Are you ready for a serious, healthy, consciously chosen, mindful, grown-up relationship?
Love is a many-splendored thing!! Love lifts us up! But it also sometimes makes you Crash & Burn... Take this quiz to find out if you’re ready to risk that rollercoaster ride of ridiculous reLOVEution! But in a grown-up kinda way. ;)
Quiz Questions
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1.You’ve just met someone new and you’re pretty sure they’re into you. What’s your first reaction?
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A.They seem super cool, and you feel like you’re ready to try love again, but you’ve got a lot going on right now and there might be a big promotion at work that could take you to another city, so, maybe better not get their number...(Correlates to: You’re Thiiis Close to Boarding the Love Boat!)
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B.OMG. What a dreamboat! You barely know them, but they look like a nice fun way to kill some time, if you know what I mean...(Correlates to: You Missed the Love Boat! )
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C.Oh wow, an interesting person! I’ve done some self-work and feel like I could really offer them something meaningful. I wonder if they’ve got it together...(Correlates to: All Aboard the Love Boat! )
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D.Oh hey! I love meeting new people! But I’m a pretty busy person and really like the single life, so... you cool with The Friend Zone?(Correlates to: Do you even wanna be on the Love Boat? )
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2.When you think about your ideal partner, what does your checklist look like?
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A.Ha ha! It’s a pretty short list! When you love being single, Absence is all that’s required! Gotta have free time to be me!(Correlates to: Do you even wanna be on the Love Boat? )
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B.I mean, at this point, anything will do. Two feet and a heartbeat! I just need something to distract me from boredom. And maybe help me get over my ex...(Correlates to: You Missed the Love Boat! )
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C.I don’t think it’s a huge checklist, I’m just looking for someone who wants the same things I do, and who values the important things.(Correlates to: All Aboard the Love Boat! )
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D.It’s detailed. I know what I want, and I’ll know it when I see it, but right now I’m a bit busy using my eyes for other things, like figuring my life out. I’ll get around to love one day.(Correlates to: You’re Thiiis Close to Boarding the Love Boat!)
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3.Which movie most looks like your journey to love?
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A.Runaway Bride. After several relationships leave her running from the alter, and serial bridal sprinter has to face the real reasons why she keeps running away from the love she so desperately craves.(Correlates to: You Missed the Love Boat! )
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B.500 Days of Summer. Only from Summer’s point of view. The dude’s all over her, and he’s even kind of dreamy, but she just isn’t feeling it, not sure she’s ready for a relationship. Until she finds the guy she knows is right for her.(Correlates to: You’re Thiiis Close to Boarding the Love Boat!)
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C.How To Be Single. Mainly, Rebel Wilson’s character, Robin. She’s too busy being awesome to get mired down in the “Dicksand.” She knows how to squeeze all the joy out of life, and she doesn’t need a relationship to do it!(Correlates to: Do you even wanna be on the Love Boat? )
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D.Eat, Pray, Love. One woman’s spiritual journey around the world and inside herself brings her to a beautiful relationship – and some of the best food seen on screen.(Correlates to: All Aboard the Love Boat! )
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4.Have you ever sought help from a relationship specialist?
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A.Why? Do you know someone who can help? I’m all ears!(Correlates to: )
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B.I usually just turn to my friends as a sounding board for my relationship woes.(Correlates to: )
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C.Me? No, I’m doing fine. Perfect, actually. Why? Did my ex tell you something?(Correlates to: )
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D.I’ve reached out to a counselor or two. It’s been helpful to have someone objective to point out my own flaws in relationships and give me tools to overcome them.(Correlates to: )
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5.What’s your love theme song?
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A.“Bad At Love” by Halsey. “Look, I don't mean to frustrate, but I Always make the same mistakes.”(Correlates to: You Missed the Love Boat! )
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B.“How Soon is Now” by The Smiths. “I am human and I need to be loved.”(Correlates to: You’re Thiiis Close to Boarding the Love Boat!)
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C.“Love Myself” by Hailee Steinfeld. “Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else (I love me)”(Correlates to: Do you even wanna be on the Love Boat? )
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D.“Somebody to Love” by Queen. “Can anybody find me somebody to love?”(Correlates to: All Aboard the Love Boat! )
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6.On a scale from 1 — 10, how happy and content would you say you are in life?
