"Why Don’t I Want Sex Anymore?” Find out what’s actually going on — in 2 minutes.

Quiz Questions

• 1.
  When did you last feel genuinely, unmistakably like yourself?

  • A.
    Recently. I have moments, even if they’re rare.
  • B.
    I can remember it, but it feels like a different life.
  • C.
     I’m honestly not sure I know what that feels like anymore.
  • D.
    I’m not sure I ever fully did.
• 2.
  How much of your day do you spend doing things for other people vs. things that are genuinely yours?

  • A.
    It’s pretty balanced, or close to it.
  • B.
    Most of it goes to others, but I carve out some time for me.
  • C.
    Almost all of it. I can’t remember the last time I chose something just for myself.
  • D.
    All of it. Even my ‘me time’ is really just recovery time so I can give more.
• 3.
  When you think about physical intimacy right now, what’s the closest to what you feel?

  • A.
    A flicker of something. It’s there, just buried.
  • B.
    Mostly numbness. Not dread, just… nothing.
  • C.
    Obligation. I do it, but I’m not really there.
  • D.
    Avoidance. I’d rather not think about it at all.
• 4.
   Can you point to when things shifted — or did it happen so gradually you can’t name it?

  • A.
    There was a clear moment or period — I can name it.
  • B.
     It was gradual. I just woke up one day and realized it was gone.
  • C.
     It’s been so long I honestly can’t remember it being different.
  • D.
     I’m not sure it was ever really there in the way I wanted it to be.
• 5.
  When you privately think about why you don’t want sex anymore, what feels most true?

  • A.
     I’m exhausted. There’s nothing left of me by the end of the day.
  • B.
     I don’t feel like myself anymore. Like I’ve lost the version of me who wanted things.
  • C.
    Something happened — or accumulated — that I haven’t fully processed.
  • D.
    Honestly, I’m not sure I know who I am or what I want anymore. It’s bigger than sex.
• 6.
  Outside of intimacy — how connected do you feel to what YOU want in your life right now?

  • A.
    Pretty connected. The intimacy piece feels separate from the rest of my life.
  • B.
     Somewhat. I have preferences, I just don’t always act on them.
  • C.
     Not very. I go through the motions in most areas.
  • D.
     Barely. I feel like a function, not a person most of the time.
• 7.
  If you had a clear answer — and a real path back — how ready would you be to do the work?

  • A.
    Very ready. I’ve been waiting for exactly this.
  • B.
     Ready, but nervous. I’d need to feel safe first.
  • C.
    Curious, but not sure I’m ready to commit to anything yet.
  • D.
    Still figuring out if I believe change is possible for me.

Quiz Outcomes

• 1.
  You haven’t lost your desire. You’ve lost yourself.

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  This isn’t a libido problem. It’s an identity problem — and there’s a significant difference. What you’re describing isn’t a woman with a broken sex drive. It’s a woman who has been so thoroughly occupied with being everything for everyone else that she stopped existing as a person in her own right. And desire — real desire — requires a self to come from.Here’s what I know after decades of studying identity development and working as a Board Certified Sexologist: desire doesn’t die. It goes underground when it’s not safe to exist. And right now, there’s a version of you that’s been waiting — quietly — for permission to come back. The work of coming back is exactly what I've designed the Costa Rica retreat for. Let's talk about whether it's the right fit for you.
• 2.
  You’re not numb. You’re depleted — and there’s a difference.

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  You’ve been performing. Not intentionally, not even consciously — but you have. You’ve been performing competence, performing strength, performing fine, performing desire. And at some point, your body — which is smarter than any of us give it credit for — just stopped cooperating. This is what I call the performance hangover. It is one of the most common patterns I see in high-achieving women in midlife.The good news: depletion is reversible. But it requires something most women in your position haven’t been given permission to do — to make yourself the priority, unapologetically, for once. The Costa Rica retreat is where women in exactly your position come to do that work in a supported, immersive environment. Let's find out if it's the right fit for you.
• 3.
  Something shifted — and your desire shifted with it.

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  There was a before and an after for you. A transition, a loss, a change — maybe several — that you moved through without fully stopping to grieve, process, or integrate. And desire, which is exquisitely sensitive to our sense of safety and selfhood, went quiet while you kept moving. This is not permanent. This is not who you are now.This is what happens when life asks more of us than we had time to metabolize — and our bodies respond by conserving everything that isn’t strictly necessary for survival. You don’t have to figure this out alone. My free community is where this conversation lives every week — and my Rhythm of Life community goes deeper for women ready to do the real work.
• 4.
  You’re asking the right question — even if you’re not sure you’re ready for the answer.

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  Something brought you here. Something made you take a quiz about desire at — let’s be honest — probably an odd hour when you had a quiet moment alone. That something matters. You might not be ready to call it a crisis. You might not even be sure you believe things can be different. That’s okay. Readiness isn’t a prerequisite for curiosity — and curiosity is exactly how this starts.What I want you to know, from someone who has studied identity development for decades and spent years inside communities that have always had to build selfhood deliberately: the fact that you’re asking this question means part of you already knows the answer isn’t ‘this is just how it is now.’ It isn’t. Come find me in my free Facebook community (link below). That’s where we start.