it's not what I want. I say I'm fine with whatever.
2.
When your partner tries to have a deep or meaningful conversation with you...
- A.
  I immediately try to fix it or problem-solve. I want to find solutions and move forward.
- B.
  I'm genuinely curious and ask questions. But if I don't have capacity for it, I feel like I can express that and it's not an issue.
- C.
  I stop what I'm doing, even if I'm in the middle of something, and listen to what they're saying. I don't want to create tension by saying I'm busy.
- D.
  I zone out or find a reason to end the conversation. I shut down when things get too heavy.
- E.
  I listen but I'm also correcting or advising. I can't help it, but I can't hear them without wanting to guide them.
- F.
  We don't really have those conversations anymore. We stick to safe, surface-level topics.
3.
When your partner reaches out for physical affection, what's your typical response?
- A.
  I tense up or pull away - I'm usually in the middle of doing something and it feels annoying, like an interruption to my productivity.
- B.
  I accept it but I'm already thinking about what needs to happen next - my mind is elsewhere.
- C.
  I go for it, but add some kind of condition or time limit, like "okay but I'm tired" or "okay, but only for a minute".
- D.
  I find a reason to step away - suddenly I need to check my phone, get a drink, or remember something I have to do.
- E.
  I generally lean into it. Even if I'm busy, I can typically pause and be present for a moment of connection.
- F.
  I evaluate whether they're doing it "right" - am I in the mood, is this the right time, are they approaching it the way I would want.
4.
When conflict or tension arises in your relationship, what do you tend to do?
- A.
  I find it's easier to just agree with them or apologise to end it quickly, even if I don't actually agree. I just want the tension to stop.
- B.
  I shut down emotionally or physically leave. I'd rather avoid the conversation entirely.
- C.
  I speak my truth while also listening to theirs. We might not resolve it immediately, but we stay connected.
- D.
  I try to problem-solve or fix it immediately. I want to find the solution and move on.
- E.
  I point out what they're doing or saying wrong and tell them what they should do differently.
- F.
  We don't really have conflict anymore - we just coexist. It's easier to avoid than engage.
5.
When it comes to sex and intimacy with your partner right now...
- A.
  I'll go through with it to keep the peace and because I think it's my duty, but I'm not really present. Sometimes I add conditions like "let's make it quick."
- B.
  It feels like another task on my to-do list. I'm thinking about other things, even during intimate moments.
- C.
  I find reasons to avoid it - I'm too tired, too busy, or I distract myself until the moment passes.
- D.
  It's rare or non-existent. When it does happen, it feels scheduled or mechanical. There's no spark.
- E.
  I struggle with it. The dynamic feels off and it kills my desire.
- F.
  It's not always perfect, but we're connected. I'm present and genuinely desire them.
6.
When you think about what's missing in your relationship, what comes up?
- A.
  Real conversation. Laughter. Feeling like lovers instead of roommates. We've forgotten how to connect.
- B.
  Nothing major. We definitely have challenges, but we work on things together.
- C.
  Being seen for who I actually am, not who I pretend to be. Permission to have needs without feeling selfish.
- D.
  Feeling safe enough to slow down and just be present. To not always be in doing mode.
- E.
  Being met as an equal. Having a true partner who I respect and desire, not someone I have to manage.
- F.
  Feeling safe enough to actually be vulnerable. To stay present when things get uncomfortable instead of running away.
7.
Are you hoping to reconcile with someone?
- A.
  Yes I am
- B.
  No I'm not