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A.7 — I’m working to get established where I want to be in life, and have a few things I need to do before I’m ready to look for a partner.(Correlates to: You’re Thiiis Close to Boarding the Love Boat!)
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B.9 — After some deep introspection, I’m finally at a place where I feel at peace with who I am. I’m fulfilled, and ready to share my whole self with someone who vibes with my frequency.(Correlates to: All Aboard the Love Boat! )
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C.12 — I love my life just the way it is! I get to do what I want, when I want, and I don’t have to figure anyone else into my plans!(Correlates to: Do you even wanna be on the Love Boat? )
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D.3 — I have a lot of needs, and none of them have been fulfilled lately! I wouldn’t say I’m miserable, but I could use something, or someone, to liven things up!(Correlates to: You Missed the Love Boat! )
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7.Be honest, how good are you at relationships?
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A.Crash & Burn!(Correlates to: )
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B.I’m super good at casual relationships! Does that count?(Correlates to: )
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C.I give other people relationship advice but I’m not very good at taking it.(Correlates to: )
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D.I want love, and I feel like I’m ready to give love, mindfully.(Correlates to: )
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8.If your love life were a classic, what would the title be?
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A.Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. Happy to be single and do her own thing, Elizabeth Bennet was queen of her own mind...until Mark Darcy came along.(Correlates to: Do you even wanna be on the Love Boat? )
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B.High Fidelity by Nick Hornby. He was terrible at relationships, until some intense introspection and a grooving soundtrack brought him to a place where he was almost ready to date again. Respectfully.(Correlates to: You’re Thiiis Close to Boarding the Love Boat!)
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C.Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte. Orphaned in tragic times and left to the mercy of relatives, Jane grows up amidst hardship and trauma, and learns hard lessons along the way, but in the end, finds true love by being true to herself.(Correlates to: All Aboard the Love Boat! )
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D.Any Old Harlequin Romance. Hardly a classic, but anything with gleaming muscles and straining corsets on the cover would be a pretty apt description of the type of escapist pulp fiction you’re into – and the depth of connection you crave.(Correlates to: You Missed the Love Boat! )
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9.If you were one of the lovely ladies of Sex in The City, who would you be?
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A.Samantha. She’s a spicy spitfire loving the single life!(Correlates to: Do you even wanna be on the Love Boat? )
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B.Miranda. She’s got it all, the career, the friends, the independence – and eventually the husband and child.(Correlates to: You’re Thiiis Close to Boarding the Love Boat!)
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C.Carrie. One fling after another falls in Carrie’s footsteps as she follows her heart through New York City.(Correlates to: All Aboard the Love Boat! )
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D.Charlotte. She’s ready for a relationship, and she’s going to get it! She knows her worth and will demand nothing less than her equal!(Correlates to: You Missed the Love Boat! )
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Quiz Outcomes
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1.You’re Thiiis Close to Boarding the Love Boat!You’ve found yourself thinking about it more and more recently, but aren’t quite ready to purchase a ticket on the Love Cruise to Paradise. You understand that you want your next serious relationship to be a long lasting one, and there’s no need to rush into something as serious as Happily Ever After.Maybe you have some uncertain times ahead of you, like a job that requires travel or could mean a big move to another state.Or you’re going through some stressful times right now that could put strain on the fragile bonds of a new relationship.Maybe you need to spend a bit more time on you, because even though you know yourself pretty well – and like the person you’ve become – you know there’s a bit more work to be done.And that is a wonderful place to be! There’s nothing wrong with waiting until you’re comfortable in your life and yourself before you start a meaningful relationship.In fact, the best relationships often happen when you’re busy getting your ducks in a row.When you put effort into creating flow and alignment in your life, you can’t help but attract people who want the same things, so you keep doing you! And the time to start something new and long-lasting with the right partner will come before you know it!There are some ways that you can prepare yourself for the step that comes after you get yourself sorted: 1. Declutter – You know what I mean. Get those exes out of your phone! You don’t need anyone from the past sliding in your DMs to distract you from what you really want! Get the closure you need and then say “Thank you, goodbye!”2. Envision What You Want – Just because you aren’t ready to board the Love Boat doesn’t mean you can’t picture the journey ahead. Don’t be afraid to imagine what your partner will be like, and how you want your life together to look. Pay extra attention to the things that you don’t want, so you can avoid those red flags before they become problems.3. Be Fearless – When it comes to love, sometimes you have to take a leap of faith. When a special person comes along that jives with your flow, makes you light up inside, and shares your vision – it’s time to act! So even if you haven’t got it all figured out quite yet, don’t let that stop you from jumping on something real when it comes along. The rest will sort itself out eventually.