Is It Actually Me?

Quiz Questions

1.
When a fight starts, or when you think back to fights in past relationships, what happens first?
- A.
  My brain shuts down. I lose words, go blank, or freeze up before I can even do anything.
- B.
  We both get worked up and it spirals, because neither of us knows how to slow it down.
- C.
  My brain does something big (I shut down, I get overwhelmed with feelings....), and then my partner's reaction makes the whole thing worse.
- D.
  None of these sound like me. Conflict feels manageable or I handle it differently than any of these options.
2.
When you're with a partner, where does your attention tend to go (now or in the past)?
- A.
  We miss each other's signals sometimes, but it's more that we haven't learned to just say what we mean out loud.
- B.
  I read the room before I've even finished walking into it. Every shift in tone, every pause, every facial expression.... and I usually think “I did something wrong.” My radar never really switches off.
- C.
  I pick up on everything and read the worst into it, and then my partner reacts to how on-edge I am, which kind of proves the thing I was scared of.
- D.
  None of these sound like me. I don't really over-read my partners.
3.
When a partner says, or has said, something mildly critical, what happens?
- A.
  My brain blows it up into something way worse than what they said, and then I react to that bigger version.
- B.
  It hits me like a punch. Somewhere in me I know the hurt is way bigger than what was actually said, but that doesn't change how it feels.
- C.
  I can take feedback, but it really depends on how and when they bring it up. Delivery matters.
- D.
  None of these sound like me. Criticism doesn’t typically hit me in any of these ways.
4.
Think about the start of a relationship compared to how things felt further in. What tends to change?
- A.
  We stop making each other a priority. Life gets busy and the connection slowly wears down.
- B.
  The intensity shift throws us both. They think something's wrong, and I can't explain what changed.
- C.
  My focus shifts. I still love them, but that all-consuming intensity fades and I can't get it back - no matter how much I want to.
- D.
  None of these sound like me. My relationships haven't really gone this way.
5.
After a long day, how much do you usually have left for connection with a partner?
- A.
  Almost nothing. I've been masking all day and there's nothing left in the tank. I just need quiet.
- B.
  I'm completely wiped, and when my partner wants connection I feel guilty AND overwhelmed at the same time - which makes everything tense.
- C.
  I'm tired, but I can still show up if we keep it low-key together.
- D.
  None of these sound like me. My end-of-day energy doesn't really look like any of this.
6.
When your own needs bump up against keeping a partner happy, now or in the past:
- A.
  I make my own needs disappear to keep the peace, and then the resentment leaks out and confuses us both. The harder I try to be easy, the worse it gets.
- B.
  We've never really built something where my needs feel safe to put on the table, so I keep them small.
- C.
  I say yes when I mean no, smooth everything over, and manage everyone else's feelings until I've totally lost track of my own. Being easy to love feels safer than being honest about my needs.
- D.
  None of these sound like me. I'm pretty able to ask for what I need.
7.
When it comes to sexual intimacy in your relationships, now or in the past:
- A.
  When intimacy is tricky, it's usually more about desire, timing, or feeling emotionally close than anything sensory.
- B.
  My sensory needs in those moments are unpredictable, and partners have felt like they're walking on eggshells. They can't tell what's okay and what isn't, because it changes.
- C.
  My sensory experience during intimacy is all over the map. Lighting, texture, sound, temperature, where I'm at sensory-wise, it all affects whether I can actually be present.
- D.
  None of these sound like me. Intimacy stuff in my relationships isn't really about any of this.
8.
When you think about how you function across a typical month, now or in the past:
- A.
  My cyclical crashes - plus a partner who doesn't get them - turn into the same fight on pretty much the same schedule.
- B.
  I'm steady for a couple of weeks and then everything falls apart. My focus, my patience, my emotions.... it all shifts, and it impacts my relationship every time.
- C.
  My hard weeks hit harder because we don't have any rhythm that makes room for them.
- D.
  None of these sound like me. My month doesn't really run in cycles like this.
9.
When it comes to the invisible work of running a household and relationship (remembering appointments, tracking social obligations, planning ahead....):
- A.
