Are You in a Toxic Relationship?

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Quiz Questions

1.
As you take this assessment, think about one specific relationship. Who is the person you’re thinking about?
- A.
  A romantic partner (current or past)
- B.
  A family member (parent, sibling, etc.)
- C.
  A friend or someone in my social circle
- D.
  A boss, coworker, or professional relationship
2.
When you try to bring up something that’s bothering you, what usually happens?
- A.
  The conversation somehow flips and I end up apologizing
- B.
  We fight intensely, then make up in a way that makes me forget why I was upset
- C.
  I usually don’t bring things up because I don’t want to upset them
- D.
  They get angry or punish me in some way, so I’ve learned to stay quiet
- E.
  They shut down, walk away, or change the subject
- F.
  We talk it through — it’s not always easy, but we both try
3.
How do you feel about yourself compared to before this relationship was in your life?
- A.
  I regularly question my memory, my perception, and my sanity
- B.
  I feel addicted — I know it’s bad but I physically can’t walk away
- C.
  I’ve lost touch with who I am outside of this relationship
- D.
  I feel smaller — like my world has gotten very narrow
- E.
  I feel like I’m not enough, no matter how hard I try to connect
- F.
  I’m still me, even though the relationship has its challenges
4.
If someone you trust described this relationship from the outside, what would they most likely say?
- A.
  "They seem so charming, but you’re always the one crying"
- B.
  "You keep going back no matter how many times you say you’re done"
- C.
  "You do everything for them and get nothing back"
- D.
  "You’re not allowed to do anything anymore"
- E.
  "They don’t seem to care about you as much as you care about them"
- F.
  "You two have your issues but you seem to really care about each other"
5.
What does a “good day” with this person look like?
- A.
  They’re warm and attentive, but I’m always waiting for the switch to flip
- B.
  It’s the most amazing feeling — like everything is perfect and nothing else matters
- C.
  They seem happy, which means I can finally relax
- D.
  They’re in a good mood, so I have a little more freedom
- E.
  They’re actually present and engaged — it’s rare but it gives me hope
- F.
  We enjoy each other’s company and feel connected
6.
How has this relationship affected your other connections — friends, family, or other people in your life?
- A.
  This person has subtly turned me against others or made me feel like no one else understands
- B.
  I’ve pulled away from people because they don’t understand why I stay
- C.
  I don’t have time or energy for anyone else — it all goes to this person
- D.
  They’ve directly limited who I can see or talk to
- E.
  I lean on other people more because I’m not getting emotional support from this person
- F.
  My other relationships are still intact — this relationship hasn’t isolated me
7.
Which statement best describes the power dynamic between you and this person?
- A.
  They hold the power because they control the narrative of what’s real
- B.
  The power shifts wildly — sometimes I feel in control, then completely powerless
- C.
  I give them the power because I’m afraid of what happens if I don’t
- D.
  They have power over my daily decisions, finances, or freedom
- E.
  I’m always chasing their approval and never quite getting it
- F.
  We both have a voice — even when we disagree, neither of us dominates
8.
How did this relationship feel in the beginning?
- A.
  Overwhelmingly intense — they put me on a pedestal and it felt too good to be true
- B.
  Electric and chaotic — the emotional intensity was unlike anything I’d experienced
- C.
  I felt needed, which felt like being valued
- D.
  They were protective in a way that felt caring at first
- E.
  They were more present and interested at the start, then gradually pulled away
- F.