“Maybe I’m too late to be your first. But right now I’m preparing myself to be your last.” — Mr. SidBefore You Flirt With LoveThere’s no manual for a perfect relationship, but there is a pretty decent checklist you can complete for yourself, before you ever add another person to your life.Before you book your tickets on the Love Boat, make sure you’ve only brought along the right baggage, if you know what I mean.Things to pack on your next Love Venture:Self-Awareness – The better that you know yourself, the better you can let someone else get to know you.Look for problematic patterns with previous partners in the past. If they’re recurring, like jealousy, insecurity, or even withdrawal, they can indicate some areas in yourself that need a bit of loving, compassionate attention.Understanding your own values will also shed some light onto where your boundaries lie. Download our Uncovering Core Values Worksheet to help you focus on what really matters to you, so you can better align your goals and boundaries to live true to those Values.Unpack the relationships you grew up with – By examining the expectations that you have based on the relationships that you observed growing up, it can be easy to see some of the patterns that you unknowingly took on.But just because it’s what you grew up with, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the best way to do it. Consider how your parents resolved conflicts, how your siblings expressed anger, how you shared your secrets with trusted friends, how you show love, and receive love.Your next partner has their very own set of personal experiences informing their approach to your relationship, so try not to take it too personally if they don’t immediately know how you expect to be treated.Healthy relationships are complicated and ever evolving, so commit to the work of figuring out the learned behaviors that are outdated and no longer serving you. Download the E-Book UnPacking Family Programming, our guide to examining generational relationships for better connections.Be OK with you – Before you can expect to find happiness with another person, you need to first have happiness within yourself.Before you can confidently enjoy sharing yourself with someone else, you have to first enjoy your own company.Many people look for partners in order to fulfill them or bring them happiness, but these are not the responsibility of your next partner.By being your most authentic self, and allowing your partner to see it, you’ll be able to consciously commit to your new relationship, knowing that it truly matches your ideal relationship, because it’s foundation is rooted in that authenticity.Most importantly, be compassionate with yourself as you do the hard work of self-inventory, reflection, and intentional forward growth. And then apply that compassion to whoever is lucky enough to earn your woke affections!Love is in the AirHey there, hopeful heart! I'm Blanca DeVille, relationship coach, licensed counselor, and love specialist, owner of Self Lovely , an academy created to help people who want their next relationship to be a mindful connection with evolved hearts.In my 15 year practice as a counselor, I found that many of my patients struggled in relationships, and the root causes often lay with lack of awareness and poor relationship modelling.I decided it was time to focus on the foundations of relationships and created a wellness center around the pursuit of self-awareness and mindful connection. With group workshops and private counselling sessions, we’ve helped love-shy people overcome their past relationships and find the courage to love again.Check out our articles in “Love/Self” magazine, and tune into our guest spot on the “Intentional Heart” podcast.Challenge Your Ways!Check out these helpful resources to help you ditch your self-sabotaging ways!1. Follow us on Instagram. From helpful tips and mindset hacks, to mindfulness reels and Q&A Lives, @SelfLovely is an interactive resource to find compassionate help as you discover your happiest, healthiest self so you can share it with someone new.2. Listen to my Podcast interview on “Intentional Hearts” where I share my tools for love and relationship longevity.3. Want guidance on how to nurture yourself into someone you’d be proud to date? Book a consultation with me. We’ll not only assess your own relationship hurdles, we’ll look at the relationship models that fostered them – and find better ways to love, yourself and others.Get To Know YourselfNow that you've got some insight into how you’re holding yourself back, keep an eye on your inbox for a Whole Hearted Self-Love Action Plan based around your quiz results.Over the next week, I'll share with you more positive relationship building tips and tell you more about how to create a powerful recipe for a lasting love connection.“Happily Ever After is not a fairy tale. It’s a choice.”― Fawn Weaver