  My partner ends up carrying the mental load because I can't, and the resentment builds. They feel like they're running everything alone, and I feel like a failure.
- B.
  I genuinely can't hold the mental load. It's not that I don't want to, my brain just drops things constantly, even when I set up systems to try to keep track.
- C.
  The mental load tends to land unevenly, and we need (or needed) a fairer way to share it.
- D.
  None of these sound like me. The mental load isn't really a thing in my relationships.
10.
When it comes to actually saying what you mean in a relationship, now or in the past:
- A.
  I work so hard to say things the “right” way that my partner has no idea what I actually meant, and then we're both confused about what just happened.
- B.
  My partner and I just communicate differently, and we've never quite found a way to meet in the middle.
- C.
  I run everything through a filter first. I soften it, rehearse it, second-guess it.... and half the time the real thing never makes it out of my mouth.
- D.
  None of these sound like me. Saying what I mean isn't really a struggle for me.
11.
How do you navigate, or how have you navigated, your need for alone time in relationships?
- A.
  We both value alone time and have (or had) found a balance that mostly works.
- B.
  I need alone time to feel okay again, but partners read it as me pulling away or rejecting them, and I end up feeling guilty when I need space.
- C.
  I need real alone time to function. It's not about my partner, it's about needing to come down from the day without anyone needing anything from me.
- D.
  None of these sound like me. Alone time isn't really a source of tension for us.
12.
Which one sounds most like you when you think about your relationship history?
- A.
  I've always felt like something about me just doesn't work in relationships, and my most recent one set off all those old patterns.
- B.
  I feel like I'm “too much” and “not enough” at the same time, and I've felt that way in every single relationship.
- C.
  Some of my relationships have been hard, but I didn't feel this way in all of them.
- D.
  None of these sound like me. I don't really relate to any of these about my relationship history.

Quiz Outcomes

1.
It’s both your wiring and the relationship stuff (and there are strategies to support the two, together.)
This is the most common result, and honestly the most human one.Some of what you're navigating is your wiring, some of it is the relationship stuff, and the two keep feeding each other in a loop that can feel impossible to untangle. You react, they react to your reaction.... and the thing you were actually fighting about disappears.Seeing both at once is what finally lets you step out of the loop. You can name what's happening and have a better understanding of what to do next.What To Do Now....Download your post-quiz toolkit: I've put together a little guide to help you get started on building a healthier, happier relationship (with yourself and your partner.) You can get it right here.Follow @neurodivergentlovelab: On Instagram for tips, reframes, and tools to help you feel understood by your partner, and loved (as your unmasked self.)Listen to the podcast: The Neurodivergent Love Lab podcast is where I go deeper on everything this quiz touched on: conflict, repair, wiring, connection, and all the messy entanglement of it all. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.Whatever next step you take, remember that your brain isn’t broken. You’re not bad at love. You just haven’t been given the right tools yet.I’m here to help.Warmly,JennaThis quiz is designed for educational and self-reflective purposes only. It is not a diagnostic tool and does not constitute professional psychological advice, assessment, or treatment. Your result is based on general patterns observed in neurodivergent relationships and should not be interpreted as a clinical evaluation of you or your relationship. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis or need immediate support, please contact your local crisis line or emergency services.© Neurodivergent Love Lab / Jenna Dalton. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the author. This quiz is licensed for single-user personal use only and may not be shared, resold, or redistributed.
2.
It's your wiring (and that doesn’t mean you’re bad at love.)