  It developed gradually with mutual interest and respect
9.
When you set a boundary (or try to), what happens?
- A.
  They make me feel guilty, crazy, or selfish for having one
- B.
  It triggers a huge conflict followed by an intense reconnection
- C.
  I feel so guilty that I take it back almost immediately
- D.
  They threaten me, punish me, or escalate the situation
- E.
  They pull away even further, so I stop trying
- F.
  They might not love it, but they ultimately respect it
10.
How do you feel when this person isn’t around?
- A.
  Relieved but anxious — I can think clearly but I worry about what they’ll accuse me of
- B.
  Desperate and panicked, like a part of me is missing
- C.
  Worried about them — are they okay without me?
- D.
  On edge — I know they might be checking up on me
- E.
  Confused — wondering what I did wrong and when they’ll reach out
- F.
  I miss them but I also enjoy my own space and time
11.
What role does guilt play in this relationship?
- A.
  I constantly feel guilty for things I’m not even sure I did
- B.
  I feel guilty for wanting to walk away from someone who “just loves me too much”
- C.
  I feel guilty any time I prioritize myself over them
- D.
  Guilt is used as a weapon — I’m made to feel like I owe them my compliance
- E.
  I feel guilty for wanting more from this person, like I’m being unreasonable
- F.
  I feel normal guilt sometimes when I mess up, but it’s not a constant state
12.
How does this person respond when something good happens to you?
- A.
  They minimize it, take credit, or find a way to make it about them
- B.
  It depends on the day — sometimes they’re thrilled, sometimes jealous and volatile
- C.
  I downplay my wins because I don’t want them to feel bad or threatened
- D.
  They see it as a threat — like I’m getting too independent or too confident
- E.
  They barely notice or seem genuinely disinterested
- F.
  They’re happy for me, even if they’re dealing with their own stuff
13.
When you think about the future of this relationship, what comes up?
- A.
  I’m confused — one minute I think they’re great, the next I feel trapped
- B.
  I can’t imagine my life without them, even though I know this isn’t healthy
- C.
  I worry about what would happen to THEM if I pulled away
- D.
  I’m scared of what they’d do if I tried to distance myself or leave
- E.
  I keep hoping they’ll eventually show up for me the way I need
- F.
  I see challenges, but I believe we can work through them together
14.
How does this person handle being wrong or making a mistake?
- A.
  They never admit fault — everything gets rewritten so it’s my fault
- B.
  They apologize intensely with grand gestures, then repeat the same behavior
- C.
  I usually take the blame so they don’t have to feel bad
- D.
  Questioning them isn’t allowed — it leads to consequences
- E.
  They deflect or dismiss it, like my feelings about it don’t matter
- F.
  They own it and try to make it right — not perfectly, but sincerely
15.
If you’re honest with yourself, what keeps you in this relationship?
- A.
  I keep remembering who they were in the beginning and hoping that person comes back
- B.
  The pull is so strong it feels like it’s beyond my control
- C.
  They need me — I can’t abandon someone who depends on me
- D.
  I’m afraid of what happens if I try to leave or pull away
- E.
  The glimpses of connection give me just enough hope to stay
- F.
  I stay because I genuinely value this person and believe in what we have
16.
How does your body physically respond when you think about this relationship?
- A.
  My stomach drops — I feel anxious and confused most of the time
- B.
  My heart races — it’s either intense longing or intense dread
- C.
  I feel heavy and exhausted from carrying everything
- D.
  I feel tense and hypervigilant, like I’m always bracing for something
- E.
  I feel a dull ache — like something important is missing
- F.
  I feel generally safe, even when things aren’t perfect