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2.All Aboard the Love Boat!You’ve done the work! You’ve healed your old self from it’s relationship sabotaging ways, you’ve deconstructed all your old relationship ideals, and you’ve made the decision to actively seek a Serious Relationship!The days of getting married in order to grow up, learn healthy relationship habits, and develop into a functioning self-aware person are long gone, and you’ve spent your time in the dating pool, having fun and enjoying getting to know what you want – and what you don’t want – from your life partner.Now you’re ready to settle down with someone who gets you, really GETS you, because along the way, you’ve come to understand yourself pretty well.You know what you want. You know how to achieve it. And you know, loosely, the kind of person that you’re looking for. You might even have your eye on that special someone right now!So what are you waiting for? Go get a piece of that big Love Pie, and grab your ideal honey in an intentional embrace to last the ages, because you’ve completed the groundwork to dive into a healthy, grown-up, intentional relationship.#ImNotCryingYoureCryingBut being ready for a relationship isn’t the same as finding the right one, so here are a few tips to help you find The One:1. Visualize the type of love and partner you want – You don’t have to make a vision board with their face on it and a list of all their stunning qualities, but it’s good to be clear on what you want – and what you don’t want – when you decide to go on the prowl for the love of your dreams.2. Put yourself out there – Pandemic life has made it harder to organically meet people at parties and weddings, so you might have to dip a toe into the virtual sphere to find your perfect match. Be as honest and genuine as possible when you fill out your profile, and you’ll attract people who are genuinely interested in YOU.Try not to get discouraged by the inevitable radio silence that comes with online dating. People are just as bad at texting back on Tinder as they are in real life, so don’t take it personally – keep your head in the game and eye on the prize.3. Stay fearless – The dating game can be confusing, and the rules seem to always be changing, but as long as you keep your love vision true to your values, and give everyone an honest chance, what you seek will find you. If you build it – by doing you so hard others can’t help but be inspired and enchanted – they will come.Keep space open for love, and while you’re at it, keep opening spaces for yourself to continue to grow, evolve, and attract the things you most want in life, and love!“The best thing to do when you are single is to create a loving relationship with yourself before deciding to commit yourself with somebody else.”— Anurag Prakash RayBefore You Flirt With LoveThere’s no manual for a perfect relationship, but there is a pretty decent checklist you can complete for yourself, before you ever add another person to your life.Before you book your tickets on the Love Boat, make sure you’ve only brought along the right baggage, if you know what I mean.Things to pack on your next Love Venture:Self-Awareness – The better that you know yourself, the better you can let someone else get to know you.Look for problematic patterns with previous partners in the past. If they’re recurring, like jealousy, insecurity, or even withdrawal, they can indicate some areas in yourself that need a bit of loving, compassionate attention.Understanding your own values will also shed some light onto where your boundaries lie. Download our Uncovering Core Values Worksheet to help you focus on what really matters to you, so you can better align your goals and boundaries to live true to those Values.Unpack the relationships you grew up with – By examining the expectations that you have based on the relationships that you observed growing up, it can be easy to see some of the patterns that you unknowingly took on.But just because it’s what you grew up with, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the best way to do it. Consider how your parents resolved conflicts, how your siblings expressed anger, how you shared your secrets with trusted friends, how you show love, and receive love.Your next partner has their very own set of personal experiences informing their approach to your relationship, so try not to take it too personally if they don’t immediately know how you expect to be treated.Healthy relationships are complicated and ever evolving, so commit to the work of figuring out the learned behaviors that are outdated and no longer serving you. Download the E-Book UnPacking Family Programming, our guide to examining generational relationships for better connections.Be OK with you – Before you can expect to find happiness with another person, you need to first have happiness within yourself.Before you can confidently enjoy sharing yourself with someone else, you have to first enjoy your own company.Many people look for partners in order to fulfill them or bring them happiness, but these are not the responsibility of your next partner.By being your most authentic self, and allowing your partner to see it, you’ll be able to consciously commit to your new relationship, knowing that it truly matches your ideal relationship, because it’s foundation is rooted in that authenticity.Most importantly, be compassionate with yourself as you do the hard work of self-inventory, reflection, and intentional forward growth. And then apply that compassion to whoever is lucky enough to earn your woke affections!Love is in the AirHey there, hopeful heart! I'm Blanca DeVille, relationship coach, licensed counselor, and love specialist, owner of Self Lovely , an academy created to help