Quiz Outcomes

1.
You're The Good Girl/Good Guy
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You learnt at an early age that love and acceptance happened when you followed the rules. People-pleased. Stayed small and kept your difficult emotions to yourself.In your adult relationship, this shows up as saying yes when you mean no, over-giving and self-abandoning for the sake of peace .How your detachment style shows up:From the outside you look connected but secretly - you're emotionally withdrawn.You say yes to physical intimacy, but it's out of a sense of obligation or not wanting to rock the boat.You never let your partner see all of you, out of a fear or rejection, abandonment or a sense of not being "good enough".What you're craving:Permission to be your true self.To say no without feeling like it might burn the relationship down.To feel worthy for who you are, not for "being chill" and keeping the peace.Start here:Before automatically saying yes, pause.Ask yourself: "Do I actually want this? Or am I avoiding discomfort? If I could choose what I wanted in this exact moment, what would it be?"Your next step...There's nothing more for you to do right now, except to keep an eye on your inbox for a few emails to come from me 🧡
2.
You're The Overachiever
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You live in constant doing mode. You manage everything, achieve everything, carry everything, and you're completely disconnected from your body and partner.How your detachment style shows up:You create distance through constant productivity.You stay in your head, unable to be in the present moment.Intimacy is beyond reach as you're always planning, managing, doing.You make the relationship transactional and sex feels like another to-do.You reject affection because it interrupts your productivity.What you're craving:Permission to rest.To be valued for existing, not performing.To slow down and feel safe enough to stop managing everything.Start here:Give yourself 5 minutes a day where you do nothing productive.Sit, breathe and feel your body. This may feel uncomfortable - at first.Feel this in your body and remind yourself that you don't need to DO anything to be loved.Your next step...There's nothing more for you to do right now, except to keep an eye on your inbox for a few emails to come from me 🧡
3.
You're The Escape Artist
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You check out and numb to avoid discomfort. You're physically present but mentally and emotionally gone. You disappear into distractions, rather than face what's happening.How your detachment style shows up:You literally leave - mentally, emotionally, physically.When intimacy is required, you disappear into your phone, wine, work, friends - anywhere but here.You'd rather scroll than talk, drink than feel.When conversations get real, your eyes glaze over.What you're craving:Safety to be vulnerable.To feel without being overwhelmed.To be present without fear of losing yourself.Start here:Name what's happening. When you reach for your phone, wine, TV, or make plans to leave - pause and say to yourself: "I'm escaping right now."Just notice it. Then ask: "What am I avoiding? Can I sit with this discomfort for 60 seconds?"Your next step...There's nothing more for you to do right now, except to keep an eye on your inbox for a few emails to come from me 🧡
4.
You're The Flatmate
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You co-exist rather than connect. Your relationship is logistical, not intimate. You manage a household well but you've lost romance, passion, aliveness.How your detachment style shows up:You can't connect with your partner around emotions and feelings, so your texts have become about groceries and logistics, not feelings or flirting.You see your partner as a co-manager of life admin, not a lover.You brush off affection - you don't want it from someone who feels like a flatmate.Sex is rare and mechanical when it happens.What you're craving:To reconnect on a deeper level.To feel seen and desired again - and to desire your partner again.To remember why you fell in love.Start here:Commit to a daily presence exercise - with yourself.Take 5 minutes to do some deep breathing and track your breath inside your body as you inhale and exhale.Building your capacity for presence makes presence with your partner much easier.Your next step...There's nothing more for you to do right now, except to keep an eye on your inbox for a few emails to come from me 🧡
5.
You're The Parent
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You parent your partner, sometimes without realising it.You over-function to "take care of" them, killing any attraction or intimacy between you.How your detachment style shows up:You white-knuckle everything out of a need to control, and a lack of trust in your partner.There's no polarity or desire in the relationship. You've created this by taking on responsibilities that aren't yours, then resenting them for being passive.Sex feels impossible. The dynamic is caretaker and dependent, not lovers.What you're craving:An ability to loosen control and trust your partner to do what needs to be done.To feel that you and your partner are equals, teammates.To be desired, not just needed.Start here:Build awareness - when you fell yourself about to tell your partner what to do - PAUSE. Let them figure it out, even if they do it differently to how you'd do it.Trust they're capable by feeling into your body - how it would feel to let go of control?Your next step...There's nothing more for you to do right now, except to keep an eye on your inbox for a few emails to come from me 🧡
6.
You're ready for the next level!
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Based on your answers, you're in a connected, healthy place in your relationship. You're already doing what most couples struggle to do - staying present, communicating honestly, maintaining intimacy.But something brought you here.Maybe you sense there's more available to you. Maybe you want to deepen what you already have. Or maybe you know that great relationships aren't maintained on autopilot - they require ongoing attention and evolution.What "next level" actually means:More embodied presence. Deeper intimacy. Greater capacity to stay open when things get hard. Accessing more pleasure, more aliveness, more depth.What's available to you:Embodiment work isn't just for relationships in crisis. It's for anyone who wants to feel more alive in their body, more present with their partner, and more connected to the depth that's possible between two people.Your next step...There's nothing more for you to do right now, except to keep an eye on your inbox for a few emails to come from me 🧡

Which Detachment Style is sabotaging your relationship?

You've heard of attachment styles.Now discover how you detach - and get your first step towards reconnection with your partner today.When answering these questions, answer them based on the status of your current or most recent relationship (not where you want your relationship to be).

Quiz Questions

Quiz Outcomes