So much of what keeps happening in your relationships comes back to how your brain is built (and that doesn't mean you're flawed or the one to be blamed for it all.)The intensity, the shutdowns, the way a little criticism lands like a slap, needing total chill times after a day of being neurodivergent in a neurotypical world.... That's wiring, and it's not something that needs to be fixed. You are not broken.Here's the truth: once you can name what's actually going on, you can start working with your brain instead of fighting against it. The goal isn't to make you neurotypical. The goal is to support you and the brain you have.What To Do Now....Download your post-quiz toolkit: I've put together a little guide to help you get started on building a healthier, happier relationship (with yourself and your partner.) You can get it right here.Follow @neurodivergentlovelab: On Instagram for tips, reframes, and tools to help you feel understood by your partner, and loved (as your unmasked self.)Listen to the podcast: The Neurodivergent Love Lab podcast is where I go deeper on everything this quiz touched on: conflict, repair, wiring, connection, and all the messy entanglement of it all. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.Whatever next step you take, remember that your brain isn’t broken. You’re not bad at love. You just haven’t been given the right tools yet.I’m here to help.Warmly,JennaThis quiz is designed for educational and self-reflective purposes only. It is not a diagnostic tool and does not constitute professional psychological advice, assessment, or treatment. Your result is based on general patterns observed in neurodivergent relationships and should not be interpreted as a clinical evaluation of you or your relationship. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis or need immediate support, please contact your local crisis line or emergency services.© Neurodivergent Love Lab / Jenna Dalton. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the author. This quiz is licensed for single-user personal use only and may not be shared, resold, or redistributed.
3.
It’s your relationship stuff (and you can make positive shifts.)
What you're feeling makes complete sense, and a lot of it lives in the space between you and a partner, not inside you.Different needs, missed signals, two people who never quite found a shared language.... That's workable, and it's not simply a you problem.Knowing the friction is relational, not proof that you're the problem, changes what you do next and where you put your energy first (you can stop putting all the blame on your shoulders, my friend.)What To Do Now....Download your post-quiz toolkit: I've put together a little guide to help you get started on building a healthier, happier relationship (with yourself and your partner.) You can get it right here.Follow @neurodivergentlovelab: On Instagram for tips, reframes, and tools to help you feel understood by your partner, and loved (as your unmasked self.)Listen to the podcast: The Neurodivergent Love Lab podcast is where I go deeper on everything this quiz touched on: conflict, repair, wiring, connection, and all the messy entanglement of it all. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.Whatever next step you take, remember that your brain isn’t broken. You’re not bad at love. You just haven’t been given the right tools yet.I’m here to help.Warmly,JennaThis quiz is designed for educational and self-reflective purposes only. It is not a diagnostic tool and does not constitute professional psychological advice, assessment, or treatment. Your result is based on general patterns observed in neurodivergent relationships and should not be interpreted as a clinical evaluation of you or your relationship. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis or need immediate support, please contact your local crisis line or emergency services.© Neurodivergent Love Lab / Jenna Dalton. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the author. This quiz is licensed for single-user personal use only and may not be shared, resold, or redistributed.
4.
Your experience might not fit neatly into a category (and that’s okay.)
Your answers didn't land neatly in one spot yet, and that's completely okay.Sometimes the patterns just haven't surfaced, sometimes you're early in figuring how your wiring comes to play, and sometimes the usual descriptions don't fit you.There's nothing wrong with not having a tidy label. Here's a simple place to start exploring, at your own pace, with zero pressure to figure anything out today....What To Do Now....Download your post-quiz toolkit: I've put together a little guide to help you get started on building a healthier, happier relationship (with yourself and your partner.) You can get it right here.Follow @neurodivergentlovelab: On Instagram for tips, reframes, and tools to help you feel understood by your partner, and loved (as your unmasked self.)Listen to the podcast: The Neurodivergent Love Lab podcast is where I go deeper on everything this quiz touched on: conflict, repair, wiring, connection, and all the messy entanglement of it all. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.Whatever next step you take, remember that your brain isn’t broken. You’re not bad at love. You just haven’t been given the right tools yet.I’m here to help.Warmly,JennaThis quiz is designed for educational and self-reflective purposes only. It is not a diagnostic tool and does not constitute professional psychological advice, assessment, or treatment. Your result is based on general patterns observed in neurodivergent relationships and should not be interpreted as a clinical evaluation of you or your relationship. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis or need immediate support, please contact your local crisis line or emergency services.© Neurodivergent Love Lab / Jenna Dalton. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the author. This quiz is licensed for single-user personal use only and may not be shared, resold, or redistributed.