people who want their next relationship to be a mindful connection with evolved hearts.In my 15 year practice as a counselor, I found that many of my patients struggled in relationships, and the root causes often lay with lack of awareness and poor relationship modelling.I decided it was time to focus on the foundations of relationships and created a wellness center around the pursuit of self-awareness and mindful connection. With group workshops and private counselling sessions, we’ve helped love-shy people overcome their past relationships and find the courage to love again.Check out our articles in “Love/Self” magazine, and tune into our guest spot on the “Intentional Heart” podcast.Challenge Your Ways!Check out these helpful resources to help you ditch your self-sabotaging ways!1. Follow us on Instagram. From helpful tips and mindset hacks, to mindfulness reels and Q&A Lives, @SelfLovely is an interactive resource to find compassionate help as you discover your happiest, healthiest self so you can share it with someone new.2. Listen to my Podcast interview on “Intentional Hearts” where I share my tools for love and relationship longevity.3. Want guidance on how to nurture yourself into someone you’d be proud to date? Book a consultation with me. We’ll not only assess your own relationship hurdles, we’ll look at the relationship models that fostered them – and find better ways to love, yourself and others.Get To Know YourselfNow that you've got some insight into how you’re holding yourself back, keep an eye on your inbox for a Whole Hearted Self-Love Action Plan based around your quiz results.Over the next week, I'll share with you more positive relationship building tips and tell you more about how to create a powerful recipe for a lasting love connection.“Happily Ever After is not a fairy tale. It’s a choice.”― Fawn Weaver
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3.Do you even wanna be on the Love Boat?The single life has always seemed like the best kind of life for you! You’re super focused on your career, you have a busy social life, and you’ve never really been one to go mooning over the idea of everlasting love. So do you even want a serious relationship? For every head-over-heels chasing, Jane Austen loving, rom-com groupie – there’s a single person enjoying the benefits of doing their own thang, on their own schedule, answering to no one!There’s a freedom to being single that can be pretty hard to beat, especially if you’re lucky enough to like your own company!But all of life is a learning experience, and when you skip out on the messy entanglements of real relationships, you miss out on a few of life’s biggest learning opportunities.So while you’re definitely building strong independence, and a clearly defined identity outside of someone else, and have no doubt learned how to keep yourself happy and entertained…...you might be missing out on the opportunity to learn even more about yourself, like how deeply you’re capable of caring for someone else, and the surrender that comes from trusting someone to see your gooey, vulnerable core.So before you write-off relationships as something other people do, first consider some of the reasons why you might have decided to skip the Love Boat tour.1. You like your excuses – “I’m too busy,” “I’m focusing on my career,” “The right guy for me doesn’t exist,” or even “It’s too much effort – I just wanna do me.” These can all feel true, but are often rooted in deeper insecurities and self-limiting beliefs. We all tell ourselves stories that are a bit negatively biased, and why should our beliefs about relationships be any different? Before you reject love, look at the deeper reason why you’re so quick to pump the brakes on the Love Boat.2. You don’t want a bad relationship – Few people go into a relationship knowing it’s going to be a train-wreck, but sometimes they Crash & Burn! But if you’ve only experienced the worst of the worst, the real cause might be that you repeatedly choose the wrong partners, whose values and needs aren’t compatible with yours.3. You’ve only had poor examples of bad relationships – sometimes, it doesn’t even have to be your own relationship that gives you a bad taste in your mouth whenever you think of the L word. Having parents who constantly fought, or even worse, barely talked at all, or being close to people in toxic relationships can be enough to turn you off the idea of coupling up.But the relationships around you don’t have to be a self-fulfilling prophecy! By figuring out who you really are and what your values are you can better pick a partner who truly complements your life. And you’ll be able to define the relationship you want, on your own terms. With a few healthy compromises here and there."My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude." — Warsan ShireBefore You Flirt With LoveThere’s no manual for a perfect relationship, but there is a pretty decent checklist you can complete for yourself, before you ever add another person to your life.Before you book your tickets on the Love Boat, make sure you’ve only brought along the right baggage, if you know what I mean.Things to pack on your next Love Venture:Self-Awareness – The better that you know yourself, the better you can let someone else get to know you.Look for problematic patterns with previous partners in the past. If they’re recurring, like jealousy, insecurity, or even withdrawal, they can indicate some areas in yourself that need a bit of loving, compassionate attention.Understanding your own values will also shed some light onto where your boundaries lie. Download our Uncovering Core Values Worksheet to help you focus on what really matters to you, so you can