Quiz Outcomes

1.
You’re Dealing With a Manipulator
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Based on your answers, the pattern you’re most likely experiencing is narcissistic abuse. This doesn’t mean the person in your life has a clinical diagnosis — but the pattern of gaslighting, manipulation, and emotional control you described is real, and it has a name.People dealing with this pattern often feel like they’re losing their grip on reality. You might doubt your own memory, apologize for things you didn’t do, and feel like nothing you do is ever enough. That’s not a character flaw — it’s the result of systematic manipulation designed to keep you off-balance and dependent.This pattern can show up anywhere — with a romantic partner, a parent, a friend, even a boss. The tactics are the same regardless of the relationship: rewriting reality, shifting blame, and making you feel like the problem is always you.The fact that you’re here, looking for answers, means the manipulation isn’t working as well as it used to. That’s the first crack in the wall.What to do next: Understanding the tactics being used against you is the most important step you can take right now. Once you can name the pattern, you can start to break free from it.
2.
You’re Caught in a Trauma Bond
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Based on your answers, you’re most likely experiencing a trauma bond. This is an emotional attachment formed through cycles of pain and intermittent reinforcement — the highs feel incredibly high, which makes the lows feel survivable. Your nervous system has been trained to associate this person with both pain and relief.This is not weakness. This is biology. Trauma bonds create chemical responses in your brain similar to addiction, which is why “just walk away” is terrible advice for someone in your situation. The pull you feel isn’t loyalty or love in the healthy sense — it’s a neurological pattern that can be interrupted and rewired.Trauma bonds don’t just happen in romantic relationships. They can form with a parent who alternates between cruelty and affection, a friend who cycles between closeness and betrayal, or any relationship where the emotional highs and lows create a pattern you can’t seem to escape.The fact that you took this assessment tells me a part of you already knows something is wrong. Trust that part of yourself.What to do next: Breaking a trauma bond requires understanding the cycle, interrupting the patterns your brain has learned, and rebuilding safety within yourself. It’s a process, not an event.
3.
You’ve Lost Yourself in the Relationship
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Based on your answers, you’re showing signs of codependency — a pattern where you’ve gradually erased your own needs, identity, and boundaries in service of this relationship. You’ve become so focused on keeping the other person okay that you’ve forgotten what makes YOU okay.This pattern often starts early in life. You learned that your worth comes from being needed, from keeping the peace, from putting yourself last. That was survival once. But right now, it’s costing you yourself.Codependency can take root in any relationship — with a partner you over-function for, a parent whose emotions you manage, a friend you constantly rescue, or a colleague whose responsibilities you absorb. The common thread is the same: their needs always come first, and yours disappear.Here’s what I want you to hear: being caring, generous, and devoted are beautiful qualities. Codependency isn’t about being “too nice” — it’s about losing the ability to choose yourself. And you can get that back.What to do next: Recovery from codependency is about learning to meet your own needs, establish boundaries without guilt, and discover who you are when you’re not taking care of someone else.
4.
You’re Being Controlled
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Based on your answers, you may be experiencing coercive control — a pattern of behavior designed to take away your independence, your choices, and your sense of agency. This can include monitoring, financial control, isolation, intimidation, and regulation of your daily life.Coercive control is hard to recognize because it often doesn’t look like what we think of as “abuse.” It can look like a partner who “just cares about you so much,” a parent who needs to “know everything for your own good,” or a boss who controls every aspect of your work life through fear. But the result is the same: you’ve lost your freedom.If you are in immediate danger from anyone in your life, please reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233. You are not alone, and there are people trained to help.What to do next: Recognizing coercive control is the critical first step. Many people in this situation don’t realize what’s happening until they see the pattern clearly.
5.
You’re Emotionally Starving
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Based on your answers, you’re most likely in a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable. They may be physically present but emotionally absent — avoiding deep conversations, withholding warmth, giving you just enough attention to keep you hoping, or making you feel like your emotional needs are “too much.”This pattern is confusing because it doesn’t always feel “toxic” in the obvious sense. There might be no yelling, no manipulation, no drama. But the chronic emotional neglect is just as damaging — you end up feeling invisible to someone who’s supposed to care about you.Emotional unavailability shows up everywhere — a partner who won’t go deeper, a parent who was never emotionally present, a friend who’s only around when it’s convenient. The ache is the same: you’re giving more than you’re getting, and you’re exhausted from trying.I need you to hear this: you are not asking for too much. Wanting emotional presence, consistency, and real connection is not needy — it’s human. The problem isn’t your needs. The problem is that they’re not being met.What to do next: Healing starts with recognizing that you deserve to be met, not just tolerated. And learning the difference between what you’ve been accepting and what healthy connection actually looks like.
6.
Your Relationship Has Conflict, Not Toxicity
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Based on your answers, this relationship doesn’t appear to follow a toxic pattern. That doesn’t mean everything is perfect — every relationship has challenges, disagreements, and growing pains. But the dynamics you described suggest that both people in this relationship are generally trying, even when it’s hard.The fact that you took this assessment shows you care about the health of your relationships. That self-awareness is a strength, not a sign that something is wrong.Conflict in a healthy relationship looks like: disagreements that get resolved (even if it takes time), both people feeling heard even when they don’t agree, the ability to set boundaries without punishment, and a general sense of safety and mutual respect.What to do next: Even healthy relationships benefit from intentional growth. Learning better communication, understanding your own emotional patterns, and building deeper connection are always worthwhile.

Are You in a Toxic Relationship?

Discover what you’re really dealing with — and what to do next.

Quiz Questions

Quiz Outcomes