better align your goals and boundaries to live true to those Values.Unpack the relationships you grew up with – By examining the expectations that you have based on the relationships that you observed growing up, it can be easy to see some of the patterns that you unknowingly took on.But just because it’s what you grew up with, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the best way to do it. Consider how your parents resolved conflicts, how your siblings expressed anger, how you shared your secrets with trusted friends, how you show love, and receive love.Your next partner has their very own set of personal experiences informing their approach to your relationship, so try not to take it too personally if they don’t immediately know how you expect to be treated.Healthy relationships are complicated and ever evolving, so commit to the work of figuring out the learned behaviors that are outdated and no longer serving you. Download the E-Book UnPacking Family Programming, our guide to examining generational relationships for better connections.Be OK with you – Before you can expect to find happiness with another person, you need to first have happiness within yourself.Before you can confidently enjoy sharing yourself with someone else, you have to first enjoy your own company.Many people look for partners in order to fulfill them or bring them happiness, but these are not the responsibility of your next partner.By being your most authentic self, and allowing your partner to see it, you’ll be able to consciously commit to your new relationship, knowing that it truly matches your ideal relationship, because it’s foundation is rooted in that authenticity.Most importantly, be compassionate with yourself as you do the hard work of self-inventory, reflection, and intentional forward growth. And then apply that compassion to whoever is lucky enough to earn your woke affections!Love is in the AirHey there, hopeful heart! I'm Blanca DeVille, relationship coach, licensed counselor, and love specialist, owner of Self Lovely , an academy created to help people who want their next relationship to be a mindful connection with evolved hearts.In my 15 year practice as a counselor, I found that many of my patients struggled in relationships, and the root causes often lay with lack of awareness and poor relationship modelling.I decided it was time to focus on the foundations of relationships and created a wellness center around the pursuit of self-awareness and mindful connection. With group workshops and private counselling sessions, we’ve helped love-shy people overcome their past relationships and find the courage to love again.Check out our articles in “Love/Self” magazine, and tune into our guest spot on the “Intentional Heart” podcast.Challenge Your Ways!Check out these helpful resources to help you ditch your self-sabotaging ways!1. Follow us on Instagram. From helpful tips and mindset hacks, to mindfulness reels and Q&A Lives, @SelfLovely is an interactive resource to find compassionate help as you discover your happiest, healthiest self so you can share it with someone new.2. Listen to my Podcast interview on “Intentional Hearts” where I share my tools for love and relationship longevity.3. Want guidance on how to nurture yourself into someone you’d be proud to date? Book a consultation with me. We’ll not only assess your own relationship hurdles, we’ll look at the relationship models that fostered them – and find better ways to love, yourself and others.Get To Know YourselfNow that you've got some insight into how you’re holding yourself back, keep an eye on your inbox for a Whole Hearted Self-Love Action Plan based around your quiz results.Over the next week, I'll share with you more positive relationship building tips and tell you more about how to create a powerful recipe for a lasting love connection.“Happily Ever After is not a fairy tale. It’s a choice.”― Fawn Weaver
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4.You Missed the Love Boat!You've been through the emotional gambit of finding all the wrong loves in most of the usual places, and you're tired of it. You just want someone to fulfill you and make you happy, but you aren't sure you’re really ready for the Serious Grown-up Relationship you've been searching for.And why is that? Because, before you can expect anyone else to make you happy, you first have to find happiness within yourself.Before anyone else can fulfill you, you need to be fulfilled on your own merits.Before someone new can accept and love you in all your gloriously complex humanness, you first need to love and accept yourself, flaws and all.And before you can freely, wholeheartedly, and truthfully share yourself with someone new, you first have to let go......of your old beliefs......of your old patterns.......of your old exes.Ahem. You know who I’m talking about.So while you hope that you're ready to fill the void in your world with a human-shaped love plug, the reality is, you have a bit more self-work to do.Here are a few gentle nudges in the self-awareness direction that you might want to consider before you look for your next partner:1. Know Thyself! – Be really honest with yourself about your past relationships. Why didn’t they work out? Own the parts that are yours, and forgive the rest.Recognize any patterns, like repeatedly choosing the wrong person hoping to change them, or always compromising when you should stand up for yourself, and you’ll be able to spot them when they come up again – and deal with them from a place of compassionate self-awareness.*Ask honest friends for feedback. They’ll call you on your B.S. better than anyone!2. Accept that you’re the only one who can make you happy – expecting another person to come into your life and elevate it to a magical land called Happiness is a lot of pressure to put on them.So ditch the belief “Once the right person comes along, everything will be fine,” and get fine with yourself first. You can do it! You’re totally lovable!3. Understand WHY you want a serious relationship – Is it because you’re lonely? Bored? Just generally unhappy and can’t decide between a puppy or a boyfriend to distract you from endless seasons of The Bachelor?If the reason you want a new love isn’t because you’re genuinely interested in sharing the best of yourself with them because you genuinely like them a whole bunch, then it might not be the best time to dive into a new relationship.Maybe get a houseplant instead. Like an Aloe Vera or Angel Wing Begonia.“We can be so desperate for love that we forget where we can always find it; within.” - Alexandra EllaBefore You Flirt With LoveThere’s no manual for a perfect relationship, but there is a pretty decent checklist you can complete for yourself, before you ever add another person to your life.Before you book your tickets on the Love Boat, make sure you’ve only brought along the right baggage, if you know what I mean.Things to pack on your next Love Venture:Self-Awareness – The better that you know yourself, the better you can let someone else get to know you.Look for problematic patterns with previous partners in the past. If they’re recurring, like jealousy, insecurity, or even withdrawal, they can indicate some areas in yourself that need a bit of loving, compassionate attention.Understanding your own values will also shed some light onto where your boundaries lie. Download our Uncovering Core Values Worksheet to help you focus on what really matters to you, so you can better align your goals and boundaries to live true to those Values.Unpack the relationships you grew up with – By examining the expectations that you have based on the relationships that you observed growing up, it can be easy to see some of the patterns that you unknowingly took on.But just because it’s what you grew up with, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the best way to do it. Consider how your parents resolved conflicts, how your siblings expressed anger, how you shared your secrets with trusted friends, how you show love, and receive love.Your next partner has their very own set of personal experiences informing their approach to your relationship, so try not to take it too personally if they don’t immediately know how you expect to be treated.Healthy relationships are complicated and ever evolving, so commit to the work of figuring out the learned behaviors that are outdated and no longer serving you. Download the E-Book UnPacking Family Programming, our guide to examining generational relationships for better connections.Be OK with you – Before you can expect to find happiness with another person, you need to first have happiness within yourself.Before you can confidently enjoy sharing yourself with someone else, you have to first enjoy your own company.Many people look for partners in order to fulfill them or bring them happiness, but these are not the responsibility of your next partner.By being your most authentic self, and allowing your partner to see it, you’ll be able to consciously commit to your new relationship, knowing that it truly matches your ideal relationship, because it’s foundation is rooted in that authenticity.Most importantly, be compassionate with yourself as you do the hard work of self-inventory, reflection, and intentional forward growth. And then apply that compassion to whoever is lucky enough to earn your woke affections!Love is in the AirHey there, hopeful heart! I'm Blanca DeVille, relationship coach, licensed counselor, and love specialist, owner of Self Lovely , an academy created to help people who want their next relationship to be a mindful connection with evolved hearts.In my 15 year practice as a counselor, I found that many of my patients struggled in relationships, and the root causes often lay with lack of awareness and poor relationship modelling.I decided it was time to focus on the foundations of relationships and created a wellness center around the pursuit of self-awareness and mindful connection. With group workshops and private counselling sessions, we’ve helped love-shy people overcome their past relationships and find the courage to love again.Check out our articles in “Love/Self” magazine, and tune into our guest spot on the “Intentional Heart” podcast.Challenge Your Ways!Check out these helpful resources to help you ditch your self-sabotaging ways!1. Follow us on Instagram. From helpful tips and mindset hacks, to mindfulness reels and Q&A Lives, @SelfLovely is an interactive resource to find compassionate help as you discover your happiest, healthiest self so you can share it with someone new.2. Listen to my Podcast interview on “Intentional Hearts” where I share my tools for love and relationship longevity.3. Want guidance on how to nurture yourself into someone you’d be proud to date? Book a consultation with me. We’ll not only assess your own relationship hurdles, we’ll look at the relationship models that fostered them – and find better ways to love, yourself and others.Get To Know YourselfNow that you've got some insight into how you’re holding yourself back, keep an eye on your inbox for a Whole Hearted Self-Love Action Plan based around your quiz results.Over the next week, I'll share with you more positive relationship building tips and tell you more about how to create a powerful recipe for a lasting love connection.“Happily Ever After is not a fairy tale. It’s a choice.”― Fawn Weaver
